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Blue Gets In! Blue Gets In! Blue Gets In! Yeah, not this time.

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THE BEASMAN blue don’t git in
(cry) I AIN’T BEEN ABLE TO GIT OUTTA BED, LARRY MINNER. (cry) NAWWW, I AIN’T GOT THE CRONY VIRUS LIKE ALL THE OTHER OLD PEOPLE. (cry) SOME MILLENNIAL PUNK SEEN ME LIMPIN OUT TO THE MAILBOX AND SHOUTED: “K. O., BOOMER!” (cry) BUT I AIN’T GOIN DOWN TO NO CRONY VIRUS LIKE SOME CITY SISSY. (cry)

UK guard Immanuel Quickley on Twitter

BUT I COULD CROAK FROM A BROKEN HEART. MY BIG BLUE NATION GOT SHUT DOWN AT TOURNEYMINT TIME, DADGUMMIT! I’M JUST SO TORE UP ABOUT THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS NOT GITTIN TO GO WIN ANOTHER NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS JUST CUZ SOME CHINESE GUY CHOPPED UP SOME LIZARDS AND SKUNKS AND STARTED A KILLER DISEASE. (cry) DADGUMMIT…Y’ALL FERRENERS DONE KILT THE COLLEGE BASKETBAW TOURNEYMINT AND AMERICA IS DEE-PRESSED! (cry)

THE STANK MARKET KEEPS NOSE DIVIN. RESTRUNTS IS CLOSIN. UBER DRIVERS GOT NO WORK. AIN’T NO HOTELS GOT NO FANS. PEOPLE WHO PRINT BRACKETS IS BANKRUPT. (cry) IT’S LIKE ALL THE PEOPLE SKEERED OF A LITTLE VIRUS SO THEY ALL GONE IN THEIR PANIC ROOMS. ONLY PEOPLE MAKIN MONEY IS NETFLIX AND TARLIT PAPER SCALPERS. (cry)

I DON’T KNOW IF I WANNA GO ON LIVIN WITHOUT NO BASKETBAW. US CAT FANS LIVE TO TAUNT THE FANS OF WHOEVER WE’S PLAYIN. YOU SUCK! COME SEE ABOUT IT! BLUE GITS IN! BLUE GITS IN! BUT NOW BLUE AIN’T GITTIN IN!

HOW BOUT WE DEE-CIDE WHO WINS MARCH MADNESS BASED ON WHO GOT THE MOST LOYAL FANS? KENTUCKY WINS! YOU OUGHT TO SEE THE PARKIN LOT DOWN IN NASHVILLE FILT UP WITH RUSTY PICKUP TRUCKS AND POP-UP CAMPERS. EVER ONE OF ‘EM FLYIN A BIG BLUE FLAG, DADGUMMIT!

Kentucky Wildcats after learning that the NCAA canceled March Madness, March 12, 2020

WHEN KENTUCKY FANS SHOW UP TO CHEER ON BIG BLUE IT’S LIKE WOODSTOCK FOR HILLBILLIES! AND OUR MOONSHINE IS 10 TIMES STRONGER THAN THEM HIPPIES SNIFFIN THE MARY-JUH-WANNA! (laffs) EVEN WILLIE NELSON STOPPED BY AND DRANK SOME KENTUCKY MOONSHINE.

Willie Nelson takes a drag off a joint. (Photo by Liaison/Getty Images)

AFTER JUST ONE SIP WILLIE THROWED HIS MARIJUANNER DOWN IN THE SEWER AND SAID HE’S A SHINE GUY NOW! (LAFFS) THESE IS BAAAAAD TIMES, LARRY MINNER! NOW WE GOT NOTHIN BUT FEAR OF A LITTLE OL DISEASE KEEPIN OUR GOOD AND CLASSY CATS FROM GITTIN ANOTHER TITLE! THINK BACK TO 2013, LARRY. YOUR U OF SMELL HEROES DINT LET THEM DISEASES THEY GOT FROM STRIPPERS KEEP THEM FROM WINNIN THEIR CHAMPERCHIPS SO WHY IS EVERBODY SO PARANOID THIS YEAR BOUT THE CRONY VIRUS?

LET THE KIDS PLAY, DADGUMMIT!

BUT IF THE NC2A GONNA GO SPINELESS AND CANCEL IT ALL, AT LEAST SEND THE TROPHY TO LEXINUN CUZ WE DONE EARNT IT! MEMBER BACK WHEN THE SEASON STARTED WITH THE CHAMPIONS CLASSIC? #1 MICHERGAN STATE PLAYED #2 KENTUCKY. OF COURSE THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS DOMMERATED THE #1 TEAM WHEN TYREED MAXEY SCORED ABOUT 2,000 POINTS AND THE CATS BECOME #1! THEY CALLED IT THE CHAMPEENS CLASSIC SO THAT OUGHTA SETTLE THE MATTER!

SEND US OUR 2020 CHAMPEEN TROPHY, NC2A! AND THEN SPEND THE SUMMER TRYIN TO FIGGER OUT HOW YOU GONNA RUIN FOOTBAW NEXT! CONGRADUMAGATIONS TO THE 2020 CHAMPEENS…THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS! AWWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! THIS TIME INSTEAD OF BURNIN COUCHES, LET’S GO BURN DOWN NC2A HEADQUARTERS! BLUE GITS IN! BLUE GITS IN! BLUE GITS IN…YOUR FACE! (laffs) COME SEE ABOUT IT! CATS! CATS! CATS!

That other Tennessee tornado took down the Kentucky Wildcats

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Tennesse prevailed over Kentucky with an amazing comeback from 17 points down. March 3, 2020

THE BEASMAN cats lose senior night to tennessee
SHUT YOUR UGLY CARDINAL FACE RIGHT NOW CUZ I KNOW YOU IS SMIRKIN RIGHT NOW! ADMIT IT, LARRY MINNER! YOU AND YOUR OTHER CROSS-EYED, BALD HAIRED, STINKBREATH, NECK TATTOO, WELFARE STAMP, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, LIBRUL DEMMERCRAT LOSERVILLE CARDINAL FANS IS ALL JUST HA-HA-HA-in ABOUT AMERICA’S TEAM, THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS LOSIN SENIOR NIGHT IN RUMP ARENER TO NOBODY TENNERSEE. (cry)

Ashton Hagans had another difficult night for Kentucky

THIS HERE IS (cry) THIS ONE (cry) THIS HERE A-BOMM-ER-A-SHUN IS THE WORST KENTUCKY BASKETBAW MOMENT OF COACH CAL’S TIME HERE. (cry) DADGUMMIT, THE GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCATS WAS UP BY 17 AND THEN, SOMEHOW, COACH CAL FORGOT HOW TO COACH!

WHY IS WE PAYIN YOU 7 MILLION A YEAR IF YOU CAINT CAPTAIN THE SHIP, COACH CAL? (cry) DADGUMMIT, HE’S JUST ANOTHER SLICK-HAIRED, I-TALIAN CATHLICK FRAUD LIKE SLICK RICK WAS!

I TODE YOU WE SHOULDA FIRED HIM AFTER THAT EVANSVILLE A-BOMM-ER-A-SHUN AND REPLACE HIM WITH KINNY SKY WALKER BUT NAWWWW….PEOPLE SAID I WAS TAWKIN OUTTA MY HEAD! (cry) SO WHO WAS RIGHT AFTER ALL? (cry)

I KNOW PEOPLE SAY IT’S JUST BASKETBAW AND US CAT FANS SHOULDN’T BE SO SAD TODAY, WALKIN ROUND WITH DROOPY SHOULDERS AND TEARS FALLIN AND KEEPIN OUR KIDS HOME SICK FROM SCHOOL.

