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That other Tennessee tornado took down the Kentucky Wildcats

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Tennesse prevailed over Kentucky with an amazing comeback from 17 points down. March 3, 2020

THE BEASMAN cats lose senior night to tennessee
SHUT YOUR UGLY CARDINAL FACE RIGHT NOW CUZ I KNOW YOU IS SMIRKIN RIGHT NOW! ADMIT IT, LARRY MINNER! YOU AND YOUR OTHER CROSS-EYED, BALD HAIRED, STINKBREATH, NECK TATTOO, WELFARE STAMP, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, LIBRUL DEMMERCRAT LOSERVILLE CARDINAL FANS IS ALL JUST HA-HA-HA-in ABOUT AMERICA’S TEAM, THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS LOSIN SENIOR NIGHT IN RUMP ARENER TO NOBODY TENNERSEE. (cry)

Ashton Hagans had another difficult night for Kentucky

THIS HERE IS (cry) THIS ONE (cry) THIS HERE A-BOMM-ER-A-SHUN IS THE WORST KENTUCKY BASKETBAW MOMENT OF COACH CAL’S TIME HERE. (cry) DADGUMMIT, THE GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCATS WAS UP BY 17 AND THEN, SOMEHOW, COACH CAL FORGOT HOW TO COACH!

WHY IS WE PAYIN YOU 7 MILLION A YEAR IF YOU CAINT CAPTAIN THE SHIP, COACH CAL? (cry) DADGUMMIT, HE’S JUST ANOTHER SLICK-HAIRED, I-TALIAN CATHLICK FRAUD LIKE SLICK RICK WAS!

I TODE YOU WE SHOULDA FIRED HIM AFTER THAT EVANSVILLE A-BOMM-ER-A-SHUN AND REPLACE HIM WITH KINNY SKY WALKER BUT NAWWWW….PEOPLE SAID I WAS TAWKIN OUTTA MY HEAD! (cry) SO WHO WAS RIGHT AFTER ALL? (cry)

I KNOW PEOPLE SAY IT’S JUST BASKETBAW AND US CAT FANS SHOULDN’T BE SO SAD TODAY, WALKIN ROUND WITH DROOPY SHOULDERS AND TEARS FALLIN AND KEEPIN OUR KIDS HOME SICK FROM SCHOOL.

BUT U UH KAY BASKETBAW IS OUR RELIGION AND THIS HERE IS A TRAGEDY TO LOSE ON SENIOR NIGHT RIGHT THERE IN RUMP ARENER! (cry) ADOLPH IS PROLLY CRYIN UP THERE IN HEAVEN, TOO! (cry) SOME GUY SAYS WELL, TENNERSEE NEEDED SOME GOOD NEWS AFTER THEM TARNADOES COME THROUGH THE NIGHT BEFORE, BUT I WAS LIKE, BIG WHOOPTY DO!

Tornadoes ripped through the Nashville area the night before the Tennessee vs Kentucky game

A COUPLE GRAMMAWS GOT THROWED OUTTA THEIR TRAILERS AND DOLLY PARTON’S WIG FLEW OFF…THAT AIN’T NO TRAGEDY COMPARED TO THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS LOSIN A BASKETBAW GAME AT HOME RIGHT HERE AT MARCH MADNESS TIME! WE IS THE CATS! WE IS KENTUCKY! AIN’T NOBODY POSED TO HUMILLERFY US LIKE THAT ON NATIONAL TELLERBISION! (cry)

THERE GOES OUR #1 SEED! U UH KAY WAS ON A ROLL AND WAS SLIDIN RIGHT UP THERE TO TAKE THAT ONE SEED AND GO RIGHT THROUGH THE WHOLE MARCH MADNESS WITHOUT A PROBLEM BUT NOW WE GOT QUICK PICK NICK DICKS AND ASHER HAGGER PANTS HOLLERIN AT EACH OTHER. THAT WHITE BOY NATE THE SENIOR DINT DO SQUAT, AND WE JUST LET THAT HEADBAND WEARIN TENNERSSEE FULKERSON GUY MAKE US LOOK LIKE CLOWNS. (cry)

Tennessee Volunteers coach Rick Barnes

THE TENNERSEE COACH IS POSED TO BE CALIPARI’S FRIEND BUT WHAT KINDA FRIEND KICKS YOU DOWN ON SENIOR NIGHT? (cry) I’M GOING BACK TO BED, LARRY. I WAS PLANNIN TO COME TO THE PAUL HARNEY AWARD SHOW TONIGHT TO CHEER FOR LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR AND MARK STOOPS BUT I AIN’T FEELIN UP TO IT. NAWWW. I TRIED TO TELL LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR I’D GIVE HIM A HUNDERD DOLLAR HANDSHAKE IF WHEN YOU CALL HIM UP ONSTAGE TO GIT HIS AWARD – TAKE THE PAUL HARNEY AWARD TROPHY AND SMACK YOU IN THE MOUTH WITH IT, THEN TURN TO THE CROWD AND SAY THE CITY OF LOSERVILLE IS DISGUSTIN!

THEN DO A BUNCH OF Ls DOWN AND THEN RUN OUTTA THE BANQUET HALL WITHOUT NOBODY ABLE TO TACKLE HIM! BUT COACH STOOPS TODE ME HE’D CANCEL MY FOOTBAW TICKETS SO I CAINT PRANK YOU TONIGHT, YOU HAS BEEN, MATT JONES WANNABE! YOU MAKE ME SICK, LARRY. I HOPE COACH STOOPS AND THE WHOLE BALLROOM TONIGHT STANDS UP TO THROW Ls DOWN AT YOU EVER TIME YOU TAWK, YOU CARDINAL FRAUD! STOP SMIRKIN ABOUT THE CATS LOSIN LAST NIGHT, YOU FILTHY CARDINAL FANS! YOU GONNA GIT YOUR BEATDOWN FROM VIRGINNY ON SAIRDEE AND THAT MIGHT BE THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS SMILE AGAIN! COME SEE ABOUT IT! COME SEE ABOUT IT!

