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One of us won the Cardinal Junior Tennis Championship for 14-year-old girls, HINT: it’s not me

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So proud of my stepdaughter Gracie. She works hard at school, community service, doing her chores at home, and practicing tennis at least 3 times a week. She’s won multiple tournaments over the years but then a shoulder injury knocked her out of the game for two years.

She’s back! Gracie entered the Cardinal Junior tennis tournament in the 14 and under category, then fought through five separate matches between Friday night and Sunday morning to run the table.

She went right home and did some homework. What a kid!

Terry, Mary, and Gracie, November 18, 2018 at the Bass-Rudd Tennis Center on the University of Louisville campus.

Lamar Jackson gets his first NFL start, beats Bengals

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The University of Louisville’s only Heisman Trophy winner Lamar Jackson got his first NFL start today. The Baltimore Ravens’ rookie phenom played very well to lead his team past the Cincinnati Bengals, running for 120 yards and passing for 150 more.

Ravens head coach John Harbaugh is pretty happy about his burgeoning star.

Cornerback Marlon Humphrey is amazed at Jackson’s speed and creativity on the field.

Lamar isn’t shy in the postgame media room.

100% chance of a Blue Wave beatdown, Beasman chants DEAD MAN WALKING!

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(laffs) TELL THE CARDINAL STADIUM CREW TO PUT ALL NEW LIGHTBULBS IN THE SCOREBOARD CUZ THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS BOUT TO LIGHT IT UP LIKE A CALIFARNIA WILDFIRE! (laffs) IF THEM CRABBY OLD PEOPLE THINK TOP GOLF IS TOO BRIGHT, THEY SURE AINā€™T GONNA LIKE HOW STOOPS TROOPS GONNA TORCH U OF SMELL! (laffs)

LARRY, LARRY, LARRY! THE MIGHTY KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS COMIN TO YOUR GHETTO TOWN TO FINALLY PUT THEM LOSERVILLE CARDINALS OUTTA THEIR MISERY. THAT TEMPORARY COACH WAS SO BAD THAT BOBBY PETRINO AST HIM TO BECOME ANOTHER SON-IN-LAW. (laffs) THAT NEW COACH IS SO WORTHLESS THAT U OF SMELL TRIED TO GIVE HIM ANOTHER $14 MILLION TO GO AWAY. (laffs) LARRY, U OF SMELL FOOTBAW IS LIKE A RACE HARSE WITH THREE BROKEN LEGS. ITā€™S ALL OVER. PUT ā€˜EM OUT OF THEIR MISERY.

DONā€™T Yā€™ALL CARDINAL FLUNKIES GOT NO SENSE? FAR-FIT THIS GAME RIGHT NOW AND SAVE YOURSELFS MORE BIMBARRASMENT. YOUR HEALTH INSURANCE COMPANY DONE CANCELED YOUR POLICY CUZ ALL THEM CARDINAL INJURIES GONNA BANKRUPT THE HEALTHCARE SYSTEM. FARFIT NOW, U OF SMELL. FOR ONCE, DO THE RIGHT THING WITHOUT HAVING A JUDGE FORCE YOU TO! (laffs)

STOOPS IS LICKIN HIS CHOPS TO TREAT U OF SMELL LIKE THEM SAUDI ARABIANS DONE TO THAT REPORTER. (laffs) BINNY SNELL SO MAD HE DINT GIT NO HEISHMAN TROPHY THAT HEā€™S GONNA TAKE OUT HIS FRUSTER-ZATION ON U OF SMELL.

AND BINNY SAYS HE MIGHT NOT EVEN WEAR A HELMET CUZ U OF SMELL CANā€™T TACKLY NOBODY NO HOW. (laffs) TERRY TOUCHDOWN GONNA DO WHAT TIM COUCH DONE WHEN Yā€™ALL OPENED THAT PINK SEAT STADIUM. TERRY GONNA LAY ABOUT 300 POINTS ON YOU CARDINAL FOOLS IN THE FIRST HALF. STOOPS GONNA LET MATT JONES AND RYAN LEMOND CALL THE PLAYS IN THE 2ND HALF. WE MIGHT EVEN LET THE UK PLAYERSā€™ MAMAS COME IN AND PLAY THE FOURTH QUARTER INSTEAD OF THEIR SONS. (laffs)

KASH DANIELS IS STILL SO MAD ABOUT CAT FANS NOT FILLIN UP THE KROGER FIELD FOR SENIOR DAY. HE IS TELLING THE ALL-BLUE CROWD IN LOSERVILLE STADIUM THIS SAIRDEE TO DO A SENIOR DAY DO-OVER FOR ALL THE DEE-PARTIN WILDCATS. SERIOUSLY LARRY, WHAT IS LOSERVILLE GONNA DO WITH A HOUSE FULL OF WILDCAT FANS?

