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The Kentucky Cats LOVE BEING IN THE WATER

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THE BEASMAN cats win in the rain
AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! STOOPS TROOPS IS MAKIN IT RAIN, DADGUMMIT! LET IT RAIN, LET IT RAIN, LET IT RAIN! (laffs) I LOVE ME SOME KENTUCKY WILDCATS PLAYIN IN THE RAIN! THESE CATS LOVVVVE THE WATER! (laffs) HOW BOUT OUR PUNTER! MAX RYAN DONE PULT A FAKE PUNT AND RUN DOWN THE FIELD LIKE HE STOLE SOMETHIN! (laffs)

I LOVE IT! THE U UH KAY PUNTER IS BETTER THAN EVERY OTHER PLAYER IN AMERICA CEPT FOR LYNN BOWDEN JUNIOR, THE NEW SUPERSTAR U UH KAY QUARTERBACK! (laffs) DADGUMMIT, LBJ, YOU CAN LEAD OUR BLUE TROOPS INTO BATTLE ALL YOU WANT! (laffs) CAINT NOBODY STOP LYNN BOWDEN JUNIOR! HE RUNS, HE PASSES, HE JUMPS OVER FOOLS! (laffs) LYNN BOWDEN JUNIOR FOR HEISHMAN! LYNN BOWDEN JUNIOR FOR HEISHMAN! (laffs) HE’S THE GREATEST U UH KAY QUARTERBACK SINCE TIM COUCH! GOOOOOO CATS! GO BLUE!

AIN’T NO HALLER-WEEN FREAK SHOW HERE IN LEXINUN! ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS GONNA HAND OUT BLUE POPCARN BALLS AND U UH KAY COOKIES! GO BIG BOOOOOOOOOOOO! (laffs) GO BIG BOO! GO BIG BOO! WE WANT BAMA! WE WANT BAMA! THE REST OF THE S.E.C. IS PURDY NERVOUS NOW CUZ THEY KNOW THE CATS GONNA RUN THE TABLE. WE GOT FOUR NOBODIES LEFT: TENNERSEE, VANDERSMELT, BABY TENNERSEE, AND LOSERVILLE. WHAT A JOKE! STOOPS MIGHT EVEN GIVE THE PLAYERS OFF AND LET THEIR MAMAS PLAY AGAINST LOSERVILLE. Y’ALL SUCK, LARRY! TRYIN TO ACT LIKE Y’ALL DONE GOOD BEATIN VIRGINNY.

THEY’S A BASKETBAW SCHOOL NOT NO FOOTBAW PIRE! (laffs) GIT SERIOUS! Y’ALL AIN’T BEAT NOBODY GOOD THIS YEAR. THEM FISHBREATH, BEER DRINKIN CATHLICK NOTRE DAME PEDDER-FILES SLAPPED Y’ALL AROUND AND THEY JUST GOT TRASHED BY KHAKI PANTS HARBAUGH AND HIS WIMPERINES. (laffs) SO SHUT UP YOUR STUPID MOUTH ABOUT HOW U OF SMELL GONNA BEAT THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS CUZ YOU IS TAWKIN OUT OF YOUR HIND END, YOU BALD HAIRED, TRAITOR TURNCOAT, BENNER DICK ARNOLD WENT-TO-U-UH-KAY-BUT-CHEERS-FOR-LOUSYVILLE SNOWFLAKE LARRY DADGUM MINNER! (laffs)

Y’ALL BETTER GIT SKEERED RIGHT NOW CUZ LYNN BOWDEN JUNIOR AND OUR PUNTER IS WAITIN TO BREAK YOUR TINY U OF SMELL HEARTS IN A MONTH, YOU BUNCH OF SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, DOPE SMOKIN, CRACKHEAD, SPINELESS, BRAINLESS, TOOTHLESS, CROSS-EYED LOSERVILLE CARDINAL CONVICTS! (laffs) OUR U UH KAY PUNTER COULD WHIP Y’ALL ALL BY HIS SELF IF KICKIN YOU IN THE CROTCH WAS LEGAL! (laffs) TURN ON THE CHRISTMAS MUSIC, LARRY, CUZ THIS HERE IS THE HIGH HOLY SEASON FOR CATS FANS! WE IS DOMMERATIN THE S.E.C. IN FOOTBAW AND THE HOOPS SEASON IS BACK TOO! (sing)

IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEEEEEEEAAAAARRRR! (laffs) AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! (laffs) U UH KAY BASKETBAW JUST STARTED UP AND COACH CAL IS HAPPY TO SHOW OFF ALL THE REE-CRUITS WE GOT THAT U OF SMELL WANTED BUT NOBODY WITH NO BRAINS WOULD EVER CHOOSE TO BE A LOSER OVER BEIN A GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCAT! (laffs)

COACH CAL GITS ALL THE BEST RECRUITS AND LOSERVILLE GITS THE TABLE SCRAPS OF A.C.C. NOBODIES LIKE DUKE AND NARTH CARAMALINER. Y’ALL DON’T EVEN BLONG IN THE SAME GYM AS U UH KAY, LARRY, AND YOU KNOW IT! A U UH KAY SPY TODE ME THAT UNRANKED O-HI-ER STATE COME DOWN FOR A SECRET SCRIMMAGE AGAINST BALDY MACK’S SUPPOSUBLEE FIFTH-RANKED LOUISVILLE CARDINALS AND BEAT Y’ALLS BRAINS OUT! (laffs)

I LOVE IT! GOMER PYLE SATTERFIELD STRUGGLES TO BEAT FOOTBAW NOBODIES AND BALDY MACK’S BASKETBAW BOYS CAINT WHOOP O-HI-ER TUCK-A-BUCKEYES! (laffs) GIVE UP NOW, LOSERVILLE! WE BOTH GOTTA BYE WEEK IN FOOTBAW SO USE THE EXTRA TIME TO TRANSFER TO REAL SCHOOLS THAT THE NC2A WON’T TAKE THEIR BANNERS DOWN! (laffs) I LOVE IT! CATS! CATS! CATS! AWWWWW BLUE! WHITE! U OF SMELL IS A MESS TO-NIGHT! (laffs) CATS CATS CATS! IF YOU AIN’T BLUE YOU’S JUST DOG DOO. (laffs) GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS! WE WANT BAMA! WE WANT BAMA! WE WANT BAMA!