BUT U UH KAY BASKETBAW IS OUR RELIGION AND THIS HERE IS A TRAGEDY TO LOSE ON SENIOR NIGHT RIGHT THERE IN RUMP ARENER! (cry) ADOLPH IS PROLLY CRYIN UP THERE IN HEAVEN, TOO! (cry) SOME GUY SAYS WELL, TENNERSEE NEEDED SOME GOOD NEWS AFTER THEM TARNADOES COME THROUGH THE NIGHT BEFORE, BUT I WAS LIKE, BIG WHOOPTY DO!

Tornadoes ripped through the Nashville area the night before the Tennessee vs Kentucky game

A COUPLE GRAMMAWS GOT THROWED OUTTA THEIR TRAILERS AND DOLLY PARTON’S WIG FLEW OFF…THAT AIN’T NO TRAGEDY COMPARED TO THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS LOSIN A BASKETBAW GAME AT HOME RIGHT HERE AT MARCH MADNESS TIME! WE IS THE CATS! WE IS KENTUCKY! AIN’T NOBODY POSED TO HUMILLERFY US LIKE THAT ON NATIONAL TELLERBISION! (cry)

THERE GOES OUR #1 SEED! U UH KAY WAS ON A ROLL AND WAS SLIDIN RIGHT UP THERE TO TAKE THAT ONE SEED AND GO RIGHT THROUGH THE WHOLE MARCH MADNESS WITHOUT A PROBLEM BUT NOW WE GOT QUICK PICK NICK DICKS AND ASHER HAGGER PANTS HOLLERIN AT EACH OTHER. THAT WHITE BOY NATE THE SENIOR DINT DO SQUAT, AND WE JUST LET THAT HEADBAND WEARIN TENNERSSEE FULKERSON GUY MAKE US LOOK LIKE CLOWNS. (cry)

Tennessee Volunteers coach Rick Barnes

THE TENNERSEE COACH IS POSED TO BE CALIPARI’S FRIEND BUT WHAT KINDA FRIEND KICKS YOU DOWN ON SENIOR NIGHT? (cry) I’M GOING BACK TO BED, LARRY. I WAS PLANNIN TO COME TO THE PAUL HARNEY AWARD SHOW TONIGHT TO CHEER FOR LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR AND MARK STOOPS BUT I AIN’T FEELIN UP TO IT. NAWWW. I TRIED TO TELL LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR I’D GIVE HIM A HUNDERD DOLLAR HANDSHAKE IF WHEN YOU CALL HIM UP ONSTAGE TO GIT HIS AWARD – TAKE THE PAUL HARNEY AWARD TROPHY AND SMACK YOU IN THE MOUTH WITH IT, THEN TURN TO THE CROWD AND SAY THE CITY OF LOSERVILLE IS DISGUSTIN!

THEN DO A BUNCH OF Ls DOWN AND THEN RUN OUTTA THE BANQUET HALL WITHOUT NOBODY ABLE TO TACKLE HIM! BUT COACH STOOPS TODE ME HE’D CANCEL MY FOOTBAW TICKETS SO I CAINT PRANK YOU TONIGHT, YOU HAS BEEN, MATT JONES WANNABE! YOU MAKE ME SICK, LARRY. I HOPE COACH STOOPS AND THE WHOLE BALLROOM TONIGHT STANDS UP TO THROW Ls DOWN AT YOU EVER TIME YOU TAWK, YOU CARDINAL FRAUD! STOP SMIRKIN ABOUT THE CATS LOSIN LAST NIGHT, YOU FILTHY CARDINAL FANS! YOU GONNA GIT YOUR BEATDOWN FROM VIRGINNY ON SAIRDEE AND THAT MIGHT BE THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS SMILE AGAIN! COME SEE ABOUT IT! COME SEE ABOUT IT!

Bracketology is for morons, the Beasman finds Cats climbing, U of Smell sliming

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THE BEASMAN cats still rolling
YOU CAN TAWK ALL YOU WANT ABOUT STOOPID BRACKER-TOLLER-GEE PUTTIN U UH KAY AT A 4 SEED BUT THAT’S JUST HOGWARSH. THE CATS IS ON THE RISE AND THEY GONNA BE A #1 SEED TWO WEEKS FROM NOW AFTER WE WIN THE S.E.C. TOURNEYMINT…AGAIN! (laffs)

LOSERVILLE SUCKUPS LIKE YOU, LARRY MINNER, NEEDS TO CHECK THE NEW PO! (laffs) THE MIGHTY KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS LIKE JARGE JEFFERSON. (sing) WELL WE’RE MOVIN ON UP! MOVIN ON UP! TO A DEE-LUXE #1 SEED ON THE EAST SIDE! (laffs) I LOVE IT! ALL THEM OTHER FRAUDS LOST: BYE BYE GONZAGGER, BAYLOR, AND SAN FERNANDO STATE! (laffs)

Y’ALL JUST A BUNCH OF SWISHY BOYS! (laffs) BIG BLUE COMIN THRU IN THE PO HEADIN STRAIGHT TO #1 (laffs) THE CATS IS FINE-LEE PLAYIN LIKE THE KENTUCKY LEGENDS WE KNOW THEY IS! BIG NICK DICKS AND MAN-YELL QUICKER PICKER UPPER IS DOMMERATIN THE S.E.C. AND THEY PROLLY GONNA BE SHARIN PLAYER OF THE YEAR HONORS!

(laffs) COACH CAL – HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY – COACH CAL KNOWS US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS IS KEEPIN A EYE ON HIM. SEE, U UH KAY GOTTA GO DOWN TO PLAY THEM TEXAS A&P THUGS ON FAT TUESDAY AND COACH CAL IS A BEER DRINKIN CATHLICK SO US CAT FANS GONNA KEEP A TIGHT LEASH ON HIM SO HE AIN’T RUNNIN NEKKID IN NO MARDI GRASS PARADE BEFORE THE CATS GAME!

YOU CATHLICKS GIT ALL LATHERED UP ON FAT TUESDAY CUZ YOU GOTTA BEE-HAVE DURIN LENT SO CAL GONNA BE CONFINED TO HIS ROOM ALL DAY. (laffs) HE CAN HAVE 9 BEERS AFTER U UH KAY BEATS THEM TEXAS A&P PUNKS BUT BIDNIZ COMES FIRST! BIG BLUE CAN WIN IT ALL AS LONG AS WE WORK ON GITTIN THE BAW INBOUNDS! (laffs)

THAT GOT A LITTLE HAIRY AT THE END OF THE FLORIDA GAME BUT I HEARED THAT DICK V-TALLIS TODE COACH CAL TO KEEP IT CLOSE TO HELP THE RATINGS! DON’T MATTER! (laffs) CATS WIN! CATS WIN! CATS WIN! BIG BLUE NATION OWNS THE S.E.C. AND WE IS (sing) MOVIN ON UP! (laffs) LET’S BEAT THE A&P, THEN WE GOT SWEATY BRUCE PEARL, THEN TENNERSEE, AND THEN FLORIDA AGAIN AND U UH KAY WILL BE #1!