IF YOU WANNA MAKE BIG MONEY THEN HAVE THE CONCESSION STANDS SELL NOTHIN BUT MOONSHINE, SQUIRREL BURGERS, AND CHEWIN DU-BACCA. (laffs) MOST OF THE CAT FANS WILL BE PACKIN HEAT SO THEY CAN SHOOT AT THE NAMES HANGIN UP THERE IN THE CARDINAL RING OF HONOR. (laffs) POOR CARDINAL BIRDS. THEY MUST FEEL LIKE THEY IS GETTING READY TO GO TO THE PRISON ā€˜LECTRIC CHAIR. (shout) DEAD MAN WALKIN! DEAD MAN WALKIN! (laffs)

LARRY, DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THAT LITTLE DIVISION 3 SCHOOL THAT CANCELED NEXT YEARā€™S FOOTBAW SEASON? EVEN THEIR LOSIN STREAK AINā€™T AS LONG AS LOSERVILLEā€™S! (laffs) LARRY, WHY DONā€™T Yā€™ALL DROP DOWN TO DIVISION 3 AND TAKE THEIR PLACE SO THATAWAYS Yā€™ALL HAVE A CHANCE TO KEEP YOUR LOSSES TO UNDER 50 POINTS! (laffs) DEAD MAN WALKIN! DEAD MAN WALKIN! (laffs) OH, THIS HERE IS GONNA BE THE BEST THANKSGIVIN EVER. STOOPS TROOPS GIT TO CRUSH LOSERVILLE IN THEIR OWN HOUSE, THEN GO ON TO A BIGTIME BO GAME WHILE U OF SMELL STAYS HOME.

AND ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS IS THANKFUL THAT THE F.B.I. INVERSTERGATION STILL AINā€™T FIGGERED OUT WHATEVER COACH CAL IS DOIN TO RECRUIT A NEW ONE-AND-DONE ALL-STAR LINEUP EVER YEAR WITHOUT NOBODY TELLIN ABOUT CASH PAYMENTS! (laffs) SINCE Yā€™ALL IGNERNT LOSERVILLE FANS AINā€™T SMART ENOUGH TO FARFIT, BUCKLE UP YOUR CHINSTRAPS. YOU BUNCH OF CROSS-EYED, REDNECK, STINKBREATH, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, GOD HATIN, DRUG TAKIN, FOOD STAMP CASHIN, SPINELESS, GUTLESS, GRAFFITI PAINTIN, ILLITERATE, RAPIN, ROBBIN, RABBLE-ROUSIN LOSERVILLE THUGS BOUT TO LEARN WHAT A DOMMERATIN BLUE WAVE IS ALL ABOUT!

LIKE THEY TODE THEM CALIFARNIA HIPPIES WHEN THE FIRE WAS COMIN: GIT OUT NOW OR YOU BOUT TO DIE! (laffs) AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! THE BLUE WAVE IS BOUT TO FLOOD YOUR GHETTO TOWN AND GIVE IT THE BATH IT NEEDS! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

Watch that first step…it’s a doozy and there’s a drunk lady in the control tower

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Jump out of an airplane and sail right into Arrowhead Stadium without any risk of injury. It’s as though you are tethered to this U.S. Army Special Ops paratrooper as you sail back to earth.

It’s pretty cool to see how he turns one revolution to position himself for entry into the stadium, even doing one sweeping slalom turn to eat up more altitude before the final approach to the field.

Great stuff. And he didn’t have to mess with any slurred-speech air traffic controller to navigate his path to touchdown. Nice.