The Beasman ain’t skeered when the kids forget to call their Old Kentucky Home

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THE BEASMAN cats losing streak
GO CATS! GO BLUE! US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS AIN’T GIVE UP ON YOU YET! I MEAN, WE DONE LINED THE STREETS FOR FREE BASKETBAW PRACTICE TICKETS BUT THAT DON’T MEAN WE DON’T CARE ABOUT FOOTBAW. STOOPS TROOPS IS SECOND BANANA ONCE COACH CAL’S NEW TEAM STARTS PRACTICIN! GO BLUE! GO CATS! FARDY & OH! POOR OL LARRY MINNER! HIS TEAMS GOT CRUSHED THIS WEEKEND. THEM SAINT X HIGH SCHOOL BOYS DON’T BLONG ON THE SAME FIELD WITH THEM TRINITY MENS!

Trinity High School football celebrates another victory over St. Xavier (Sep 2019)

YOUR SAINT X BOYS IS DIVISION 2 AND TRINITY IS LIKE A S.E.C. COLLEGE TEAM, LARRY! Y’ALL CROSS-EYED SAINT X NERDS JUST NEED TO STOP PLAYIN TRINITY CUZ THEY HUMILLER-FYING YOUR LITTLE HAS BEEN TIGER FOOTBAW PROGRUM. (laffs) I LOVE IT WHEN SAINT X LOSES, AND YOUR LITTLE GREEN GAY BUTT PACKERS LOSTED THE OTHER NIGHT TO PHILLER-DELFER! (laffs)

LARRY CAINT GO TO NO LOSERVILLE LIVE STREET PARTY CUZ BALDY CHRIS MACK GITS ALL THE BALD GUY ATTENTION! LARRY IS A STRANGER IN HIS OWN TOWN. (laffs) POOR OL TRAITOR TURNCOAT LARRY MINNER! HE THINKS I’M GONNA CRY ABOUT STOOPS TROOPS BUT I AIN’T! WE ALL GOOD THIS WEEK CUZ KENTUCKY GOT A BYE AND SO STOOPS GONNA GIT EVERTHANG BACK ON TRACK SO WE CAN WIN THE 8 GAMES WE GOT LEFT!

YOU JUST WAIT, LARRY! CATS GONNA RUN THE TABLE! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! AND LARRY, I REALLY LOVE WATCHING SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBAW WHEN ALL THE GREAT PLAYERS MENTION THEIR SCHOOLS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE GAME.

“HELLO, MURICA! THIS HERE IS DALLAS COWBOY RANDO COBB FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF KENTUCKEEEEEEE!” HOORAY! BIGTIME NFL STAR RANDO COBB MEMBERS THAT HE WENT TO KENTUCKY! “THIS HERE IS LARRY WARTFORD OF THE NARLINS SAINTS! I AM A KENTUCKY WILDCAT!” HOORAY! RANDO AND LARRY BOTH SAID HELLO TO U UH KAY ON N.B.C. TELLERVISION. OH WAIT, HERE COMES TEDDY BRIDGEWATER. LET’S HEAR HIS SHOUTOUT TO THE CARDINAL CRIMINALS! (laffs) THEN TEDDY COMES ON THE TV AND SAYS “HELLO! THIS HERE IS TEDDY BRIDGEWALKER! I WENT TO MIAMI SMALLTIME HIGH SCHOOL!” (laffs) I LOVE IT! HE DINT SAY LOSERVILLE CUZ HE DON’T WANT THE WHOLE COUNTRY TO KNOW HE USED TO BE A CARDINAL CONVICT! (laffs)

WHO COULD BLAME HIM? LAY-MAR JACKSON STILL AIN’T FIGGERED OUT THAT STAYIN CONNECTED TO LOSERVILLE HURTS HIS BRAND BUT TEDDY BRIDGEWALKER DONE DROPPED Y’ALL LIKE A BAD HABIT! (laffs) KENTUCKY WILDCAT PLAYERS ALWAYS PROUDLY SHOUTOUT TO BIG BLUE NATION BUT THE FEW CARDINALS WHO MAKE IT TO THE NFL JUST MENTION THEIR ELEMENTREE SCHOOLS INSTEAD OF SAYIN THEY WENT TO LOSERVILLE. DADGUMMIT, I HEAR TELL A DEGREE FROM LOSERVILLE AIN’T AS GOOD AS A JUNIOR G.E.D. (laffs)

YOUR CARDINAL BIRDS CAINT TEASE U UH KAY ABOUT NO LOSIN STREAK CUZ Y’ALL GOT SLAPPED AROUND BY NOBODY FLORIDA STATE AND HAS BEEN NOTRE DAME, A BUNCH OF DRUNK CATHLICKS!

NOW THEY SAY LOSERVILLE IS FAVORED BY FOUR POINTS OVER BOSTON COLLEGE. WHAT A JOKE! U OF SMELL AIN’T GONNA WHOOP NO BOSTON COLLEGE UNLESS TEDDY BRIDGEWALKER COMES BACK BUT HE DONE FORGOT Y’ALL EXIST! (laffs) I SEEN AT THE LOSERVILLE LIVE THAT DONNER-VAN MITCHELL COME BACK BUT THAT WAS ONLY CUZ SLICK RICK NEEDED A LOAN TO PAY HIS LAWYER BILL. (laffs) OH LARRY, THE JOKES JUST WRITE THEIRSELFS. (laffs)

HEY, SINCE SLICK RICK AIN’T GOT NO MONEY NO MORE, IS HE GONNA GO BACK TO STRIPPER PO DANCIN FOR WIDOWS AT THE OLD FOLKS HOME? THEM OL LADIES WILL TUCK-A-BUCK IN SLICK RICK’S JOCKSTRAP SO HE CAN AFFORD TO KEEP DYIN HIS HAIR AND GITTIN BOTOX! (laffs) YOU SUCK, LOSERVILLE, YOU BUNCH OF CROOKED TEETH, WHISKEY BREATH, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, WELFARE STAMP, STOLEN TELEPHONE, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK, ILLITERATE, BRAINLESS, SPINELESS, CLUELESS CARDINAL CONVICTS!