GO CATS! GO BLUE! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! (laffs) CUZ LITTLE BROTHER LOSERVILLE TRYIN TO HANG ON TO THEIR FOOL’S GOLD SEASON! (laffs) LARRY, U OF SMELL IS LIKE A BIG FAT TURKEY THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING. Y’ALL CARDINAL FANS JUST CLUCK CLUCK CLUCKIN AROUND ABOUT HOW Y’ALL SO GOOD AND YOU THINK YOU GONNA GIT A #3 SEED. (laffs) WHAT A JOKE! Y’ALL TURKEYS BOUT TO GIT YOUR HEAD CHOPPED OFF TONIGHT BY FLORIDA STATE CUZ THEY COACHED BY MY SON LENNER HAMMER-TON! (laffs)

HE ALREADY THUMPED Y’ALL ONCE AND HE’S GONNA BEAT YOUR BRAINS OUT TONIGHT! (laffs) ALL US CAT FANS GONNA BE WATCHIN TONIGHT AND YELLIN “GO LENNER HAMMER-TONS! GO FLORIDER STATE! BEAT THEM STRIPPER PO SWINGIN, FAKE BANNER CARDINAL FRAUDS! (laffs) STOP ACTIN LIKE YOU’S GOOD, U OF SMELL! YOU BEAT NOBODY NARTH CARAMALINER AND LAME SYR-A-MA-CUSE BUT YOU ALSO JUST LOST TO SUPER NOBODY CLEMSON AND SUCKY JARJUH TECH WHICH TELLS EVERBODY THAT U OF SMELL SUCKS AGAIN. HELLO, N.I.T. (laffs)

LARRY, YOU SAGGY PANTS, NECK TATTOO, BEER FOR BREAKFAST, GOD HATIN, FOULMOUTH, BRAINLESS, SPINELESS, TOOTHLESS CARDINAL FANS NEED TO PACK UP YOUR BULLET HOLE COVERED DRIVE BY SHOOTIN CARS AND DRIVE TO THE N.I.T. WHERE YOU BLONG! LOOK AT THE PO AND ACCEPT THAT Y’ALL IS DROPPIN WORSE THAN BLOOMSBERG, JO BIDEN, AND GAY MAYOR BUTTHEAD COMBINED. (laffs) GO FLORI-DER STATE! GO LENNER HAMMER-TON!

US CAT FANS LOVE YOU TONIGHT! BEAT THEM CARDINAL CONVICTS AND US CAT FANS WILL PLAY OUR BANJOES ALL NIGHT LONG! (laffs) Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! (laffs) AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! BIG NICK DICKS AND MANUEL QUICKER PICKER UPPER FOR S.E.C. PLAYER OF THE YEAR TWINS! (laffs) BRACKER-TOLLER-GEE IS STOOPIDER THAN BETTIN ON BLOOMBERG! GO CATS! GO BIG BLUE!

The Beasman loves Georgia Tech for crushing Cardinal dreams and giving Big Blue Nation the best Valentime EVER!

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THE BEASMAN Louisville loses
(sing) I’M A RAMBLIN WRECK FROM JARJUH TECH AND A HECK OF AN ENGINEER! (laffs) HEY LAREEEEE! LARRY MINNER! I BEEN SINGIN THAT SONG ALL DAY LONG! (laffs) HOW’S YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH, LOUDMOUTH, BEER BREATH, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, SANCTUARY CITY LOSERVILLE FRAUDS FEELIN TODAY? (laffs) EVERBODY IN BIG BLUE NATION IS REEEEEEEEEAAAAAALLLL HAPPY! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN!

(sing) I’M A RAMBLIN WRECK FROM JARJUH TECH AND A HECK OF AN ENGINEER! (laffs) ME AND MY WILDCAT BUDDIES WAS A-PULLIN REAL HARD FOR THEM JARJUH TECH TATTOOED UP ENGINEERS AND THEY COME THROUGH FOR US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS, CRUSHIN YOUR CARDINAL DREAMS AND YOUR WINNIN STREAK! BYE, BYE TOP 5 IN THE PO!

MAKE ROOM FOR THE SURGING KENTUCKY WILDCATS TO COME TAKE YOUR SPOT AND GIT A #1 SEED WHILE THE U OF SMELL CHEATERS FADE TO BLACK LIKE Y’ALL DO EVER YEAR! AWWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

(sing) I’M A RAMBLIN WRECK FROM JARJUH TECH AND A HECK OF AN ENGINEER! (laffs) IT SURE WAS NICE OF CHRIS BALDY MACK TO GIVE COACH CAL THE BIRTHDAY PRESENT HE WANTED MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE…A LOSERVILLE LOSS! SO THOUGHTFUL OF YOU PECKERWOODS! (laffs)

ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS CAN NOW SET BACK AND WATCH OUR BIG BLUE HEROES LIKE WHITE BOY NATE, TYRONE MAXFLY, THE QUICKLEY PICKER UPPER, AND BIG NICK DICKS KEEP DOMMERATIN THE S.E.C. ON THEIR WAY TO ANOTHER U UH KAY NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS! TIME FOR NINE! TIME FOR NINE! TIME FOR NINE! AND LARRY, IF I WAS YOU, AND THAT WOULD SUCK, BUT IF I WAS YOU, I’D GO AHEAD AND GET A ROOM RESERVATION AT THE N.I.T. HILTON. (laffs)

Y’ALL GONNA SLIDE BACK TO NOBODYLAND WHERE YOU BLONG AND PROLLY LOSE IN THE N.I.T. SWEET 16. WELL, WHEN YOU’S IN THE N.I.T. IT’S ACTUALLY CALLED THE “BITTER 16.” (laffs) SOMETIMES I JUST MAKE MYSELF LAFF WITH MY FUNNY COMEDY JOKES! (sing) I’M A RAMBLIN WRECK FROM JARJUH TECH AND A HECK OF AN ENGINEER! (laffs) LARRY…JARJUH TECH IS THE SUCKIEST TEAM IN AMERICA AND THEY WAS LEADIN BIG, BAD LOSERVILLE THE WHOLE TIME! I LOVVVVVVVE IT!

Y’ALL GOT BUXPOSED AGAIN AS OVER-RATED! OVER-RATED! OVER-RATED! (laffs) COACH CAL IS MY VALENTIME! SOMETIMES I BEEN A LITTLE FLUSTERPATED WITH HIM BUT NOW THAT HE GOT OUR WILDCATS PLAYIN BIG BOY BASKETBAW AGAIN, WELL, HE’S ALRIGHT WITH ME! COACH CAL IS MY MAN CRUSH FOR VALEN-TIME’S DAY. AND YOU KNOW HERE IN LEXINUN IT’S AGIN THE LAW TO SELL ANYTHING RED COLORED SO I’M GONNA TAKE A BLUE HEART VALENTIME OVER TO COACH CAL’S AND GIVE HIM A BIG VALENTIME HUG AND TELL HIM “THANK YOU FOR BEATIN LOSERVILLE, AND THANK YOU FOR GITTIN OUR CATS TO STOP SUCKIN AND START WINNIN AGAIN.”

AND THEN I’M A GONNA KISS HIM ON BOTH CHEEKS LIKE THEM I-TALIANS LIKE TO DO AND THEN I’M-A COME HOME AND HAVE MY TV DINNER FOR ONE VALENTIME SUPPER ALONE! BUT IT’S OK CUZ I’M GONNA WATCH A RERUN OF LOSERVILLE LOSIN AGAIN AND IT’LL MAKE MY VALENTIME HEART SWELL WITH JOY! (sing) I’M A RAMBLIN WRECK FROM JARJUH TECH AND A HECK OF AN ENGINEER! (laffs)

THANK YOU, JARJUH TECH FOR GIVIN ALL US CAT FANS THE VALENTIME WE WANTED MOST! A DEAD CARDINAL! (laffs) AWWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! COME SEE ABOUT IT! COME SEE ABOUT IT! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN!

It’s Extremely Blue for Cat Fans When U of Smell Keeps Winning

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This John Calipari trust fall was not successful.

THE BEASMAN u of smell still winning
I AIN’T NO SWISHY BOY BUT THAT BRAD PITT FELLER LOOKED DELICIOUS ON THE OSCARS LAST NIGHT. (laffs) I TURNT IT ON CUZ THE TV GUIDE SAID OSCARS SHOW SO I FIGGERED IT WAS OSCAR COMBS TAWKIN ABOUT OUR BELOVED KENTUCKY WILDCATS. (laffs) BUT THAT BRAD PITT MAYBE OUGHT TO BE THE NEXT COACH OF THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS SO ALL THE LADIES WILL KEEP BUYIN OVERPRICED RUMP ARENER SEASON TICKETS TO WATCH OUR NOT-EVEN-IN-THE-TOP-16 CATS!

