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Cats are winning, Cal’s tires aren’t spinning, and The Beasman’s grinning

THE BEASMAN cats beat vandersmelt
AWWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! (laffs) I BET YOU AND ALL YOUR STINKY U OF SMELL BUDDIES WAS TURNIN CARTWHEELS WHEN U UH KAY WAS LOSIN BY 10 TO VANDERSMELT! ADMIT IT, YOU BALD HAIRED, SNAGGLE TOOTH, CROSS EYED TRAITOR TURNCOAT! YOU WANTED U UH KAY TO LOSE IN WHAT-WE-NOW-CALL RUMP ARENER CENTRAL BANK. (laffs)

BUT NAWWW…YOU FILTHY CARDINAL FANS HAD TO SET THERE AND WATCH THE GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS TOY WITH VANDERSMELT AND THEN COME BACK AND WHOOP ‘EM GOOD! (laffs) CUZ WE’S THE CATS! WE’S THE BIG BLUE! AIN’T NO VANDERSMELT EGGHEADS GONNA BEAT NO WORLD CHAMPEEN KENTUCKY WILDCATS!

COACH CAL – HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY – COACH CAL SAYS HE LET VANDERSMELT TAKE A LEAD JUST SO THE GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS CAN SEE THAT HE REALLY KNOWS HOW TO GAME COACH. (laffs)

HE SAYS A LOT OF BIG BLUE NATION THINKS HE’S JUST A PURDY FACE WHO REE-CRUITS REAL GOOD BUT DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO DURING A GAME. BUT HE SHOWED VANDERSMELT WHO THE SMART GUY IS. (laffs) COACH CAL AIN’T PURRFECK BUT HE AIN’T NO STRIPPER PO GUY LIKE SLICK RICK.

BUT I WAS BIM-BARASSED TO HEAR THAT COACH CAL CALLED HIS WIFE WHEN HE GOT A FLAT TIRE CUZ HE DINT WANT TO MESS UP HIS MANICURE. WHAT IN THE SAM HILL KIND OF SWISHY BOY ARE YOU, COACH CAL? (laffs) COME ON, MAN UP! EVEN IF YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO CHANGE A TIRE, JUST KEEP ON DRIVIN ON THE RIM TIL YOU GIT TO RUMP ARENA PRESENTED BY CENTRAL BANK! OR KICK A HOLE IN THE CAR FLOOR AND JOG IT THERE LIKE FRED FLINTSTONE! (laffs) CAINT CHANGE A TAR!

COACH CAL NEEDS TO STOP SPENDING SO MUCH TIME AT MASS AND MORE TIME AT PEP BOYS! (laffs) YOU FISHBREATH CATH-LICKS IS HARD TO FIGGER OUT SOMETIMES, LARRY! THE NEW ARLENS SAINTS WAS HELPIN DEE-CIDE WHICH PRIESTS WAS GONNA GIT CALLED OUT FOR BEIN PEDDER-FILES! DADGUMMIT, THEM NEW ARLENS SAINTS KNOW THEY AIN’T REAL SAINTS, RIGHT? (laffs) AND HOW COME SO MANY COACHES IS CATHLICK? SEEMS LIKE Y’ALL BE BETTER AT TEACHIN EACH OTHER HOW TO USE BIRTH CONTROL. (laffs)

OH LARRY…I GUESS YOU PROLLY WANT ME TO SAY SOMETHIN NICE ABOUT CATHLICK CHRIS MACK AND HIS U OF SMELL RUM DUMMIES BEATIN NOBODY BOSTON COLLEGE AND KEEPIN YOUR WINNIN STREAK ALIVE. (pause)

SO WHO YOU PICKIN IN THE SUPER BO? SAN FRANCISSYCO OR THE FAKE INJUN CHIEFS? NOBODY REALLY CARES CUZ AMERICA IS WAITIN FOR NEXT SEASON WHEN LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR SHOWS UP TO BE THE NEW MICHAEL JORDAN OF FOOTBAW! LIKE IT SAYS IN THE GOOD BOOK: A KENTUCKY WILDCAT SHALL LEAD THEM ALL! COME SEE ABOUT IT! LARRY, DID YOU SEE THAT LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR GOT HIS OWN CLOTHING LINE?

IT’S BIG BLUE KENTUCKY SHIRTS AND PANTS AND SHOES AND THEY ALL SAY “COME SEE ABOUT IT!” LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR IS GONNA BE BETTER THAN LAY-MAR JACKSON AND THAT’S WHY ALL YOU U OF SMELL SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK CARDINAL FANS IS NERVOUS. Y’ALL KNOW LAY-MAR IS YESTERDEE’S NEWS CUZ LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR IS GONNA DOMMERATE THE EN-TIRE N.F.L. LIKE TOM BRADY USED TO! COME SEE ABOUT IT! COME SEE ABOUT IT! I JUST CHECKED THE WEB SITE AN LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR DONE SOLD A HUNDERD TWENTY SEVEN “COME SEE ABOUT IT” HOODIES.

AND ALL OF ‘EM WAS SIZE 5X SO I GUESS THE WHOLE FAMILY CAN WRAP ONE SWEATSHIRT AROUND ‘EM LIKE A SNUGGLE BLANKET! AS SOON AS I CAN SAVE $55, I’M GONNA GIT ME ONE OF THEM SIZE 5X LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR “COME SEE ABOUT IT” HOODIES SO ME AND MY DOG AND MY DOG’S FRIENDS CAN ALL SNUGGLE IN THERE TO WATCH THE CATS! COME SEE ABOUT IT! I GOTTA SAY I’M A LITTLE DISSER-POINTED THAT HE ONLY SOLD 127 OF ‘EM SINCE THERE IS MILLIONS OF KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS.

I BETCHA IF LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR PUTS OUT A HOODIE THAT SHOWS A BLOODY CARDINAL BIRD WITH HIS FACE PUNCHED IN AND THE WORDS IS “Ls DOWN FOREVER…COME SEE ABOUT IT”…I BETCHA OL LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR WOULD SELL ABOUT 10 JILLION OF THEM RIGHT THERE! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! COME SEE ABOUT IT! COME SEE ABOUT IT! COACH CAL CAINT CHANGE A TAR BUT U OF SMELL KNOWS HOW TO CHANGE A BANNER! (laffs) Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

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