MAKE SURE YOU TELL YOUR PAROLE OFFICER YOU’S GOIN TO THE CARDINAL GAME ON SAIRDEE OTHERWISE HE’LL THINK YOU’S OUT SELLIN HEROIN VAPERS AGIN! (laffs) GO CATS! GO BLUE! BLUE GITS IN! BLUE GITS IN! (laffs) THAT’S WHAT DOCTORS SAY ABOUT YOUR CARDINAL CONVICT LUNGS WHEN Y’ALL VAPE TO MUCH. BLUE GITS IN YOUR LUNGS! BLUE GITS IN YOUR LUNGS! (laffs) LET’S GO CATS! WE WANT BAMA!

For Kentucky football, targeting is triggering

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THE BEASMAN florida curse
I HATE YOU AND EVERTHANG YOU STAND FOR, LARRY MINNER. “CHANCE POOR” THAT ANY TRUE BLUE WILDCAT FAN EVER WANNA LISSEN AT YOU…ON THAT RADIO GIGGLIN LIKE A SCHOOL GIRL ABOUT LAY-MAR JACKSON AND TEDDY DIRTY WATER PLAYIN N.F.L. INSTEAD OF SOUNDIN SAD ABOUT OUR BELOVED CATS LOSIN TO THEM FLORI-DER PHONIES AGAIN! (cry) ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS FANS IS LICKIN OUR WOUNDS AND Y’ALL WH&S PEOPLE JUST ON THERE TODAY HOLLERIN AND CUTTIN UP LIKE YOU’S AT A CARDINAL HOOTENANY. (cry)

DADGUMMIT, Y’ALL POSED TO BE GRIEVIN LIKE THE REST OF US, YOU CROSS-EYED, PENCIL NECK, TWO-BIT, DRUNK FOR BREAKFAST, WELFARE STAMP, CHAIN GANG, NOBODY LOSERVILLE WILDCAT WANNABES! WE GOT A FIELD GOAL KICKER NAMED SLIM CHANCE, FAT CHANCE, CHANCE POOR, OR BETTY BLUITT OR PEG LEG MEG OR WHATEVER. GIT HER OUTTA HERE AND GIT US IRON MAN TO KICK FIELD GOALS. (cry)

STOOPS TROOPS DONE GOT ROBBED BY THEM REFFERMARIES CALLIN WEAK TARGETING PENALTIES ON TWO OF OUR CATS. KENTUCKY WILDCATS AIN’T HEAD KNOCKIN THUGS LIKE LOSERVILLE CARDINAL BIRDS. U UH KAY WILDCATS IS JUST SO DADGUM TOUGH THAT OPPONENTS LOOK LIKE CRASH DUMMIES WHEN THEY GIT TACKLED BY A GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCAT! (cry)

MATT JONES — HE’S GONNA BE A SENATOR YOU KNOW – MATT JONES SAYS THEM REFFERMARIES IS STILL CHEATIN U UH KAY CUZ THEY’S MAD ABOUT MATT JONES PICKIN ON THAT BASKETBAW REFFERMARIE NAME OF HIGGINS. SO THAT’S WHAT THIS IS REALLY ABOUT. ALL THE ZEBRAS IS OUT TO GIT THE CATS BECAUSE THEY JEALOUS OF STOOPS AND COACH CAL.

Lexington Herald Leader

STOOPS TROOPS REALLY BEAT FLORIDER THE OTHER NIGHT IF THEM PHONEY TARGETING CALLS WASN’T MADE! HERE’S WHAT U UH KAY NEEDS TO DO SHUT DOWN THEM CHEATIN REFFERMARIES…WE NEED KENTUCKY HALL OF FAMER BOOGIE COUSINS TO GO OUT THERE FOR THE COIN TOSS AND THEN THREATEN TO PUT A BULLET IN THE REFFERMARIES’ HEADS! YEAH! I BETCHA THEY’LL STOP CALLIN FAKE TARGETING CALLS ON THE CATS ONCE BOOGIE GITS UP THEIR GRILLS! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

OH, AND LARRY…STOP BRAGGIN ABOUT YOUR CARDINAL CONVICTS BEATIN NOBODY WESTER KENTUCKY. THEY’S A BUNCH OF SWISHY BOYS WHO CAIN’T BEAT NOBODY SO BIG WHOOP! IF Y’ALL WAS IN THE S.E.C. LIKE KENTUCKY THEN YOU WOULD GIT STOMPED EVER WEEK. THE ONLY REAL GAME Y’ALL GOT IS CLEMSER, WHO CAIN’T BEAT ALABAMMER BUT ONCE EVER 20 TRIES. THE A.C.C. IS LIKE DIVISION 2 FOOTBAW. BUNCH OF WILDCAT WANNABES.

STOOPS TROOPS STILL GONNA WIN THE NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS CUZ WE RUNNIN THE TABLE STARTIN THIS SAIRDEE AGAINST THEM MISTERSIPPI STATE BULL DYKES. MEANTIME YOUR DOORMAT LOSERVILLE FRAUDS GONNA GIT YOUR JAW JACKED BY THEM SCUMBAG FLORIDER STATE SCRITCHERS. AND DID YOU NOTICE THAT COACH CAL DONE GOT ANOTHER TOP RECRUIT FOR NEXT YEAR? THE ONLY GUY YOUR TWIN BROTHER BALDY MACK CAN GIT HERE IS BILL MURRAY, AND HE CAINT DUNK NOTHIN BUT A DONUT! SO SHUT YOUR CROOKED TEETH MOUTH, LARRY MINNER!

