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Cardinals win at Duke, Cat fans unmoved, Beasman praying for March Madness rematch with U of L

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Fresh Kimble and Malik Williams celebrate Louisville’s victory at Duke, January 18, 2020

THE BEASMAN Louisville beats duke
SHUT YOUR STUPID MOUTH ABOUT EVERBODY LOVES SEEIN’ LOSERVILLE BEATIN’ DUKE. I’M PART OF EVERBODY AND I DON’T LIKE IT ONE BIT, DADGUMMIT! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! IF BOTH TEAM BUSSES FOR DUKE AND LOSERVILLE WENT OVER A CLIFF, KENTUCKY FANS WOULD REJOICE BY BURNIN’ COUCHES! Ls DOWN AND DUKIES DOWN!

Y’ALL BOTH DEVILS WHO OUGHTA BE BURNT AT THE STAKE LIKE MY GRANNY’S COUCH! THE ONLY TIME ME AND ALL MY WILDCAT BUDDIES CELLER-MABRATE IS WHEN OUR SAINTLY KENTUCKY WILDCATS BEAT DUKE! TRUE BLUE KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS GIT SICK TO THEIR STOMACHS WHENEVER LOSERVILLE GITS GOOD NEWS. U UH KAY FANS ONLY CARE ABOUT U UH KAY! GO CATS! GO BLUE! COME SEE ABOUT IT!

I KNOW YOUR LITTLE BALD HEAD IS ALL SWOLE UP CUZ U OF SMELL JUMPED KENTUCKY IN THE PO. THAT’S ONLY CUZ THEM ROTTEN CARDINALS WON THREE ROAD GAMES IN A ROW AND ONE OF ‘EM WAS DUKE. BIG WHOOPTY DO. COACH K SAID Y’ALL WAS BULLIES AND THUGS AND FOR ONCE I AGREE WITH THAT RAT FACED DUKE COACH.

UofL freshman David Johnson, a Trinity High School phenom, dominated Duke the entire game.

SO GO AHEAD AND ACT LIKE Y’ALL IS GOODER THAN U UH KAY. WHO WON WHEN WE PLAYED EACH OTHER? YOU KNOW THE CATS DOMMERATED YOU LITTLE BROTHER NOBODIES, YOU CROSS-EYED, SNAGGLE TOOTH, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, WHISKEY FOR BREAKFAST, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK, G.E.D. FLUNKIN U OF SMELL BOOTLICKER. U UH KAY WHOOPED YOU GOOD, DADGUMMIT, SO SUCK ON THAT TIL WE GIT YOU AGAIN IN MARCH MADNESS! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! (laffs)

THE A.C.C. AIN’T AS TOUGH AS THE S.E.C. AND YOU KNOW IT, YOU BALD HAIRED, TWO-FACED, TRAITOR TURNCOAT WENT-TO-U-UH-KAY-BUT-CHEERS-FOR-U-OF-SMELL BENERDICK ARNOLD! YOU SUCK LARRY MINNER! THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS STILL GONNA WIN IT ALL CUZ WE IS THE BIG BLUE!

John Calipari ejected at Arkansas, January 18, 2020 (photo: Herald Leader)

COACH CAL GOT THROWED OUTTA THAT ARKANSAS GAME CUZ HE KNOWED HIS WILDCATS WOULD RALLY TO WIN! PLUS, CAL SAYS THERE IS 4 MILLION COACHES IN KENTUCKY WHO CAN PICK UP THE SLACK WHEN HE’S GONE. (laffs)

KINNY PAYNE AIN’T NO REAL COACH, HE’S JUST A FIGGERHEAD LIKE PURDY HAIR ROBIC AND THAT OTHER ASS-SISTANT COACH WHAT’S HIS FACE. WHEN COACH CAL GITS THROWED OUT, ALL US BIG BLUE COACHES IN THE STANDS SHOUT OUT DI-RECTIONS TO OUR GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCAT PLAYERS.

WE HOLLER STUFF LIKE “SCORE MORE POINTS, DADGUMMIT!” AND WE HOLLER “GUARD SOMEBODY, YOU DOOFUS!” SO IT DON’T TAKE NO EINSTEIN TO FIGGER THAT OUT BUT US 4 MILLION EXTRA U UH KAY COACHES JUST WANNA HELP!

KINNY PAYNE AND THEM OTHER RUM DUMMIES MIGHT AS WELL EAT POPCORN AND LET US BIG BLUE FANS IN THE STANDS LEAD US TO VICTREE LIKE WE DONE IN ARKANSAS! (laffs) I LOVE IT! SO HAVE YOUR LITTLE MOMENT IN THE SUN THINKIN Y’ALL U OF SMELL CARDINALS IS GOODER THAN YOU IS! IT WILL JUST MAKE YOUR TEARS MORE DELICIOUS WHEN THE GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS SMACK YOU IN THE MOUTH AND SEND YOU HOME FROM MARCH MADNESS AGAIN! (laffs)

(if San Francisco wins vs Green Bay)
OH, AND I’M GLAD YOUR GREEN GAY BUTT PACKERS AIN’T GOIN TO NO SUPER BO SO WE DON’T GOTTA LISTEN TO YOUR STUPID LOUDMOUTH LARRY CHEESEHEAD BRAGGIN’ FOR TWO WEEKS! YOUR PACKERS IS LACKERS JUST LIKE YOUR LOSERVILLE FRAUDS. SO NOW YOU CAN GO TRAITOR TURNCOAT ON YOUR PACKERS BY CHEERING FOR YOUR SAN FRANCISSY-CO FARTY MINNERS! COME ON OUT OF THE CLOSET AND ADMIT THAT SAN FRANCISSY-CO IS WHO YOU REALLY IDEN-TER-FY WITH, YOU SPINELESS FRAUD! GO CATS! GO BLUE! AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! BY THIS TIME NEXT YEAR, WE ALREADY KNOW WHO GONNA WIN THE NEXT 10 SUPER BOWLS…THE TEAM THAT’S GOT LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR AS THEIR QUARTERBACK! GO CATS! GO BIG BLUE! COME SEE ABOUT IT! COME SEE ABOUT IT!

(if Green Bay wins vs San Francisco)
I’M GONNA THROW MY RADIO IN THE GARBAGE CUZ AIN’T NO WAY I CAN LISTEN TO YOU KEEP TAWKIN BOUT U OF SMELL BEATIN DUKE PLUS NONSTOP CHEESEHEAD GREEN GAY BUTT PACKERS SUPER BO HYPE. TOO MUCH LOUDMOUTH LARRY AND NOT ENOUGH GO BIG BLUE FOR ME! I’LL JUST LISSEN TO THE MATT JONES PODCAST OVER AND OVER AND OVER TIL MY EARS BLEED. LEAST THEY’LL BLEED KENTUCKY BLUE! GO CATS! GO BLUE! AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! BY THIS TIME NEXT YEAR, WE ALREADY KNOW WHO GONNA WIN THE NEXT 10 SUPER BOWLS…THE TEAM THAT’S GOT LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR AS THEIR QUARTERBACK! GO CATS! GO BIG BLUE! COME SEE ABOUT IT! COME SEE ABOUT IT!