It’s Extremely Blue for Cat Fans When U of Smell Keeps Winning

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This John Calipari trust fall was not successful.

THE BEASMAN u of smell still winning
I AIN’T NO SWISHY BOY BUT THAT BRAD PITT FELLER LOOKED DELICIOUS ON THE OSCARS LAST NIGHT. (laffs) I TURNT IT ON CUZ THE TV GUIDE SAID OSCARS SHOW SO I FIGGERED IT WAS OSCAR COMBS TAWKIN ABOUT OUR BELOVED KENTUCKY WILDCATS. (laffs) BUT THAT BRAD PITT MAYBE OUGHT TO BE THE NEXT COACH OF THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS SO ALL THE LADIES WILL KEEP BUYIN OVERPRICED RUMP ARENER SEASON TICKETS TO WATCH OUR NOT-EVEN-IN-THE-TOP-16 CATS!

Based on current rankings, the NCAA released an early projection of the Top 16 seeds for the 2020 March Madness.

DEAR GOD, WHY YOU GOTTA HAVE THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS JUST PLAYIN MEDIA-OCRE? LIFE AIN’T NO FUN WHEN U UH KAY AIN’T RANKED TOP 5 AND NICK DICKS RICHARDS AIN’T WORTHY OF BEIN A TOP TIN SINNER IN COLLEGE BASKETBAW! US GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS DON’T KNOW WHETHER TO POOTY OUR PANTS OR WIND OUR WATCH WHEN THE NC2A PUMPS OUT THE TOP 4 SEEDS IN ALL THE REGIONS AND U UH KAY AIN’T ONE OF ‘EM.

Adolph Rupp with broadcaster Claude Sullivan

ADOLPH RUMP MUST BE SPINNIN IN PURGATORY, DADGUMMIT! PLUS, THAT UGLY RED TEAM WON’T GO AWAY. NAW. I AIN’T GOT A LOT OF Ls DOWN GRENADES TO THROW AT YOU THIS WEEK, LARRY, CUZ YOUR RUM DUMMY CARDINAL BIRDS KEEP WINNING. BUT YOU AND YOUR CARDINAL FAN BASE IS STILL A BUNCH OF LIQUOR BREATH, SNAGGLE TOOTH, NECK TATTOO, MAN WEARIN EARRINGS, STREET TRASH, SO THAT WON’T NEVER CHANGE. BUT I TELL YOU WHAT…I’M SICK OF HEARIN BOUT Y’ALL BEIN A #2 SEED OR MAYBE EVEN A #1. GIVES ME A ULCER, IT DOES!

EVER TIME U OF SMELL COMES ON TV I TURNT IT ON AND CHEER FOR WHOEVER IS PLAYIN AGAINST LOSERVILLE. I JUST ABOUT THROWED MY BACK OUT JUMPIN UP AND DOWN TRYNA HELP VIRGINNY BEAT Y’ALL ON SAIRDEE IN THE CHICKEN BUCKET. THEM DADGUM WAHOOS – AND TELL THAT KATIE GEORGE THAT THE WHOLE WORD IS DADGUMMIT, NOT NO D-A-G-G-U-M LIKE ROY WILLIAMS SAYS – THEM DADGUM VIRGINNY WAHOOS HAD YOU LOSERVILLE FRAUDS BEAT WHEN VIRGINNY COME BACK FROM 15 DOWN.

Dwayne Sutton vs. Virginia

THAT ONE FELLER WHO LOOKED LIKE SNOOPY DOGG DOGG KEPT HITTIN THEM 3s AND ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS WAS-A SCREAMIN GOOOOOO VIRGINNY! BEAT THAT CARDINAL GARBAGE AND BREAK THAT WINNIN STREAK! BUT NAWWWW, Y’ALL GOT LUCKY AGAIN, YOU BUNCH OF TRAILER PARK, FOULMOUTH, JESUS-HATIN, LIBERAL WELFARE STAMP, CARDINAL FANS!

Johnny Juzang had a great game vs. Tennessee.

ME AND ALL MY WILDCAT BUDDIES BOUT WORE OURSELFS OUT THROWIN PILLOWS AT THE T.V. EVER TIME LOSERVILLE WOULD SCORE ANOTHER BUCKET TO HOLD THE LEAD. MAKES ME SICK WHEN Y’ALL IS RANKED HIGHER THAN MY PRECIOUS KENTUCKY WILDCATS!

COACH CAL – HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY – AND I GUESS THAT’S WHY WE AIN’T NO GOOD NO MORE CUZ GOD IS TIRED OF THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS BEIN COACHED BY SLICK HAIRED, I-TALIAN, CARPETBAGGIN CATHLICK, BINGO PLAYIN, BEER DRINKIN, NASTY DANCIN, ROSARY BEAD RUBBIN FALSE GOD WORSHIPPERS.

ONCE U UH KAY HIRES A REAL TRUE BLUE CHRISTIAN COACH THEN GOD WILL START ANSWERIN BIG BLUE NATION’S PRAYERS AGAIN. I MEAN, YEAH, WE BEAT TENNERSEE AND ALL THAT, BUT THIS YEAR’S CATS STILL THROW UP CLUNKERS PURDY REG-LAR AND SO WE GONNA GIT BOUNCED FROM MARCH MADNESS PURDY QUICK. COACH CAL SAYS IT’S THE OTHER TEAM’S SUPER BO. WELL THEN HOW COME WE DON’T ALWAYS ACT LIKE WE IS PLAYIN IN A SUPER BO, DADGUMMIT!

BASKETBAW GOTTA SHINE CUZ LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR DONE GONE OFF TO BE THE NEW PATRICK MAHOMES. U UH KAY FOOTBAW IS LIKE A FLOOSIE GIRLFRIEND RIGHT BEFORE VALENTIME’S DAY….GOT DUMPED! WE GOT TO COACH UP BIG BLUE BASKETBAW BEFORE MARCH MADNESS! WE SUPPOSUBLY GIT THE #1 REE-CRUITS BUT THEN THEY GIT HERE AND START SUCKIN. THAT’S ON COACH CAL, DADGUMMIT! GIT THAT HANDSOME BRAD PITT AS KENTUCKY’S NEXT COACH CUZ AIN’T NOBODY WON’T RUN THROUGH A WALL FOR BRAD PITT!