Former UofL player Jonathan Greenard tackles UK quarterback Skylar Smith

YOU AND ALL THEM CARDINAL CONVICTS STILL GONNA GIT SLAPPED DOWN AGAIN FROM THE F.B.I. CUZ OF SLICK RICK’S CHEATIN. THAT’S A GIANT TARGETING PENALTY ON U OF SMELL. THE F.B.I. AND SLICK RICK’S BANKER IS TARGETING Y’ALL. SLICK GONNA SUED TO TAKE ANOTHER FARDY MILLION DOLLARS SO Y’ALL GOTTA SELL THE THINKER STATUE JUST TO PAY HIM OFF! YOU SUCK, CARDINAL BIRDS! LET’S GO, BIG BLUE NATION! GO CATS! GO BLUE! AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

A world without football is like battling Hell with a squirt gun 🔥

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Welcome back, football. Especially at the University of Louisville where last year’s team laid down to die. The coach was fired, a new one hired, and victory has returned after a 10 game self-inflicted streak of defeat.

As an obscure football coach once said, “We’re kind of like a woodpecker in a petrified forest. Just keep busy and look for opportunities.”

The joy is back at University of Louisville football. Coach Scott Satterfield and his Louisville Cardinals put a beatdown on overmatched Eastern Kentucky University. I’m sorry for the Colonels but “Can I get an Amen, brother!”

About that woodpecker line…meet Montana Tech’s Bob Green.

Meanwhile, the Kentucky Wildcats offer southern hospitality to the visiting gentlemen from Eastern Michigan. #FootballEtiquette

Look out, Cardinals…here come them there Notre Dame Cathlick beak busters

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Joe B Hall and Terry Meiners, Rupp Arena, February 2017

THE BEASMAN football is back
I BET YOU’S JEALOUS OF COACH CAL PLAYIN GOLF WITH PRESSER-DENT BROCK PAJAMAS, AIN’T YOU, LARRY? COACH CAL HANGS OUT WITH ALL THE BIGTIME STARS LIKE BROCK PAJAMAS, LEE-BRON JAMES, JAY Z, THE DRAKE, AND THE OAK RIDGE BOYS. WHICH PRESIDENT DID YOU PLAY GOLF WITH, LARRY MINNER? THE PRESIDENT OF THE HAIR CLUB FOR MEN? (laffs)

John Calipari and Barack Obama, Farm Neck Golf Club, Martha’s Vineyard (August 2019)

IT’S TIME FOR FOOTBAW, CARDINAL SISSIES! SAY YOUR PRAYERS, YOU FILTHY U OF SMELLERS, CUZ Y’ALL BOUT TO DIE! (laffs) I LOVE IT! THE CARDINAL CRIMINALS GOT TO WAIT ALL WEEKEND FOR THEIR EXER-CUTION AT THE HANDS OF THEM DRUNK IRISH PEDDER-FILE, FAKE RELIGION CATHLICK SINNERS. (laffs) Y’ALL DEE-SERVE EACH OTHER, YOU STRIPPER POLE, GRAMMAW PROSTER-TUTE LOVIN LOSERVILLE CARDINAL THUGS.

YOU BUNCH OF NECK TATTOO, GUN ROBBERY, PAROLE VIOLATION, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC LOSERVILLE FELONS IS GONNA START OFF THE FOOTBAW SEASON WITH YOUR DREAMS CRUSHED. (laffs) YOUR NEW GOMER PYLE COACH DON’T KNOW NOTHIN. (laffs) SHAZAM, GOMER! (laffs) ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCAT FANS IS GIDDY LIKE SCHOOLGIRLS. (laffs)

WE’S IN THE S.E.C. JUST LIKE FLOR-I-DER AND L-S-WHO AND JARJUH. THEY IS OK BUT THEY AIN’T U-K! (laffs) SEE WHAT I DONE THERE? (laffs) STOOPS TROOPS GONNA STOMP LITTLE NOBODY TOLEDO AND THEN ALL THEM SO-CALLED “TOP 25” WILDCAT WANNABE TEAMS GONNA FIZZLE.

COACH STOOPS IS GLAD THE CATS AIN’T IN THE TOP 25. THAT’S MOTOR-VATION! Y’ALL KNOW U UH KAY IS BETTER THAN ALABAMMER AND CLEMSON AND ALL THEM OTHER FRAUDS. GO BIG BLUE! EVER-BODY KNOWS THE CATS IS #1 AND THEY’S JUST JEALOUS! JUST WAIT AND SEE WHAT WE DO TO BIG, BAD TOLEDO…THE BEST TEAM IN OHI-ER CUZ OHI-ER STATE SUCKS. (laffs) BUNCH OF BUCKEYE NANCY BOYS! (laffs) CATS! CATS! CATS! TERRY TOUCHDOWN GONNA WIN THE HEISHMAN, U UH KAY GONNA WIN THE NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS, AND COACH CAL GONNA FINE-LEE WIN THE NC2A SO U UH KAY FANS CAN BE MORE OBNOXIOUS THAN EVER! (laffs) WHOOOO! GO BIG BLUE! GO CATS! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! (laffs) BLUE GITS IN! RED GETS IN-CARCERATED! (laffs)

Larry Minner and JB Holmes at Valhalla, 2013

KENTUCKY COACHES PLAY GOLF WITH PRESIDENTS. U OF SMELL COACHES PLAY IN THE PRISON YARD. (laffs) HEY LARRY, I TODE YOU JUSTIN THOMAS WEREN’T GONNA WIN THE FEDDER CHEESE CUP CUZ HE’S A WEAK-MINDED U OF SMELL FAN. THEM FED-EX LIARS WAS AFRAID TO PUT J.B. HOLMES IN THERE CUZ THEY KNOWED HIS U UH KAY TALENT WOULD CRUSH ALL THEM OTHER CANDY APPLES. ME AND ALL MY WILDCAT BUDDIES WAS PULLIN FOR ANYBODY CEPT JUSTIN THOMAS TO WIN CUZ WE DON’T WANT LOSERVILLE TO HAVE NO GOOD NEWS NEVER. (laffs) GIT READY FOR THEM BEER BREATH, STATUE WORSHIPPIN CATHLICKS TO RIP OFF YOUR STUPID CARDINAL BEAKS AND BURN YOUR EYEBALLS WITH HOLY WATER!