Cats caught in storm of poor performance, difficult for Beasman to mock U of Smell

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THE BEASMAN cats and petrino lose again
WELL LARRY, MAYBE YOU DONE THE RIGHT THING TO GO TRAITOR TURNCOAT AND RENOUNCE YOUR U UH KAY LOYALTY TO BE A U OF SMELL THUG FAN. ITā€™S A BITTERSWEET TIME TO BE A CAT FAN, I TELL YOU WHAT. NORM-ULLY Iā€™D BE DANCIN A JIG CUZ THE U OF SMELL FOOTBAW SCUMBAG COACH BOBBY NECK BRACE GOT FIRED BUT THEN AS SOON AS I START GRINNIN I THINK ABOUT STOOPS TROOPS PLAYIN LIKE POOPS AND I GIT SAD AGAIN. (crying)

WE DONā€™T WANT BAMA NOW! U UH KAY IS RANKED #20 AND FALLIN. AINā€™T NO NEW YEARā€™S BIG SIX BO GAME. BINNY SNELL AINā€™T GITTIN NO HEISHMAN TROPHY. AND TERRY TOUCHDOWN IS NOW TERRY LETDOWN. (crying) ITā€™S A BAD TIME FOR ME, LARRY, CUZ COACH CALā€™S CATS SUCK, TOO. WHAT IN THE SAM HILL IS A-GOIN ON RIGHT NOW? THE OTHER NIGHT COACH CAL WAS STRUGGLIN TO BEAT THE NOBODY SUCKY SALUKIS. DADGUMMIT, WE IS KENTUCKY. (crying)

WHY IS WE HAVIN TO EVEN BREAK A SWEAT AGAINST SOME SCHOOL FOR MIDGETS WHO AINā€™T GOT NO BIDNIZ EVEN THINKIN THEY CAN HANG WITH U UH KAY? BUT THEY RAN WITH US LIKE WE IS SOME DIE-RECTIONAL SCHOOL INSTEAD OF THE LEGENDARY KENTUCKY WILDCATS. HAS THE WORLD GONE CRAZY, LARRY? IF COACH CAL DONā€™T GIT THESE HERE WILDCATS PLAYIN LIKE MEN THEN HE CAN CLIMB ON THE BACK OF BOBBY PETRINKOā€™S MOTOR-SICKLE AND RIDE AWAY WITH HIM.

US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS AINā€™T IN NO MOOD FOR JOSHIN RIGHT NOW CUZ WE WAS EXPECTER-CATINā€™ TO WIN THE FOOTBAW NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS. WE LOSTED TO JARJUH SO THEN WE WAS GONNA SHOW THE WORLD BY BEATIN THE VOLS. BUT THEM TENNERSEE HILLBILLIES DONE PUT A SMACKDOWN ON THE CATS AND POPPED OUR BALLOON AGAIN! (crying) DADGUMMIT, WE AINā€™T BEAT THEM PRISON UNI-FARM WEARING TENNERSEE FRAUDS SINCE FRAN CURCI WAS GITTIN JIGGY WITH THE U UH KAY CHEERLEADERS IN THE 1940s. (crying)

WE SUCK IN FOOTBAW AND WE SUCK IN BASKETBAW AND U OF SMELL IS SO TURRIBLE THERE AINā€™T NO BU-CITEMENT BEATIN THEM CUZ EVERBODY DOES. THANKSGIVING GONNA BE HARRIBLE THIS YEAR CUZ THERE AINā€™T NOTHIN TO THANK GOD FOR. THANKS A LOT, GOD! THE BLUE WAVE DINT COME. THEM DUKIES CRUSHED COACH CAL. AND STOOPS WET HIS PANTS ON THE BIG GAMES. I WANT TO LAUGH AT U OF SMELL BUT US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS IS KINDA SKEERED THAT THEIR NEW COACHES IS GONNA TURN IT AROUND.

THAT VINCE TYRUS DONE PRESSURE WARSHED AWAY ALL THE SCUMBAG, STRIPPER POLE HEROES LIKE PETRINKO, PAPA JOHN, SLICK RICK, AND TOMMY TURNTLENECK. THE U OF SMELL MOUNT RUSHMORE OF TRAGEDY DONE BEEN DEMOLISHED. WHAT IF THESE NEW U OF SMELL COACHES START WHOOPIN U UH KAY? I DONā€™T KNOW IF US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS CAN HANDLE IT. MATT JONES GOT DRUNK IN HIS BIG BLUE BOO HOO BAR FRIDEE NIGHT AFTER COACH CALā€™S WEAK PERFORMANCE AND COACH CAL IS OVER IN A SIDE BOOTH. I HOPE MATT AND CAL DONā€™T GO ALL PORCINIā€™S WITH EACH OTHER.

Jesus. Not sure whether this is the real Baptist son of God or the fake bingo tolerant Jesus.