Brad Pitt. A beautiful man.

NOW THE CATS OUGHTA WIN TOMORRY AGAINST VANDERSMELT AND THEN MISTERSIPPY BUT THEN WE GOT 4 IN A ROW WE COULD LOSE. WE GOT L.S.WHO, THEN FLORIDER, TEXAS A&P, AND THEN SWEATY BRUCE PEARL AND AUBURN AGAIN. I DON’T LIKE IT ONE BIT, LARRY MINNER. COACH CAL BETTER QUIT PHONIN IT IN OR WE BOUT TO MAKE A CHANGE! STOP WHININ BOUT BEIN IN ERRBODY’S SUPER BO! IF WE’S IN A SUPER BO THEN COACH LIKE IT!

WE AIN’T THE FARTY NINERS…DADGUMMIT…WE IS PATRICK KAJONES! COACH EM UP OR GIT OUTTA TOWN, YOU CATHLICK CRYBABY! WE NEED US A BABDIZ COACH OR THAT PURDY BRAD PITT TO BLIND THE OTHER TEAM WITH HIS BEAUTY! COME ON, CATS! THERE’S STILL TIME TO GIT BUSPECTACLE AND GET A #1 SEED AHEAD OF LOSERVILLE! AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! COME SEE ABOUT IT! COME SEE ABOUT IT!

Cats stunned again, The Beasman wants Eddie Sutton and Kenny Sky Walker to take charge, and wants iHeart to fire Larry Minner for smirking

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THE BEASMAN cats lose to south caramaliner
HOW COME THEY DINT FIRE YOU WHEN THEY CLEANED HOUSE THE OTHER DAY? I JUST BOUT VOMITED WHEN I HEARED YOUR GUTLESS WEASEL VOICE ON THE WH&S TODAY. WHY IS Y’ALL LAUGHIN BOUT STUFF TODAY? THIS HERE IS A BONER-FIED BIG BLUE NATION TRAGEDY WE GOT GOIN ON AND Y’ALL ON THERE MAKIN JOKES!

MOST KENTUCKY KIDS COULDN’T GO TO SCHOOL DAY CUZ OF DEE-PRESSION. DOCTORS IS HANDIN OUT FREE PROZAC. KENTUCKY IS A DEE-ZASTER ZONE…NO JOY NOWHERE! (cry) THIS IS MORE HORRIBLE-ER THAN LOSIN TO TENNERSEE LASS YEAR. (cry) GO AHEAD AND MOCK ME, YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH, CROSS-EYED, U OF SMELL BOOTLICKIN HAS BEEN NOBODY!

COME ON, GIMME YOUR BEST SHOT, LARRY MINNER! THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS DONE BLOWED ANOTHER 14 POINT LEAD IN SOUTH CARAMALINER AND SO NOW ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS GOT TO HEAR YOUR UGLY FACE SMIRKIN BOUT IT! LEMME HAVE IT, LARRY! DANCE ON MY GRAVE! (cry)

I CAINT BLEEVE I HEART RADIO DINT FIRE YOUR SORRY ASS WITH THE REST OF THEM CARDINAL LOVERS! YOU MUSTA BEEN HIDIN UNDER MATT JONES’ DESK WHEN THEY COME THRU FIRIN EVERBODY. YOU SHOULDA BEEN THROWED OUT TO PASTURE TWUNNY YEARS AGO WHEN YOU BECAME SLICK RICK BUTEENO’S GAY LOVER UP ON BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN.

I TURNT ON THE RADIO HOPIN TO HEAR MATT JONES HELPIN ALL US SAD CAT FANS START TO HEAL WITH HIS WORDS OF WISDOM BUT INSTEAD I GIT STUPID YOU. SAVE US, MATT JONES! TELL US BOUT HOW COACH CAL AIN’T NO FRAUD AND HOW WE BEAT U OF SMELL SO IT’S STILL A GREAT SEASON. (cry) I’M THINKIN MAYBE WE NEED SOMEBODY TO PUT OL JOHN CALIPARDI OUT TO PASTURE THOUGH. THE GAME DONE PAST HIM BY. WE NEED KINNY SKY WALKER TO STEP IN AND TEACH THESE YOUNG WILDCATS HOW TO BLEEVE IN THE BIG BLUE! COME ON, KINNY! AND BRANG GOOSE GIVENS AND SAM BOWIE WITH YOU.

SAVE THESE CATS BEFORE “COACH CAL-DON’T-CARE-NO” RUINS ‘EM FOREVER! (cry) IT’S BAD ENOUGH TO SEE OUR GOOD AND CLASSY CATS LOSE BUT THEN WE ALSO GOT TO SEE THAT IDIOT SOUTH CARAMALINER FAN DANCIN AND MOCKIN ASHTON HAGAR WHEN HE FOULT OUT.

HOW COME A CAT FAN DINT JUMP DOWN THERE AND PUNCH THAT PUNK GAMECOCK FAN? IS WE GITTIN SOFT, CAT FANS? THERE WAS A TIME WHEN ANYBODY MOCKED U UH KAY WOUNT UP IN A BODY BAG. NOT NO MORE. NOW WE JUST LET ERRBODY MOCK US AND WE JUST HANG OUR HEADS IN SHAME! (cry)

Jermaine Couisnard beats UK at the buzzer, January 15, 2020

DADGUM U OF SMELL WINS ON THE ROAD AGAIN AN U UH KAY LOSES ON THE ROAD SO NOW Y’ALL GONNA JUMP US IN THE PO AGAIN. (cry) AN NOW THE CATS IS #67 IN THE RPI AND THEY IS PICKIN US TO LOSE 5 OF OUR NEXT 8 GAMES! IT AIN’T BEEN THIS BAD SINCE BILLY CLYDE WAS DRINKIN BOOZE IN OUR HUDDLES WHILE SOMEBODY ELSE WAS DRAWIN UP PLAYS! (cry) IF BOBBY PETRINKO CAN GIT HIRED AGAIN THEN MAYBE U UH KAY NEEDS TO GO FIND EDDIE SUTTON AND GIVE HIM ANOTHER SHOT HERE AT KENTUCKY. HIM AND KINNY SKY WALKER COULD GIT THIS THING TURNT AROUND!

