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Ls Down! Cats crush Cards and the Beasman can’t stop giggling

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Lynn Bowden Junior taunts Louisville with Ls down

THE BEASMAN cats crush cards
(long laff) GO BIG BLUE! STOOPS TROOPS! LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR FOR HEISHMAN! CATS! CATS! CATS! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! (laffs) THAT WEREN’T HEAVY RAIN FALLIN ALL DAY – THAT WAS CARDINAL TEARS POURIN DOWN! (laffs) LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR IS WAYYYYYY BETTER THAN LAY-MAR JACKSON, AND YOU KNOW IT, YOU SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, MAN WEARIN EARRINGS U OF SMELL CARDINAL CRACKHEADS! LAYMAR JACKSON CAINT HOLD LYNN BOWIE’S JOCKSTRAP, DADGUMMIT!

COACH STOOPS TODE ME THE BALTIMORE RAVENS CALLED TO AST IF LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR COULD COME START FOR THE RAVENS RIGHT NOW SO THEY COULD PUT LAY-MAR ON WAIVERS! IT’S TRUE! THE WHOLE WORLD IS IN LOVE WITH LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR! (laffs) HE’S GOODER THAN TOM BRADY, AARON RODGERS, RUSSELL WILSON, COLIN COPPERHEAD, AND JOHNNY UNITAS COMBINED! (laffs) THE CATS WAS SIMPLY AWESOME CRUSHIN THEM SAD LITTLE CARDINAL BEAKS! ALL THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS DRINKIN THEIR GATORADE OUTTA THE GOVERNOR CUP!

MATT BLEVINS TRIED TO HIT ANDY BESHEAR IN THE HEAD WITH IT BUT COACH STOOPS SNATCHED IT JUST IN TIME. (laffs) ANDY BESHEAR IS A BIG OL CAT FAN, TOO, SO LOSERVILLE AIN’T GOT NO FRIENDS OUTSIDE OF YOUR GHETTO TOWN! (laffs) LARRY, Y’ALL COULDN’T DO NOTHIN ON SAIRDEE BUCEPT PUNT THE BAW! (laffs) THE CARDINAL PUNTER WAS THE ONLY U OF SMELL GUY WHO COULD MOVE THE BAW DOWN THE FIELD! (laffs) THE CATS CRUSHED THE LITTLE BROTHER NOBODIES JUST LIKE LASS YEAR! (laffs) HEY…PUT MATT JONES ON! I WANNA TAWK TO A REAL RADIO STAR! (laffs) YOU GOTTA LOTTA NERVE SHOWIN UP ON THE LECTRIC RADIO TODAY, YOU BALD HAIRED U OF SMELL LOSERVILLE LOSER! (laffs) Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! (laffs)

IS YOU GONNA CRY CUZ I KEEP SAYIN Ls DOWN? (laffs) WHAT A BUNCH OF NANCY BOY CRYBABIES AT U OF SMELL, COMPLAININ ABOUT BIG BLUE NATION THROWIN Ls DOWN! OH BOO HOO HOO! (laffs) THAT’S LIKE: “MOMMMMMM!” BIG BROTHER IS MAKIN FUN OF MEEEEEE! MAKE HIM STOP!” (laffs) Y’ALL DON’T BLONG ON THE FIELD WITH NO S.E.C. PIREHOUSE LIKE KENTUCKY, DADGUMMIT! JUST ADMIT IT, LARRY MINNER!

YOU NEED TO SWITCH TO A LITTLE BROTHER POP WARNER LEAGUE AND STOP TAKIN BEATDOWNS FROM TOP RATED NATIONAL TITLE CONTENDERS LIKE KENTUCKY. (laffs) LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR JUST RUN OVER THEM U OF SMELL RUM DUMMIES LIKE THEY WAS COTTON CANDY. NOW THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS GONNA GO WHOOP O-HI-ER STATE AND SHOW THE WORLD WE IS #1! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

