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The Beasman: Virginny brings misery on Main Street to Suckville

Posted on March 2, 2018 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

THE BEASMAN va shocks Louisville – radio sketch Friday, March 2, 2018

(laffs) I’M STILL LAUGHIN ABOUT THE VIRGINNY GUY HITTING THE THREE AT THE BUZZER TO BEAT LOSERVILLE. OH LARRY. (laffs) YOU GOT TO ADMIT THAT WAS A BIGGER LONGSHOT THAN KIM JONG UN SHOOTIN A NUKE-U-LAR MISSILE AND HITTIN THE STATUE OF LIBERTY RIGHT ON THE HEAD. (laffs) ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS WAS KINDA HOPIN Y’ALL WOULD BEAT VIRGINNY SO WE COULD SAY WE BEAT Y’ALL BY 30 AND Y’ALL BEAT #1 SO THAT MEANS KENTUCKY IS THE BEST. (laffs) BUT THAT’S OK…IT WAS STILL FUN WATCHIN ALL THEM SNAGGLE TOOTH CARDINAL FANS CRY THEIR CROCKER-DOW TEARS THINKIN THEY WAS ABOUT TO BE SOMEBODY. BUT YOU AIN’T.

WHEN YOU WOKE UP TODAY YOU CARDINAL CONVICTS HAD TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SEE WHAT YOU SEE EVER DAY: A LOSER. Y’ALL HAD VIRGINNY RIGHT WHERE YOU WANT ‘EM BUT YOUR DUMB BUNNY PLAYERS FOULT A GUY BEHIND THE THREE POINT LINE. THEN YOUR GUY DING DONG DELL DID THE HARLEM SHUFFLE A-DANCIN BEHIND THE END LINE SO THEM VIRGINNY PEOPLE GOT THE BAW WITH LESS THAN A SECOND ON THE CLOCK AND DOWN TWO POINTS. BUT RUM DUMMY LOSERVILLE JUST STANDS THERE AND LETS THE VIRGINNY GUY THROW UP A PRAYER AND HE BANKS IT IN FOR THE WIN. (laffs) US KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS LAUGHED AND PLAYED OUR BANJOES ALL NIGHT LONG.

THAT WAS AWESOME! LOSERVILLE FELT REAL GOOD ABOUT THEIRSELFS FOR MOST OF THAT GAME AND THEN VIRGINNY RIPPED THAT SCAB OFF THEIR TATTOOED NECKS AND GIVE ‘EM A JOLT OF PAIN THEY AIN’T NEVER GONNA FORGIT. SAY IT WITH ME, LARRY! N.I.T.! N.I.T.! N.I.T.! YOU CARDINAL CRIMINALS HAVE HAD A REAL GOOD YEAR. THEY FIRED SLICK RICK AND REPLACED HIM WITH BOY PADGETT WHO CAINT CATCH A BREAK. THEN Y’ALL HAD TO TAKE DOWN THAT FRAUD BANNER AND THROW IT IN THE RIVER WITH MOHAMMER ALI’S OLYMPIC MEDAL. AND SO NOW YOU IS ON THE BUBBLE BUT IF YOU BEAT #1 VIRGINNY THEN YOU IS GONNA MAKE MARCH MADNESS. BUT….WHOOPS! THE WAHOOS DONE PULT THE RUG OUT FROM UNDER YOU WITH A BRILLIANT FINISH AND NOW U OF SMELL CAN PACK THEIR GUILTY BAGS UP FOR A QUICK VISIT TO THE N.I.T.! I LOVE IT! I GUESS YOU AND YOUR GAY BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK WAS WATCHIN UP ON BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN. WAS YOU RUBBIN SHOE POLISH ON HIS BALD SPOT AND TELLIN HIM HOW GREAT HE IS, LARRY? I BETCHA SLICK RICK LOVED IT THAT BOY PADGETT COULDN’T BEAT NO BIGTIME TEAMS THIS YEAR CUZ THAT MEANS THE FANS WILL CALL FOR SLICK RICK TO COME BACK.

Coach Padgett addresses media following game against Virginia. https://t.co/TBAX9sp5sh

— Louisville Basketball (@LouisvilleMBB) March 2, 2018

BUT THAT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN CUZ THEM TWO PUMP CHUMPS GRISSOM AND POSTEL SAYS THEY IS PRESSURE WARSHIN ALL THE SCUM OUT OF U OF SMELL AND THEY DON’T WANT NO SLICK RICK OR TOMMY TURTLENECK COMIN BACK. IT’S OVER FOR Y’ALL CRIMINAL CARDINAL BIRDS.

via WDRB.com

JUST STAY IN N.C.2.A. PRISON AND WATCH YOUR KENTUCKY WILDCATS LIGHT IT UP FOR MARCH MADNESS. FLORIDER IS GOIN DOWN TO THE CATS, THEN WE GONNA WIN THE S.E.C., AND THEN WE GONNA BOWL OVER ANYBODY THAT GITS IN OUR WAY IN THE MARCH MADNESS.