Based on current rankings, the NCAA released an early projection of the Top 16 seeds for the 2020 March Madness.

DEAR GOD, WHY YOU GOTTA HAVE THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS JUST PLAYIN MEDIA-OCRE? LIFE AIN’T NO FUN WHEN U UH KAY AIN’T RANKED TOP 5 AND NICK DICKS RICHARDS AIN’T WORTHY OF BEIN A TOP TIN SINNER IN COLLEGE BASKETBAW! US GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS DON’T KNOW WHETHER TO POOTY OUR PANTS OR WIND OUR WATCH WHEN THE NC2A PUMPS OUT THE TOP 4 SEEDS IN ALL THE REGIONS AND U UH KAY AIN’T ONE OF ‘EM.

Adolph Rupp with broadcaster Claude Sullivan

ADOLPH RUMP MUST BE SPINNIN IN PURGATORY, DADGUMMIT! PLUS, THAT UGLY RED TEAM WON’T GO AWAY. NAW. I AIN’T GOT A LOT OF Ls DOWN GRENADES TO THROW AT YOU THIS WEEK, LARRY, CUZ YOUR RUM DUMMY CARDINAL BIRDS KEEP WINNING. BUT YOU AND YOUR CARDINAL FAN BASE IS STILL A BUNCH OF LIQUOR BREATH, SNAGGLE TOOTH, NECK TATTOO, MAN WEARIN EARRINGS, STREET TRASH, SO THAT WON’T NEVER CHANGE. BUT I TELL YOU WHAT…I’M SICK OF HEARIN BOUT Y’ALL BEIN A #2 SEED OR MAYBE EVEN A #1. GIVES ME A ULCER, IT DOES!

EVER TIME U OF SMELL COMES ON TV I TURNT IT ON AND CHEER FOR WHOEVER IS PLAYIN AGAINST LOSERVILLE. I JUST ABOUT THROWED MY BACK OUT JUMPIN UP AND DOWN TRYNA HELP VIRGINNY BEAT Y’ALL ON SAIRDEE IN THE CHICKEN BUCKET. THEM DADGUM WAHOOS – AND TELL THAT KATIE GEORGE THAT THE WHOLE WORD IS DADGUMMIT, NOT NO D-A-G-G-U-M LIKE ROY WILLIAMS SAYS – THEM DADGUM VIRGINNY WAHOOS HAD YOU LOSERVILLE FRAUDS BEAT WHEN VIRGINNY COME BACK FROM 15 DOWN.

Dwayne Sutton vs. Virginia

THAT ONE FELLER WHO LOOKED LIKE SNOOPY DOGG DOGG KEPT HITTIN THEM 3s AND ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS WAS-A SCREAMIN GOOOOOO VIRGINNY! BEAT THAT CARDINAL GARBAGE AND BREAK THAT WINNIN STREAK! BUT NAWWWW, Y’ALL GOT LUCKY AGAIN, YOU BUNCH OF TRAILER PARK, FOULMOUTH, JESUS-HATIN, LIBERAL WELFARE STAMP, CARDINAL FANS!

Johnny Juzang had a great game vs. Tennessee.

ME AND ALL MY WILDCAT BUDDIES BOUT WORE OURSELFS OUT THROWIN PILLOWS AT THE T.V. EVER TIME LOSERVILLE WOULD SCORE ANOTHER BUCKET TO HOLD THE LEAD. MAKES ME SICK WHEN Y’ALL IS RANKED HIGHER THAN MY PRECIOUS KENTUCKY WILDCATS!

COACH CAL – HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY – AND I GUESS THAT’S WHY WE AIN’T NO GOOD NO MORE CUZ GOD IS TIRED OF THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS BEIN COACHED BY SLICK HAIRED, I-TALIAN, CARPETBAGGIN CATHLICK, BINGO PLAYIN, BEER DRINKIN, NASTY DANCIN, ROSARY BEAD RUBBIN FALSE GOD WORSHIPPERS.

ONCE U UH KAY HIRES A REAL TRUE BLUE CHRISTIAN COACH THEN GOD WILL START ANSWERIN BIG BLUE NATION’S PRAYERS AGAIN. I MEAN, YEAH, WE BEAT TENNERSEE AND ALL THAT, BUT THIS YEAR’S CATS STILL THROW UP CLUNKERS PURDY REG-LAR AND SO WE GONNA GIT BOUNCED FROM MARCH MADNESS PURDY QUICK. COACH CAL SAYS IT’S THE OTHER TEAM’S SUPER BO. WELL THEN HOW COME WE DON’T ALWAYS ACT LIKE WE IS PLAYIN IN A SUPER BO, DADGUMMIT!

BASKETBAW GOTTA SHINE CUZ LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR DONE GONE OFF TO BE THE NEW PATRICK MAHOMES. U UH KAY FOOTBAW IS LIKE A FLOOSIE GIRLFRIEND RIGHT BEFORE VALENTIME’S DAY….GOT DUMPED! WE GOT TO COACH UP BIG BLUE BASKETBAW BEFORE MARCH MADNESS! WE SUPPOSUBLY GIT THE #1 REE-CRUITS BUT THEN THEY GIT HERE AND START SUCKIN. THAT’S ON COACH CAL, DADGUMMIT! GIT THAT HANDSOME BRAD PITT AS KENTUCKY’S NEXT COACH CUZ AIN’T NOBODY WON’T RUN THROUGH A WALL FOR BRAD PITT!

Brad Pitt. A beautiful man.

NOW THE CATS OUGHTA WIN TOMORRY AGAINST VANDERSMELT AND THEN MISTERSIPPY BUT THEN WE GOT 4 IN A ROW WE COULD LOSE. WE GOT L.S.WHO, THEN FLORIDER, TEXAS A&P, AND THEN SWEATY BRUCE PEARL AND AUBURN AGAIN. I DON’T LIKE IT ONE BIT, LARRY MINNER. COACH CAL BETTER QUIT PHONIN IT IN OR WE BOUT TO MAKE A CHANGE! STOP WHININ BOUT BEIN IN ERRBODY’S SUPER BO! IF WE’S IN A SUPER BO THEN COACH LIKE IT!

WE AIN’T THE FARTY NINERS…DADGUMMIT…WE IS PATRICK KAJONES! COACH EM UP OR GIT OUTTA TOWN, YOU CATHLICK CRYBABY! WE NEED US A BABDIZ COACH OR THAT PURDY BRAD PITT TO BLIND THE OTHER TEAM WITH HIS BEAUTY! COME ON, CATS! THERE’S STILL TIME TO GIT BUSPECTACLE AND GET A #1 SEED AHEAD OF LOSERVILLE! AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! COME SEE ABOUT IT! COME SEE ABOUT IT!

THE BEASMAN – With Lamar Jackson beaten, is Lynn Bowden Jr the next savior of the NFL

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THE BEASMAN lynn bowie jr for MVP
LARRREEEEEE! ALMOST EVER-THANG IS BEAUTY-FULL IN WILDCAT COUNTRY, LARRY MINNER! IT’S WILDCAT BLUE FROM SEA TO SHINY SEA! (laffs) COACH CAL AND THE CATS IS CLICKIN ON ALL CYLANTROS, HEADIN BACK TO #1. NOW ALL YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, GOLD CHAIN WEARIN, NECK TATTOO LOVIN U OF SMELL LOUDMOUTHS GOT TO SHUT YOUR CAKEHOLES ABOUT LAY-MAR JACKSON! (laffs) I LOVE IT!