John Calipari, Eddie Sutton

I’LL GO GIT A STACK OF EMERY AIR FREIGHT ENVER-LOPES READY SO EDDIE CAN START SENDIN CASH TO REE-CRUITS SO KENTUCKY CAN GIT REAL PLAYERS AGAIN LIKE IN THE GOOD OL DAYS. (cry) BYE BYE, COACH CAL. LET YOUR WIFE DRIVE WHEN YOU LEAVE TOWN CUZ YOU OBVIOUSLY DON’T KNOW NOTHIN BOUT TAKIN CHARGE. (cry) COME ON, IHEART. FIRE LARRY MINNER! FIRE LARRY MINNER! FIRE LARRY MINNER!

PUT MATT JONES ON WH&S! HIRE MATT JONES! HIRE MATT JONES! HIRE MATT JONES! THIS HERE IS A BONER-FIED BIG BLUE NATION TRAGEDY TIME!

The Beasman is feasting on U of Smell’s losing streak while the Cats soar

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THE BEASMAN loserville losing streak
(chuckling) ZIPPITY DO DAH, ZIPPITY DAY. MY OH MY WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY! (laffs) LOSERVILLE GOTTA LONGER LOSIN STREAK THAN I-RANIAN GENERALS HANGIN ROUND AIRPORTS! (laffs) Y’ALL CAN’T EVEN BEAT AN EGG! (laffs) U OF SMELL SUCKS SO BAD THAT CHRIS MACK GOT A JOB OFFER FROM ROOMBA! (laffs) YOU GOTTA LAFF AT MY FUNNY COMEDY JOKES, LARRY MINNER, CUZ AIN’T NOTHIN ELSE FUNNY ON THIS PATHETIC RADIO SHOW. (laffs)

photo by UK Athletics

HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW TOP 25 PO? SOMETHIN BLUE IS ON THE RISE AND SOMETHIN RED IS JUST BOUT DEAD! (laffs) I AIN’T QUIT CHUCKLIN SINCE BALDY MACK AND HIS AIRBALL-BEANOS LIMPED OUTTA RUMP ARENER SAD AND HUMILLER-FIED BY U UH KAY AGIN! (sing) IT’S STILL THE MOST WONNN-DER-FUL TIME, OF THE YEEEEEEAAAAARRRRRR! (laffs) SO LARRY…YOU FINE-LEE COME BACK TO WORK TO FACE THE MUSIC! (laffs)

I BEEN WAITIN EVER DAY TO HEAR YOUR STUPID VOICE BACK ON THE LECTRIC RADIO EVER SINCE COACH CAL PUT A SMACKDOWN ON YOUR PRECIOUS CARDINAL CONVICTS! (laffs) I TURNT ON THE RADIO AND YOU WEREN’T ON SO I THUNK – LARRY MINNER IS SKEERED! (laffs) ADMIT IT, LARRY! YOU WAS TOO DEE-PRESSED TO COME BACK AND FACE US GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCAT FANS! (laffs) MATT JONES OUGHT TO HAVE YOUR TIME SLOT ANYHOO! MATT JONES IS THE BEST BROADCASTIGATOR SINCE CAY-WOOD!

Chris Tomlin, Terry Meiners, and Matt Jones at WHAS studios, January 2, 2020

SO KEEP CRYIN YOUR LITTLE CARDINAL TEARS WHILE US CAT FANS LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL! KENTUCKY FOOTBAW IS #1 IN THE WORLD…ALL 32 NFL TEAMS PARKED A NEW CAR IN LYNN BOWIE JUNIOR’S DRIVEWAY TO WIN HIM OVER. IT LOOKS LIKE A COUNTRY CLUB PARKIN LOT OUT THERE! (laffs) SO ADMIT IT – LYNN BOWIE IS BETTER THAN LAY-MAR JACKSON! IT’S TRUE, YOU ROCKHEAD U OF SMELL BOOTLICKER! LAY-MAR IS OVER! THE WORLD LOVES LYNN BOWIE NOW CUZ HE’S BIG BLUE!

Lynn Bowden Jr promised “Ls down forever.”

THE BELK BOWL IS NOW BIGGER THAN THE NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS GAME CUZ EVERBODY KNOWS L.S.U. AND CLEMSON IS REALLY JUST PLAYIN FOR SECOND. STOOPS TROOPS KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS BETTER THAN YOUR GREEN GAY BUTT PACKERS, LARRY! (laffs)

COACH CAL – HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY – COACH CAL SAYS U UH KAY BASKETBAW WILL BE BACK AT #1 BY NEXT WEEK CUZ HE’LL GIT THE POPE TO SLAP ALL THE VOTERS! (laffs) U UH KAY AIN’T GONNA LOSE NO MORE GAMES! EVEN IF ASHTON HAGANS GOTTA GIT HIS BAD LEG CUT OFF, COACH CAL SAYS HE’S BETTER THAN ANYBODY ON LOSERVILLE’S TEAM. (laffs)

LOSERVILLE HAS THE LONGEST LOSING STREAK IN AMERICA RIGHT NOW SO Y’ALL CAN CROW ABOUT THAT! (laffs) U UH KAY IS PERFECT IN S.E.C. PLAY, TOO. LET’S SEE, HOW IS U OF SMELL DOIN IN THE A.C.C.? OH YEAH…Y’ALL JUST LOST TO A FARMER KENTUCKY COACH NAME OF LENNER HAMILTON. HE USED TO WORK FOR ME, LARRY, AND HE COME VISIT ME ON FRIDEE NIGHT LOOKIN FOR AD-VICE ON HOW TO WHOOP LOSERVILLE.

