WHAS radio script – 5:45 p.m. – Monday, March 24, 2014

THE BEASMAN tweak 16
PUT MATT JONES ON. AIN’T NO SELF-RESPECTIN CAT FAN WANTS TO HEAR WHAT A TRAITOR TURNCOAT HAS TO SAY ABOUT NO DREAM GAME!

BUT IT AINT NO DREAM FOR YOU AND ALL YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH CARDINAL CRIMINAL BUDDIES, IT’S YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE, YOU BALD-HAIRED, SLICK RICK BUTTKISSIN CARDINAL CRYBABY FRAUD. I CAN HEAR IN YOUR VOICE THAT YOU IS A-SCARED TO DEATH, LARRY MINNER, AND IT AINT FROM ROVING BANDS OF TEENAGE THUGS BEATIN UP OLD PEOPLE IN LOSERVILLE. THAT’S JUST EVERDAY LIFE IN YOUR GHETTO, GANG BANG BROKE DOWN TOWN, RIGHT LARRY? DON’T LIE TO THE BEASMAN – YOU IS A-SKEERED OF FACING U UH KAY. YOU AIN’T SLEPT A WINK SINCE THE U UH KAY WILDCATS DONE SHOCKED THE SHOCKERS.

LAST YEAR Y’ALL NEEDED THAT WHITE BOY TIM HENDRICKSON TO SHOOT Y’ALL OUT OF LIMMIN’ NATION BUT THE WORLD’S GREATEST RECRUTING CLASS DINT NEED TO COME BACK FROM THE DEAD AGAINST WICHER-TAW. WE DOMMERATED THEM ALL DAY, LARRY MINNER, AND WE CRUSHED THEIR PERFECT SEASON THAT U UH KAY SHOULD DONE DID. TELL ‘EM TO THROW THEIR FARDY & OH T-SHIRTS IN THE SAME GOODWILL BOX OURS IS IN. BUT I AINT GONNA TAWK ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW CUZ WE GOT FILTHY CARDINALS IN OUR PATH. WE AINT PERFECT BUT NOW WE IS TWEAKED, SLEEKED, GEEKED, BUT AINT PEAKED. U UH KAY DONE WOKE UP AND NOW WE PUT THE WOOD TO ANYBODY THAT GITS IN OUR WAY.

AND LOOKY WHO’S NEXT IN THE CROSSHAIRS, THE FILTHY CARDINAL BIRDS, AND LOST VEGAS DONE MADE YOU A 5 POINT FAVORITE. FAVORITE FOR WHAT? SCHEDULIN CUPCAKES IN THE REG-A-LAR SEASON? THAT’S ALL OVER NOW, LARRY, CUZ Y’ALL GOT TO PLAY THE BIG BROTHER AND HE DON’T WANT YOU IN THE FAMBLY NO MORE. LARRY, YOU EVER SEEN A CAT COME IN THE HOUSE WITH A LITTLE ANIMAL IN HIS MOUTH STILL WIGGLIN’ AROUND TRYING TO STAY ALIVE? THAT’S WHAT CATS DO – WE PUT YOUR LITTLE CARDINAL BEAK TWIXT OUR CAT JAWS AND LET YOU SQUIRM FOR AWHILE BEFORE WE CHOMP DOWN AND PUT YOU OUT OF YOUR MISERY.

IT’S COMING AGAIN FRIDAY NIGHT, YOU GHETTO TRASH, SAGGY PANTS, NECK TATTOO U OF SMELL GANGSTER THUGS. WE DONE BEAT YOU LIKE A DRUM IN DEE-CEMBER BY 7 AND NOW WE GONNA CRUSH YOUR CARDINAL FANTASY OF “RISE AND REPEAT” BY BLOWING YOU RIGHT OUT OF INJINAPLISS. Y’ALL KEEP SAYING THAT LUKAS OIL IS NAMED FOR LUUUUUUUUKE HANCROCK BUT THAT NAME IS FOR ANDREW LUCK, THE INJINAPLISS QUARTERBACK. HE AINT GONNA HELP Y’ALL – THE COLTS WEAR BLUE & WHITE AND ALL THE LUCK HAS DONE SWUNG OVER TO THE WILDCATS. I LOVE IT. U UH KAY GITS TO END YOUR REIGN AS NATIONAL CHAMPEENS AND SEND Y’ALL HOME LIKE WE DONE IN THE FINAL FOUR 2 YEARS AGO. IT DON’T GIT NO BETTER THAN THIS. THE GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS FANS GIT REDEMPTION FROM OUR FARDY & OH DISSER-POINTMENT TO PIMP SLAPPIN’ U OF SMELL RIGHT OUT OF THE TOURNEYMINT.

I SEEN YOU TWITTER TWEETED THAT THE ONLY THING ON ROBERT MORRIS’ SCHEDULE THIS FRIDAY IS “LESS MISERABLES” WELL GUESS WHAT? ANYBODY WATCHING U OF SMELL THIS FRIDEE NIGHT IS GONNA SEE “MORE MISERABLES.” WE DONE BROKE WITCHER-TAW’S PERFECT RECORD AND NOW WE GONNA BREAK SLICK RICK’S PERFECT RECORD IN SWEET 16s. THEY KEEP SAYIN SLICK RICK AINT NEVER LOST A SWEET 16 GAME IN THE NC2A. WELL SLICK RICK NEVER GONED UP AGAINST COACH CAL RIGHT THERE. FORGET THE NAME SWEET 16 – THIS HERE IS THE TWEAK 16 AND U UH KAY GONNA BUZZ SAW RIGHT THROUGH YOU NASTY RED-SWEATER-WEARIN, LINEBEARD, CROWN ROYAL DRINKIN, FOULMOUTH, STINKBREATH, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK, FOOD STAMP CASHIN, OBAMA LOVIN, TARC BUS RIDIN, SKATEBOARD PARK GRAFITTI SPRAYIN, G.E.D. FLUNKY U OF SMELLERS.

BYE, BYE CARDINALS. AND WHILE YOU IS UP IN THE CHEAP SEATS IN INJINAPLISS JUST REMEMBER THAT YOUR TOWN’S ROVING BANDS OF TEENAGE THUGS IS PROBLEE ROBBING YOUR HOUSE, TAKIN YOUR TEENAGE DAUGHTER’S HONOR, AND SLAPPIN YOUR GRANDMA. CUZ THAT’S HOW Y’ALL ROLL IN THE VILLE. KENTUCKY PRIDE STARTS AND ENDS WITH U UH KAY. WE DON’T NEED THUGS REPPER-SENTIN US. GO CATS! GO CATS! GO CATS!
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