Cats stunned again, The Beasman wants Eddie Sutton and Kenny Sky Walker to take charge, and wants iHeart to fire Larry Minner for smirking

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THE BEASMAN cats lose to south caramaliner
HOW COME THEY DINT FIRE YOU WHEN THEY CLEANED HOUSE THE OTHER DAY? I JUST BOUT VOMITED WHEN I HEARED YOUR GUTLESS WEASEL VOICE ON THE WH&S TODAY. WHY IS Y’ALL LAUGHIN BOUT STUFF TODAY? THIS HERE IS A BONER-FIED BIG BLUE NATION TRAGEDY WE GOT GOIN ON AND Y’ALL ON THERE MAKIN JOKES!

MOST KENTUCKY KIDS COULDN’T GO TO SCHOOL DAY CUZ OF DEE-PRESSION. DOCTORS IS HANDIN OUT FREE PROZAC. KENTUCKY IS A DEE-ZASTER ZONE…NO JOY NOWHERE! (cry) THIS IS MORE HORRIBLE-ER THAN LOSIN TO TENNERSEE LASS YEAR. (cry) GO AHEAD AND MOCK ME, YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH, CROSS-EYED, U OF SMELL BOOTLICKIN HAS BEEN NOBODY!

COME ON, GIMME YOUR BEST SHOT, LARRY MINNER! THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS DONE BLOWED ANOTHER 14 POINT LEAD IN SOUTH CARAMALINER AND SO NOW ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS GOT TO HEAR YOUR UGLY FACE SMIRKIN BOUT IT! LEMME HAVE IT, LARRY! DANCE ON MY GRAVE! (cry)

I CAINT BLEEVE I HEART RADIO DINT FIRE YOUR SORRY ASS WITH THE REST OF THEM CARDINAL LOVERS! YOU MUSTA BEEN HIDIN UNDER MATT JONES’ DESK WHEN THEY COME THRU FIRIN EVERBODY. YOU SHOULDA BEEN THROWED OUT TO PASTURE TWUNNY YEARS AGO WHEN YOU BECAME SLICK RICK BUTEENO’S GAY LOVER UP ON BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN.

I TURNT ON THE RADIO HOPIN TO HEAR MATT JONES HELPIN ALL US SAD CAT FANS START TO HEAL WITH HIS WORDS OF WISDOM BUT INSTEAD I GIT STUPID YOU. SAVE US, MATT JONES! TELL US BOUT HOW COACH CAL AIN’T NO FRAUD AND HOW WE BEAT U OF SMELL SO IT’S STILL A GREAT SEASON. (cry) I’M THINKIN MAYBE WE NEED SOMEBODY TO PUT OL JOHN CALIPARDI OUT TO PASTURE THOUGH. THE GAME DONE PAST HIM BY. WE NEED KINNY SKY WALKER TO STEP IN AND TEACH THESE YOUNG WILDCATS HOW TO BLEEVE IN THE BIG BLUE! COME ON, KINNY! AND BRANG GOOSE GIVENS AND SAM BOWIE WITH YOU.

SAVE THESE CATS BEFORE “COACH CAL-DON’T-CARE-NO” RUINS ‘EM FOREVER! (cry) IT’S BAD ENOUGH TO SEE OUR GOOD AND CLASSY CATS LOSE BUT THEN WE ALSO GOT TO SEE THAT IDIOT SOUTH CARAMALINER FAN DANCIN AND MOCKIN ASHTON HAGAR WHEN HE FOULT OUT.

HOW COME A CAT FAN DINT JUMP DOWN THERE AND PUNCH THAT PUNK GAMECOCK FAN? IS WE GITTIN SOFT, CAT FANS? THERE WAS A TIME WHEN ANYBODY MOCKED U UH KAY WOUNT UP IN A BODY BAG. NOT NO MORE. NOW WE JUST LET ERRBODY MOCK US AND WE JUST HANG OUR HEADS IN SHAME! (cry)

Jermaine Couisnard beats UK at the buzzer, January 15, 2020

DADGUM U OF SMELL WINS ON THE ROAD AGAIN AN U UH KAY LOSES ON THE ROAD SO NOW Y’ALL GONNA JUMP US IN THE PO AGAIN. (cry) AN NOW THE CATS IS #67 IN THE RPI AND THEY IS PICKIN US TO LOSE 5 OF OUR NEXT 8 GAMES! IT AIN’T BEEN THIS BAD SINCE BILLY CLYDE WAS DRINKIN BOOZE IN OUR HUDDLES WHILE SOMEBODY ELSE WAS DRAWIN UP PLAYS! (cry) IF BOBBY PETRINKO CAN GIT HIRED AGAIN THEN MAYBE U UH KAY NEEDS TO GO FIND EDDIE SUTTON AND GIVE HIM ANOTHER SHOT HERE AT KENTUCKY. HIM AND KINNY SKY WALKER COULD GIT THIS THING TURNT AROUND!

John Calipari, Eddie Sutton

I’LL GO GIT A STACK OF EMERY AIR FREIGHT ENVER-LOPES READY SO EDDIE CAN START SENDIN CASH TO REE-CRUITS SO KENTUCKY CAN GIT REAL PLAYERS AGAIN LIKE IN THE GOOD OL DAYS. (cry) BYE BYE, COACH CAL. LET YOUR WIFE DRIVE WHEN YOU LEAVE TOWN CUZ YOU OBVIOUSLY DON’T KNOW NOTHIN BOUT TAKIN CHARGE. (cry) COME ON, IHEART. FIRE LARRY MINNER! FIRE LARRY MINNER! FIRE LARRY MINNER!

PUT MATT JONES ON WH&S! HIRE MATT JONES! HIRE MATT JONES! HIRE MATT JONES! THIS HERE IS A BONER-FIED BIG BLUE NATION TRAGEDY TIME!

Cats lose first of three in Christmas Murderers Row – The Beasman is devastated with Loserville looming ahead.

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THE BEASMAN uk loses to Utah
(cry) CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED. (long cry) AIN’T NO T-T-T-TRUE BLUE K-K-K-KENTUCKY FAN WANNA CELLER-MA-BRATE THE BIRTH OF J-J-J-J-J-JESUS CUZ HE IGNORED OUR WILDCAT P-P-P-PRAYERS LAST NIGHT. (long cry) THE BIG B-B-B-B-BLUE IS NOW BEIN CALLED CAL’S QUITTERS. (long cry) CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED, DADGUMMIT!