Joe B Hall and Leonard Hamilton, January 3, 2020

I SAYS TO HIM, I SAYS “LENNER. JUST PLAY A DEE-FENSE CUZ LOSERVILLE SHOOTS LIKE STEVIE WONDER! (laffs) ALL Y’ALL FLORIDA STATERS GOTTA DO IS SCORE ONE BUCKET CUZ LOSERVILLE THROWIN UP MORE BRICKS THAN HABITAT FOR HUMANA!” (laffs) WHAT A FUN TIME TO BE A KENTUCKY WILDCAT! STOOPS TROOPS IS THE GREATEST FOOTBAW TEAM IN THE WORLD, COACH CAL IS PACKIN HIS BAGS FOR THE FINAL FOUR AGAIN, AND LOSERVILLE IS LOWER THAN A SNAKE’S BELLY IN A SINKHOLE. (laffs)

HAPPY BLUE YEAR, CAT FANS! THESE ARE THE GOOD OLD DAYS! I ALSO TODE LENNER HAMILTON TO SEE ABOUT COACHIN EVANSVILLE TOO SO THEY CAN FIRE WALTER McCARTHY THE TRAITOR TURNCOAT! AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! COME SEE ABOUT IT! COME SEE ABOUT IT! GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! HAPPY BLUE YEAR, YOU BUNCH OF SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, GOLD TEEF, WELFARE STAMP, TARC BUS RIDIN, DRIVE BY SHOOTIN, G.E.D. FLUNKIN U OF SMELL FOOLS! THIS HERE IS WILDCAT COUNTRY! GO BIG BLUE! HAPPY BLUE YEAR! COME SEE ABOUT IT!

#1 Cardinals validate their ranking with win over Michigan, The Beasman is getting skeered

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THE BEASMAN cards win as #1
LARRY! LARRY! LARRY! I BEEN WANTIN’ TO VOMIT ALL DAY HAVIN’ TO HEAR ABOUT THEM NO COUNT, TWO BIT, WILDCAT WANNABE, PHONEY #1 U OF SMELL CARDINAL BIRDS WHOOPIN’ MICH-ER-GAN! I SPENT ALL DAY YESTERDEE PRAYIN TO GOD, JESUS, ADOLPH RUPP, THE ELF ON THE SHELF, AND HOLY MACARONI THAT MICH-ER-GAN WOULD COME INTO THAT NASTY CHICKEN BUCKET AREN-ER AND KICK THE CARDINALS IN THEIR STOOPID FACES BUT…NAWWW.

Vince Tyra, Chris Mack, Terry Meiners (December 3, 2019)

NOW WE GOT TO LISSEN ALL WEEK TO ALL THAT IGNERT CHIRPIN BOUT HOW LOSERVILLE IS SO GREAT AND HOW THEY DOMMERATED EVERBODY AND THEY AIN’T LOST TO NO EVANSVILLE AND ALL THAT OTHER NONSENSE. POPPYCOCK! U OF SMELL BETTER ENJOY THEIR FAKE NEWS RANKIN WHILE THEY CAN! I KNOW Y’ALL IS STUPID BUT CHECK YOUR CALENDAR!

THEM CARDINAL CONVICTS IS ON DEATH ROW CUZ THE CATS IS WAITIN FOR YA! YEAH! WE JUST ABOUT 3 WEEKS AWAY FROM THE MIGHTY KENTUCKY WILDCATS STOMPIN CARDINAL FEATHERS JUST LIKE STOOPS TROOPS JUST DONE! DON’T ACT LIKE THAT FOOTBAW GAME DINT HAPPEN!

Lynn Bowden Junior taunts Louisville with Ls down

WE BURNT UP LOTS OF COUCHES BUT THEN LAST NIGHT GOT HERE AND THE JOY IS GONE IN LEXINUN. U OF SMELL HIGHLIGHTS IS ON ALL THE TVs AND IT’S HARRIBLE. NOW ALL US CAT FANS CAINT ENJOY CHRISTMAS CUZ WE GOTTA WORRY ABOUT DEE-CEMBER 28. I TODE THE OLD LADY TO TAKE DOWN ALL THE CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS AND THROW THE TREE IN A DUMPSTER. WE AIN’T CELLER-MA-BRATIN NO BIRTH OF JESUS UNTIL US CAT FANS KNOW FOR SURE THAT THE CATS GONNA BEAT THEM SNAGGLE TOOTH CARDINALS!

WE ALMOST FIRED COACH CAL AFTER HE LOST TO NOBODY EVANSVILLE AND THEM UTAH VALLEY NOBODIES ALMOST BEAT US TOO. BUT THAT’S ALL DAM OVER THE WATER! COACH CAL DONE BEEN TODE BY US GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCATS THAT IF HE DON’T BEAT LOSERVILLE, WE GONNA CHASE HIM OUTTA LEXINUN THAT NIGHT WITH PITCHFARKS AND FIRE! WE AIN’T KIDDIN! HAVIN’ TO LIVE WITH U OF SMELL #1 IS TOO PAINFUL FOR BIG BLUE NATION! WE’D RATHER SEE DUKE WIN IT ALL THAN HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT U OF SMELL BEATIN THE CATS!

Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! AND IF LOSERVILLE BEATS U UH KAY IN RUMP ARENER THEN Ls DOWN MEANS WE GONNA JUMP Y’ALL IN THE PARKIN LOT! DON’T YOU BE FLASHIN NO Ls UP SIGN AT A GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FAN OR WE’LL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE! WE GONNA KNOCK THEM Ls DOWN AND SPRAY PAINT YOUR UGLY RED SWEATERS BLUE RIGHT THERE IN RUMP ARENER! WE AIN’T PLAYIN, LARRY!

COACH CAL – HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY – HE BETTER GIT OFF HIS CATHOLIC PRAYIN KNEES AND START TOOTIN THAT WHISTLE IN PRACTICE 24/7 SO THE CATS IS READY FOR THEM ROTTEN CARDINALS. DON’T WORRY ABOUT PRACTICIN FOR THESE RUM DUMMIES WE GONNA PLAY NEXT. FOCUS ON BEATIN LOSERVILLE! WE IS THE CATS!

Louisville coach Chris Mack looks back at his family after his #1 Cardinals dispatched #4 Michigan.

