The joy quotient in the Commonwealth of Kentucky shoots through the ceiling every November when basketball season begins. It’s a religion in the state.
Other states celebrate Rhodes scholars changing the world. We celebrate sweaty teenagers who can dunk a ball or sprint with a pigskin. That’s just who we are.
>>>>>>>>>RADIO SCRIPT>>>>>>>>>
THE BEASMAN tipoff luncheon air date 10-28-16
WELL, THERE’S YOUR GAY BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK OUT THERE TO THE TIPOFF LUNCHEON TELLING HIS LIES AGAIN.
“OHHH. U OF SMELL FANS IS GONNA BE HAPPY AGAIN CUZ WE GONNA GO OUT THERE AND WIN ANOTHER BANNER.” THAT’S A BUNCH OF HORSE PUCKEY.
WHAT KIND OF BANNER IS THAT I-TALIAN MAFIA MAN TAWIN BOUT…A MEMORIAL BANNER FOR A FUNERAL? Y’ALL GITTIN THE DEATH PENALTY, LARRY, AND THEY GONNA MAKE YOU TAKE DOWN YOUR BANNER FROM 3 YEARS AGO. JUST CUZ SLICK RICK SAYS Y’ALL DONE BEEN PUNISHED ENOUGH DON’T MEAN THAT’S WHAT THE NC2A DEE-CIDES.
BACK WHEN THEY CAUGHT ME GIVIN HUNDERD DOLLAR HANDSHAKES I GIT OUT OF IT BY GIVING THEM NC2A BOYS THOUSAND DOLLAR HANDSHAKES BUT Y’ALL CAINT GIT AWAY WITH THAT TODAY BECAUSE IT WILL BROADCAST LIVE ON THE FACEBOOK TWITTER MACHINE BY A GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FAN.
Y’ALL JUST NEED TO SHUT UP AND TAKE YOUR MEDICINE CUZ YOU CHEATED WITH DANCIN GIRLS AND KARDASHIAN NUTS & SLUTS, DADGUMMIT! THE NEW BASKETBAW SEASON IS FINALLY HERE!
COACH CAL AND THE FARDY & OH WILDCATS IS GONNA CRUSH EVERYBODY LIKE A BUG WHILE U OF SMELL CAINT CONCERTRATE CUZ Y’ALL BUSY LOOKIN OVER YOUR SHOULDER FOR THE DEATHHHHHH PENALTY! YOU GITTIN THE DEATHHHHHH PENALTY!
I LOVE IT, YOU BUNCH OF SAGGY PANTS, BLING BLING, OBAMA PHONE, NECK TATTOO, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK, FOULMOUTH, ROYAL CROWN SWILLIN, LINEBEARD, INBRED, TOOTHLESS, BRAINLESS CARDINAL CONVICTS.
AND YOUR FOOTBAW TEAM SUCKS, TOO. THEY IS SO AFRAID OF PLAYIN U UH KAY THAT THEY RUN OFF TO SIGN A DEAL TO PLAY LITTLE BITTY BROTHER WESTERN KENTUCKY HILLCROPPERS. AND LAY-MAR JACKSON SUCKS, LARRY. HE AIN’T GONNA WIN THE HEISMAN TROPHY NO MORE THAN BETTY WHITE GOTTA CHANCE TO WIN.
THEY TELL ME EVERBODY JUST STEERS CLEAR OF LAY-MAR JACKSON CUZ HE DON’T LIKE TO TAKE SHIRES. HE SMELLS SO BAD CAINT NOBODY WANT TO TACKLE HIM. WELL STOOPS TROOPS GONNA WEAR THEM NASAL STRIPS OVER THEIR NOSTRIL HOLES SO THEY DON’T GIT REE-PELLED BY NO LAY-MAR AND THEY GONNA KNOCK HIM BACK, KNOCK HIM BACK, ALLLLL THE WAY TO HACKENSACK, DADGUMMIT!
Y’ALL GOIN DOWN TO U UH KAY IN A FEW WEEKS, LARRY. STOOPS TROOPS GOT IT FIGGERED OUT NOW. WE GONNA POUND ON MIZZ-OOR-UH TOMORRY AND MEANTIME VIRGINNY GONNA UPSET THE NASTY CARDINAL BIRDS TO MAKE IT THE PERFECT WEEKEND.
THEN COACH CAL SAYS WE GOT TO SMACK AROUND THE CLARION ON SUNDEE NIGHT SO OTHER TEAMS START THINKIN ABOUT FARFITIN’ NOW TO SAVE BIMBARRASSMENT LATER. THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER! LAY-MAR JACKSON GONNA LOSE THE HEISMAN TROPHY WHEN THEY SHOCK THE WORLD AND GIVE IT TO BOOM WILLIAMS!
——————–STOOPS TROOPS GONNA BEAT BOBBY PETRINKO SO HE’LL GIT MAD AND RIDE AWAY ON HIS LITTLE MOTORCYCLE FOR GOOD.
THEN COACH CAL GONNA HUMMILERATE SLICK RICK RIGHT THERE IN THE DEADBEAT FORECLOSURE YUM YUM BUM BUM CENTER. THEN THE NC2A GONNA GIVE Y’ALL THE DEATH PENALTY FOR BRINGIN KARDASHIAN NUTS & SLUTS TO GIT RECRUITS.
AND NOW I HEAR TELL THE N.B.A. IS COMIN TO LOSERVILLE AFTER THE GUMMIT MAKES U OF SMELL STOP STEALIN ALL THE PROFITS FROM THE ARENER! IT’S ALL GONNA HAPPEN TWIXT NOW AND NEW YEAR’S DAY! AND THE BEST PART IS, WE ALREADY KNOW IF THE N.B.A. COMES TO LOSERVILLE, THE TEAM WILL BE FILLED WITH FARMER KENTUCKY WILDCATS BECAUSE U OF SMELL CAINT GIT NO PLAYERS TO THE PROS!
LOSERVILLE WILL FINALLY BE FILT UP WITH GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCAT LEGENDS WHILE U OF SMELL HAS TO GO BACK TO CHARGIN $5 A TICKET TO SEE THEIR GAMES AT BROADBENT ARENER…IF YOU CAN EVEN FILL THAT UP!
AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! DEATH PENALTY FOR U OF SMELL! DEATH PENALTY FOR U OF SMELL! TAKE THAT FRAUD BANNER DOWN! TAKE IT DOWN! TAKE IT DOWN!
The only thing all Kentuckians can agree upon every November is that we love thoroughbred racing.