TAKE DOWN THE TREE. STOP SINGIN’ THEM FA LA LA LA LAAAAAs, AND TELL AMMER-ZON YOU WANT A REFUND ON ALL THE PRESENTS YOU BOUGHT FROM YOUR WILDCAT MAN CAVE! IT’S OVER, LARRY. COACH CAL GOTTA GO! DADGUMMIT, HE’S JUST ANOTHER SLICK-HAIRED, SMOOTH TAWKIN I-TALIAN FRAUD!

WE NEED TO LET KINNY SKY WALKER BE THE HEAD COACH SO HE CAN TEACH THESE WIMPY WILDCATS HOW TO FIGHT, DADGUMMIT! WE LOST TO NOBODY U-TAWWW? AND WE ALSO LOST TO NOBODY OF NOBODIES EVANSVILLE! AND WE ALMOST LOSTED TO U-TAWWWWW VALLEY? DADGUMMIT, QUIT SCHEDULIN GAMES WITH ANYBODY FROM THAT FAKE RELIGION MORMON TABBER-SPACKLE CHOIR STATE! THEY’S A BUNCH OF SISTER WIFE WEIRDO DEVIL WORSHIPPERS WHO’S PROLLY CASTIN’ SPELLS ON OUR GOOD AND CLASSY CHRISTIAN WILDCATS! (cry) AND EVANSVILLE WAS JUST A FREAK SHOW, DADGUMMIT! WALTER McCARTHY IS DEAD TO US. (cry) WE IS THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS! THIS AIN’T POSED TO HAPPEN TO THE BIG BLUE! NOW U UH KAY GOTTA PLAY O-HI-ER STATE ON SAIRDEE, AND THEY POSED TO BE GOOD TOO. THEN WE GOT THE REAL CHRISTMAS KILLER NAME OF LOSERVILLE COMIN UP! (cry)

LEXINUN IS LIKE A CLARK GRISWOLD CHRISTMAS. CAT FANS IS ARGUING WITH EACH OTHER, WE DINT GIT NO BONUS, THE TREE DONE BURNT UP, THE NEIGHBORS IS LAFFING AT US, AND MOST OF OUR FANS IS JUST LIKE COUSIN EDDIE. (cry) HOW’D WE GIT HERE, DADGUMMIT! I HOPE THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST IS ADOLPH RUPP, AND HE SHOWS UP FLOATIN OVER WILDCAT COUNTRY TONIGHT AND SHOWS US THE WAY BACK TO HAPPINESS. EBENEEZER BARNHART WON’T LET US HAVE NO ALKEY-HALL TO DROWN OUR SORROWS. (cry)

[WHAS programming note: former Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin walked into the radio station to talk about his controversial pardons of convicted felons so The Beasman had to call back the next day to finish the sketch. The altered audio version is here. The original script continues throughout this post.]

Vince Tyra, Chris Mack, Terry Meiners, December 4, 2019

I’M SKEERED WE GONNA LOSE CHRIS BALDY MACK AND THE U OF SMELL CARDINAL BIRDS. AND Y’ALL CARDINAL FANS GONNA GIT EVEN WITH US FOR THE Ls DOWN BY HANGING A “KENTUCKY SHAME” BANNER LISTING ALL THE U UH KAY GUYS WHO GONE TO PRISON! TOM PAYNE, RICHIE FARMER, MICHAEL PORTER, DEANDRO LIGGINS FOR BEATIN UP HIS GIRLFRIEND. BOOGIE COUSINS FOR THREATIN TO KILL HIS BABY MAMA. TERRENCE JONES FOR STOMPIN ON A HOMELESS GUY’S HEAD. (cry)

DADGUMMIT! DON’T DO THAT CHAIN GANG DANCE TO MAKE FUN OF THE PRISONER CATS! US CAT FANS IS JUST FUNNIN WHEN WE DO Ls DOWN! MAKIN FUN OF KENTUCKY CONVICTS IS CRUEL AND SINFUL. (cry) WE IS THE CATS! WE POSED TO BE YOUR DOMMERATOR! CHRISTMAS IS MORE LIKE CRAPMESS THIS YEAR! (cry) AND I KNOW US GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY FANS IS P-P-P-P-POSED TO BE CELLER-MA-BRATIN STOOPS TROOPS REE-CRUITS BUT WE CAINT FOCUS ON FOOTBAW WHEN OUR PRIDE AND JOY WILDCAT BASKETBAW TEAM IS LEAKIN OIL, LARRY MINNER!

STOP THAT SMIRKIN! I HEAR YOU SMIRKIN ON THAT PHONE RIGHT NOW! (cry) IF YOU DON’T STOP SMIRKIN ABOUT KENTUCKY FANS’ TEARS, WE GONNA GIT DEANDRO LIGGINS TO HIT YOU IN THE HEAD WITH HIS X-BOX WHILE TERRENCE JONES STOMPS YOU TO DEATH! (cry) I AIN’T PLAYIN WITH NONE OF YOU SMIRKIN U OF SMELL SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, GOLD TOOTH, G.E.D. FLUNKIN, NECK TATTOO, MAKIN BABIE OUT OF WEDLOCK FRAUDS!

ENJOY YOUR LITTLE CHRISTMAS JOY NOW CUZ IF WE LOSE TO O-HI-ER STATE ON SAIRDEE THEN COACH CAL GONNA GIT CHASED OUTTA LEXINUN AND KINNY SKY WALKER GONNA BE PLAYER COACH LIKE TIGER WOODS AND LEAD THE CATS BACK TO VICTREE LANE AGIN YOU CARDINAL DIP STICKS ONE MORE TIME!

Kenny “Sky” Walker, legend

AND SKY WALKER CAN DO IT…SPECIALLY IF HE BRINGS GOOSE GIVENS AND COW MACY BACK AS ASSISTANT PLAYER COACHES! Y’ALL GOIN DOWN LIKE THEM Ls! COME ON, KINNY! AND FIRE THAT OTHER KINNY…THE ONE NAME OF KINNY PAYNE. HE’S A CARDINAL SPY! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! (cry) I DON’T WANNA LOSE TO NO U OF SMELL. I’D RATHER DIE!