WE POSED TO BE #1 DADGUMMIT! GIT THE CATS READY FOR LOSERVILLE SO WE CAN TAKE THEIR FAKE NEWS #1 RANK AND THROW IT IN THE DUMPSTER WITH THEIR REJECTED NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIP BANNER!

Luke Hancock and Darrell Griffith at the unveiling of their Final Four most outstanding player achievements banner. Pervis Ellison could not attend.

DICK VITALE WAS ON TV LAST NIGHT BLABBERMOUTHIN ABOUT U OF SMELL’s NEW FAKE BANNER! WHO CARES! THAT’S LIKE AN EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH PLAQUE…IT AIN’T NO CHAMPERCHIP…AND U UH KAY GOT 8 REAL ONES! WAKE UP, COACH CAL OR WE GONNA FIND SOMEBODY WHO CAN RECRUIT ALL THE ONE-AND-DONES AND ACTUALLY WIN THE DADGUM CHAMPERCHIP FOR A CHANGE! “OH, THEY’RE JUST KIDS” COACH CAL ALWAYS SAYS!

WELL BALDY CHRIS MACK GOT KIDS TOO BUT THEY GOT THE #1 RANK AND THEY IS LAUGHIN AT U UH KAY IN THE REAR VIEW! POOTY OR GIT OFF THE POT, COACH CAL! YOU GOT THREE WEEKS TO SAVE YOUR JOB! I SUGGEST YOU STOP SPENDING ALL DAY AT DUNKIN DONUTS AND START TEACHING THE BIG BLUE HOW TO DUNK! BEAT THEM CARDINALS OR (sing) “I’LL HAVE A BLUE, BLUE CHRISTMAS…WITHOUT YOU…CUZ YOU GOIN TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE.”

A peculiar twist – did UK twist media arms to scrub video – and is the word LIAR embedded in peculiar?

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The University of Kentucky’s football series with the University of Florida has taken on a peculiar twist. Last year in Gainesville, the Kentucky Wildcats snapped a 31 game losing streak to the Florida Gators. UK linebacker Kash Daniel celebrated on the visitors’ field.

This year in Lexington, the Gators won a dramatic contest over UK and a Florida player returned the gesture.

Beyond Florida’s victory came an outpouring of angry Gator fans who saw Kentucky’s Kash Daniel twist the ankle of their quarterback Kyle Trask. Daniel denied any wrongdoing, but further video angles affirm Florida claims that the UK player tried to injure the the QB.

Kash Daniel talked to media the day before that video surfaced from WYMT, a member of the University of Kentucky sports network to televise games.

WYMT offered the clearer angle that does not jibe with Daniel’s explanation. But as pressure mounted from Kentucky fans, WYMT officials removed the video from their web site.

WYMT is a sister station to WKYT, Lexington’s flagship station for Kentucky sports programming and S.E.C. games.

The University of Kentucky is not above pressuring media to remove content it finds objectionable or embarrassing. A few years ago, The Courier Journal apologized to UK basketball coach John Calipari for using an image of the coach wearing a diaper. The newspaper explained that the illustration was provided by a contract employee and the content did not measure up to the newspaper’s standards.

This is a parody photoshop of the original Courier Journal image that riled Calipari and UK officials.

photoshopped image inspired by the Courier Journal illustration that irked John Calipari

The caricature of Caipari was satire, a parody of coaches who doth protest too much. The Courier Journal runs political cartoons and other opinion oriented illustrations every day. So what really happened?

It is likely that a university athletics department administrator informed the Courier Journal that its beat writer would have vastly reduced access unless a published retraction and apology were issued. The Courier complied.

Five days after the Kentucky/Florida football game, flagship WKYT lists no archived content for the Kash Daniel video. They did run a story on Wednesday night that showed the leg twist but the narrative was centered on Kash Daniel’s denial. The story closed with Daniel telling his side of the incident, adding “End of story.”

—from the Lexington Herald Leader—

Lexington Herald-Leader

Revenues for WKYT and WYMT would take a severe hit if UK severed ties with Gray Television, the parent company of both signals. Don’t look for the Kash Daniel video to become featured content on either of their web sites.

Meanwhile, is Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau now a Kash Daniel fan?

For Kentucky football, targeting is triggering

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THE BEASMAN florida curse
I HATE YOU AND EVERTHANG YOU STAND FOR, LARRY MINNER. “CHANCE POOR” THAT ANY TRUE BLUE WILDCAT FAN EVER WANNA LISSEN AT YOU…ON THAT RADIO GIGGLIN LIKE A SCHOOL GIRL ABOUT LAY-MAR JACKSON AND TEDDY DIRTY WATER PLAYIN N.F.L. INSTEAD OF SOUNDIN SAD ABOUT OUR BELOVED CATS LOSIN TO THEM FLORI-DER PHONIES AGAIN! (cry) ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS FANS IS LICKIN OUR WOUNDS AND Y’ALL WH&S PEOPLE JUST ON THERE TODAY HOLLERIN AND CUTTIN UP LIKE YOU’S AT A CARDINAL HOOTENANY. (cry)

DADGUMMIT, Y’ALL POSED TO BE GRIEVIN LIKE THE REST OF US, YOU CROSS-EYED, PENCIL NECK, TWO-BIT, DRUNK FOR BREAKFAST, WELFARE STAMP, CHAIN GANG, NOBODY LOSERVILLE WILDCAT WANNABES! WE GOT A FIELD GOAL KICKER NAMED SLIM CHANCE, FAT CHANCE, CHANCE POOR, OR BETTY BLUITT OR PEG LEG MEG OR WHATEVER. GIT HER OUTTA HERE AND GIT US IRON MAN TO KICK FIELD GOALS. (cry)

STOOPS TROOPS DONE GOT ROBBED BY THEM REFFERMARIES CALLIN WEAK TARGETING PENALTIES ON TWO OF OUR CATS. KENTUCKY WILDCATS AIN’T HEAD KNOCKIN THUGS LIKE LOSERVILLE CARDINAL BIRDS. U UH KAY WILDCATS IS JUST SO DADGUM TOUGH THAT OPPONENTS LOOK LIKE CRASH DUMMIES WHEN THEY GIT TACKLED BY A GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCAT! (cry)

MATT JONES — HE’S GONNA BE A SENATOR YOU KNOW – MATT JONES SAYS THEM REFFERMARIES IS STILL CHEATIN U UH KAY CUZ THEY’S MAD ABOUT MATT JONES PICKIN ON THAT BASKETBAW REFFERMARIE NAME OF HIGGINS. SO THAT’S WHAT THIS IS REALLY ABOUT. ALL THE ZEBRAS IS OUT TO GIT THE CATS BECAUSE THEY JEALOUS OF STOOPS AND COACH CAL.