LAY-MAR IS A FAILURE CUZ U UH KAY WILDCAT WESLEY WOODYARD AND HIS TENNERSEE TITANS WHOOPED HIM GOOD! (laffs) BLEEVE ME…LAY-MAR GONNA MEMBER THE TITANS! (laffs) THEM TITANS WEAR BLUE, TOO, NOT NO FUNERAL PURPLE LIKE LAY-MAR THE HAS BEEN! (laffs) CARDINAL FANS IS SAD CUZ THEY CAINT KEEP TAWKIN ABOUT LAY-MAR! NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS HE WAS A FRAUD! (laffs)

Notre Dame can’t seem to put away Louisville, January 11, 2020

AND U OF SMELL BASKETBAW GOT LUCKY AGAINST THEM DRUNK CATHLICK NOTRE DAMERS, SO THAT WAS SAD, BUT THEM CARDINAL CONVICTS CAINT NEVER BEAT U UH KAY, SO THAT’S HAPPY! (laffs) Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! (laffs) THEM STOOPID DRUNK, FISHBREATH, ROSARY BEAD RUBBIN CATHLICK NOTRE DAME ROCKHEADS SHOULDA WHOOPED BALDY MACK AND THEM CARDINALS BUT THEY FOLDED AT THE LAST SECOND!

US KENTUCKY FANS WAS PULLIN REAL HARD FOR THEM POPE-LICKIN’ CATHLICK BEER-DRINKIN FOOLS BUT THEY LET LOSERVILLE SNEAK OUTTA THERE WITH A WIN. Y’ALL CATHLICKS GOTTA STOP LIGHTIN CANDLES ALL THE TIME! USE YOUR HANDS TO THROW THEM Ls DOWN! (laffs) Ls DOWN MAKES U OF SMELL PANIC AND THEN THEY LOSE! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! (laffs) MEANTIME, COACH CAL AND THE CATS GIVE ALABAMMER A BEATDOWN! (laffs)

ERRBODY AFRAID OF THE CATS! COACH CAL SAYS THERE’S 4 MILLION EXTRA U UH KAY COACHES AND OUR PLAYERS IS FINE-LEE UNNERSTANDIN WHAT THAT MEANS. BRING IT, CAT FANS! (laffs) U OF SMELL FANS AIN’T SMART LIKE GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS! BALDY MACK CALLED THE COPS CUZ ONE U OF SMELL FAN THREATENED TO KILL A CARDINAL PLAYER!

Jordan Nwora, December 2020

THAT AIN’T NOTHIN! US KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS WILL TAKE A U UH KAY PLAYER’S EN-TIRE FAMILY HOSTAGE IF HE DON’T GIT A DOUBLE DOUBLE! (laffs) THAT’S HOW US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS ROLL! (laffs) GO BLUE! GO CATS! BLUE GITS IN! COME SEE ABOUT IT! COME SEE ABOUT IT! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

NOW TONIGHT WE ALL GOT TO SET THROUGH A FRAUD FOOTBAW GAME…AIN’T NOBODY IN THEIR RIGHT MIND BLEEVES THIS HERE NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS GAME IS LEGIT SINCE KENTUCKY AIN’T ONE OF THE TEAMS PLAYIN. YOU KNOW THAT’S TRUE, LARRY MINNER! KENTUCKY WAS THE BEST FOOTBAW TEAM ALL YEAR!

L.S.U. IS KINDA GOOD BUT THEY OUGHTA BE PLAYIN S.E.C. SUPER-PIRE KENTUCKY WILDCATS FOR THE NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS, NOT NO A.C.C. TOY BOWL CHAMP CLEMSON TIGERS WITH A LONG HAIRED, DOPE SMOKIN, HIPPIE FREAK QUARTERBACK LIKE SUNSHINE LAWRENCE! AMERICA’S FAVORITE QUARTERBACK AIN’T SUNSHINE, AIN’T JOE BURNHOLE, AIN’T TOM BRADY…IT’S KENTUCKY WILDCAT LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR!

Lynn Bowden Junior taunts Louisville with Ls down

THE N.F.L. IS GONNA SHOCK THE WORLD THIS WEEK AND GU-NOUNCE THAT THEIR MVP IS LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR WHO AIN’T PLAYED A SNAP YET BUT THEY ALREADY KNOW HE’S THE GREATEST! THAT’S A FACT, YOU BALD HAIRED, U OF SMELL BOOTLICKER! NOW THAT YOUR LITTLE HERO LAY-MAR JACKSON BEEN BUXPOSED AS A FLASH IN THE PAN U OF SMELL FAILURE, THE WHOLE COUNTRY IS WAITIN FOR LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR TO SHOW UP AND SAVE PRO FOOTBAW! IT’S TRUE, DADGUMMIT!

LAY-MAR JACKSON GOT THROWED AROUND LIKE A RAG DOLL – REMEMBER THEM TITANS! REMEMBER THEM TITANS! – AND FORGIT ABOUT LAY-MAR! FORGIT ABOUT LAY-MAR! STICK A FARK IN HIM…HE’S DONE! THE N.F.L.’s GREATEST QUARTERBACK IN HISTORY IS JUST NOW ARRIVIN TO BE BETTER THAN BRADY, BETTER THAN YOUR GAY BOYFRIEND AARON RODGERS, BETTER THAN JOE NAMATH, TERRY BRADSHAW, RUSSELL WILSON, PATRICK MAHOMO, JOHNNY U-NITAS, AND Y.A. TITTLE. LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR IS WALKIN THRU THAT DOOR! COME SEE ABOUT IT! COME SEE ABOUT IT! GO CATS! GO BLUE! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! US CAT FANS CAINT STOP OBSESSIN ABOUT U OF SMELL! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN!

The Beasman is feasting on U of Smell’s losing streak while the Cats soar

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THE BEASMAN loserville losing streak
(chuckling) ZIPPITY DO DAH, ZIPPITY DAY. MY OH MY WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY! (laffs) LOSERVILLE GOTTA LONGER LOSIN STREAK THAN I-RANIAN GENERALS HANGIN ROUND AIRPORTS! (laffs) Y’ALL CAN’T EVEN BEAT AN EGG! (laffs) U OF SMELL SUCKS SO BAD THAT CHRIS MACK GOT A JOB OFFER FROM ROOMBA! (laffs) YOU GOTTA LAFF AT MY FUNNY COMEDY JOKES, LARRY MINNER, CUZ AIN’T NOTHIN ELSE FUNNY ON THIS PATHETIC RADIO SHOW. (laffs)

photo by UK Athletics

HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW TOP 25 PO? SOMETHIN BLUE IS ON THE RISE AND SOMETHIN RED IS JUST BOUT DEAD! (laffs) I AIN’T QUIT CHUCKLIN SINCE BALDY MACK AND HIS AIRBALL-BEANOS LIMPED OUTTA RUMP ARENER SAD AND HUMILLER-FIED BY U UH KAY AGIN! (sing) IT’S STILL THE MOST WONNN-DER-FUL TIME, OF THE YEEEEEEAAAAARRRRRR! (laffs) SO LARRY…YOU FINE-LEE COME BACK TO WORK TO FACE THE MUSIC! (laffs)

I BEEN WAITIN EVER DAY TO HEAR YOUR STUPID VOICE BACK ON THE LECTRIC RADIO EVER SINCE COACH CAL PUT A SMACKDOWN ON YOUR PRECIOUS CARDINAL CONVICTS! (laffs) I TURNT ON THE RADIO AND YOU WEREN’T ON SO I THUNK – LARRY MINNER IS SKEERED! (laffs) ADMIT IT, LARRY! YOU WAS TOO DEE-PRESSED TO COME BACK AND FACE US GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCAT FANS! (laffs) MATT JONES OUGHT TO HAVE YOUR TIME SLOT ANYHOO! MATT JONES IS THE BEST BROADCASTIGATOR SINCE CAY-WOOD!