The Beasman and all Wildcat fans can celebrate Christmas now that #1 Louisville lost

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THE BEASMAN terry show opener
(sing) IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEEEEEEAAAAAAR! ‘OL LOSERVILLE’S LOSIN, THEY TOOK A REAL BRUISIN, NOW CAT FANS ARE CRUISIN…IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEEEEEAAAAARRRR!” (laffs) Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! SANTA IS COMIN DOWN THE CHIM-LEE AND Ls IS GOIN DOWN THE PO! (laffs)

OH LARRY…LAST NIGHT WAS THE BEST TV CHRISTMAS SPECIAL EVER! WATCHIN BALDY MACK AND HIS SUPPOSE-UB-LEE #1 CARDINALS LOOK LIKE GARBAGE ON NATIONAL TV! MERRRRRRRR-EEEEEEEE CHRISTMAS, CAT FANS! (laffs and switch to singing) “I’M DREAMIN OF A BLUE AND WHITE CHRISTMAS…JUST LIKE THE WILDCATS USED TO KNOW!” (laffs)

POOR SAD LOSERVILLE. OL EBENEEZER SCROOGE TEXAS TECH JUST SMASHED YOUR CARDINAL DREAMS AND NOW IT’S A SAD LOSERVILLE CHRISTMAS…THANK YOU, JESUS! (laffs) I’LL LET YOU LICK YOUR WOUNDS LARRY AND CALL YOU BACK IN AWHILE. COACH CAL INVITED ALL US FRIENDS OF THE WILDCAT PROGRUM OVER FOR FILM SESSION WITH THE TEAM! WE GONNA WATCH LOSERVILLE GIT BEAT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER! BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIE EVER! (sing) THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEEEEEEAAAAAARRRR!” Ls DOWN, YOU BUNCH OF FAKE NEWS FRAUDS!

AND LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR JUST WON THE PAUL HORNY AWARD, TOO! (laffs) NOW IT FEELS ALL HOLLY JOLLY, DADGUMMIT! GO BLUE! GO CATS! WHO’S NOT #1 NO MORE! LOSERVILLE, THAT’S WHO TO ALL YOU WHOs DOWN IN LOSE-VILLE! (laffs) C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

THE BEASMAN louisville goes down
(laffs) OVER-RATED! (laffs) OVER-RATED! (laffs) OVER-RATED! (laffs) OH LARRY, LARRY, LARRY! (laffs) I STAYED UP WAY PAST MY BEDTIME CLAPPIN’ AND CHEERIN’ AND THROWIN’ THEM Ls DOWN ALL NIGHT TO MY DOG AND MY CAT AND MY GOLDFISH! (laffs) THEY WAS ALL A-CHUCKLIN KNOWIN THAT THEM SNAGGLE TOOTH, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO OVER-RATED U OF SMELL CARDINAL FRAUDS WAS FINE-LEE GITTIN BUXPOSED FOR BEIN THE FRAUDS Y’ALL IS. I LOVE IT! (laffs)

OVER-RATED! (laffs) OVER-RATED! (laffs) Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! (laffs) TAKE THAT #1 OFF THE SCREEN NEXT TO YOUR SINFUL NAME. Y’ALL IS BACK TO BEIN’ THE #1 RUM DUMMY STRIPPER PO FAKE BANNER CARDINAL JOKE OF AMERICA! (laffs) COACH CAL AND THE CATS IS THE TRUE #1 BUT WE IS SMART ENOUGH TO STAY BACK IN THE WEEDS A LITTLE BIT SO THAT WE AIN’T GOT THAT FOR REAL #1 TIL THE FINAL FOUR IS HERE! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! (laffs)

The Texas Tech hippie who gave the Cards a headache all night.

WE GOT US A BRAND NEW GOVERNOR IN KENTUCKY, AND WE GOT BIG BLUE NATION BACK AHEAD OF THE CARDINAL FRAUDS, JUST THE WAY GOD INTENDED! NOW ALL US WILDCAT FANS CAN HAVE A HAPPY CHRISTMAS! JESUS IS BORN AND U OF SMELL IS DEAD! (laffs) AWWWW, THAT WAS FUN WATCHIN’ THAT GAME LAST NIGHT CUZ LOSERVILLE WEREN’T NEVER IN IT! Y’ALL WAS THROWIN UP BRICKS LIKE HABITAT FOR HUMAN-I-TOUS! (laffs)

I BETCHA SLICK RICK WAS TURNIN CARTWHEELS OVER THERE IN GREECE CUZ HE DON’T WANT NO LOSERVILLE BEIN #1 IF HE AIN’T THE COACH NO MORE! (laffs) SLICK RICK LAFFS LIKE US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS ALL NIGHT LONG. I COULD HEAR BANJOS PLAYIN ALL THROUGH THE HOLLER LAST NIGHT AS CAT FANS COME OUT TO CELLER-MA-BRATE LOSERVILLE GOIN DOWN IN FLAMES! (laffs) Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! (laffs) NOW ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS CAN GO ABOUT OUR CHRISTMAS BIDNIZ WITH A POP IN OUR STEP! LOSERVILLE LOST! LOSERVILLE LOST! LOSERVILLE LOST! (laffs) THAT’S MORE FUN TO SAY THAN FA LA LA LA LAAA, LA LA LA LAAAA. (laffs)

Lynn Bowden Junior taunts Louisville with Ls down

PLUS, OUR U UH KAY QUARTERBACK DONE WON THE PAUL HORNY AWARD CUZ HE’S JUST LIKE PAUL HORNY! VERSE-UH-TILLY-US ON THE FIELD! (laffs) SO NOW WE NEED SOME TRUE BLUE KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS TO RUN UP TO NEW YARK AND SHOUT “GO BIG BLUE” UNTIL THEM HEISHMAN TROPHY PEOPLE PICK LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR THIS SAIRDEE! I HEAR TELL THEY GONNA PICK THAT BUCKET HEAD WHITE BOY FROM L.S.U.

DADGUMMIT, HE CAINT RUN LIKE LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR! WAKE UP, HEISHMAN SUCKERS! U UH KAY GOT THE REAL HEISHMAN TROPHY HERO, MR LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR, THE PAUL HORNY AWARD WINNER WHO JUST GU-NOUNCED THAT HE’S GOIN PRO AFTER THE BO GAME. ALL 32 NFL TEAMS IS FIGHTIN OVER HIM BUT I HOPE BALTIMORE PICKS HIM AND THAT MEANS LAY-MAR JACKSON WILL BE OUT OF A JOB! (laffs) GO BIG BLUE! WIN THAT HEISHMAN TROPHY AND TAKE LAYMAR’S JOB! LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR BOUT TO DO ALL THAT SO THAT U UH KAY IS YOUR CARDINAL DOMMERATOR FOREVER! (laffs)

Y’ALL CROSS EYED CARDINAL CRYBABIES IS ALWAYS ACCUSIN US CAT FANS OF BEIN OBSESSED WITH U OF SMELL CUZ WE THROW Ls DOWN ALL THE TIME! FOR ONCE…YOU’RE RIGHT! WE ARE OBSESSED WITH YOU LOSIN! YOUR CARDINAL TEARS ARE DEE-LICIOUS! (laffs) GO CATS! GO BIG BLUE! BLUE GITS IN! BLUE GITS IN! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! DOWN GOES LOSERVILLE AND THERE IS JOY ALLLLLLL ACROSS KENTUCKY! (sing) IT’S THE MOST WUNNERFUL TIME OF THE YEEEEEEAAAARRR

#tbt No count, two-bit, Cardinal loving fraud Larry Minner back in 1991 when was a true blue Wildcat fan but now he’s just a assho.