That moment when you realize it's March. pic.twitter.com/xrZOAibMZW

— Kentucky Basketball (@KentuckyMBB) March 1, 2018

LARRY, Y’ALL BE SURE TO PAY YOUR CABLE BILL AT THE LOCAL WHOREHOUSE SO YOUR CARDINAL PLAYERS DON’T MISS NONE OF U UH KAY’S EXCITING MARCH MADNESS VICTREES! AND AFTER WE WIN A NEW BANNER, WE’LL ASK THE N.C.2.A. TO GIVE US A EXTRA ONE SO WE CAN HANG THAT BEAUTIFUL BLUE BANNER UP IN THE YUM YUM RAFTERS WHERE Y’ALL SEEM TO HAVE A VACANCY!

(laffs) POOR LARRY. HE WAS JUMPIN UP AND DOWN THINKIN HIS CARDINAL HAS BEENS WAS GONNA FINALLY HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS BUT…PSYCH! THAT VIRGINNY GUY HITS A BOMB AND SUDDENLY CARDINAL TOWN TURNS BACK INTO SUCKVILLE. I HOPE SOMEBODY PUTS UP BILLBOARD TELLIN YOU TO GIT OUTTA TOWN AND LET MATT JONES HAVE YOUR SHOW, YOU TWO BIT, CROSS EYED, SAGGY PANTS RAP MUSIC, WELFARE STAMP FRAUD! AWWWWW C-A-T-S! CATS! CATS! CATS!

Even after an absolutely devastating loss, Louisville players took time to sign autographs and pose for pictures with the younger sister of one of the Marshall County High School shooting victims. Props to them. pic.twitter.com/4xJqIeoGfw

— Mike Rutherford (@CardChronicle) March 2, 2018

The Beasman is ready to smackdown Northwestern Airlines after smashing the Cardinal crybabies

Posted on December 5, 2017 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

THE BEASMAN cats bowl and cards lose
GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! DOUBLE DIPPIN’ WILDCATS ON DEE-CEMBER 29, CAT FANS! TWO BIG BLUE BLOWOUTS IN ONE DAY! WE GONNA DESTROY THE CRIMINAL CARDINAL BIRDS AT 1 O’CLOCK AND THEN LATER THE STOOPS TROOPS GONNA PUT A SMACKDOWN ON ONE OF THEM DIE-RECTIONAL COLLEGES…SOMETHIN CALLED THE NARTHWESTERN. AIN’T THAT A AIRLINE?

ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS GIT TO DRIVE TO NASHVILLE FOR OUR BO GAME BUT THE DIRTY BIRDS GOT TO GIT ALL THE WAY TO FLARIDER FOR THEIRS…WHERE THEY GONNA LOSE TO ANOTHER S.E.C. SCHOOL. AND THEN BOBBY PETRINKO GONNA GIT FIRED NO MATTER IF HE WINS OR LOSES CUZ THE NEW U OF SMELL BOSSES IS PRESSURE WARSHING ALL THE SCUMBAGS OUTTA TOWN FOREVER! (laffs)

AWWWW…POOR LITTLE CARDINAL BASKETBAW BIRDS. THEY DONE LOSTED TWO IN A ROW. LITTLE BITTY SEATON HALL DONE GOT ‘EM YESTERDEE IN THE EMPTY CHICKEN BUCKET. TOO BAD, SO SAD. BUT LARRY, THEM FEW CARDINAL FANS WHO STILL GO TO YOUR GAMES CAN AT LEAST STRETCH OUT OVER FOUR OR FIVE SEATS CUZ AIN’T NOBODY ELSE IN THEIR ROW. Y’ALL OUGHT TO HANG LAUNDRY ON ALL THEM EMPTY SEATS, LITTLE BUDDY. ON TV, IT LOOKS LIKE THEY IS SHOWIN THE PREGAME SHOW CUZ AIN’T NOBODY IN THEIR SEATS.

WHERE IS THEY ALL…UP ON THE CONCOURSE TRYIN TO GIT STUB HUB TO BUY THE REST OF THEIR WORTHLESS U OF SMELL SEASON TICKETS? (laffs) TELL LITTLE BOY PADGETT TO NOT HANG NO PITCHERS ON THE WALL IN THE HEAD COACH’S OFFICE CUZ HE AIN’T KEEPIN THAT JOB. BY THE TIME U OF SMELL GITS THE NC2A DEATH PENALTY, LOSES ALL THEIR SCHOLARSHIPS, HAS THEIR RECORD BOOKS COMPLETELY WIPED OUT, AND THE ONLY TV CHANNEL Y’ALL CAN BE ON IS THE PRISON NETWORK, THE ONLY COACH Y’ALL CAN ATTRACT WILL BE A PURSE…AND A FAKE ONE AT THAT! (laffs) YOU PROBLEE DINT THINK I KNOWED WHAT A COACH PURSE IS BUT THAT’S HOW WE SNEAKED MONEY TO GIT SAM BOWIE (laffs) OOPS! DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?