BIG BLUE NATION LOVES NOTRE DAME ALL WEEK! THEY’LL STOMP YOU THUG CARDINALS AND COME NEXT WEEK U UH KAY FANS WILL GO BACK TO CALLIN’ NOTRE DAME UGLY, REDHAIRED, ALCOHOLIC, FISH BREATH, PEDDER-HILE PROTECTIN’ HERETIC, FAKE RELIGION DIRTBALLS. BUT FOR NOW, B.B.N. LOVVVVVEEEEESSSSS NOTRE DAME! (laffs) AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

The Cathlicks bout to do a exorcism on the Loserville Cardinal birds

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THE BEASMAN cathlicks is comin
STOP TAWKIN BOUT JUSTIN THOMAS LIKE HE’S YOUR FRIEND. HE WON THE FEDDER CHEESE CUP BUT HE DON’T LIKE NO LOSERVILLE CARDINAL BIRDS. HE WAS WEARIN BLUE PANTS THE WHOLE TIME. JUSTIN THOMAS PRETENDS LIKE HE LIKES LOSERVILLE SO Y’ALL’S PUNK GHETTO THUGS WON’T STEAL HIS GOLF CLUBS WHEN HE COMES HOME TO SEE HIS PARENTS. JUSTIN THOMAS WENT TO ROLL TIDE ALABAMMER CUZ HE KNOWS THE S.E.C. DOMERATES AND U OF SMELL SUCKS. (laffs)

YOU CARDINAL BIRDS BETTER QUIT LYIN BOUT JUSTIN THOMAS BEIN YOURS AND START WORRYIN ABOUT WHAT THEM BEER DRINKIN, BINGO PLAYIN CATHLICK NOTRE DAME BOYS GONNA DO TO Y’ALL IN ABOUT 10 DAYS. (laffs) THE SPREAD IS 21 POINTS. I’D BET THE HOUSE ON THEM ROCKHEAD CATHLICK ROSARY BEAD RUBBIN FIGHTIN IRISH. I HATE CATHLICKS BUT I LOVE ‘EM WHEN THEY’S PLAYIN LOSERVILLE.

MATTER FACT, I RENTED ONE OF THEM POPE COSTUMES FROM THE HALLERWEEN STORE SO I CAN RUN AROUND THROWIN HOLY WATER ON CARDINAL FANS’ FACES AND GIVE LAST RITES. (laffs) BLESS YOU, MY SON. PREPARE TO DIE! (laffs) I LOVE IT. THEM GENUFLECTIN’, BEER CHUGGIN, BABY MAKIN CATHLICK LOUDMOUTHS MAKE ME SICK BUT IF THEY GONNA MAKE LOSERVILLE CRY, THEN I’M A BIG FAN FOR NOW! (laffs)

Oct 21, 2017; South Bend,

Y’ALL STATUE RUBBIN, FAKE RELIGION CATHLICK FRAUDS IS BIG BLUE NATION’S HEROES RIGHT NOW SO GO IN THERE AND LOP OFF CARDINAL HEADS LIKE Y’ALL IS RUNNIN THEM CRUSADES AGAIN. (laffs) LARRY, YOU NEED ME ON THIS SHOW EVER DAY TO LAY DOWN SOME B.B.N. TRUTH. I WAS HOPIN’ MATT JONES WAS GONNA REPLACE YOU BUT OL MITCH MCCONNELL WOULD JUST GIT HIM FIRED FROM WH&S TOO.

Terry Meiners, Matt Jones (August 2019)

TRUTH BE TODE, I DON’T KNOW WHY MATT JONES WANNA WRITE A BOOK ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN KENTUCKY BASKETBAW. AIN’T NOBODY WANNA READ BOUT MITCH MCCONNELL UNLESS HE’S WEARIN A WILDCAT JERSEY AND DUNKIN ON A CARDINAL THUG. (laffs)

MATT JONES NEEDS TO SHUT UP ABOUT POLLER-TICS AND GIT BACK TO MAKIN FUN OF THE CARDINAL STRIPPERS AND THE SECRET TRUSTEE WHO PAID EM OFF AND HOW COACH CAL IS A GOD. THAT’S WHAT KENTUCKY FANS WANNA HEAR ON THE LECTRIC RADIO. I TURNT ON THAT MATT JONES “HEY KENTUCKY” SHOW AND IT WEREN’T ABOUT KENTUCKY WILDCATS AT ALL.

United States. Bethel. 1969 Woodstock Festival.

IT WAS ABOUT DOPE SMOKIN WOODSTOCK HIPPIES AND RYAN LEMON’S STINKY UNDERWEAR AND THAT GAMER THRONES SHOW. AINT NO WILDCAT FANS WANT THAT STUFF. LET’S TALK KENTUCKY WILDCATS! STOOPS TROOPS! COACH CAL! FINAL FOUR! AND LET’S CELERBRATE EVER TIME U OF SMELL STILL GOT TO TAWK ABOUT THEM SKANKY GRANDMA STRIPPERS. (laffs) GIT OFF MY PHONE, LARRY MINNER! THIS HERE IS A WILDCAT HOTLINE ONLY…I DON’T WANT YOUR CARDINAL STINKBREATH IN MY EAR! (laffs) AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! GREASE UP THAT STIPPER POLE SO Y’ALL CARDINAL FANS CAN LEAVE THE STADIUM FASTER WHEN THEM BEER BREATH CATHLICKS PUNCH YOUR FACE IN! (laffs) GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! CATS! CATS! CATS!

The Beasman ain’t too pleased about Big Blue Nation outside looking in at the Final Four

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THE BEASMAN natl championship night
SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE ABOUT THE NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS GAME, YOU BALD HAIRED, TRAITOR TURNCOAT, BACKSTABBING U OF SMELL SUCKUP! ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS AIN’T IN NO MOOD FOR JOSHIN, DADGUMMIT. THIS WAS POSED TO BE OUR NIGHT WITH ERRBODY SCREAMIN GO BIG BLUE AND TELLIN ALL THE OTHER SCHOOLS THAT THEY SUCK. IT FEELS LIKE THE GRINCH DONE STOLE OUR BLUE CHRISTMAS AGAIN, LARRY MINNER.

