THE BEASMAN calipari lifetime contract
SHUT YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH MOUTH, LARRY MINNER! I AIN’T IN NO MOOD FOR JOSHIN’ WITH YOU U OF SMELL BUTTKISSERS. Y’ALL CARDINALS CAINT SMIRK CUZ Y’ALL IS ON BASKETBAW PAUSE CUZ Y’ALL DISEASED UP WITH THE S.T.D.s. BUT AMERICA DON’T CARE! AMERICA WANTS TO SEE THEIR HERO KENTUCKY WILDCATS! TROUBLE IS…WE GO OUT THERE AND SUCK AGAIN! (cry)

MY WILDCATS SUCK THE SUCKIEST SUCK IN THE HISTREE OF U UH KAY BASKETBAW. IT’S TRUE. BIG BLUE IS 5 AND 12 AND IT FEELS LIKE WE IS 5 AND 5 HUNDERD. (cry) I CAINT BLEEVE THE MIGHTY KENTUCKY WILDCATS DONE SUNK LOWER’N A SNAKE’S BELLY. AFTER LOSIN TO THEM MOONSHINE SWILLIN, SISTER KISSIN TENNERSEE HILLBILLIES, OL COACH CAL DONE SAID HE DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT.

WHAT IN THE SAM HILL KIND OF MOTIVATION IS THAT? HE DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO? COACH CAL IS POSED TO GIT OUR BELOVED WILDCATS ALL SWOLE UP TO GO OUT THERE AND WHOOP TENNERSEE…AND THEY LOOKED LIKE THEY WAS GONNA DO IT! BUT THEN HERE COME THE FINAL FOUR MINUTES AND WE FOLDED LIKE A TENT….AGAINNNNNN! (cry)

🔸 Keon Johnson: 27 Pts
🔸 Jaden Springer: 23 Pts@Vol_Hoops went on a 34-13 run to complete the comeback in Rupp 🍊 pic.twitter.com/kVNvm6llXa

— SEC Network (@SECNetwork) February 7, 2021

THEM NASTY TENNERSEE ARNGE METH SNIFFIN, FACE TATTOO, CRACKER BACKERS DONE WHOOPED COACH CAL AND THE CATS AGAIN! THAT’S 3 OUTTA THE LAST FOUR. TENNERSEE USED TO BE KENTUCKY’S BEE-OTCH! BUT NOW WE SUCK, LARRY!

(cry) AND BALD HEAD DICK VITALE WAS ON THERE SAYIN’ AIN’T ZERO CHANCE OF COACH CAL GITTIN FIRED! ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY U UH KAY FANS DEMAND THAT MITCH BARNFART GIT RID OF THAT TWO-MASKER FRAUD CALIPARI. (cry) BUT WE CAINT FIRE HIM CUZ SOME STOOPID GUY NAME OF MITCH BARNFART DONE GIVE HIM A LIFETIME CONTRACT A FEW YEARS AGO! MEMBER? WE IS STUCK WITH CALIPARI LIKE A BIRTH MARK ON YOUR FACE. AIN’T GOIN NOWHERE AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS BE BIM-BARRASSED ABOUT IT! (cry)

LIFETIME CONTRACTS DON’T NEVER WORK ‘CEPT FOR TOM BRADY OR BETTY WHITE. NEITHER ONE LONG FOR THIS WORLD. BUT COACH CAL PROLLY GOT ANOTHER 30 YEARS IN HIM WHICH MEANS THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS GONNA SUCK THE SUCKIEST SUCK TIL WE’S ALL DEAD AND GONE. U UH KAY IS NOW A DOORMAT FOR EVERBODY ELSE TO WIPE THEIR FEET ON! (cry)

WE MIGHT AS WELL LET KENTUCKY BE THE TEAM THAT LOSES TO THE HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS EVER NIGHT! (cry) THIS AIN’T THE WAY IT POSED TO BE, LARRY MINNER! CAINT WE GO BACK TO THE GOOD OL DAYS WHEN ANTHONY DAVIS AND JOHN WALL WAS BIG BLUE? AND LOSERVILLE HAD STRIPPER POs, COACHES GITTIN FIRED, BRIBING ADIDAS RECRUITS, AND BANNERS COMIN DOWN.

BIG BLUE NATION WAS JUMPIN FOR JOY AND LOSERVILLE WAS A DUMPSTER FIRE. BRING BACK THEM GOOD TIMES, NOT TODAY’S DOUBLE MASK WEARIN COACH CAL MUMBLIN BOUT “I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.” HOW WE GONNA FIX IT? WE NEED A BUNCH OF THEM CAPITOL STORMIN TRUMP FANS TO INVADE MITCH BARNFART’S U UH KAY OFFICE BUILDING AND ZIPTIE HIM UP WHILE THEY FIND THAT LIFETIME CONTRACT AND TEAR IT TO SMITHEREENS! IT’S OUR ONLY HOPE, CAT FANS!

TAKE BACK OUR BIG BLUE NATION! STOP THE STEAL! STOP THE STEAL! TEAR UP THAT LIFETIME CONTRACT AND PUT COACH CAL ON A DAY-TO-DAY CONTRACT! WE IS KENTUCKY! WE AIN’T POSED TO SUCK LIKE THIS! COME ON, CAT FANS! RISE UP! AND DON’T QUIT DURIN THE LAST FOUR MINUTES OF THE REVOLUTION! OUT WITH CAL! BRING BACK KINNY PAYNE! BRING BACK KINNY PAYNE! BUT GIVE HIM A ONE YEAR CONTRACT! LIFETIME IS A GIRL MOVIE CHANNEL, NOT NO U UH KAY COACH CONTRACT! AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!