Joe B Hall and Terry Meiners, Rupp Arena, February 2017

DON’T MATTER NOW. COACH CAL IS IN CHARGE AND HE’S STRAIGHT UP. AIN’T NO SHERNANNER-GANS GOIN ON NO MORE AT U UH KAY NOW THAT YOUR CHEATIN BOYFRIEND LEFT THE STATE FOREVER! I LOVE IT! SLICK RICK FILES A LAWSUIT ASKIN FOR FARDY MILLION DOLLARS. HE AIN’T GOT A SNOWBALL’S CHANCE OF WINNIN A PENNY. PURDY SOON, YOUR BOYFRIEND GONNA HAVE TO COME BACK TO KENTUCKY TO LIVE IN YOUR BASEMENT CUZ HE’S BROKE FROM PAYIN OFF STRIPPERS, HIS BOOKIE, AND HIS LAWYERS. (laffs)

David Padgett

TELL LITTLE BOY PADGETT THAT LOSIN TO PURDUE AIN’T AS BAD AS SEATON HALL. BUT THEM CATHLICKS IS POSED TO CARE ABOUT THE POOR AND U OF SMELL IS SPIRITUALLY BANKRUPT. PADGETT BETTER NOT LOSE YOUR NEXT GAME AGAINST CUPCAKE COLLEGE CUZ U UH KAY IS COMIN UP SOON AND THAT AIN’T GONNA BE PURDY. (laffs) THEM DIRTY BIRD FEATHERS GONNA BE FLYIN ALL OVER RUMP ARENER AFTER OUR BIG BLUE SUPERSTARS SHOW Y’ALL CHEATERS HOW THE BIG BOYS PLAY. CATS BY FIDDY.

TELL THE CARDINAL BUS DRIVER TO KEEP THE ENGINE RUNNIN CUZ LITTLE BOY PADGETT AND HIS BAND OF NOBODIES GONNA WANNA RUN AWAY BY HALFTIME. DADGUMMIT, THEN Y’ALL CAN RUN DOWN TO FLORI-DER AND SAY BYE BYE TO LAY-MAR JACKSON CUZ AIN’T NO WAY HE’S COMIN BACK TO YOUR GHETTO TOWN NEVER AGAIN. SLICK RICK GONNA HAVE TO COME BACK TO GO TO COURT AND HEAR ABOUT ALL HIS SINS AGAIN. THEM LAWYERS GONNA PUT HIM ON THE STAND AND REMIND HIM ABOUT ALL HIS RESTRUNT LOVIN, STRIPPER POLE PARTIES, AND PRETENDIN LIKE HE DON’T KNOW NOTHIN ABOUT SHOE PIMP MONEY BUT A FIVE-STAR RECRUIT JUST FELL OUT OF THE SKY. OH SURE, SLICK RICK. TELL YOUR TAILOR TO MAKE YOU A PRISON SUIT.

BUT LEMME TELL ALL YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH, SAGGY PANTS, GANG BANG, HEROIN BREATH, GUN TOTIN, LIQUOR FOR BREAKFAST, NECK TATTOO, MAKIN BABIES OUTTA WEDLOCK, ATHEIST CARDINAL FRAUDS SOMETHIN. THE ONLY GUY NEVER STEPPIN FOOT IN KENTUCKY AGAIN IS LAY-MAR JACKSON. HE GONNA GO GIT NFL RICH AND TELL PEOPLE HE’S FROM FLORIDA. HE DON’T WANNA BE ASSOCIATED WITH NO U OF SMELL SCUMBAGGERY. HE ONLY SHAKES HANDS WITH HIS COACH IF HE’S WEARIN TWO SETS OF GLOVES! (laffs)

UofL severs ties with final two shoe scandal connections

Posted on November 23, 2017 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

The University of Louisville threw a little more water onto its dumpster fire of scandals by releasing student-athlete Brian Bowen and assistant basketball coach Kenny Johnson today.

Kenny Johnson is no longer with the University of Louisville basketball team.

Bowen’s scholarship to attend UofL remains valid but he was told he will never play basketball for the Cardinals after the FBI revealed secret meetings about shoe company money being funneled to his family.

Johnson was terminated likely as another illustration by the school to the NCAA that it was cleaning house of the entire Rick Pitino leadership team, save for new acting head basketball coach David Padgett and a few support staffers.

David Padgett, Kenny Klein, Vince Tyra, and CJ sports writer Jeff Greer (photo: Sam Upshaw Jr Courier-Journal)

Rick Pitino tells me he is completely finished with coaching although he told ESPN earlier this week that (when he is proven innocent in the shoe company scandal) if any school approaches him about a coaching position, he will consider returning to the game.

Tom Jurich said on my radio show that several schools have contacted him but he will stay in the shadows for now.

With Jurich, Pitino, most of the assistant coaches, and several administrative departures, it appears that board chair David Grissom has only one immediate target remaining: football coach Bobby Petrino. Many suspect that Grissom – urged by Papa John’s founder John Schnatter – wants to completely clean house without forcing interim president Postel to get his hands dirty. That would also mean that David Padgett, originally part of the Pitino team, will be jettisoned by Grissom’s board next April after completing the current season.

Courier Journal, November 24, 2017

It’s Grissom’s show and Postel’s duty to kiss his ring in order to earn the official title of university president. Postel can claim he has nothing to do with these massive changes but in-house emails say otherwise.