Lexington Herald Leader

STOOPS TROOPS REALLY BEAT FLORIDER THE OTHER NIGHT IF THEM PHONEY TARGETING CALLS WASN’T MADE! HERE’S WHAT U UH KAY NEEDS TO DO SHUT DOWN THEM CHEATIN REFFERMARIES…WE NEED KENTUCKY HALL OF FAMER BOOGIE COUSINS TO GO OUT THERE FOR THE COIN TOSS AND THEN THREATEN TO PUT A BULLET IN THE REFFERMARIES’ HEADS! YEAH! I BETCHA THEY’LL STOP CALLIN FAKE TARGETING CALLS ON THE CATS ONCE BOOGIE GITS UP THEIR GRILLS! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

OH, AND LARRY…STOP BRAGGIN ABOUT YOUR CARDINAL CONVICTS BEATIN NOBODY WESTER KENTUCKY. THEY’S A BUNCH OF SWISHY BOYS WHO CAIN’T BEAT NOBODY SO BIG WHOOP! IF Y’ALL WAS IN THE S.E.C. LIKE KENTUCKY THEN YOU WOULD GIT STOMPED EVER WEEK. THE ONLY REAL GAME Y’ALL GOT IS CLEMSER, WHO CAIN’T BEAT ALABAMMER BUT ONCE EVER 20 TRIES. THE A.C.C. IS LIKE DIVISION 2 FOOTBAW. BUNCH OF WILDCAT WANNABES.

STOOPS TROOPS STILL GONNA WIN THE NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS CUZ WE RUNNIN THE TABLE STARTIN THIS SAIRDEE AGAINST THEM MISTERSIPPI STATE BULL DYKES. MEANTIME YOUR DOORMAT LOSERVILLE FRAUDS GONNA GIT YOUR JAW JACKED BY THEM SCUMBAG FLORIDER STATE SCRITCHERS. AND DID YOU NOTICE THAT COACH CAL DONE GOT ANOTHER TOP RECRUIT FOR NEXT YEAR? THE ONLY GUY YOUR TWIN BROTHER BALDY MACK CAN GIT HERE IS BILL MURRAY, AND HE CAINT DUNK NOTHIN BUT A DONUT! SO SHUT YOUR CROOKED TEETH MOUTH, LARRY MINNER!

Former UofL player Jonathan Greenard tackles UK quarterback Skylar Smith

YOU AND ALL THEM CARDINAL CONVICTS STILL GONNA GIT SLAPPED DOWN AGAIN FROM THE F.B.I. CUZ OF SLICK RICK’S CHEATIN. THAT’S A GIANT TARGETING PENALTY ON U OF SMELL. THE F.B.I. AND SLICK RICK’S BANKER IS TARGETING Y’ALL. SLICK GONNA SUED TO TAKE ANOTHER FARDY MILLION DOLLARS SO Y’ALL GOTTA SELL THE THINKER STATUE JUST TO PAY HIM OFF! YOU SUCK, CARDINAL BIRDS! LET’S GO, BIG BLUE NATION! GO CATS! GO BLUE! AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

In Kentucky, basketball stardom overrides terroristic threatening

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Congratulations to Kentucky one-and-done star DeMarcus Cousins. He helped the Cats get to the Elite Eight a decade ago and has made the NBA all-star team multiple times. He just got married two weeks ago, threatened to murder his baby mama, and is now in the University of Kentucky Athletic Hall of Fame.

Wait, what? Yeah, he got a bit steamed when his ex wouldn’t allow their child to attend “Boogie” Cousins’ wedding to another woman so the NBA star allegedly threatened her over the phone. She recorded it and released it to TMZ.

There’s been no legal update since the arrest warrant was issued two weeks ago but…GO BIG BLUE! Due process demands that Cousins get his day in court but why does the University of Kentucky, a pillar of enlightenment and female empowerment, feel the need to go ahead with the Hall of Fame induction?

Can’t this wait until the legal matter is concluded? What if more nefarious information is released by the ex or some other woman who has been mistreated by Cousins?

UK officials should have waited until the legal process plays out and then invite Cousins to join the HOF after the smoke clears.

In 2013, former Kentucky player DeAndre Liggins was arrested for punching his girlfriend and dropping a fan and video game on her head. Not long thereafter, Liggins appeared on social media in a photo with Coach John Calipari, a public declaration that “we still love you.”

John Calipari and DeAndre Liggins, September 2013

It was a different world six years ago when the Liggins charges were reduced and he was released from the Oklahoma City NBA team.

This is not a good look in today’s #MeToo and #TimesUp cultural landscape. Many women will find the Hall of Fame induction as a dismissive gesture toward all women who are victims of domestic violence or economic and verbal abuse.