“COACH CAL FOR LIFE” BETTER GIT US A WILDCAT CHAMPERCHIPS NEXT YEAR OR ELSE HIS LIFETIME DEAL IS GONNA END. A LIFETIME CONTRACT IS ONLY GOOD AS LONG AS YOU’S ALIVE, DADGUMMIT! YOU HEAR ME, COACH CAL? DON’T HUMILERATE BIG BLUE NATION NO MORE WITH ALL THIS ONE-AND-DONE-BUT-NEVER-FUN EARLY FADEOUTS. WE IS THE CATS! WE POSED TO WIN IT ALL EVER YEAR CUZ WE IS THE BIG BLUE!

LATE TONIGHT SOME FRAUD TEAM IS GONNA BE CUTTIN DOWN THEM NETS THAT BLONG TO THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS. IT MAKES ME WANNA VOMIT JUST THINKIN ABOUT SOMEBODY ELSE GITTIN OUR TROPHY! LARRY, I GUESS U OF SMELL SCUMBAGS LIKE YOU IS A-LAUGHIN CUZ YOU GOT THEM VIRGINNY FRAUDS FROM THE A.C.C. IN THE CHAMPERCHIPS GAME. I DON’T KNOW HOW THEM WHITE BOYS GOT THAT FAR IN THE NC2A TOURNEYMINT WITHOUT PAYIN OFF THE REFFERMARIES.

YOU KNOW THEY SHOULDA CALLED THAT DOUBLE DRIBBLE IN THE AUBURN GAME BUT NAWWWW, “LET ‘EM PLAY” THEM CHEATIN REFFERMARIES SAID. IT’S ALL A BIG JOKE ANYMORE, LARRY MINNER. AUBURN DINT GOT NO BIDNESS BEATIN U UH KAY BUT TYLER HERO TURNT OUT TO BE A ZERO.

IF AUBURN WOULDA TOOK HERO AND AUBURN WOULDA GIVE US THAT TALL FELLER WITH THE ARNGE HAIR THEN THE CATS WOULD BE LAUGHIN ALL THE WAY TO THE CHAMPERCHIP.

U UH KAY SHOULDA SPENT TONIGHT WINNIN, CUTTIN DOWN THE NETS, MAKIN FUN OF U OF SMELL, BURNIN COUCHES, AND PLAYIN BANJO MUSIC ALL NIGHT LONG. BUT NOW WE GOT TO WATCH FRAUDS STEAL OUR TROPHY AND THEN WAIT TO SEE WHICH OF OUR UNDER-PERFARMIN PLAYERS IS GONNA RUN OFF TO THE NBA. BYE BYE, PJ WARSHININ. YOU WERE GREAT. THANK YOU, REID TRAVIS FOR GIVIN US YOUR 5TH YEAR BEST. BUT THE REST OF Y’ALL FRAIDY CATS AIN’T READY FOR THE BIGTIME CUZ YOU DON’T LIVE AND DIE FOR THAT TROPHY THE WAY US GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCAT FANS DO! WAKE UP, FRAIDY CATS!

COACH CAL, HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY – COACH CAL DONE GOT HISSELF A LIFETIME CONTRACT THAT WE ALREADY WANNA TEAR UP. THAT WHOLE FLIRTATIOUS WITH U.C.L.A. WAS A STUNT TO MAKE U UH KAY PAY HIM MORE MONEY. WHAT A JOKE. IF U UH KAY WAS SMART, THEY WOULDN’T PAY COACH CAL NO SALARY TIL THEY SEE HOW THE SEASON COMES OUT. PAY HIM MINIMAL WAGE DURING THE SEASON SO HE CAN BUY HIS DONUTS AND COFFEE HE SAYS HE’S HOOKED ON.

KEEP THEM MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN A TOTE SACK TIL THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS WIN THE NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS AND THEN PAY HIM HIS BIG MONEY. “COACH CAL FOR LIFE” IS A BAD PLAN. IT’S LIKE PAYIN YOUR COUSIN A SALARY FOR LAYIN ON THE COUCH AND EATIN YOUR GROCERIES WHEN YOU THUNK HE WAS GONNA PAINT YOUR HOUSE.

COACH CAL GOT TO PROVE HISSELF. HE BEEN HERE A DECADE WITH THE BEST RECRUITIN CLASS EVER YEAR AND ALL WE GOT IS ONE CHAMPERCHIPS. THESE TEXAS TECH AND VIRGINNY COACHES DON’T GIT PAID DIDDLY AND LOOK AT THEM TONIGHT. AND BRUCE PEARL IS A BARBEQUE BECKY RECRUITIN CHEATER BUT HE STILL MADE THE FINAL FOUR BY BEATIN COACH CAL. SO WHAT WE GONNA DO, CAT FANS?

WE GONNA LAY DOWN AND LET COACH CAL GIT LIFETIME MONEY FOR A ONE-HIT-WONDER CAREER? YOU GOT ONE YEAR, CAL. IF WE DON’T WIN IT ALL NEXT YEAR AND THE YEAR AFTER AND THE YEAR AFTER, PACK YOUR I-TALIAN SUITS AND RUN OFF. KINNY SKY WALKER IS READY TO STEP IN AND MAKE BIG BLUE NATION GREAT AGAIN. BUCEPT WE’LL DO IT WITH BLUE HATS. AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

90s Flashback: Pitino’s Bombinos stun Louisville again

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2019 NCAA Tournament, day one

THE BEASMAN cards lose
(crying) AWWWWW LARRY! (cry) M-M-M-M-ME AND ALL MY WILDCAT BUDDIES IS CRYING BUCKETS OF TEARS FROM SEEING YOUR FILTHY CARDINAL BUDDIES LOSE TO BABY PITINO. (cry) B-B-B-B-BUT (laffs) WE IS CRYING TEARS OF JOYYYYYYYY! (laffs) ZIPPITY DO DAH, ZIPPITY DAY. MY OH MY WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY! (laffs) I BEEN GIGGLIN LIKE A SCHOOL GIRL SINCE MINNERSOTA HIT THEIR FIRST THREE POINTER. (laffs)