Dr Greg Postel and board chairman David Grissom, October 18, 2017 (photo: Howie Lindsey)

For Pitino to land a 5-star like Brian Bowen, who hadn’t been on the radar screen, took Cards fans by surprise. Then when the FBI dropped its investigative bombshell citing payments to Bowen’s family, the massive meltdown from “scandal fatigue” crushed the UofL program and its fan base.

Rick Pitino on WHAS Radio with Terry Meiners, June 5, 2017

But why kill off Tom Jurich, the man who built UofL’s athletic department into America’s top growing program?

No one can answer that question other than board chair David Grissom, and he’s not talking.

iHeart VP Earl Jones, Tom Jurich, Tony Cruise, and Terry Meiners (November 2, 2017)

There is a paper trail indicating that Grissom and interim president Dr. Greg Postel have been slowly choking out the University of Louisville Athletic Association board, a support system in place for 30+ years. The plan would be for athletics leadership to report directly to the school’s board of trustees (see: Grissom).

And so now all UofL can do is wait for the final determination from the NCAA on the school’s appeal over sanctions from a 2015 dormitory stripper scandal. The shoe company meltdown came in 2017 while the NCAA was mulling over punishment for the earlier Level 1 infractions amounting to “improper benefits” for recruits and student athletes.

Will the NCAA be placated to spare the 2013 National Championship Banner? Odds say it will get the same treatment that Bowen and Johnson received and Petrino is about to receive. History.

Michigan guard Trey Burke (3) walks off the court as confetti falls on Louisville players, including Russ Smith (2), Luke Hancock (11), Stephan Van Treese (44) and Zach Price (25), after the NCAA Final Four tournament college basketball championship game, Monday, April 8, 2013, in Atlanta. Louisville won 82-76. (AP Photo/Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Curtis Compton)

Love letter from UofL to its beleaguered fan base

Posted on October 20, 2017 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

One day after the University of Louisville fired Tom Jurich, the athletics department sent this letter to all fans via social media. Although new acting AD Vince Tyra (above) didn’t sign the note, it’s from him.

—————————————–

To our fans,

Thank you!

You are our heartbeat and our spirit. Your passion provides our student-athletes with an intangible strength to dream without limits and achieve the loftiest of goals. You lift them up — to give their best on the field, in the community and in the classroom. Your gift of loyalty, emotion and appreciation drives us and we wanted to reach out to simply express our gratitude.

This is certainly a challenging time in our program’s history, but your unwavering support empowers all of us to push forward in the face of adversity. We are working diligently to shore up our men’s basketball program and are confident that David Padgett and his staff will represent you and our university well this season.

You rejoiced in good times and have been stalwart in the tough moments. Our student-athletes have never needed your support more than they do right now.

True to form, as Louisville Cardinals, we will persevere. We will stand on the extraordinary foundation that has been laid and we will meet the goals set for our program: maintain the highest level of ethics, achieve superior results athletically and academically, provide best-in-class facilities and continue our path of success as a proud member of the ACC.

We are devout in our commitment to right our wrongs and make you proud. This is our imperative. It is our top priority to ensure that we drive this university forward and provide the very best for our entire community, especially our student-athletes.

It is our honor and privilege to serve you and to have you with us on this journey. We sincerely appreciate your continued support. It is our mission to represent the Louisville Cardinals in a manner that is emblematic of this great city.

Sincerely,
University of Louisville Athletics Department

GO CARDS!

Asia Durr

The Beasman says U of Smell is getting soccer’d into irrelevance

Posted on August 13, 2017 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

THE BEASMAN soccer town

LARRY, WHEN Y’ALL GONNA HAVE ANOTHER PEPPER RALLY FOR U OF SMELL FOOTBAW? I WANNA BE THERE TO BOO MY SON-IN-LAW MIKE. DADGUMMIT, I WOULD RATHER MY DAUGHTER’S IDIOT HUSBAND TAKE A JOB AS A DRUG DEALER OR A TATTOO ARTIST BEFORE GOING BACK TO U OF SMELL…BUT HE DONE IT!

THE MAN WHO MARRIED MY DAUGHTER IS BACK IN GHETTOVILLE WORKIN FOR THAT COMMUNIST CARDINAL BOBBY PETRINKO. IT TURNS MY STOMACH TO THINK ABOUT MY LITTLE GIRL HAVIN TO CASH FILTHY CARDINAL PAYCHECKS AND BEIN EXPOSED TO ALL THAT CRIME AND CURSIN THAT LOSERVILLE PRIDES ITSELF ON. I HOPE MY DAUGHTER’S HUSBAND DON’T REALLY WANT U OF SMELL TO WIN AND THAT HE IS STILL A WILDCAT FAN CUZ HE USED TO WORK FOR THE BIG BLUE.