OH…AND LARRY…KEEP TAWKIN BOUT U OF SMELL BASKETBAW BEIN #1 IN THE NEW PO! THAT’S BU-ZACKLY WHAT WE WANT! (laffs) JUST WHEN Y’ALL THINK YOU IS BASKETBAW ROYALTY, LONG COMES A BLUE UNI-FARM TEAM NAME OF MICH-ER-GAN TO KICK YOU IN THE FACE JUST LIKE KENTUCKY LIKES TO DO! (laffs) Y’ALL LAUGHED WHEN EVANSVILLE TOOK AWAY OUR #1 RANKIN IN ONE DAY AND THE SAME THING BOUT TO HAPPEN YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH, BRAINLESS, SPINELESS, STRIPPER POLE, NASTY GIRL DANCIN, BANNER LOSIN U OF SMELL CARDINAL CONVICTS! (laffs) GO MICH-ER-GAN! GO MICH-ER-GAN! BIG BLUE NATION LOVES THE WOLVERINES CUZ Y’ALL BOUT TO SNATCH AWAY LOSERVILLE’S ONLY HAPPY THOUGHT! (laffs)

BUT LARRY, THEN Y’ALL CAN STILL PRETEND LIKE YOU IS HAPPY ABOUT GIRL BASKETBAW BEATIN OREE-GON! BIG WHOOTY DOO! GIRL BASKETBAW! WOW! LET’S GO MICH-ER-GAN! BEAT LOSERVILLE AND THEN SNATCH DOWN THEIR FAKE NEWS BANNER ABOUT LUKE HANCROCK AND DARRELL GRIFFIN! NEITHER ONE OF THEM GUYS COULDA MADE THE KENTUCKY PRACTICE SQUAD! (laffs) AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! WHO’S YOUR DADDY, LOSERVILLE? NOT US…YOU IS AR-FINS CUZ AIN’T NOBODY WANTS TO CLAIM A RABID DOG LIKE YOU! (laffs) GO BIG BLUE! GO CATS! B.B.N. FOREVER! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! (laffs)

OH NO, WE SUCK AGAIN! – flighty Cardinal fans must have forgotten the bad old days

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Thumped by Alabama. Having to squeak past hapless Indiana State during a monsoon. The Louisville Cardinals football team hasn’t been sparkling this season.

Some fans think we’re worse than Adam Sandler’s team in The Waterboy.

Oh no…WE SUCK AGAIN!

Malik Cunningham – photo: Gail Kamenish @gamaka

Fans are cranky. The coaching staff seems befuddled. People are not getting in their seats until late in the first quarter.

We are flighty fans. During big games, we’re loud and supportive…unless the other team is leading. Then fans run to the concourses and socialize instead of yelling support to the Cards.

Others say we are turning into the people we used to mock – caustic, obsessed, deranged drunks.

All of these claims are singular instances of idiocy but if they become more commonplace, Louisville football is in a freefall.

Cardinal Stadium at kickoff, September 15, 2018 vs WKU. photo: Kent Spencer, WHAS11

Cardinal Stadium at kickoff, September 15, 2018 vs WKU. photo: Kent Spencer, WHAS11

UofL’s newly expanded stadium is better than ever but crowds are rolling in as if they’re attending an all-day concert. Time is no factor.

Then there’s this.

Luckily enough people were crammed in for the second half to roar sputtering Louisville to limp past Western Kentucky (1-8 in their last nine games). Even then, UofL fans had to cheer for a missed WKU field goal that would have sent the game into an uncertain overtime. Whew. Dodged further embarrassment.

If security is an issue, arrive earlier.

Why are fans so flighty and careless about blasting out pregame roars to their Cards? We’re spoiled. We apparently arrive at the entry gates without accounting for security needs. We rarely take massive groups on road games. We’re picky about which bowl game we get. We tailgate like it’s our job but lots of people don’t bother to enter the stadium. Companies don’t put their ticket allotments into the hands of active fans.

That’s where we are missing the sizzle. The UofL athletic department needs to do some clever manipulation to get people in their seats ten minutes before kickoff.

Give away a pair of season tickets for the next season. Award someone the use of a car for a year. Pay someone’s next house payment. Give a fan 10 minutes in the jersey store to grab one of everything. Have a beer vendor send a keg to someone’s home next Memorial Day, Fourth of July, and Labor Day weekend.

Get clever and get people interested. They’ll get in their seats out of sheer excitement of seeing who gets what.

Otherwise Louisville football could slide back into the bad old days of the original Cardinal Stadium, playing to sparse crowds and opportunistic visiting team fan bases.

Back at Fairgrounds Cardinal Stadium, the visiting schools often made more noise than the locals. We’re not Henry Winkler’s hapless “foosball” team. We’re the best college football team in this state! Indiana, too! Let’s act like it, people!

Want Game Day to return? Get in your seats. You’re selling enthusiasm to networks that aren’t interested in lazy, whiny fair weather fans.

My wife and I missed Saturday’s game because we are lazy and whiny. We promise to work on that if you’ll do the same.