AND NOW WE SEE THE NEW U OF SMELL FOOTBAW COACH IS A JESUS MAN, TAWKIN ABOUT THE LARD ALL THE TIME ON TWITTER. DADGUMMIT. I TODE YOU COACH CAL BEEN GOIN TO MASS EVER DAY TO PRAY TO THE FAKE CATHLICK GOD WHO ALLOWS BEER DRINKIN, BINGO PLAYIN, AND DANCIN. IF THIS U OF SMELL COACH IS PRAYIN TO THE REAL BABDIZ GOD THEN US CAT FANS IS IN BIG TROUBLE!

COME ON, MITCH BARNFART. DO SOMETHIN! TELL STOOPS AND COACH CAL TO PICK IT UP OR LETā€™S THROW EM ON THE TRASH HEAP AND HIRE NICK SABAN AND MIKE SHIT-SHETSKI. THEYā€™LL DO IT ā€“ DOWN DEEP EVERBODY WANTS TO BE A KENTUCKY WILDCAT! AWWWWWW SHAPE UP, SHIP OUT! SHAPE UP, SHIP OUT! WE IS THE ROMAN EMPIRE OF COLLEGE SPARTS AND RIGHT NOW THE ROMAN EMPIRE IS ON FIRE! DO SOMETHIN, DADGUMMIT! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! WE DONā€™T WANT BAMA! WE DONā€™T WANT BAMA!

Duke trounces Kentucky: it’s God’s fault

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THE BEASMAN duke trounces cats
(crying) D-D-D-D-DADGUM D-D-D-DOOKIES! (crying) WH-WH-WHAT IN THE S-S-S-SAM HILL IS C-C-C-COACH CAL DOIN? RATFACE MIKE SHIT-SHETSKI WAS GRINNIN LIKE A CHESTER CAT CUZ HE KNOWS HE GOT LUCKY LAST NIGHT. (crying) I WAS BITIN MY PILLER ALL NIGHT WONDERIN HOW ALL THESE GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCAT UPPERCLASSMEN GOT THEIR JAW JACKED BY A BUNCH OF YOUNG PUNK D-D-D-DOOKIE FRESHMANS. (crying)

WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR VET-TRENS? IS THEY A BUNCH OF CANDY APPLE SISSIES WHO DONā€™T DEE-SERVE TO WEAR THE KENTUCKY UNI-FARM? DADGUMMIT, THE GHOST OF CHRISTIAN LAETTNER GOT US AGAIN.

HOW DID THEM DUKE PUNKS BEAT, KICK, AND PULVERIZE US LIKE A BUNCH OF STREET THUGS IN A ANGELA LEET TV COMMERCIAL? WE GOT MURDERED, LARRY MINNER! THEY HAD TO PUT PO-LEECE TAPE AROUND THE U UH KAY TEAM BUS CUZ IT LOOKED LIKE A CRIME SCENE. (crying) U UH KAY IS CURSED AGAINST THESE FILTHY, RICH BOY, SMARTY PANTS D-D-D-DOOKIE DOUCHE NOZZLES. ITā€™S GODā€™S FAULT, TOO. COACH CAL PRAYS TO THAT FAKE CATHLICK GOD WHO DONā€™T DEE-LIVER FOR THE CATS. WE GOTTA GIT COACH CAL BAB-TIZED AS A BABDIZ AND SO THEN THE REAL PROTESTANT GOD WILL HELP U UH KAY, NOT NO FAKE BEER DRINKIN, DANCIN, BINGO PLAYIN CATHLICK GOD.

WAKE UP, COACH CAL, OR WEā€™LL RUN YOU OFF LIKE WE DONE TO TUBBY. NO MORE CATHLICK PRAYIN FOR A BABDIZ STATE OF KENTUCKY OR ELSE THE REAL GOD GONNA KEEP SMITIN US! (crying) HOW CAN (crying) HOW CAN THE C-C-C-C-CATS LOSE BY 34 POINTS, DADGUMMIT? I WAS LIKE ELVIS AND SHOT OUT THE TV SET (crying) WHICH IS BAD CUZ I WAS WATCHIN AT MY BUDDYā€™S HOUSE. NOW I GOT TO GO DOWN TO K-MART AND GIT HIM ANOTHER TV SO HIS OLD LADY CAN WATCH ā€œTHE VIEW.ā€

I BETCHA OL WHOOPIE GOLDBERG WAS MAKIN FUN OF THE CATS TODAY CUZ SHE DONE SAID SHEā€™D LIKE TO MAKE THE TWO BACK BEAST WITH THAT DUKE PLAYER ZEE-ONN WILLIAMSTON. (crying) ZEE-ON WAS POSED TO COME TO KENTUCKY BUT NIKE PAID HIM MORE TO GO TO DUKE! THIS HERE IS HARRIBLE, LARRY.

