THE BEASMAN cathlicks is comin
STOP TAWKIN BOUT JUSTIN THOMAS LIKE HE’S YOUR FRIEND. HE WON THE FEDDER CHEESE CUP BUT HE DON’T LIKE NO LOSERVILLE CARDINAL BIRDS. HE WAS WEARIN BLUE PANTS THE WHOLE TIME. JUSTIN THOMAS PRETENDS LIKE HE LIKES LOSERVILLE SO Y’ALL’S PUNK GHETTO THUGS WON’T STEAL HIS GOLF CLUBS WHEN HE COMES HOME TO SEE HIS PARENTS. JUSTIN THOMAS WENT TO ROLL TIDE ALABAMMER CUZ HE KNOWS THE S.E.C. DOMERATES AND U OF SMELL SUCKS. (laffs)

Just in time.@JustinThomas34 has earned his first win of the year @BMWChamps and the 10th of his career.

He's No. 1 in the #FedExCup heading to East Lake.#LiveUnderPar pic.twitter.com/uDKBsKVUsK

— PGA TOUR (@PGATOUR) August 18, 2019

YOU CARDINAL BIRDS BETTER QUIT LYIN BOUT JUSTIN THOMAS BEIN YOURS AND START WORRYIN ABOUT WHAT THEM BEER DRINKIN, BINGO PLAYIN CATHLICK NOTRE DAME BOYS GONNA DO TO Y’ALL IN ABOUT 10 DAYS. (laffs) THE SPREAD IS 21 POINTS. I’D BET THE HOUSE ON THEM ROCKHEAD CATHLICK ROSARY BEAD RUBBIN FIGHTIN IRISH. I HATE CATHLICKS BUT I LOVE ‘EM WHEN THEY’S PLAYIN LOSERVILLE.

MATTER FACT, I RENTED ONE OF THEM POPE COSTUMES FROM THE HALLERWEEN STORE SO I CAN RUN AROUND THROWIN HOLY WATER ON CARDINAL FANS’ FACES AND GIVE LAST RITES. (laffs) BLESS YOU, MY SON. PREPARE TO DIE! (laffs) I LOVE IT. THEM GENUFLECTIN’, BEER CHUGGIN, BABY MAKIN CATHLICK LOUDMOUTHS MAKE ME SICK BUT IF THEY GONNA MAKE LOSERVILLE CRY, THEN I’M A BIG FAN FOR NOW! (laffs)

Y’ALL STATUE RUBBIN, FAKE RELIGION CATHLICK FRAUDS IS BIG BLUE NATION’S HEROES RIGHT NOW SO GO IN THERE AND LOP OFF CARDINAL HEADS LIKE Y’ALL IS RUNNIN THEM CRUSADES AGAIN. (laffs) LARRY, YOU NEED ME ON THIS SHOW EVER DAY TO LAY DOWN SOME B.B.N. TRUTH. I WAS HOPIN’ MATT JONES WAS GONNA REPLACE YOU BUT OL MITCH MCCONNELL WOULD JUST GIT HIM FIRED FROM WH&S TOO.

TRUTH BE TODE, I DON’T KNOW WHY MATT JONES WANNA WRITE A BOOK ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN KENTUCKY BASKETBAW. AIN’T NOBODY WANNA READ BOUT MITCH MCCONNELL UNLESS HE’S WEARIN A WILDCAT JERSEY AND DUNKIN ON A CARDINAL THUG. (laffs)

MATT JONES NEEDS TO SHUT UP ABOUT POLLER-TICS AND GIT BACK TO MAKIN FUN OF THE CARDINAL STRIPPERS AND THE SECRET TRUSTEE WHO PAID EM OFF AND HOW COACH CAL IS A GOD. THAT’S WHAT KENTUCKY FANS WANNA HEAR ON THE LECTRIC RADIO. I TURNT ON THAT MATT JONES “HEY KENTUCKY” SHOW AND IT WEREN’T ABOUT KENTUCKY WILDCATS AT ALL.

IT WAS ABOUT DOPE SMOKIN WOODSTOCK HIPPIES AND RYAN LEMON’S STINKY UNDERWEAR AND THAT GAMER THRONES SHOW. AINT NO WILDCAT FANS WANT THAT STUFF. LET’S TALK KENTUCKY WILDCATS! STOOPS TROOPS! COACH CAL! FINAL FOUR! AND LET’S CELERBRATE EVER TIME U OF SMELL STILL GOT TO TAWK ABOUT THEM SKANKY GRANDMA STRIPPERS. (laffs) GIT OFF MY PHONE, LARRY MINNER! THIS HERE IS A WILDCAT HOTLINE ONLY…I DON’T WANT YOUR CARDINAL STINKBREATH IN MY EAR! (laffs) AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! GREASE UP THAT STIPPER POLE SO Y’ALL CARDINAL FANS CAN LEAVE THE STADIUM FASTER WHEN THEM BEER BREATH CATHLICKS PUNCH YOUR FACE IN! (laffs) GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! CATS! CATS! CATS!