Mike Summers coaching at UK (photo: kentucky.com)

BUT I SEEN HIM ON TV WEARIN A UGLY RED SHIRT AND IT MADE ME MADDER THAN A BUNCH OF HORNETS IN A BLENDER. DADGUMMIT, I HOPE HE’S WEARING LUCKY WILDCAT UNDERSHARTS SO CAINT NO U OF SMELLERS KNOW HE’S REALLY BIG BLUE. HE AIN’T ALLOWED TO COME IN MY HOUSE AS LONG AS HE WORKS FOR “THE SMELL.” THAT’S WHAT I LIKE TO CALL U OF SMELL – THE SMELL. AIN’T THAT GOOD, LARRY? Y’ALL KNOW U UH KAY GONNA BEAT Y’ALL AT THE END OF THE SEASON BUT I BETCHA BOBBY PETRINKO IS LEAKIN OIL LONG BEFORE THAT.

THEM BROHM BOYS GONNA SMACK BOBBY AROUND ON THE OPENIN GAME AND THEN CLEMSON IS GONNA COME TO YOUR LITTLE PIZZA OVEN STADIUM AND THROW Y’ALL AROUND LIKE A RAG DOLL. I LOVE IT. I BETCHA BY THE TIME Y’ALL GIT TO LEXINUN YOU GONNA BE 2 AND 9. AND THEN THE CATS CAN KILL YOU OFF LIKE WE DONE LASS YEAR. YOU AIN’T GITTIN NO BO GAME BUT WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE L.S.U. BEAT YOUR BRAINS IN LIKE LASS YEAR? THE S.E.C. IS WHERE BIGTIME SCHOOLS LIKE ALABAMMER AND KENTUCKY PLAY. JUST STAY IN YOUR LITTLE BROTHER A.C.C. AND ACT LIKE Y’ALL IS BIGTIME.

HEY YOU GOT THE HEISHMAN TROPHY WINNER AND YOU IS BARELY RANKED…AND NOBODY GOT YOUR QB ON THE HEISHMAN TROPHY LIST. WHAT’S THAT TELL YOU? THEY ALL FEEL LIKE THEY GOT SNOOKERED INTO VOTIN FOR HIM LASS YEAR BUT THEY AIN’T GONNA MAKE THAT MISTAKE TWICE. U UH KAY’S QUARTERBACK STEVEN JOHNSTON IS GONNA WIN THE HEISHMAN THIS YEAR…AND WE WILL GIT TO KEEP IT CUZ THE NC2A IS TAKIN Y’ALLS AWAY WHEN THEY COME TO TOWN TO TAKE DOWN THAT BANNER. COME ON, NC2A…TAKE ALL THEIR SWAG! CHEATERS DON’T DESERVE NO TROPHIES! THEY NEED TO GO TO PRISON AND HAVE THEIR STADIUM SOLD TO THAT PROFESSIONAL SOCCER TEAM THAT’S MORE POP-A-LAR THAN U OF SMELL.

THAT LOSERVILLE CITY FC NAMED THEIRSELF THATAWAYS BECAUSE THE F.C. STANDS FOR “FAILED CARDINALS.” THEM SOCCER TEAM OWNERS KNOW THAT U OF SMELL’S DAYS IS NUMBERED AND SO THEY IS SWOOPIN IN TO GIT ALL THESE BEARDED MILLENNERALS TO COME TO THEIR GAMES AND QUIT GOIN TO U OF SMELL GAMES. SOCCER IS A SISSY SPART BUT MILLENNERALS HATE FOOTBAW BECAUSE IT EXPLOITS THE MARGINAL PEOPLES…WHATEVER THAT MEANS. SO U OF SMELL MIGHT AS WELL JUST HANG IT UP. BASKETBAW IS GITTIN THE DEATH PENALTY. FOOTBAW DONE BEEN PASSED UP BY LOSERVILLE CITY F.C. SOCCER.

AND Y’ALLS FOUNDATION KEEPS HIRING THIEVES AND LIARS SO AIN’T NOBODY WANTIN TO DONATE TO NO SCANDAL U. (sing) TURN OUT THE LIGHTS…THE PARTY’S OVER. LARRY, WHAT IS YOU GONNA DO FOR FUN NOW…CHASE PARKED CARS? IT’S OVER FOR YOU AND YOUR BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK. MY SON-IN-LAW CAN GET A MORE HONORABLE JOB AS A HEROIN SALESMAN INSTEAD OF REPPERSENTIN SCUMBAG U OF SMELL SCANDAL COLLEGE.

ALL YOU SMART PEOPLE NEED TO GIT YOU A BLUE SHIRT AND START CHEERIN FOR THE ONLY DECENT SCHOOL IN KENTUCKY…THE WILDCATS! GO BLUE! GO CATS! HEISHMAN TROPHY FOR STEVEN JOHNSON, DADGUMMIT, OR IT’S RIGGED! AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

Wednesday is the Turd Day of the week

Posted on February 22, 2017 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

radio script THE BEASMAN go north caramaliner
GO TURD HEELS! GO TURD HEELS! BEAT THAT VILLE! BEAT THAT VILLE! LARRY, LARRY, LARRY! I BET YOU WAS UP LATE LAST NIGHT PULLIN REAL HARD FOR MIZZOU TO UPSET THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS SO I’S JUST RETURNIN THE FLAVOR. GO TURD HEELS! GO TURD HEELS! KENTUCKY BLUE LOVES CARAMALINER BLUE TONIGHT!