#1 Cardinals validate their ranking with win over Michigan, The Beasman is getting skeered

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THE BEASMAN cards win as #1
LARRY! LARRY! LARRY! I BEEN WANTIN’ TO VOMIT ALL DAY HAVIN’ TO HEAR ABOUT THEM NO COUNT, TWO BIT, WILDCAT WANNABE, PHONEY #1 U OF SMELL CARDINAL BIRDS WHOOPIN’ MICH-ER-GAN! I SPENT ALL DAY YESTERDEE PRAYIN TO GOD, JESUS, ADOLPH RUPP, THE ELF ON THE SHELF, AND HOLY MACARONI THAT MICH-ER-GAN WOULD COME INTO THAT NASTY CHICKEN BUCKET AREN-ER AND KICK THE CARDINALS IN THEIR STOOPID FACES BUT…NAWWW.

Vince Tyra, Chris Mack, Terry Meiners (December 3, 2019)

NOW WE GOT TO LISSEN ALL WEEK TO ALL THAT IGNERT CHIRPIN BOUT HOW LOSERVILLE IS SO GREAT AND HOW THEY DOMMERATED EVERBODY AND THEY AIN’T LOST TO NO EVANSVILLE AND ALL THAT OTHER NONSENSE. POPPYCOCK! U OF SMELL BETTER ENJOY THEIR FAKE NEWS RANKIN WHILE THEY CAN! I KNOW Y’ALL IS STUPID BUT CHECK YOUR CALENDAR!

THEM CARDINAL CONVICTS IS ON DEATH ROW CUZ THE CATS IS WAITIN FOR YA! YEAH! WE JUST ABOUT 3 WEEKS AWAY FROM THE MIGHTY KENTUCKY WILDCATS STOMPIN CARDINAL FEATHERS JUST LIKE STOOPS TROOPS JUST DONE! DON’T ACT LIKE THAT FOOTBAW GAME DINT HAPPEN!

Lynn Bowden Junior taunts Louisville with Ls down

WE BURNT UP LOTS OF COUCHES BUT THEN LAST NIGHT GOT HERE AND THE JOY IS GONE IN LEXINUN. U OF SMELL HIGHLIGHTS IS ON ALL THE TVs AND IT’S HARRIBLE. NOW ALL US CAT FANS CAINT ENJOY CHRISTMAS CUZ WE GOTTA WORRY ABOUT DEE-CEMBER 28. I TODE THE OLD LADY TO TAKE DOWN ALL THE CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS AND THROW THE TREE IN A DUMPSTER. WE AIN’T CELLER-MA-BRATIN NO BIRTH OF JESUS UNTIL US CAT FANS KNOW FOR SURE THAT THE CATS GONNA BEAT THEM SNAGGLE TOOTH CARDINALS!

WE ALMOST FIRED COACH CAL AFTER HE LOST TO NOBODY EVANSVILLE AND THEM UTAH VALLEY NOBODIES ALMOST BEAT US TOO. BUT THAT’S ALL DAM OVER THE WATER! COACH CAL DONE BEEN TODE BY US GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCATS THAT IF HE DON’T BEAT LOSERVILLE, WE GONNA CHASE HIM OUTTA LEXINUN THAT NIGHT WITH PITCHFARKS AND FIRE! WE AIN’T KIDDIN! HAVIN’ TO LIVE WITH U OF SMELL #1 IS TOO PAINFUL FOR BIG BLUE NATION! WE’D RATHER SEE DUKE WIN IT ALL THAN HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT U OF SMELL BEATIN THE CATS!

Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! AND IF LOSERVILLE BEATS U UH KAY IN RUMP ARENER THEN Ls DOWN MEANS WE GONNA JUMP Y’ALL IN THE PARKIN LOT! DON’T YOU BE FLASHIN NO Ls UP SIGN AT A GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FAN OR WE’LL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE! WE GONNA KNOCK THEM Ls DOWN AND SPRAY PAINT YOUR UGLY RED SWEATERS BLUE RIGHT THERE IN RUMP ARENER! WE AIN’T PLAYIN, LARRY!

COACH CAL – HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY – HE BETTER GIT OFF HIS CATHOLIC PRAYIN KNEES AND START TOOTIN THAT WHISTLE IN PRACTICE 24/7 SO THE CATS IS READY FOR THEM ROTTEN CARDINALS. DON’T WORRY ABOUT PRACTICIN FOR THESE RUM DUMMIES WE GONNA PLAY NEXT. FOCUS ON BEATIN LOSERVILLE! WE IS THE CATS!

Louisville coach Chris Mack looks back at his family after his #1 Cardinals dispatched #4 Michigan.

WE POSED TO BE #1 DADGUMMIT! GIT THE CATS READY FOR LOSERVILLE SO WE CAN TAKE THEIR FAKE NEWS #1 RANK AND THROW IT IN THE DUMPSTER WITH THEIR REJECTED NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIP BANNER!

Luke Hancock and Darrell Griffith at the unveiling of their Final Four most outstanding player achievements banner. Pervis Ellison could not attend.

DICK VITALE WAS ON TV LAST NIGHT BLABBERMOUTHIN ABOUT U OF SMELL’s NEW FAKE BANNER! WHO CARES! THAT’S LIKE AN EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH PLAQUE…IT AIN’T NO CHAMPERCHIP…AND U UH KAY GOT 8 REAL ONES! WAKE UP, COACH CAL OR WE GONNA FIND SOMEBODY WHO CAN RECRUIT ALL THE ONE-AND-DONES AND ACTUALLY WIN THE DADGUM CHAMPERCHIP FOR A CHANGE! “OH, THEY’RE JUST KIDS” COACH CAL ALWAYS SAYS!

WELL BALDY CHRIS MACK GOT KIDS TOO BUT THEY GOT THE #1 RANK AND THEY IS LAUGHIN AT U UH KAY IN THE REAR VIEW! POOTY OR GIT OFF THE POT, COACH CAL! YOU GOT THREE WEEKS TO SAVE YOUR JOB! I SUGGEST YOU STOP SPENDING ALL DAY AT DUNKIN DONUTS AND START TEACHING THE BIG BLUE HOW TO DUNK! BEAT THEM CARDINALS OR (sing) “I’LL HAVE A BLUE, BLUE CHRISTMAS…WITHOUT YOU…CUZ YOU GOIN TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE.”

