Courier-Journal legend David Hawpe has passed away at age 78. We had lots of laughs over the years talking media, politics, and all things Kentucky. We both served on advisory boards for the College of Communications and Information at the University of Kentucky. Hawpe, the editor of Kentucky's Pulitzer Prize winning newspaper, taught me a valuable lesson in January 2002 by ripping my ass on the editorial page of the Sunday morning Courier-Journal. I wrote a blog post mocking livid UK fans in eastern Kentucky who were heaping scorn on Rick Pitino for taking the Louisville head coach job. A few days after I posted the sketch, the Lexington Herald Leader wrote a scathing front page piece entitled "Web site parody
THE BEASMAN calipari lifetime contract SHUT YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH MOUTH, LARRY MINNER! I AIN’T IN NO MOOD FOR JOSHIN’ WITH YOU U OF SMELL BUTTKISSERS. Y’ALL CARDINALS CAINT SMIRK CUZ Y’ALL IS ON BASKETBAW PAUSE CUZ Y’ALL DISEASED UP WITH THE S.T.D.s. BUT AMERICA DON’T CARE! AMERICA WANTS TO SEE THEIR HERO KENTUCKY WILDCATS! TROUBLE IS…WE GO OUT THERE AND SUCK AGAIN! (cry) MY WILDCATS SUCK THE SUCKIEST SUCK IN THE HISTREE OF U UH KAY BASKETBAW. IT’S TRUE. BIG BLUE IS 5 AND 12 AND IT FEELS LIKE WE IS 5 AND 5 HUNDERD. (cry) I CAINT BLEEVE THE MIGHTY KENTUCKY WILDCATS DONE SUNK LOWER’N A SNAKE’S BELLY. AFTER LOSIN TO THEM MOONSHINE SWILLIN, SISTER KISSIN TENNERSEE HILLBILLIES, OL COACH CAL
The last time Kentucky basketball was this bad, 25-year-old Adolph Rupp was a wrestling coach in Iowa and these slugs were repping the Cats. Most of them were local boys from so-called Big Blue Nation. That counts for a lot around these parts. University of Kentucky basketball fans are reeling from a six game losing streak, with the latest burn by arch-rival Louisville. Some UK zealots are calling for Coach John Calipari to step down. Others question whether his one-and-done methodology is now outdated. Most UK fans agree that Calipari needs to give more playing time to Dontaie Allen. Why? Because he's a homegrown basketball player who was named Mr. Basketball! He's a Kentuckian, and in the minds of the majority, that makes Allen
THE BEASMAN notre dame beats women HEY LARRY MINNER, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE YOU CATHLICKS SO I WAS HALFWAY PULLING FOR YOUR U OF SMELL LADIES TEAM TO BEAT THE POPE’S SORORITY GIRLS LAST NIGHT. BUT I GOT OVER IT. (laffs) I JUST LOVE WATCHIN U OF SMELL TEAMS LOSE…I CAINT HELP MYSELF. EVER TRUE BLUE KENTUCKY WILDCAT FAN LOVES TO SEE LOSERVILLE IN PAIN. SO I HOPE Y’ALL LOSE TO THE COMMUNISTS, THE DEVIL, AND EXPESH-LEE DUKE. US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS CHEER FOR THEM ROTTEN DOOKIES ONLY WHEN THEY IS PLAYIN THE SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, GRAFFITI PAINTIN, WELFARE STAMP, ILLITERATE, BRAINLESS, TOOTHLESS, SPINELESS, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK LOSERVILLE CARDINALS.
FOOTBAW IS BACK AND ALL THE SMART MONEY IS ON THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS. U UH KAY IS THE FLOYD MAYWEATHER OF FOOTBAW TEAMS. WE GONNA TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT BUT IN THE END THE REFFERMARIE GONNA STOP IT CUZ THE CATS IS BEATIN YOU UP TOO BAD! I TELL YOU, LARRY, STOOPS TROOPS IS GONNA SHOCK THE WORLD. AND BIG BLUE NATION IS GONNA DOMMERATE THE NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS. BLUE GITS IN! BLUE GITS IN! LOOK OUT, ALABAMMER. THESE HERE KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS GONNA JACK YOUR JAW! CATS! CATS! CATS! IT DON’T MATTER IF WE JUST LOST OUR #1 RECRUIT TO OHI-ER STATE. THAT RUM DUMMY WILL BE SORRY SOMEDAY WHEN HE
You'd better stay away from this guy for a few weeks. The vaunted Kentucky Wildcats basketball team lost to Wisconsin, ending a streak of 38 straight wins on a path to what seemed to be perfection. RADIO SCRIPTS FOR MONDAY, APRIL 6, 2015 THE BEASMAN #1 buy all the tickets WHY, GOD, WHY? (sniffing and crying) I AINT GOT OUTTA BED YET CUZ MY HEART DONE BEEN BROKE WHEN THE PATH TO PERFECTION WENT OVER A CLIFF. (cry) THEY TELL ME EASTER SUNDEE CHURCH SERVICES ACROSS KENTUCKY WAS LIKE A GHOST TOWN. NO CAT FANS NOWHERE. WE’S ALL SICK TO OUR BONES WITH ANOTHER FINAL FOUR MELTDOWN. I WAS BUXPECTIN TO CALL UP HERE TODAY AND MAKE FUN OF YOU
On the day that a chastened Bobby Petrino was introduced as the reborn head coach of the University of Louisville football team, Rick Pitino's basketball team lost a critically important game at home against Memphis. The overly excited UK zealot The Beasman couldn't wait to call my radio show the next day. His transcript is printed below. THE BEASMAN memphis loss (LAFF) THE LOSERVILLE CARDINALS: THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING. DID SOMEBODY DUMP A GATORADE JUG FULL OF STUPID OVER TOM JURICH? WHAT’S HE DOIN BRINGIN THAT SNAKE IN THE GRASS BACK TO COACH YOUR FOOTBAW TEAM? WHAT Y’ALL POSED TO DO, JUST LOCK UP YOUR WIFES AND DAUGHTERS UNTIL FOOTBAW SEASON STARTS? I
THE BEASMAN Louisville loses to UNC HEY GAY BOY -- THROW UP YOUR L SIGN NOW BECAUSE IT STANDS FOR LOSER. (laffs) I LOVE IT! OVER-RATED! OVER-RATED! ME AND ALL MY WILDCAT BUDDIES DONE CELERMABRATED BY SHOOTING OFF OUR SHOTGUNS TO OFFICIALLY END THE YEAR OF THE CARDINAL. STICK A FARK IN YOU; Y’ALLS DONE. I CAINT BLEEVE YOU COME TO WORK TODAY. I FIGGERED OL MATT JONES WOULD COME IN THERE AND STEAL YOUR MICROPHONE AGAIN, LARRY MINNER, AND TAUNT ALL THE BROKE U OF SMELL HEARTS IN YOUR GHETTO TOWN. BYE, BYE FARTY AND OH. BYE BYE WINNING STREAK. BYE BYE NATIONAL ATTENTION…WELL, BUCEPT FOR ALL THEM CAMERAS IN THE TRAFFIC COURT FOR