Chris Tomlin, Terry Meiners, and Matt Jones at WHAS studios, January 2, 2020

SO KEEP CRYIN YOUR LITTLE CARDINAL TEARS WHILE US CAT FANS LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL! KENTUCKY FOOTBAW IS #1 IN THE WORLD…ALL 32 NFL TEAMS PARKED A NEW CAR IN LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR’S DRIVEWAY TO WIN HIM OVER. IT LOOKS LIKE A COUNTRY CLUB PARKIN LOT OUT THERE! (laffs) SO ADMIT IT – LYNN BOWIE IS BETTER THAN LAY-MAR JACKSON! IT’S TRUE, YOU ROCKHEAD U OF SMELL BOOTLICKER! LAY-MAR IS OVER! THE WORLD LOVES LYNN BOWIE NOW CUZ HE’S BIG BLUE!

Lynn Bowden Jr promised “Ls down forever.”

THE BELK BOWL IS NOW BIGGER THAN THE NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS GAME CUZ EVERBODY KNOWS L.S.U. AND CLEMSON IS REALLY JUST PLAYIN FOR SECOND. STOOPS TROOPS KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS BETTER THAN YOUR GREEN GAY BUTT PACKERS, LARRY! (laffs)

COACH CAL – HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY – COACH CAL SAYS U UH KAY BASKETBAW WILL BE BACK AT #1 BY NEXT WEEK CUZ HE’LL GIT THE POPE TO SLAP ALL THE VOTERS! (laffs) U UH KAY AIN’T GONNA LOSE NO MORE GAMES! EVEN IF ASHTON HAGANS GOTTA GIT HIS BAD LEG CUT OFF, COACH CAL SAYS HE’S BETTER THAN ANYBODY ON LOSERVILLE’S TEAM. (laffs)

LOSERVILLE HAS THE LONGEST LOSING STREAK IN AMERICA RIGHT NOW SO Y’ALL CAN CROW ABOUT THAT! (laffs) U UH KAY IS PERFECT IN S.E.C. PLAY, TOO. LET’S SEE, HOW IS U OF SMELL DOIN IN THE A.C.C.? OH YEAH…Y’ALL JUST LOST TO A FARMER KENTUCKY COACH NAME OF LENNER HAMILTON. HE USED TO WORK FOR ME, LARRY, AND HE COME VISIT ME ON FRIDEE NIGHT LOOKIN FOR AD-VICE ON HOW TO WHOOP LOSERVILLE.

Joe B Hall and Leonard Hamilton, January 3, 2020

I SAYS TO HIM, I SAYS “LENNER. JUST PLAY A DEE-FENSE CUZ LOSERVILLE SHOOTS LIKE STEVIE WONDER! (laffs) ALL Y’ALL FLORIDA STATERS GOTTA DO IS SCORE ONE BUCKET CUZ LOSERVILLE THROWIN UP MORE BRICKS THAN HABITAT FOR HUMANA!” (laffs) WHAT A FUN TIME TO BE A KENTUCKY WILDCAT! STOOPS TROOPS IS THE GREATEST FOOTBAW TEAM IN THE WORLD, COACH CAL IS PACKIN HIS BAGS FOR THE FINAL FOUR AGAIN, AND LOSERVILLE IS LOWER THAN A SNAKE’S BELLY IN A SINKHOLE. (laffs)

HAPPY BLUE YEAR, CAT FANS! THESE ARE THE GOOD OLD DAYS! I ALSO TODE LENNER HAMILTON TO SEE ABOUT COACHIN EVANSVILLE TOO SO THEY CAN FIRE WALTER McCARTHY THE TRAITOR TURNCOAT! AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! COME SEE ABOUT IT! COME SEE ABOUT IT! GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! HAPPY BLUE YEAR, YOU BUNCH OF SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, GOLD TEEF, WELFARE STAMP, TARC BUS RIDIN, DRIVE BY SHOOTIN, G.E.D. FLUNKIN U OF SMELL FOOLS! THIS HERE IS WILDCAT COUNTRY! GO BIG BLUE! HAPPY BLUE YEAR! COME SEE ABOUT IT!

Cats lose first of three in Christmas Murderers Row – The Beasman is devastated with Loserville looming ahead.

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THE BEASMAN uk loses to Utah
(cry) CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED. (long cry) AIN’T NO T-T-T-TRUE BLUE K-K-K-KENTUCKY FAN WANNA CELLER-MA-BRATE THE BIRTH OF J-J-J-J-J-JESUS CUZ HE IGNORED OUR WILDCAT P-P-P-PRAYERS LAST NIGHT. (long cry) THE BIG B-B-B-B-BLUE IS NOW BEIN CALLED CAL’S QUITTERS. (long cry) CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED, DADGUMMIT!

TAKE DOWN THE TREE. STOP SINGIN’ THEM FA LA LA LA LAAAAAs, AND TELL AMMER-ZON YOU WANT A REFUND ON ALL THE PRESENTS YOU BOUGHT FROM YOUR WILDCAT MAN CAVE! IT’S OVER, LARRY. COACH CAL GOTTA GO! DADGUMMIT, HE’S JUST ANOTHER SLICK-HAIRED, SMOOTH TAWKIN I-TALIAN FRAUD!

WE NEED TO LET KINNY SKY WALKER BE THE HEAD COACH SO HE CAN TEACH THESE WIMPY WILDCATS HOW TO FIGHT, DADGUMMIT! WE LOST TO NOBODY U-TAWWW? AND WE ALSO LOST TO NOBODY OF NOBODIES EVANSVILLE! AND WE ALMOST LOSTED TO U-TAWWWWW VALLEY? DADGUMMIT, QUIT SCHEDULIN GAMES WITH ANYBODY FROM THAT FAKE RELIGION MORMON TABBER-SPACKLE CHOIR STATE! THEY’S A BUNCH OF SISTER WIFE WEIRDO DEVIL WORSHIPPERS WHO’S PROLLY CASTIN’ SPELLS ON OUR GOOD AND CLASSY CHRISTIAN WILDCATS! (cry) AND EVANSVILLE WAS JUST A FREAK SHOW, DADGUMMIT! WALTER McCARTHY IS DEAD TO US. (cry) WE IS THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS! THIS AIN’T POSED TO HAPPEN TO THE BIG BLUE! NOW U UH KAY GOTTA PLAY O-HI-ER STATE ON SAIRDEE, AND THEY POSED TO BE GOOD TOO. THEN WE GOT THE REAL CHRISTMAS KILLER NAME OF LOSERVILLE COMIN UP! (cry)

LEXINUN IS LIKE A CLARK GRISWOLD CHRISTMAS. CAT FANS IS ARGUING WITH EACH OTHER, WE DINT GIT NO BONUS, THE TREE DONE BURNT UP, THE NEIGHBORS IS LAFFING AT US, AND MOST OF OUR FANS IS JUST LIKE COUSIN EDDIE. (cry) HOW’D WE GIT HERE, DADGUMMIT! I HOPE THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST IS ADOLPH RUPP, AND HE SHOWS UP FLOATIN OVER WILDCAT COUNTRY TONIGHT AND SHOWS US THE WAY BACK TO HAPPINESS. EBENEEZER BARNHART WON’T LET US HAVE NO ALKEY-HALL TO DROWN OUR SORROWS. (cry)

[WHAS programming note: former Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin walked into the radio station to talk about his controversial pardons of convicted felons so The Beasman had to call back the next day to finish the sketch. The altered audio version is here. The original script continues throughout this post.]