Cats beat #1 to become #1, fake Wildcat Bevin ousted for true blue Beshear

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Tyrese Maxey debuted with 26 points in Madison Square Garden, November 5, 2019

THE BEASMAN bevin loses and cats win
HEY LAAARRRRRREEEEEE! (laffs) THE CHAMP IS HERE! THE CHAMP IS HERE! THE CHAMP IS HERE! (laffs) DID YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK STAY UP TO WATCH THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS BEAT #1 TO BECOME #1? (laffs) THAT’S WHAT JUST HAPPENED, YOU BALD HAIRED, LOSERVILLE LOVIN, TRAITOR TURNCOAT, U OF SMELL FRAUD! (laffs) THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS NOW #1 IN AMURICA CUZ THEY PUNKED TOM IZZO AND HIS BIG TEN BORING 1950s BASKETBAW TEAM. CATS! CATS! CATS! BLUE GITS IN! BLUE GITS IN!

NEW YARK WAS FILT WITH WILDCAT FANS PARKIN THEIR CAMPERS IN CENTRAL PARK. TYREESE MAXEY IS THE WILDCATS NEW JOHN WALL! HE WAS JACKING UP THREES AND OL TOM IZZO JUST CRIED LIKE A LITTLE BEE-OTCH! CATS! CATS! CATS! (laffs) I DON’T THINK LAST NIGHT COULDA GOT NO GOODER WITH U UH KAY BEATIN #1 AND THAT FAKE WILDCAT GOVERNOR MATT BLEVINS GITTIN THROWED IN THE RIVER OF SHAME.

DADGUMMIT, WE WANT SPARTS GAMBLIN HERE IN KENTUCKY SO OUR RICH BOOSTERS CAN SET AT THE DINNER TABLE WITH THE WILDCAT PLAYERS AND TEACH EM HOW TO SHAVE POINTS! (laffs) THAT’S HOW WE DONE IT IN ADOLPH’S DAY! (laffs) GIT ON OUTTA HERE MATT BLEVINS CUZ YOUR BIBLE DONE GOT TOOK TO BLUE DEMMER-CRAT SCHOOL! (laffs) I LOVE IT! MATT BLEVINS WEREN’T REALLY NO KENTUCKY FAN, HE JUST COME AROUND RUMP ARENER NOW AND AGIN SO WE WOULD RENT IT TO HIM FOR A SCUMMY DONALD TRUMP RALLY.

President Donald Trump and Governor Matt Bevin, Rupp Arena, Lexington, Kentucky (November 4, 2019)

HOW’D THAT WORK OUT FOR YOU, FAKE CAT FAN! (laffs) OF COURSE, US GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS DO GOTTA GIVE MATT BLEVINS SOME CREDIT FOR PUTTIN PIZZA BOY SCHNATTER AND THAT DAVID GRISTLE GUY ON THE U OF SMELL BOARD SO THEY COULD FIRE SLICK RICK AND TOMMY TURTLENECK! (laffs) JOB WELL DONE, BLEVINS, BUT GET OUT OF THE BIG CHAIR NOW AND LET LITTLE ANDY BEE-SHEAR SET IN IT. HIS DADDY IS A TRUE BLUE KENTUCKY WILDCAT SO I KNOW ANDY WAS RAISED TO BE A CAT FAN TOO. (laffs)

photoshopped image inspired by the Courier Journal illustration that irked John Calipari

TRUTH IS, IT DON’T REALLY MATTER WHO’S THE GOVERNOR IN KENTUCKY CUZ WE ALL KNOW COACH CAL IS THE GUY WHO GOT THE MOST PIRE! (laffs) AIN’T NOTHIN HAPPENS IN KENTUCKY WITHOUT THE U UH KAY BASKETBAW COACH’S APPROVAL. IT DON’T RAIN IN LEXINUN UNTIL COACH CAL SAYS IT’S OK. (laffs) LARRY, DID YOU SERIOUSLY STAY UP AND WATCH THE CATS? THEY WAS AWESOME WITH HITTIN THEM THREES AND DUNKIN ON TOM IZZO’S SISSIES! I WAS LOVIN IT!

THAT MAXEY GUY WAS IMPRESSIN JOHN WALL AND KEVIN DOO-RAG WHO WAS WATCHIN IN THE STANDS. (laffs) U UH KAY GAMES ATTRACT ALL THE BIGTIME NEW YARK STARS. ALL LOSERVILLE GOT TO SHOW UP WAS THAT STUPID GUY FROM CADDYSHACK WEARIN A PIGGLY WIGGLY HAT. WHO CARES? HE WAS SO DUMB HE PUT DY-N0-MITE DOWN IN THE GOPHER HOLE AND BLOWED UP THE WHOLE GOLF COURSE. DAGUMMIT, JUST PUT YOUR SHOTGUN DOWN THERE AND BLAST THEM VARMINTS WITHOUT RUININ YOUR LAND!

LOSERVILLE BEAT NOBODY UNRANKED MIAMI AND Y’ALL IS ACTIN LIKE YOU BLONG IN THE TOP 5. YOU MUST BE SNIFFIN THAT MARYJUANA ANDY BEE-SHEAR JUST MADE LEGAL THIS MARNIN! (laffs) OOH BABY BABY, IT’S A WILDCAT WORLD! AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! CATS! WE IS NUMBER ONE AGAIN! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH!

No, Goodfellas, he’s not.

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via Twitter

No, I’m not taking that photo. But it’s a powerful message from Rick Pitino to leaders at the University of Louisville.

He very well could have captioned the photo, “I’m not going away until you pay.”

Ricky P is back in Louisville for a federal court hearing regarding his $40 million lawsuit over being being fired by the University of Louisville. That’s how much Pitino claims he is owed by the employment contract that was in place at the time of his dismissal.

UofL’s athletics association thinks Pitino deserves nothing more than the millions he has already been paid over 16 years of employment.

Looks like very little progress has been made so many see a protracted trial and appellate process that could take a decade to resolve.

Pitino was fired after a serious of embarrassments involving sex, strippers, and alleged recruiting violations.

I still believe Pitino knew nothing about the stripper scandal and that the recruiting issues were conducted outside his purview by unscrupulous assistants.

The problem for Pitino is the notion of failure to maintain institutional control over the program and its authorities, his assistants.

It will be interesting to see if a jury of working stiffs feel sympathy for Rick or want to punish him for failed leadership which erased 100+ games and a national championship.

If the over/under is $20 million, I’ll take the over. The Goodfellas will be celebrating the night that decision comes down, then again after the appeals court rules, and ultimately the state supreme court rules.

Now if everyone can just live long enough to see it. Or at least party hard tonight to envision that possibility.

