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I knew they’d finally notice my brain

Dear Emily & Jeevan, I appreciate the offer and accept your challenge. I will be there on June 2nd and, despite your offer, I will not need your help. You stated that I “can even bring a friend” to be my partner. YOU ARE GOING DOWN because my best friend’s name is Mr. Google and he is NEVER wrong. See you on June 2nd. Study hard, kids. I play for keeps.

received April 30, 2014
received April 30, 2014

Reply to Highland Hills teacher Julie Kaiser:

Hi Julie,

Two of your risk-taking students have poked the bear. That’s right, they have challenged me to a battle of wits against all the kids in the school, the teachers, the school mascot, and the cafeteria ladies in a rousing round of Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?

I wholeheartedly accept the challenge.

I’m in the gym right now eating a box of Hooked On Phonics flash cards while doing one armed pushups with a protractor.

Ohhhhhhh…’s SO on!

You’re going down, kids, and I mean you’re going down so hard that you’ll spend the summer at the library just trying to rebuild your bent little brains. If you think a bunch of Mine Craft playing, Dog With a Blog watching, juice box slurping kids are going to outthink me then you are as silly as Justin Bieber’s haircut!

Game on. And after I win, I am going through the cafeteria and putting someone’s fresh apple slices up my nostrils.

Respectfully yours,

Terry Meiners
WHAS Radio & TV
4000 Radio Drive
Louisville, KY 40218

texting teacher

dad. husband. observer. media personality. pathological flyer.