Vince Tyra, Chris Mack, Terry Meiners, December 4, 2019

I’M SKEERED WE GONNA LOSE CHRIS BALDY MACK AND THE U OF SMELL CARDINAL BIRDS. AND Y’ALL CARDINAL FANS GONNA GIT EVEN WITH US FOR THE Ls DOWN BY HANGING A “KENTUCKY SHAME” BANNER LISTING ALL THE U UH KAY GUYS WHO GONE TO PRISON! TOM PAYNE, RICHIE FARMER, MICHAEL PORTER, DEANDRO LIGGINS FOR BEATIN UP HIS GIRLFRIEND. BOOGIE COUSINS FOR THREATIN TO KILL HIS BABY MAMA. TERRENCE JONES FOR STOMPIN ON A HOMELESS GUY’S HEAD. (cry)

DADGUMMIT! DON’T DO THAT CHAIN GANG DANCE TO MAKE FUN OF THE PRISONER CATS! US CAT FANS IS JUST FUNNIN WHEN WE DO Ls DOWN! MAKIN FUN OF KENTUCKY CONVICTS IS CRUEL AND SINFUL. (cry) WE IS THE CATS! WE POSED TO BE YOUR DOMMERATOR! CHRISTMAS IS MORE LIKE CRAPMESS THIS YEAR! (cry) AND I KNOW US GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY FANS IS P-P-P-P-POSED TO BE CELLER-MA-BRATIN STOOPS TROOPS REE-CRUITS BUT WE CAINT FOCUS ON FOOTBAW WHEN OUR PRIDE AND JOY WILDCAT BASKETBAW TEAM IS LEAKIN OIL, LARRY MINNER!

STOP THAT SMIRKIN! I HEAR YOU SMIRKIN ON THAT PHONE RIGHT NOW! (cry) IF YOU DON’T STOP SMIRKIN ABOUT KENTUCKY FANS’ TEARS, WE GONNA GIT DEANDRO LIGGINS TO HIT YOU IN THE HEAD WITH HIS X-BOX WHILE TERRENCE JONES STOMPS YOU TO DEATH! (cry) I AIN’T PLAYIN WITH NONE OF YOU SMIRKIN U OF SMELL SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, GOLD TOOTH, G.E.D. FLUNKIN, NECK TATTOO, MAKIN BABIE OUT OF WEDLOCK FRAUDS!

ENJOY YOUR LITTLE CHRISTMAS JOY NOW CUZ IF WE LOSE TO O-HI-ER STATE ON SAIRDEE THEN COACH CAL GONNA GIT CHASED OUTTA LEXINUN AND KINNY SKY WALKER GONNA BE PLAYER COACH LIKE TIGER WOODS AND LEAD THE CATS BACK TO VICTREE LANE AGIN YOU CARDINAL DIP STICKS ONE MORE TIME!

Kenny “Sky” Walker, legend

AND SKY WALKER CAN DO IT…SPECIALLY IF HE BRINGS GOOSE GIVENS AND COW MACY BACK AS ASSISTANT PLAYER COACHES! Y’ALL GOIN DOWN LIKE THEM Ls! COME ON, KINNY! AND FIRE THAT OTHER KINNY…THE ONE NAME OF KINNY PAYNE. HE’S A CARDINAL SPY! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! (cry) I DON’T WANNA LOSE TO NO U OF SMELL. I’D RATHER DIE!

Louisville no longer #1 brings Christmas joy to The Beasman and Big Blue Nation

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Louisville WBB celebrating an impending victory over Kentucky in Rupp Arena, December 15, 2019

THE BEASMAN you want some of this?
LARRREEEEEEE! LARRY DADGUM MINNER! (laffs) I WAS JUST CHECKIN THE NEW PO OUT TODAY AND IT SEEMS THAT THE #1 SLOT DON’T SAY LOSERVILLE NO MORE! (laffs) I LOVVVVVVE IT! HAVIN TO LOOK AT THAT UGLY LOSERVILLE WORD IN THE NUMBER ONE SLOT FOR TWO STRAIGHT WEEKS DONE GIVE ME A HEADACHE AND DIARRHEA. BUT I’M ALL CURED UP NOW THAT THEM ROTTEN U OF SMELL CARDINAL BIRDS AIN’T SETTIN UP THERE ON #1 NO MORE! (laffs)

HOORAY FOR THE PO! IT AIN’T GOT A NASTY FILTHY CARDINAL BIRD SETTING UP THERE RIDIN HERD! START SLIDING BACKWARD WHERE YOU BLONG, YOU BUNCH OF SAGGY PANTS, NECK TATTOO, EAR GAUGE, CROSS EYED, CRACKHEAD CARDINAL FRAUDS! BALDY MACK DONE HAD HIS LUCKY STREAK BEATIN MICH-ER-GAN.

BUT THAT’S ALL DAM OVER THE WATER SO Y’ALL CAN CROW ABOUT WHOOPIN EASTERN KENTUCKY BUT THEY IS FRAUDS! JUST WAIT TIL YOU GIT REEEEEAAAAAAALLLLL KENTUCKY! (laffs) YOU CAINT CASH THAT REALITY CHECK, YOU BALD BOOTLICKER! SO SHUT YOUR STUPID CARDINAL MOUTH ABOUT HOW Y’ALL GONNA BEAT COACH CAL, LARRY MINNER!

YOU MUST BE SNIFFIN THAT MARIJU-WANNA AGAIN! U UH KAY GONNA KILL LOSERVILLE SO BAD THAT MATT BEVIN GONNA HAVE TO GIVE EVER GUY ON THE KENTUCKY ROSTER A FULL PARDON FOR MURDER! (laffs)

Vince Tyra, Chris Mack, Terry Meiners, December 4, 2019

YOU SUCK, LARRY! NOW I HEARED YOU ON THERE BRAGGIN’ ABOUT GIRL BASKETBAW! IS THAT HOW FAR YOU SLID INTO DEE-SPAIR? ACTING LIKE Y’ALL CARE ABOUT GIRL BASKETBAW? OHHHHHH…U OF SMELL GIRL BASKETBAW BEAT U UH KAY IN RUMP ARENER AND THAT’S 4 IN A ROW FOR U OF SMELL OVER THE CATS. BIG WHOOPTY-DOO!

U UH KAY GIRLS BASKETBAW PLAYERS IS GONNA BE SCIENTISTS AND LAWYERS AND DOCTORS SOME DAY! U OF SMELL BASKETBAW GIRLS GONNA BE MINIMAL WAGE WORKERS AND NOBODY NEVER GONNA HEAR FROM ‘EM AGAIN! SO TAKE YOUR LITTLE SISTER GIRL BASKETBAW VICTREE AND ENJOY IT! THE KENTUCKY WILDCAT REAL BASKETBAW RIVAL GAME IS COMIN UP DEE-CEMBER 28 AND THEN YOU GONNA SHUT YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH, LOUDMOUTH BRAGGIN CUZ COACH CAL GONNA KNOCK YOU INTO THE NEW YEAR WITH A HEADACHE LIKE A WOODPECKER!

GO BLUE! GO CATS! BLUE GITS IN! BLUE GITS IN! OH, AND LARRY, YOUR PRECIOUS GREEN GAY BUTT PACKERS STILL SUCK. THEY JUST GOT LUCKY AGAINST CHICAGO BEARS CUZ DANNY TREE-VAY-THIN WAS HURT! I SEEN OTHER WILDCATS DOIN GREAT STUFF IN THE N.F.L. OL BUD DU-PREE AND BINNY SNELL WAS AMAZIN FOR THE STEELERS AND JOSH ALLEN WAS GREAT FOR THE OTHER TEAM! RANDO COBB AND THE COWBOYS WAS BIG WINNERS! AND LAY-MAR JACKSON DINT DO DIDDLY SQUAT ON SUNDEE SO YOU KNOW THE RAVENS CAINT WAIT TO GIT LYNNY BOWIE JUNIOR SO THEY GIT REAL QUARTERBACK! THAT HEISHMAN TROPHY PRESENTATION WAS A TOTAL FRAUD CUZ REAL FOOTBAW PEOPLE KNOW LYNNY BOWIE JUNIOR WAS THE BEST PLAYER IN COLLEGE FOOTBAW.

