Authorities are searching for a tiny female who has been seen pinching the ceramic buttocks of local Big Boys. She emerges from the back door of a late model Buick or other stock vehicle favored by the elderly.
If you see her, do not attempt to apprehend her or turn your backside to her. She apparently gropes and leaves without ordering anything from the menu, a misdemeanor.
At one store, she ordered a horn dog and then giggled as she drove past the drive thru and stuck out her tongue at the terrified teenage clerk.
If you know anything about this booty fanatic, call 800-RUMP NOT