Rick Pitino and friends at Jeff Ruby’s, September 9, 2019

IT’S ALWAYS A SWEETER 16 WHEN LOSERVILLE AIN’T THERE

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THE BEASMAN sweet 16 for the cats
SWEEEEEEEEEET 16, LARRY MINNER! AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! OUR PRECIOUS KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS GONNA ROCK (ohio state or Houston) JOCK COME FRIDEE! WE GONNA ROUGH EM UP LIKE THEY IS JUSSIE SMOLLETT WALKIN TO GIT A TUNA FISH SAMMICH AT 2 O’CLOCK IN THE MARNIN (laffs) QUIT TAWKIN ABOUT THE MULLER REPORT, PIREBALL, RICH LADIES . OR ANYTHING ELSE. ALL THAT MATTERS RIGHT NOW IS COACH CAL AND THE CATS! AMERICA IS BIG BLUE NATION! EVERBODY KNOWS THIS HERE IS U UH KAY’S CHAMPERCHIP COMIN UP.

WE GONNA GIT PJ BACK. HERRO IS A HERO. REED TRAVIS IS BETTER THAN LEE-BRON JAMES. THE NC2A DONE CARVED KENTUCKY WILDCATS NAME ONTO THE CHAMPERCHIPS TROPHY CUZ IT’S OBVIOUS WE GONNA WIN. (laffs) THE REST OF THE SWEET 15 IS A BUNCH OF WILDCAT WANNABE NOBODIES. THE S.E.C. TEAMS IS THE BEST BUT THEY IS STILL WILDCAT WANNABES. AUBURN, LSU, AND TENNERSEE AIN’T NANCY BOYS LIKE THE A.C.C. FRAUDS VIRGINNY, VIRGINNY TECH, DUKE, AND CARAMALINER BUT AIN’T NONE OF YOU CAN BEAT U UH KAY! YOU NOBODIES AIN’T GOT A PRAYER.

I MEAN, THEM ROTTEN DUKIES NEEDED THE REFFERMARIES TO BAIL EM OUT AGAIN! ZION WAS PUSHIN AND SHOVIN ON THAT GIANT TACO MAN AND HIS WORTHLESS TEAMMATES. BIG BOY TACKO SUCKS. HE’D MAKE A GOOD WINDMILL OR A SCARECROW BUT HE’S JUST ANOTHER SHAGARI ALL-LEAN ON THE BASKETBAW FLOOR. BUT DUKE STILL HAD TO CHEAT TO BEAT ‘EM. THEM REFFERMARIES CAINT STOP KENTUCKY FROM DUNKIN ON THEIR NERDY DOOKIE HEADS! (laffs) THEM DOOKIES WANNA LOSE BEFORE THEY GIT TO U UH KAY CUZ WE GOT REE-VENGE ON OUR BIG BLUE MINDS! (laffs) BUT WE DON’T GIT DUKE TIL THE FINAL FOUR SO LET’S JUST TAKE CARE OF BIDNIZ FRIDEE NIGHT! THEN THE WILDCATS READY TO STOMP THEM NASTY NARTH CARAMALINER TURD HEELS NEXT! (laffs) THAT ROTTEN REFFERMARIE HIGGINS WAS WORKIN THE NARTH CARAMALINER GAME BUT HE CAINT REF NO U UH KAY GAMES CUZ OF THAT LAWSUIT HE LOST TO MATT JONES. (laffs)

photo: Herald Leader

SO AIN’T NO CHEATIN REFFERMARIE GONNA BAIL OUT THE TURD HEELS AGAINST U UH KAY! COACH CAL – HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY – COACH CAL SAYS YOUR FAKE CATHLICK GOD IS GONNA SEE TO IT THAT NARTH CARAMALINER FINALLY GITS PUNISHED FOR RUNNIN ALL THEM FAKE CLASSES AND OTHER CHEATIN THEY BEEN DOIN ALL THESE YEARS. OUR KENTUCKY WILDCATS GO TO CLASS – SOME MANAGER TAKES THEIR TEST FOR EM BUT THEY STILL GO TO CLASS. PLUS, U UH KAY PLAYERS IS GOOD AND CLASSY! THEY WALK OLD LADIES ACROSS THE STREET AND VISIT SICK KIDS AT THE HOSPITAL AND DATE ONLY WILDCAT GIRLS AND NOT BOYS. U UH KAY IS AMERICA’S TEAM. NARTH CARAMALINER IS GOIN DOWN TO THE CATS THIS SUNDEE AND THEN WE’S CONVERGIN ON THE FINAL FOUR AGAIN. AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! LARRY, I HEAR LOSERVILLE FANS IS DOWN TO THE FINAL FOUR, TOO…THEIR FINAL FOUR TEETH! (laffs) COME ON, LARRY. LAUGH AT MY FUNNY COMEDY JOKES! I’M TRYING TO CHEER UP YOU LOSERVILLE FRAUDS WHO GOT NOTHIN TO LIVE FOR NO MORE.

Mark, Terry, and Mike Meiners (2019)

THIS IS THE FUNNEST TIME OF YEAR, I MEAN, UNLESS YOU IS A LOSERVILLE LOSER WITH YOUR Ls DOWN CUZ YOU DONE GOT SHOWED THE DOOR BY BABY PITINO! (laffs) POOR, POOR LOSERVILLE. BABY PITINO WHOOPED Y’ALL BUT THEN GOT STOMPED BY MICHERGAN STATE. I LOVE IT! NO MORE MARCH MADNESS FOR THE SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, GANG BANG, METH LAB, GOLD CHAIN WEARIN, CUSSIN IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS LOSERVILLE FANS. BUT HEY…WAIT! Y’ALL GOT GIRL BASKETBAW TO ACT LIKE YOU CARE ABOUT! (laffs) WAY TO GO LOSERVILLE GIRLS…THE ONLY REAL BASKETBAW PLAYERS Y’ALL GOT IN THAT GHETTO TOWN. (laffs)

BUT WATCH OUT FOR THEM KENTUCKY WILDCAT GIRLS CUZ THEY STILL IN IT, TOO. U UH KAY GIRL BASKETBAW PLAYERS STILL SMELL PURDY AND THEY WEAR RIBBONS IN THEIR HAIR AND THEY AIN’T GOT A BUNCH OF CRIPS AND BLOODS NECK TATTOOS LIKE LOSERVILLE CARDINAL TOUGH GIRLS. SO ENJOY YOUR GIRL BASKETBAW, LOSERVILLE. BIG BLUE NATION IS DUSTIN OFF OUR TROPHY SHELF CUZ WE BRINGIN HOME NUMBER NINE. TIME FOR NINE! TIME FOR NINE! TIME FOR NINE! LOSERVILLE’S DEADER THAN SLICK RICK’S JOB POTENTIAL! AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

The Catholic God is out to get Kentucky, can Coach Cal become a Protestant for better heavenly help?