Malik Monk works the lane (photo: Herald-Leader)

ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS GOT US A LUMPY VICTREE OVER MISS-OOR-UH LASS NIGHT BUT A WIN IS A WIN. WE’LL TAKE IT, DADGUMMIT! COACH CAL GOT A T. DE-ANDREA FOX WAS DOWN ON THE GROUND AND LOOKIN BROKE. BUT BAM AND DOM AND WILL AND MONK AND DRAKE AND THE CATS FIGGERED IT OUT AND BEAT A SCRAPPY BUNCH OF FARM BOYS WHO WAS HOPIN FOR A MIRACLE. THEY WAS LIKE THE LANNA FALCONS BUT WE IS TOM BRADY AND PATRIOTS. YOU JUST KNOW WE GONNA WIN IN THE END, DADGUMMIT! GO BIG BLUE! GO CATS! AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

AND SO NOW ALL ACROSS WILDCAT COUNTRY I THINK CAT FANS IS GONNA SKIP WEDNESDAY NIGHT CHURCH SERVICES OR AT LEAST SNEAK OUT EARLY TO GIT HOME AND CHEER FOR NARTH CARAMALINER TO SHUT UP THEM FILTHY CARDINAL BIRDS! I LOVE IT! U OF SMELL THINKS THEY GONNA GO IN THE DEAN DOME AND SNATCH A #1 SEED OUT OF CARAMALINER’S MOUTH. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, YOU CARDINAL CONVICTS! THEM NARTH CARAMALINER BOYS AIN’T LOST NONE AT HOME AND THEY AIN’T ABOUT TO START WITH NO CARDINAL TABLE SCRAP NOBODY RECRUITS. CARAMALINER IS BIGTIME LIKE U UH KAY WITH MACDONALD ALL-AMERICANS ALL DOWN THE BENCH.

DeMarcus Cousins (photo: NBC Sports)

SCHOOLS LIKE U UH KAY AND CARAMALINER KEEP THE N.B.A. IN BIDNIZ. THE ONLY WAY A U OF SMELL PLAYER GITS IN A N.B.A. GAME IS IF HE BUYS A TICKET OR HE’S PUSHIN A MOP DURING TIMEOUTS. SLICK RICK COULDN’T GIT A GUY TO THE PROS WITH A ROAD MAP. THAT GORGY JING-JANG ONLY GOT THERE CUZ SOME FERRENER OWNS THE TEAM AND FELT SORRY FOR HIM. THE N.B.A. AIN’T NO PLACE FOR LITTLE BROTHER CARDINAL BIRDS. DID YOU SEE THE N.B.A. ALL-STAR GAME? WHO WAS THE BIG STARS? WILDCATS, THAT’S WHO. AND NOW BIG OL BOOGIE COUSINS AND THE UNIBROW IS TEAMMATES WHO IS GONNA DOMMERATE THE WORLD. LOOK OUT LEE-BRON. THEM PELICANS JUST GOT MEAN. AND TERRENCE JONES IS ON THAT TEAM, TOO.

Isaiah Briscoe (photo: Herald-Leader)

AND THIS TIME NEXT YEAR, ALL THESE KENTUCKY WILDCATS AND SOME OF THEM TURD HEELS GONNA BE N.B.A. STARS, TOO. Y’ALL AIN’T GOT A PRAYER TONIGHT, LARRY. THE DEAN DOME GONNA BE FILT WITH CARAMALINER KIDS HOLLERIN ABOUT STRIPPERS AND SLICK RICK’S BALD SPOT. I’M A-GONNA SET BACK AND LAUGH MYSELF SILLY IN MY EASY CHAIR, WARM AND TOASTY UNDER MY WILDCAT BLANKET AND WATCHIN U OF SMELL GIT RUN OUTTA THE GYM. POP SOME POPCORN AND GIT YOUR BEVERAGE READY, CAT FANS! THIS IS GONNA BE LIKE WATCHIN CRIMINALS THROWED IN A CARAMALINER WOOD CHIPPER.

Stay away from this guy for a few weeks.

I’M GONNA BE LAUGHIN LIKE I DONE WHEN U OF SMELL GOT THEIR NC2A NOTICE OF ALLER-GATIONS. MEMBER? THEY SENT IT WRAPPED UP IN A PAIR OF GLITTERY PANTIES. AW LARRY, YOU WALKED RIGHT INTO THAT ONE. YOU BETTER NOT WATCH YOUR PRECIOUS CARDINAL BIRDS GIT SLAUGHTERED, LARRY. CHANGE THAT CHANYEL OVER TO THE 700 CLUB AND MAYBE PAT ROBERTSON WILL TEACH HOW TO SAVE YOUR SINFUL CARDINAL SOUL. UNLESS YOU REPENT AND ADMIT THAT YOU SINNED BY FOLLOWING SLICK RICK TO SATAN CITY, AND THEN YOU CRAWL BACK TO LEXINUN AND BEG FOR FORGIVENESS, THEN MAYBE YOU GOT A TINY CHANCE OF ETERNAL SALVATION.