THREEEEEEEEEEE! ERRBODY SAID “MINNERSOTA CAINT HIT NO LONG SHOTS SO U OF SMELL DON’T NEED TO GUARD ‘EM!” WELL HOW DID THAT WORK OUT FOR YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH, G.E.D. FLUNKIN, BRAINLESS, SPINELESS LOSERVILLE CARDINAL BIRDS? HOW BOUT MAKIN SOME KIND UH ‘JUSS-MENT AFTER YOUR OPPONENT MAKES 25 THREE POINTERS! IS BALDY MACK STOOPID OR WAS HE PULLIN FOR LITTLE PITINO TOO? (laffs)

THREEEEEEEE! (laffs) AND ALL YOU CARDINAL IDIOTS WAS WHININ ABOUT GITTIN A #7 SEED. YOU DINT DEE-SERVE TO BE A #16 SEED, YOU BUNCH OF FRAUDS. YOU SHOULDA BEEN IN THE N.I.T. ALL ALONG, YOU LITTLE BROTHER NOBODY HAS BEENS! (laffs)

I BET SLICK RICK IS BUYING DRINKS FOR EVERBODY OVER THERE IN SOME GREECE BAR. OR HE AT LEAST STOPPED TAWKIN TRASH TO THE YOUNG LADIES LONG ENOUGH TO LOOK UP AT THE T.V. SCREEN TO TOAST HIS BOY! (laffs) Y’ALL FIRED SLICK RICK AND HIS BOY COMES BACK TO FIRE U OF SMELL FROM THE NC2A TOURNEYMINT! (laffs) HAVE A NICE RIDE BACK FROM I-OWE-ERR, YOU BUNCH OF TRAILER TRASH, FISH HOOK IN YOUR EYEBROW, CROSS-EYED U OF SMELL REDNECK FANS! YOU KNOW WHAT U OF SMELL HAS IN COMMON WITH U UH KAY? WE BOTH EMBRACE THE ONE-AND-DONE! EXCEPT Y’ALLS ONE-AND-DONE IS TOURNEYMINT PLAY. (laffs)

photo: Herald-Leader

WELL CAT FANS, LET’S JUST ENJOY THE REST OF THE DAY! U UH KAY GONNA STOMP ON THEM ALBALENE BIBLE THUMPERS HERE IN A LITTLE WHILE BUT OUR WILDCAT PRAYERS DONE BEEN ANSWERED EARLIER WHEN NOBODY MINNERSOTA PUT ON A THREE-POINT CLINIC TO BREAK THEM CARDINAL HEARTS! PITINO’S BOMBINOS IS BACK AND THEY IS MAKING SAGGY PANTS, NECK TATTOO, BOURBON FOR BREAKFAST U OF SMELL CARDINAL FANS PACK IT IN ON DAY ONE! I LOOOVVVVVVEEEEE IT! (laffs)

THE PEOPLE OF I-OWE-ER SURE AIN’T SAD TO SEE Y’ALL LEAVE! THEY DON’T WANT YOUR LOSERVILLE METH LABS AND HANDGUNS ALL OVER THEIR BEAUTIFUL STATE. SO TAKE YOUR RAP MUSIC, GOLD CHAIN, MISSPELLED TATTOO, SCUMBAGGY LOSERVILLE THUG FANS AND HIT THE HIGHWAY. I HOPE THE F.B.I. SETS UP A ROADBLOCK TO SCOOP UP HALF THE THUGS ON THEIR MOST WANTED LIST! THEY ALWAYS TURN OUT TO BE LOSERVILLE FANS! AND TELL THE LOSERVILLE MAYOR THIS AIN’T NO TIME TO CUT BACK ON THE NUMBER OF COPS ON THE STREET. ANGRY CARDINAL FANS GONNA BE OUT THERE TORCHIN THE REST OF YOUR GHETTO CITY COME SUNDOWN! GO TO YOUR SAFE ROOM, LARRY! YOU KNOW, THE BASEMENT ALTAR WHERE YOU KEEP ALL YOUR POSTERS OF SLICK RICK AND YOU KISSIN UP ON BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, YOU BALD HAIRED NANCY BOY TRAITOR TURNCOAT!

photo: Herald Leader

AND DON’T START ACTING LIKE YOU CARE ABOUT MY KENTUCKY WILDCATS CUZ WE DON’T WANT YOU! (laffs) TRUE BLUE WILDCAT FANS ONLY! NO BANDWAGON JUMPERS LIKE YOU, YOU BUTTKISSIN CARDINAL FRAUD! ALL Y’ALL SAD CARDINAL FOOLS CAN START ACTIN LIKE YOU CARE ABOUT GIRL BASKETBAW NOW. (laffs) AND AFTER U UH KAY WHOMPS ON ALBALENE CHRISTIAN TONIGHT, THEN WE GONNA START CHEERIN FOR ROBERT MORRIS TO KNOCK YOUR GIRLS OUT TOMORROW SO THAT THE CITY OF LOSERVILLE GOT NOTHIN! BUCEPT Y’ALL LOSERVILLE PEOPLE GIT TO SPEND NEXT WEEK CLEANING UP TRASH AFTER ALL THE LEGIT NC2A FANS COMIN TO TOWN WITH TEAMS THAT ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO WIN! (laffs) BYE BYE LOSERVILLE! GO CATS! GO BIG BLUE! AWWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

The Catholic God is out to get Kentucky, can Coach Cal become a Protestant for better heavenly help?

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THE BEASMAN I hate cathlicks
I HATE CATHLICKS LIKE YOU, LARRY MINNER. ALL YOUR FAKE RELIGION BUDDIES THINK YOU CAN JUST GO GIT DRUNK AT THE MARDI GRAS AND VOMIT ALL OVER THE PLACE AND THEN GO TO CONFESSION AND ALL YOUR SINS JUST GIT WIPED AWAY LIKE A ETCH-A-SKETCH. TELL THE TRUTH RIGHT NOW, YOU CATHLICK FRAUD. THEM NOTRE DAME PHONIES LAID DOWN AND JUST LET THE NOBODY CARDINALS BEAT ‘EM, RIGHT? ANDRE MCGEE PROBLEE GIVE A HUNK OF CASH TO THAT POPE FELLER! THAT’S HOW Y’ALL SINFUL CARDINAL BIRDS OPERATE.