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THE BEASMAN I hate cathlicks
I HATE CATHLICKS LIKE YOU, LARRY MINNER. ALL YOUR FAKE RELIGION BUDDIES THINK YOU CAN JUST GO GIT DRUNK AT THE MARDI GRAS AND VOMIT ALL OVER THE PLACE AND THEN GO TO CONFESSION AND ALL YOUR SINS JUST GIT WIPED AWAY LIKE A ETCH-A-SKETCH. TELL THE TRUTH RIGHT NOW, YOU CATHLICK FRAUD. THEM NOTRE DAME PHONIES LAID DOWN AND JUST LET THE NOBODY CARDINALS BEAT ‘EM, RIGHT? ANDRE MCGEE PROBLEE GIVE A HUNK OF CASH TO THAT POPE FELLER! THAT’S HOW Y’ALL SINFUL CARDINAL BIRDS OPERATE.

YOU AND ALL THEM OTHER TOOTHLESS, BRAINLESS CARDINAL FANS MAKE ME SICK EVER TIME YOU MENTION THAT U UH KAY LOST. WE KNOW WE LOST, DADGUMMIT. YOU DON’T GOTTA KEEP SQUAWKIN ABOUT IT! YOU POSED TO SAY “GO CATS, BEAT MISTERSIPPI” BUT NAW, YOU STILL TAWKIN ABOUT THE TENNERSEE DEE-BOCKLE. WELL I SEEN YOU ON TV SETTIN THERE AT YESTERDEE’S U OF SMELL GAME WEARING THAT RED SHIRT AND CHEERING FOR THEM FILTHY CARDINAL BIRDS. YOU POSED TO BE OBJECTIFY IN THE MEDIA, LARRY MINNER, NOT NO CHEERLEADER FOR U OF SMELL.

Mark, Terry, and Mike Meiners (2019)

I’M GONNA FILE A COMPLAINT WITH THE FDIC TO GIT YOUR RADIO BROADCASTIGATOR LICENSED REVOKED, YOU BALD HAIRED FRAUD. THE ONLY BROADCASTIGATORS WHO IS ALLOWED TO CHEER FOR A TEAM IS ALL THE KENTUCKY WILDCAT LEXINUN MEDIA CUZ THE GUMMIT UNDERSTANDS THAT BIG BLUE NATION IS A IRRESTIBLE FORCE. SO MATT JONES AND OSCAR COMBS AND TOM BLEACH ALL GOT SPECIAL PERMISSION TO BE BIASED. BUT NOT YOU, BALDY. QUIT BOOTLICKIN THEM CRIMINAL CARDINALS, LARRY. IT’S A VIOLATION OF THE STATE LAW OF BROADCASTERGATIN.

Dwayne Sutton (24) and Jordan Nwora (33) defend against Notre Dame (March 3, 2019)

SAY “GO BIG BLUE” RIGHT NOW TO PROVE YOU AIN’T BIASED AGAINST THE CATS! (wait two seconds) SEE…YOU CAINT DO IT, YOU FRAUD. I’M GONNA TELL U UH KAY THAT WH&S IS TWO-TIMIN THE BIG BLUE CUZ THE CATS IS POSED TO BE YOUR PRIORITY TEAM. THEY NEED TO FIRE YOU AND LET SENATOR MATT JONES HAVE YOUR TIME SLOT, YOU CARDINAL FANBOY! U UH KAY COULD GIT YOU FIRED RIGHT NOW AND GROVER THE FAKE COP CAN EXCORT YOU OFF THE RADIO STATION PREMISES. MATT JONES WILL TELL THE REAL TRUTH ABOUT LOSERVILLE ON THE RADIO. THEN WH&S WOULD FINALLY BE A RADIO STATION FOR THE PEOPLE WHOSE MINDS AINT WARPED.

BIG BLUE PEOPLE IS GOOD CHRISTIANS WHO ACT DECENT AND LOSERVILLE FANS IS NECK TATTOO, RAP MUSIC, WELFARE CHEATIN, G.E.D. FLUNKIN’ CARDINAL CONVICTS. O.K. YOU GOT ONE VICTREE…Y’ALL IS STILL NOBODIES WHO OUGHT TO BE IN THE N.I.T. BUT I GUESS SINCE YOU BEAT THEM DRUNK CATHLICK NOTRE DAME LOSERS, NOW Y’ALL PROBLEE GONNA GIT IN TO MARCH MADNESS AS A #16 SEED. BIG WHOOPTY DO.

I’M SURE YOU AND YOUR CROSSEYED CARDINAL BUDDIES BEEN GIGGLIN CUZ U UH KAY LOST A CLOSE ONE TO TENNERSEE. DON’T GIT TOO WORKED UP, LARRY. LOSERVILLE BEAT A BUNCH OF STUPID BEER DRINKIN, ROSARY BEAD RUBBIN, BINGO PLAYIN FAKE RELIGION CATHLICK HEATHENS.

JUST WAIT TIL Y’ALL PLAY VIRGINNY IN A FEW DAYS. YOU GONNA GO RIGHT BACK INTO THE BUZZSAW OF NOBODYLAND. AND I AINT FORGOT THAT TENNERSEE GAME SO I’M MAD AT COACH CAL. I THINK CAL IS BOYFRIENDS WITH THAT TENNERSEE COACH NAME OF RICK BARNES. EVERBODY CAN SEE COACH CAL LAYS DOWN WHENEVER WE PLAY BARNES. THEM PRISON ARNGE WEARIN ROCKY TOP HILLBILLIES DON’T SESERVE TO BEAT THE CATS! WE IS KENTUCKY, DADGUMMIT! NOW THEY SAYS U UH KAY IS A #2 SEED! WHAT A INSULT!

LET’S GIT REX CHAMPMAN TO DO THE GAME COACHIN AND KEEP COACH CAL JUST FOR RECRUITIN ONE AND DONES AND THEN WE CAN BE A #1 SEED AGAIN! COACH CAL NEEDS TO STOP GOIN TO MASS EVER DAY CUZ PRAYIN TO THAT CATHLICK GOD AIN’T HELPIN THE CATS WIN AND IT AIN’T HELPIN NOTRE DAME BEAT THE LOWDOWN LOSERVILLE CARDINALS. FORGIT ABOUT MASS, COACH CAL. YOU NEED TO SWITCH TO THE GOOD KENTUCKY BABDIZ GOD LIKE ADOLPH RUPP AND ME PRAYED TO. THAT BABDIZ GOD GOT US ALL THEM BANNERS YOU SEE UP IN THE RUMP ARENER RAFTERS! NOW LET’S GO WIN THESE LAST TWO S.E.C. GAMES, GET OUR #1 SEED BACK, AND THEN RUMBLE THROUGH MARCH MADNESS LOOKIN TO KILL US SOME DOOKIES! WE IS U UH KAY! AWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!