STICK A FARK IN YOUR CARDINALS, LARRY. YOU AND YOUR GAY BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK IS ABOUT TO GIT A EARLY EXIT SO Y’ALL CAN GO SPEND ANOTHER SUMMER ON BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN TAWKIN ABOUT NEXT YEAR. MEANTIME, THE CATS IS GITTIN JUICED UP TO POKE THEM FLARIDER GATORS IN THEIR EYEBAWS AND SHOOT RIGHT UP TO THE #1 SEED WE SO RIGHTFULLY DEE-SERVE! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! DON’T GIMME NONE OF THAT THIRTY-FIVE AND FIVE STUFF. WE WON ‘EM ALL IN OUR MINDS! AIN’T NO CRYIN ON THE YACHT! GO CATS! GO BLUE! GO CARAMALINER BLUE TOO!

radio script THE BEASMAN unc heckler irks pitino as cards lose
SLICK RICK PITINO THINKS HE’S THE ROCK. HE HEARS ONE VOICE OUT OF 20 THOUSAND AND TURNS INTO THE INCREDIBLE HULK. CEPT HE AIN’T TOUGH. BUT I SEEN THAT HIS FANCY I-TALIAN SUIT RIPPED UP THERE ON THE SLEEVE. IS SLICK GITTIN HIS SUITS AT COSTCO NOW? WHAT A JOKE. U OF SMELL GITS MANHANDLED AT NARTH CARAMALINER AND SO SLICK RICK GITS ALL ROAD RAGEY, ACTING LIKE HE’S A TOUGH GUY.

WHAT HAPPENED TO LOSIN WITH CLASS? OH WAIT, US CAT FANS MEMBER SLICK FLIPPIN THE BIRD IN RUMP ARENER LAST YEAR. THAT’S JUST ANOTHER DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE BLUE AND RED. SLICK RICK BETTER BE GLAD HE GOT ALL THEM SECURITY FLUNKIES AROUND HIM CUZ HE COULDN’T WHOOP BETTY WHITE. ANYBODY UP IN THE STANDS COULD GRAB THAT SKINNY LITTLE U OF SMELL COACH AND SNAP HIM IN HALF LIKE A TREE BRANCH. HE WAS SUCH A WIMP WHEN HE WAS A BOY HIS MAMA WOULD GIVE HIM AIR SPANKINGS.

SLICK RICK IS LIKE ONE OF THEM TINY LITTLE DOGS BARKIN UP ON THE PORCH BUT AS SOON AS A REAL DOG WALKS BY HE SCAMPERS THROUGH HIS LITTLE DOGGIE DOOR AND HIDES UNDER THE BED. IF YOU’RE SO TOUGH, SLICK RICK, TELL YOUR SECURITY GUARDS TO TAKE THE NIGHT OFF AND THEN JUMP INTO THE STANDS LIKE W.W.E. SMACKDOWN. LET’S SEE YOU TUSSLE LIKE RON ARTEST DONE BACK AT INJIANNER. EVEN METTA WORLD PEACE WAS SMART ENOUGH TO BRING A FEW FRIENDS.

photo: News Observer

OH, AND IF YOU COULDN’T TELL, ALL US WILDCAT FANS LOVED SEEING YOUR PRECIOUS U OF SMELLERS LOSE A REAL GAME. ALL THE REST OF YOU’RE A.C.C. SCHEDULE IS A JOKE BUT YOU PLAY ONE REAL GAME AND FOLD LIKE A TENT.

U UH KAY BEAT NARTH CARAMALINER BUT U OF SMELL GITS BUXPOSED AGAIN AS A FRAUD.

Terry Meiners & Rick Pitino with the NCAA national championship trophy, April 26, 2013. Pitino had just delivered on a promise to his team that he would get a tattoo if they won the championship.

LARRY, SHOULD I KEEP MY VOICE DOWN? IS YOU CUDDLIN WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW, PUTTING A COLD CLOTH ON HIS HEAD AND TELLIN HIM EVERTHAN’S GONNA BE OK? I CAN CALL BACK LATER IF SLICK RICK IS STILL POUTIN IN THE CARNER AND YOU NEED TO KEEP MASSAGIN HIS SHOULDERS AND TELLIN HIM HE’S THE GREATEST. POOR OL SLICK RICK IS GITTIN CRANKY IN HIS OLD AGE. I BETCHA SLICK RICK LOST HIS MIND CUZ THAT NARTH CARAMALINER FAN CALLED HIM COACH CAL.

Terry & Mary cheer the Louisville Cardinals to victory past the Kentucky Wildcats 32-14 on September 2, 2012

JUST KEEP TELLIN YOUR SECURITY GUARDS TO HODE YOU BACK CUZ YOU DON’T WANNA FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS IF A REAL FAN GITS A SHOT AT YOU. U OF SMELL IS FLAMIN OUT JUST LIKE THEY ALWAYS DO WHILE U UH KAY JUST WIN, WIN, WINS! I LOVE IT. AND NOW U OF SMELL GOTTA FACE SYRA-MACUSE WHO IS ON A BIGTIME ROLL NOW THAT THEY BEAT DUKE. LARRY…Y’ALL NEED TO STRAP YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK INTO ONE OF THEM HANNIBEL LECTOR FACEMASK AND STRAIGHT JACKET OUTFITS FOR THE REST OF YOUR GAMES SO ALL HE CAN DO IS SET THERE AND NOT FIGHT WITH FANS.