ONE WEEK AGO, ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS WAS SO HAPPY MAKIN FUN OF LOSERVILLE FOOTBAW AND TAWKIN ABOUT STOOPS TROOPS GONNA TAKE ON BAMA FOR THE S.E.C. CHAMPERCHIP. (crying) NOW STOOPS WORRYIN ABOUT LOSIN TO NOBODY TENNERSEE AND COACH CAL GOT HIS BUTT WHOOPED LIKE A BOY WHO STOLE MONEY FROM HIS MAMAā€™S PURSE. (crying)

YOU GO AHEAD AND SMIRK, YOU CARDINAL CONVICT, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, CASHIN FOOD STAMPS FOR METH, GODLESS, BRAINLESS, SPINELESS, HOPELESS U OF SMELL CARDINAL DUMPSTER FIREā€¦US GOOD AND CLASSY CATS IS STILL COMIN FOR YOU IN A FEW WEEKS AND IT AINā€™T GONNA BE PURDY! (crying) I F-F-F-FEEL LIKE BURNIN A COUCH WITH COACH CAL STILL SETTIN ON IT! (crying) THIS HERE IS A KENTUCKY TRAGEDY! WE AINā€™T PERFECK AFTER ALL. FARDY & OH MINUS ONE! FARDY & OH MINUS ONE! FARDY & OH MINUS ONE! THE ONLY BLUE WAVE TURNT OUT TO BE A DUKE BLUE DEVIL WAVE. STOP TARMINTIN US, GOD! WE IS KENTUCKY!

This is why so many people mock self-righteous media: check the facts, people

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The twitter administrator for CBS News was duped by a 2014 photo of a voter named Joe Conroy giving a THUMB DOWN signal behind Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell at their polling place.

CBS reported that it happened today, November 6, 2018. And that’s the way it wasn’t.

The Courier-Journal reported on the quirky moment on a day that Mitch McConnell trounced Alison Lundergan Grimes to roll into his sixth term as a U.S. Senator from Kentucky.

Just in case CBS deletes the tweet, here is a screenshot.

UPDATE: CBS did indeed delete the tweet.

As an extension of this concept of media vs. Republicans, take a listen to this radio interview from 6 weeks ago. It’s Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin giving a Republican perspective on the state’s prominent Democrats. Bevin also claims that some Kentucky media outlets “hate” reporting on his administration’s progress. (approx 4 minutes into the interview)

Lou City FC star forward Luke Spencer on chasing another USL Cup title

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Luke Spencer, Lou City FC forward

I had a great chat with Louisville City FC star forward Luke Spencer as the team prepares to earn another USL Cup on Thursday night at Lynn Stadium vs Phoenix Rising.

Luke talked about this Lou City team’s chemistry vs. last year’s Lou City FC USL Cup winners and a look at Phoenix. We also talked about Luke’s days at Xavier University and his relationship with UofL basketball coach Chris Mack, plus the odd familiarity he has with Lou City’s archival Cincinnati FC.

The championship match between Lou City and Phoenix Rising is a sellout. Go get ’em, Lou City!

Beasman calls best team, Krzyzewski face, UofL fan necks: Cats, rats, and tats

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THE BEASMAN cats lose but loserville slaughtered
DONā€™T YOU EVEN START IN ON ME ABOUT U UH KAY LOSING, YOU CROSS-EYED, BUCK TEETH, BALD HAIR, STINKBREATH U OF SMELL APOLOGIST. DADGUMMIT, YOUR FILTHY CARDINAL CONVICTS LOST BY 400 POINTS, THE WORST BEATDOWN IN U OF SMELL HISTREE BUCEPT FOR THAT TIME IN WORLD WAR TWO THE JAPPER-NESE BOMBED CARDINAL STADIUM.

Yā€™ALL CARDINAL FANS OUGHT TO RISE UP AND THROW BOBBY PETRINKO OUT IN THE STREET AND CHASE HIM OUTTA TOWN LIKE U UH KAY DONE TO BILL CURRY, JERRY CLAIBONE, RICH BROOKS, HAL DUMMY, GUY MORRIS, AND THE JOKER. DONā€™T Yā€™ALL CARDINAL IDIOTS KNOW HOW TO FIRE A FOOTBAW COACH? YOU JUST MOVE HIS OFFICE TO THE TARLIT ROOM AND TELL HIM HE GOTTA START WARSHIN THE JOCK STRAPS.