GIT ON THE BIG BLUE BANDWAGON WHILE THERE’S STILL TIME, YOU DIP STICK! AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! YOU WANT SOME OF THIS, CARDINAL BIRDS? LET’S DO IT! AND BRING THAT FAKE LUKE HANCROCK BANNER WITH YOU SO WE CAN BURN IT ON A WILDCAT COUCH AFTER WE THUMP YOU CHUMPS AGAIN! GO CATS! GO BIG BLUE! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

The Beasman and all Wildcat fans can celebrate Christmas now that #1 Louisville lost

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THE BEASMAN terry show opener
(sing) IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEEEEEEAAAAAAR! ‘OL LOSERVILLE’S LOSIN, THEY TOOK A REAL BRUISIN, NOW CAT FANS ARE CRUISIN…IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEEEEEAAAAARRRR!” (laffs) Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! SANTA IS COMIN DOWN THE CHIM-LEE AND Ls IS GOIN DOWN THE PO! (laffs)

OH LARRY…LAST NIGHT WAS THE BEST TV CHRISTMAS SPECIAL EVER! WATCHIN BALDY MACK AND HIS SUPPOSE-UB-LEE #1 CARDINALS LOOK LIKE GARBAGE ON NATIONAL TV! MERRRRRRRR-EEEEEEEE CHRISTMAS, CAT FANS! (laffs and switch to singing) “I’M DREAMIN OF A BLUE AND WHITE CHRISTMAS…JUST LIKE THE WILDCATS USED TO KNOW!” (laffs)

POOR SAD LOSERVILLE. OL EBENEEZER SCROOGE TEXAS TECH JUST SMASHED YOUR CARDINAL DREAMS AND NOW IT’S A SAD LOSERVILLE CHRISTMAS…THANK YOU, JESUS! (laffs) I’LL LET YOU LICK YOUR WOUNDS LARRY AND CALL YOU BACK IN AWHILE. COACH CAL INVITED ALL US FRIENDS OF THE WILDCAT PROGRUM OVER FOR FILM SESSION WITH THE TEAM! WE GONNA WATCH LOSERVILLE GIT BEAT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER! BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIE EVER! (sing) THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEEEEEEAAAAAARRRR!” Ls DOWN, YOU BUNCH OF FAKE NEWS FRAUDS!

AND LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR JUST WON THE PAUL HORNY AWARD, TOO! (laffs) NOW IT FEELS ALL HOLLY JOLLY, DADGUMMIT! GO BLUE! GO CATS! WHO’S NOT #1 NO MORE! LOSERVILLE, THAT’S WHO TO ALL YOU WHOs DOWN IN LOSE-VILLE! (laffs) C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

THE BEASMAN louisville goes down
(laffs) OVER-RATED! (laffs) OVER-RATED! (laffs) OVER-RATED! (laffs) OH LARRY, LARRY, LARRY! (laffs) I STAYED UP WAY PAST MY BEDTIME CLAPPIN’ AND CHEERIN’ AND THROWIN’ THEM Ls DOWN ALL NIGHT TO MY DOG AND MY CAT AND MY GOLDFISH! (laffs) THEY WAS ALL A-CHUCKLIN KNOWIN THAT THEM SNAGGLE TOOTH, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO OVER-RATED U OF SMELL CARDINAL FRAUDS WAS FINE-LEE GITTIN BUXPOSED FOR BEIN THE FRAUDS Y’ALL IS. I LOVE IT! (laffs)

OVER-RATED! (laffs) OVER-RATED! (laffs) Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! (laffs) TAKE THAT #1 OFF THE SCREEN NEXT TO YOUR SINFUL NAME. Y’ALL IS BACK TO BEIN’ THE #1 RUM DUMMY STRIPPER PO FAKE BANNER CARDINAL JOKE OF AMERICA! (laffs) COACH CAL AND THE CATS IS THE TRUE #1 BUT WE IS SMART ENOUGH TO STAY BACK IN THE WEEDS A LITTLE BIT SO THAT WE AIN’T GOT THAT FOR REAL #1 TIL THE FINAL FOUR IS HERE! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! (laffs)

The Texas Tech hippie who gave the Cards a headache all night.

WE GOT US A BRAND NEW GOVERNOR IN KENTUCKY, AND WE GOT BIG BLUE NATION BACK AHEAD OF THE CARDINAL FRAUDS, JUST THE WAY GOD INTENDED! NOW ALL US WILDCAT FANS CAN HAVE A HAPPY CHRISTMAS! JESUS IS BORN AND U OF SMELL IS DEAD! (laffs) AWWWW, THAT WAS FUN WATCHIN’ THAT GAME LAST NIGHT CUZ LOSERVILLE WEREN’T NEVER IN IT! Y’ALL WAS THROWIN UP BRICKS LIKE HABITAT FOR HUMAN-I-TOUS! (laffs)

I BETCHA SLICK RICK WAS TURNIN CARTWHEELS OVER THERE IN GREECE CUZ HE DON’T WANT NO LOSERVILLE BEIN #1 IF HE AIN’T THE COACH NO MORE! (laffs) SLICK RICK LAFFS LIKE US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS ALL NIGHT LONG. I COULD HEAR BANJOS PLAYIN ALL THROUGH THE HOLLER LAST NIGHT AS CAT FANS COME OUT TO CELLER-MA-BRATE LOSERVILLE GOIN DOWN IN FLAMES! (laffs) Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! (laffs) NOW ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS CAN GO ABOUT OUR CHRISTMAS BIDNIZ WITH A POP IN OUR STEP! LOSERVILLE LOST! LOSERVILLE LOST! LOSERVILLE LOST! (laffs) THAT’S MORE FUN TO SAY THAN FA LA LA LA LAAA, LA LA LA LAAAA. (laffs)

Lynn Bowden Junior taunts Louisville with Ls down

PLUS, OUR U UH KAY QUARTERBACK DONE WON THE PAUL HORNY AWARD CUZ HE’S JUST LIKE PAUL HORNY! VERSE-UH-TILLY-US ON THE FIELD! (laffs) SO NOW WE NEED SOME TRUE BLUE KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS TO RUN UP TO NEW YARK AND SHOUT “GO BIG BLUE” UNTIL THEM HEISHMAN TROPHY PEOPLE PICK LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR THIS SAIRDEE! I HEAR TELL THEY GONNA PICK THAT BUCKET HEAD WHITE BOY FROM L.S.U.

DADGUMMIT, HE CAINT RUN LIKE LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR! WAKE UP, HEISHMAN SUCKERS! U UH KAY GOT THE REAL HEISHMAN TROPHY HERO, MR LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR, THE PAUL HORNY AWARD WINNER WHO JUST GU-NOUNCED THAT HE’S GOIN PRO AFTER THE BO GAME. ALL 32 NFL TEAMS IS FIGHTIN OVER HIM BUT I HOPE BALTIMORE PICKS HIM AND THAT MEANS LAY-MAR JACKSON WILL BE OUT OF A JOB! (laffs) GO BIG BLUE! WIN THAT HEISHMAN TROPHY AND TAKE LAYMAR’S JOB! LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR BOUT TO DO ALL THAT SO THAT U UH KAY IS YOUR CARDINAL DOMMERATOR FOREVER! (laffs)

Y’ALL CROSS EYED CARDINAL CRYBABIES IS ALWAYS ACCUSIN US CAT FANS OF BEIN OBSESSED WITH U OF SMELL CUZ WE THROW Ls DOWN ALL THE TIME! FOR ONCE…YOU’RE RIGHT! WE ARE OBSESSED WITH YOU LOSIN! YOUR CARDINAL TEARS ARE DEE-LICIOUS! (laffs) GO CATS! GO BIG BLUE! BLUE GITS IN! BLUE GITS IN! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! DOWN GOES LOSERVILLE AND THERE IS JOY ALLLLLLL ACROSS KENTUCKY! (sing) IT’S THE MOST WUNNERFUL TIME OF THE YEEEEEEAAAARRR

#tbt No count, two-bit, Cardinal loving fraud Larry Minner back in 1991 when was a true blue Wildcat fan but now he’s just a assho.