AND BY MUZZLIN HIM YOU CAN LET ONE OF THE ASSISTER COACHES LIKE DAVID PADGETT CALL THE SHOTS. HE CAINT DO NO WORSER THAN SLICK RICK IS DOIN. LARRY, LARRY, LARRY. THESE IS THE BEST OF TIMES WHEN THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS GITTIN IT WORKING AND U OF SMELL IS BUSY TWERKIN. Y’ALL LOSIN YOUR GAMES AND THE NC2A IS GONNA BE MARCHIN INTO TOWN ANY DAY TO SNATCH DOWN YOUR PHONEY CHAMPERSHIPS BANNER FOR THE STRIPPERGATE SCANDAL. I LOVE IT!

TELL THE TEAM BUS DRIVER TO START LOOKIN UP DIE-RECTIONS TO THE N.I.T. LITTLE BROTHER U OF SMELL AINT GOIN TO NO BIG DANCE. BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS SLICK RICK WILL HAVE MORE TIME TO TAKE BOXING LESSONS SO SOME MIDDLE SCHOOL GIRL DON’T JACK HIS JAW THE NEXT TIME HE HEARS HER CALL HIM COACH CAL! GO CATS! GO BLUE!

Blue Christmas

Posted on November 27, 2016 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

Louisville businessman Jonathan Blue filed for divorce earlier this year alleging that his (now former) wife Tracy was having an affair with Texas Longhorns head coach Charlie Strong.

Mr. Blue asked for the return of several expensive gifts Mrs. Blue had allegedly given the coach and there was a subpoena issued for his testimony in their divorce case. The divorce proceedings were resolved prior to any court appearance by Strong.

Tracy Blue appears with Charlie Strong, right, in this undated Voice-Tribune photo

Court documents claimed that Mrs. Blue and Coach Strong, both married at the time, began their affair while Strong was the head coach at the University of Louisville where Jonathan Blue was on the school’s Board of Trustees.

Claims made in a lawsuit give only one side of a case.

Charlie Strong, just fired as head football coach at the University of Texas

Charlie Strong, former head football coach at the University of Texas

Mr. Blue’s social media accounts are getting heightened attention this week since Charlie Strong has been fired at Texas.

Asked about his social media posts on Strong’s firing, Mr. Blue responded, “I had to do it.”

Hoosier doozy

Posted on March 20, 2016 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

The Indiana Hoosiers beat the Kentucky Wildcats 73-67 in the second round of the NCAA Tournament, a very rare early departure for UK. Kentucky coach John Calipari was gracious in defeat, telling Indiana coach Tom Crean “I’m happy for you.” Crean has been pilloried by IU fans in recent years for what they consider slow progress.

2015 gave us Crying Piccolo Girl

Now, 2016 gives us…Crying Saxophone Girl. pic.twitter.com/f6x9ZRBOlp

— CBS Sports (@CBSSports) March 19, 2016

A member of the UK band is the early frontrunner for Meme Queen of the Tournament

The Crying Jordan meme was quickly pressed into service…

…generating bitterness from some sensitive UK fans.

Louisville fans are reveling in schadenfreude, or enjoying the misery of others.

Kentucky fans have been swimming in a river of schadenfreude since Louisville’s dormitory sex scandal emerged last fall.

But today is about the Indiana Hoosiers and Tom Crean’s most important victory as their coach. Let them celebrate a terrific win. The fans from all the teams will continue taunting each other into infinity.

For everyone’s personal safety, it’s a good idea to stay away from this guy for the next few weeks.

Cards shine in the final flurry before March Sadness

Posted on February 21, 2016 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

With no postseason ahead, the Louisville Cardinals have to dominate the end of their regular season. Duke came to town. Louisville roared back in the second half to win by 7.

With no March Madness, this is February Gladness.

Damion Lee celebrates another 3 pointer as his Louisville Cardinals would go on to defeat Duke. (photo: Matt Stone, The Courier-Journal)

May the Oscars be ever in your favor

Posted on November 10, 2015 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

As the final Hunger Games film hits theaters, Jennifer Lawrence is rocketing forward with multiple major films ahead. I suspect that her next Academy Award nomination will come from the Steven Spielberg film where Jen plays kidnapped war photographer Lynsey Addario. That film, based on Addario’s book “I Do What I Do,” is tentatively set to launch production in 2016.

That video is still hilarious and sad. It’s hilarious to see Louisville’s Jennifer Lawrence handle odd moments with grace and humor. And it’s sad to see then 75-year-old Jack Nicholson hitting on a then 22-year-old in front of network TV cameras.

KFC Yum Center, 12/28/14 photo: Scott Utterback

KFC Yum Center, 12/28/14