THEN YOU TELL HIM THE NEPPER-TISM RULE KICKED IN AND SO HE GOTTA FIRE ALL HIS RELLER-TIVES ON THE PAYROLL. BOBBY PETRINKO GOT ABOUT 200 RELATIVES ALL DRAWING A PAYCHECK SO CUT ā€˜EM ALL OFF AND THEN THEYā€™LL LEAVE TOWN LIKE A PACK OF GYPSIES CHASIN A CIRCUS. (laffs)

YOU BUNCH OF CARDINAL IDIOTS AINā€™T NEVER GONNA GIT YOUR FOOTBAW TEAM BACK TO RECEPTACKLE-BILITY. JUST THINK, A FEW YEARS AGO Yā€™ALL ACTUALLY WON THE ARNGE BO. NOW YOU COULDNā€™T GIT INVITED TO THE ARNGE VOMIT BO. (laffs) BOBBY PETRINKO AINā€™T EVEN TRYIN NO MORE. HE JUST GOT WHOOPED 77-16 AND SPENT SUNDEE SETTIN IN A EASY CHAIR COUNTIN HIS MONEY AND LAUGHIN. (laffs) LARRY, WHY DONā€™T Yā€™ALL RAISE THE MONEY TO BUY HIM OUT?

I BETCHA KATINA POWELL COULD PUT ON A NASTY DANCIN SHOW AT THE TOY TIGER AND RAISE MILLIONS OF ONE DOLLAR BILLS. JUST GIT ANDRE MCGEE TO PRESSURE WARSH THEM DOLLARS CUZ THE BANK DONā€™T TAKE NO SKANK! (laffs)

OH LARRY, LARRY, LARRY. YOU GOTTA BE SICK TO YOUR STOMACH KNOWIN THAT THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS STILL TOP 12 IN FOOTBAW AND TOP 2 IN BASKETBAW. WE GOT THEM ROTTEN DUKIES COMIN UP AND THAT WILL PROVE THE CATS GREATNESS! COACH CAL SAID HE HOPES HIS YOUNG BASKETBAW TEAM CAN SCORE AS MANY POINTS AS CLEMSON FOOTBAW PUT UP ON LOSERVILLE! (laffs)

LARRY, I SEEN YOUR BALD HAIRED TWIN CHRIS MACK OUT THERE ACTIN LIKE BEATING RUSSELL SIMMONS COLLEGE WAS SOME KIND OF BIG DEAL. (laffs) OH WOW! YOU JUST BEAT A SCHOOL WITH 49 TOTAL STUDENTS, AND MOST OF THEM ARE OVER AGE 50. NICE ACCOMPLISHMENT, LOSERVILLE. THE SIMMONS COLLEGE TEAM PITCHER LOOKED LIKE AN AARP NEWSLETTER. (laffs)

WHEN Yā€™ALL GONNA PLAY DUKE? LETā€™S SEE WHO GONNA DO GOODER AGAINST CHEATIN COACH K AND HIS BAND OF MONEY GRUBBIN RECRUITS. ONLY KENTUCKY WILDCATS REFUSE TO TAKE MONEY, ACCORDING TO COACH CAL, WHO GOES TO MASS EVER DAY. ALL THEM OTHER SCHOOLS IS TURNIN A BLIND EYE TO SHOE COMPANIES GIVIN FAMILIES MONEY.

Terry Meiners with Bob Ley on Outside the Lines, ESPN, October 2017

U OF SMELL GOT CAUGHT AND NOW YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK CAINT FIND WORK. IS HE LIVIN IN YOUR BASEMENT NOW, LARRY? TOO BAD, SO SAD! NO SLICK RICK TO KICK AROUND NO MORE. HE DINT EVEN SHOW UP FOR THE BREEDERS CUP CUZ AINā€™T NOBODY WANTS HIM BACK IN LOSER-TOWN. (laffs) MEANTIME, ALL EYES IS ON THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS AS WE TAKE DOWN TWO ENEMAS THIS WEEK: DUKE IN BASKETBAW AND TENNERSEE IN FOOTBAW! THE ONLY THING U OF SMELL CAN TAKE DOWN IS BANNERS! (laffs)

I LOVE IT! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! AND MIKE SHIT-SHETSKIā€™S FACE LOOKS LIKE RATS! RATS! RATS! AND U OF SMELL FANā€™S NECKS IS FILLED WITH TATS! TATS! TATS! (laffs) GO CATS! GO BLUE! AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!