Look out, Cardinals…here come them there Notre Dame Cathlick beak busters

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Joe B Hall and Terry Meiners, Rupp Arena, February 2017

THE BEASMAN football is back
I BET YOU’S JEALOUS OF COACH CAL PLAYIN GOLF WITH PRESSER-DENT BROCK PAJAMAS, AIN’T YOU, LARRY? COACH CAL HANGS OUT WITH ALL THE BIGTIME STARS LIKE BROCK PAJAMAS, LEE-BRON JAMES, JAY Z, THE DRAKE, AND THE OAK RIDGE BOYS. WHICH PRESIDENT DID YOU PLAY GOLF WITH, LARRY MINNER? THE PRESIDENT OF THE HAIR CLUB FOR MEN? (laffs)

John Calipari and Barack Obama, Farm Neck Golf Club, Martha’s Vineyard (August 2019)

IT’S TIME FOR FOOTBAW, CARDINAL SISSIES! SAY YOUR PRAYERS, YOU FILTHY U OF SMELLERS, CUZ Y’ALL BOUT TO DIE! (laffs) I LOVE IT! THE CARDINAL CRIMINALS GOT TO WAIT ALL WEEKEND FOR THEIR EXER-CUTION AT THE HANDS OF THEM DRUNK IRISH PEDDER-FILE, FAKE RELIGION CATHLICK SINNERS. (laffs) Y’ALL DEE-SERVE EACH OTHER, YOU STRIPPER POLE, GRAMMAW PROSTER-TUTE LOVIN LOSERVILLE CARDINAL THUGS.

YOU BUNCH OF NECK TATTOO, GUN ROBBERY, PAROLE VIOLATION, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC LOSERVILLE FELONS IS GONNA START OFF THE FOOTBAW SEASON WITH YOUR DREAMS CRUSHED. (laffs) YOUR NEW GOMER PYLE COACH DON’T KNOW NOTHIN. (laffs) SHAZAM, GOMER! (laffs) ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCAT FANS IS GIDDY LIKE SCHOOLGIRLS. (laffs)

WE’S IN THE S.E.C. JUST LIKE FLOR-I-DER AND L-S-WHO AND JARJUH. THEY IS OK BUT THEY AIN’T U-K! (laffs) SEE WHAT I DONE THERE? (laffs) STOOPS TROOPS GONNA STOMP LITTLE NOBODY TOLEDO AND THEN ALL THEM SO-CALLED “TOP 25” WILDCAT WANNABE TEAMS GONNA FIZZLE.

COACH STOOPS IS GLAD THE CATS AIN’T IN THE TOP 25. THAT’S MOTOR-VATION! Y’ALL KNOW U UH KAY IS BETTER THAN ALABAMMER AND CLEMSON AND ALL THEM OTHER FRAUDS. GO BIG BLUE! EVER-BODY KNOWS THE CATS IS #1 AND THEY’S JUST JEALOUS! JUST WAIT AND SEE WHAT WE DO TO BIG, BAD TOLEDO…THE BEST TEAM IN OHI-ER CUZ OHI-ER STATE SUCKS. (laffs) BUNCH OF BUCKEYE NANCY BOYS! (laffs) CATS! CATS! CATS! TERRY TOUCHDOWN GONNA WIN THE HEISHMAN, U UH KAY GONNA WIN THE NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS, AND COACH CAL GONNA FINE-LEE WIN THE NC2A SO U UH KAY FANS CAN BE MORE OBNOXIOUS THAN EVER! (laffs) WHOOOO! GO BIG BLUE! GO CATS! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! (laffs) BLUE GITS IN! RED GETS IN-CARCERATED! (laffs)

Larry Minner and JB Holmes at Valhalla, 2013

KENTUCKY COACHES PLAY GOLF WITH PRESIDENTS. U OF SMELL COACHES PLAY IN THE PRISON YARD. (laffs) HEY LARRY, I TODE YOU JUSTIN THOMAS WEREN’T GONNA WIN THE FEDDER CHEESE CUP CUZ HE’S A WEAK-MINDED U OF SMELL FAN. THEM FED-EX LIARS WAS AFRAID TO PUT J.B. HOLMES IN THERE CUZ THEY KNOWED HIS U UH KAY TALENT WOULD CRUSH ALL THEM OTHER CANDY APPLES. ME AND ALL MY WILDCAT BUDDIES WAS PULLIN FOR ANYBODY CEPT JUSTIN THOMAS TO WIN CUZ WE DON’T WANT LOSERVILLE TO HAVE NO GOOD NEWS NEVER. (laffs) GIT READY FOR THEM BEER BREATH, STATUE WORSHIPPIN CATHLICKS TO RIP OFF YOUR STUPID CARDINAL BEAKS AND BURN YOUR EYEBALLS WITH HOLY WATER!

BIG BLUE NATION LOVES NOTRE DAME ALL WEEK! THEY’LL STOMP YOU THUG CARDINALS AND COME NEXT WEEK U UH KAY FANS WILL GO BACK TO CALLIN’ NOTRE DAME UGLY, REDHAIRED, ALCOHOLIC, FISH BREATH, PEDDER-HILE PROTECTIN’ HERETIC, FAKE RELIGION DIRTBALLS. BUT FOR NOW, B.B.N. LOVVVVVEEEEESSSSS NOTRE DAME! (laffs) AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

Coach Cal’s godlike status in question

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For some University of Kentucky basketball fans, head coach John Calipari is losing his touch. They’re filling up social media with slams about Cal’s inability to land a Top 5 recruit in the past 4 seasons.

Even the hometown Lexington Herald Leader is now casting a wary eye.

Lexington Herald Leader, June 3, 2019

Never mind that Kentucky, the winningest program in college basketball history, fields one of the strongest SEC teams every season. Never mind that Cal has a national title just 7 years old. Never mind that UK still collects some of the most sought after recruits in America year after year.

Tyler Herro, Keldon Johnson

It’s not enough for simple minds who think that having KENTUCKY on a jersey automatically sends shivers through the opposition.

Kentucky’s domination has led other schools to mimic the success that Calipari brought in his first 5 years at UK. Even Duke succumbed to the one-and-done methodology of pass-through greatness.

Duke nabbed all three of Kentucky’s top recruit pursuits last year yet the Blue Devils could not cut down the championship nets.

The truth is that it’s hard to make it to the Final Four. Parity — plus — Calipari impersonators have successfully spread the wealth among a deep roster of schools with legit shots at the championship.

Kentucky fans are traditionally known as demanding whiners who can’t understand that other schools have talent, too. As for this recent burst of pointless Cal bashing, much of it can be based on the school listed at #2 on this preseason poll.

As for Calipari’s son considering transferring, the coach made valid points that his kid isn’t quite as good as the usual Kentucky players.

Brad Calipari will return to Kentucky. Seriously. Where else would he receive star status with that last name?