YOU AND ALL THEM OTHER TOOTHLESS, BRAINLESS CARDINAL FANS MAKE ME SICK EVER TIME YOU MENTION THAT U UH KAY LOST. WE KNOW WE LOST, DADGUMMIT. YOU DON’T GOTTA KEEP SQUAWKIN ABOUT IT! YOU POSED TO SAY “GO CATS, BEAT MISTERSIPPI” BUT NAW, YOU STILL TAWKIN ABOUT THE TENNERSEE DEE-BOCKLE. WELL I SEEN YOU ON TV SETTIN THERE AT YESTERDEE’S U OF SMELL GAME WEARING THAT RED SHIRT AND CHEERING FOR THEM FILTHY CARDINAL BIRDS. YOU POSED TO BE OBJECTIFY IN THE MEDIA, LARRY MINNER, NOT NO CHEERLEADER FOR U OF SMELL.

Mark, Terry, and Mike Meiners (2019)

I’M GONNA FILE A COMPLAINT WITH THE FDIC TO GIT YOUR RADIO BROADCASTIGATOR LICENSED REVOKED, YOU BALD HAIRED FRAUD. THE ONLY BROADCASTIGATORS WHO IS ALLOWED TO CHEER FOR A TEAM IS ALL THE KENTUCKY WILDCAT LEXINUN MEDIA CUZ THE GUMMIT UNDERSTANDS THAT BIG BLUE NATION IS A IRRESTIBLE FORCE. SO MATT JONES AND OSCAR COMBS AND TOM BLEACH ALL GOT SPECIAL PERMISSION TO BE BIASED. BUT NOT YOU, BALDY. QUIT BOOTLICKIN THEM CRIMINAL CARDINALS, LARRY. IT’S A VIOLATION OF THE STATE LAW OF BROADCASTERGATIN.

Dwayne Sutton (24) and Jordan Nwora (33) defend against Notre Dame (March 3, 2019)

SAY “GO BIG BLUE” RIGHT NOW TO PROVE YOU AIN’T BIASED AGAINST THE CATS! (wait two seconds) SEE…YOU CAINT DO IT, YOU FRAUD. I’M GONNA TELL U UH KAY THAT WH&S IS TWO-TIMIN THE BIG BLUE CUZ THE CATS IS POSED TO BE YOUR PRIORITY TEAM. THEY NEED TO FIRE YOU AND LET SENATOR MATT JONES HAVE YOUR TIME SLOT, YOU CARDINAL FANBOY! U UH KAY COULD GIT YOU FIRED RIGHT NOW AND GROVER THE FAKE COP CAN EXCORT YOU OFF THE RADIO STATION PREMISES. MATT JONES WILL TELL THE REAL TRUTH ABOUT LOSERVILLE ON THE RADIO. THEN WH&S WOULD FINALLY BE A RADIO STATION FOR THE PEOPLE WHOSE MINDS AINT WARPED.

BIG BLUE PEOPLE IS GOOD CHRISTIANS WHO ACT DECENT AND LOSERVILLE FANS IS NECK TATTOO, RAP MUSIC, WELFARE CHEATIN, G.E.D. FLUNKIN’ CARDINAL CONVICTS. O.K. YOU GOT ONE VICTREE…Y’ALL IS STILL NOBODIES WHO OUGHT TO BE IN THE N.I.T. BUT I GUESS SINCE YOU BEAT THEM DRUNK CATHLICK NOTRE DAME LOSERS, NOW Y’ALL PROBLEE GONNA GIT IN TO MARCH MADNESS AS A #16 SEED. BIG WHOOPTY DO.

I’M SURE YOU AND YOUR CROSSEYED CARDINAL BUDDIES BEEN GIGGLIN CUZ U UH KAY LOST A CLOSE ONE TO TENNERSEE. DON’T GIT TOO WORKED UP, LARRY. LOSERVILLE BEAT A BUNCH OF STUPID BEER DRINKIN, ROSARY BEAD RUBBIN, BINGO PLAYIN FAKE RELIGION CATHLICK HEATHENS.

JUST WAIT TIL Y’ALL PLAY VIRGINNY IN A FEW DAYS. YOU GONNA GO RIGHT BACK INTO THE BUZZSAW OF NOBODYLAND. AND I AINT FORGOT THAT TENNERSEE GAME SO I’M MAD AT COACH CAL. I THINK CAL IS BOYFRIENDS WITH THAT TENNERSEE COACH NAME OF RICK BARNES. EVERBODY CAN SEE COACH CAL LAYS DOWN WHENEVER WE PLAY BARNES. THEM PRISON ARNGE WEARIN ROCKY TOP HILLBILLIES DON’T SESERVE TO BEAT THE CATS! WE IS KENTUCKY, DADGUMMIT! NOW THEY SAYS U UH KAY IS A #2 SEED! WHAT A INSULT!

LET’S GIT REX CHAMPMAN TO DO THE GAME COACHIN AND KEEP COACH CAL JUST FOR RECRUITIN ONE AND DONES AND THEN WE CAN BE A #1 SEED AGAIN! COACH CAL NEEDS TO STOP GOIN TO MASS EVER DAY CUZ PRAYIN TO THAT CATHLICK GOD AIN’T HELPIN THE CATS WIN AND IT AIN’T HELPIN NOTRE DAME BEAT THE LOWDOWN LOSERVILLE CARDINALS. FORGIT ABOUT MASS, COACH CAL. YOU NEED TO SWITCH TO THE GOOD KENTUCKY BABDIZ GOD LIKE ADOLPH RUPP AND ME PRAYED TO. THAT BABDIZ GOD GOT US ALL THEM BANNERS YOU SEE UP IN THE RUMP ARENER RAFTERS! NOW LET’S GO WIN THESE LAST TWO S.E.C. GAMES, GET OUR #1 SEED BACK, AND THEN RUMBLE THROUGH MARCH MADNESS LOOKIN TO KILL US SOME DOOKIES! WE IS U UH KAY! AWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!