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The Beasman: Coach Cal’s easter egg recruit hunt

Posted on July 7, 2017 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

THE BEASMAN coach cal easter egg recruit hunt
HEY LARRY, YOU BALD HAIRED, SNAGGLE TOOTH, CROSS EYED, SLICK RICK BUTTKISSIN HAS BEEN. I HEARED YOU ON THE LECTRIC RADIO YESTERDEE TAWKIN ALL LOVEY-DOVEY TO YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK. I GUESS Y’ALL IS BACK IN LOVE AGAIN. I JUST ABOUT GOT THE DIA-BEET-US FROM ALL THAT SYRUPPY SWEET TAWKIN.

LARRY, WHEN IS YOU GONNA GROW A PAIR AND TELL SLICK RICK TO PACK HIS BAGS AND LEAVE TOWN FOR BEIN A CRIMINAL? THE NC2A DONE SAID HE WAS A NO COUNT CHEATER AND THAT BANNER IS COMING DOWN SO Y’ALL NEED TO GIT OUT OF DEE-NIAL.

IT’S OVER. TAKE THAT FAKE NEWS BANNER DOWN. TAKE IT DOWN! TAKE IT DOWN! TAKE IT DOWN! YOU AND SLICK NEED TO GO AWAY TO BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN AND LET A HONEST GUY LIKE MATT JONES HAVE YOUR RADIO TIME SLOT. U OF SMELL JUST NEEDS TO SHUT DOWN ITS DISHONEST GRAMMAW STRIPPER BASKETBAW PROGRUM THAT BLONGS IN THE HALL OF SHAME.

MEANTIME, COACH CAL IS OUT THERE WINNIN THE WORLD! EVERBODY LOVES COACH CAL…HE WENT ON THE TWITTER MACHINE SHOWIN A PITCHER OF HIM RIDIN ON A CAMEL IN FRONT OF THE PYRAMIDS. AIN’T THAT SOMETHING? COACH CAL IS THE PHAROAH OF COLLEGE COACHES.

John Calipari in Egypt. –via Twitter–

ALL THE GREAT PLAYERS WANNA BE ON HIS TEAM. ALL THE MOMS AND DADS KNOW THEIR KID IS GONNA BE SAFE WITH COACH CAL AND NOT HAVE NO GRAMMAW STRIPPERS AROUND. AND OF COURSE WHEN A KID PICKS U UH KAY FOR HIS EIGHT MONTHS OF COLLEGE, HE KNOWS HE’S GOIN TO THE FINAL FOUR AND THEN STRAIGHT TO THE NBA. I LOVE IT!

THAT ROMEO LANGFORD KID AIN’T INNERESTED IN NO U OF SMELL NO MORE CUZ NOW HE GOT A TASTE OF COACH CAL’S GREATNESS OVER THERE IN EGYPT. COACH CAL GOES TO MASS EVER DAY BUT THEY AIN’T GOT NO CATHLICK CHURCHES OVER THERE SO I GUESS HE PROBLEE FLEW THE POPE IN ON U UH KAY’S PRIVATE JET JUST TO PUT ONE OF THEM VOODOO CATHLICK BLESSINGS ON COACH CAL’S HEAD FOR GOOD LUCK. I KNOW IT’S WORKIN CUZ THEM OTHER YOUNG PLAYERS LIKE IMMANUEL QUICKLEY AND CAMERON REDDISH IS OVER THERE MAKIN THE THREE-GOGGLES SIGN WHICH MEANS THEY WANNA BE WILDCATS! I HEAR TELL TODAY THEY WAS MAKIN THE Ls DOWN SIGN SO THEY IS DEFINITELY FUTURE CATS!

FIBA

OH, IT’S GOTTA BE KILLIN Y’ALL STUPID CARDINAL FANS TO SEE YOUR BASKETBAW PROGRUM TURN INTO A DUMPSTER FIRE WHILE U UH KAY SOARS WITH COACH CAL! YOUR HEISMAN TROPHY GUY FUMBLED THE VICTORY TO STOOPS TROOPS. YOUR BASEBAW TEAM WENT TO THE WORLD SERIES AND GOT BEAT DOWN BY A SUPERIOR S.E.C. TEAM. AND NOW YOU IS WAITIN FOR THE NC2A TO ROLL THAT GIANT GILLER-TEEN INTO TOWN TO GIVE Y’ALL THE DEATH PENALTY AND TAKE AWAY YOUR CHAMPERCHIPS JUST BECAUSE PEDRO SIVA AND SHANE BO-HANNON LOOKED AT SOME GRAMMAW’S SAGGY BOOBS.

LARRY, LARRY, LARRY. YOU HITCHED YOUR WAGON TO A TRAMP CAMP AND NOW YOU AND ALL THE OTHER CROSS EYED, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, GUN-TOTIN, GANG BANG, WELFARE CHECK, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK, NECK TATTOO, G.E.D. FLUNKIN, FLATBILL HAT, HAIRY ARMPIT, MAN WEARIN EARRINGS, U OF SMELL CARDINAL LOSER FANS GOT A BIG BAG OF NOTHIN. (laffs) COACH CAL IS LIKE THE BIG KID AT THE EASTER EGG HUNT. ALL THEM RECRUITS IS OUT THERE WAITIN FOR EVERBODY BUT COACH CAL GOES OUT INTO THE FIELD AND GRABS ALL THE GOOD ONES FIRST! AND IF ANOTHER COACH REACHES FOR ONE OF THE GOOD ONES, COACH CAL KNOCKS HIM DOWN AND TAKES THE TOP RECRUIT RIGHT OUTTA HIS HAND (JUST LIKE HE IS DOIN WITH ROMEO LANGFORD RIGHT NOW)!

IT’S OVER, U OF SMELL. Y’ALL SHOULDA GIVE SCOTTY DAVERPORT THE LIFETIME CONTRACT TO STAY THERE AND MAKE LOSERVILLE THE BEST DIVISION 3 TEAM IN THE COUNTRY. BUT NAWWW, Y’ALL WANTED TO BE BIG TIME AND NOW ALL YOU IS IS BIGTIME CRIMINALS! BACK UP THAT GARBAGE TRUCK, CHUCK SMRT. YOU GOTTA THROW 123 GAMES, A FINAL FOUR, AND CHAMPERCHIP IN THERE! AND BRING THAT SOILED TRASH TO LEXINUN. WE’LL MAKE A BIG OL BONFIRE OUT OF IT! GO BIG BLUE! CATS! CATS! CATS!

The Beasman: Now the heat is on with Diallo returning to UK

Posted on May 25, 2017 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

Stay away from this guy for a few weeks.

THE BEASMAN Diablo is back
GO BIG BLUE! GO BIG BLUE! ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY U UH WILDCAT FANS IS JUMPIN FOR JOY CUZ EL DIABLO IS COMIN BACK TO KENTUCKY! YEP, COACH CAL DONE GOT ON HIS HOVER BOARD AND ROAD IT ALL THE WAY TO NEW YARK TO BEG THE GREATEST BASKETBAW PLAYER WHO EVER LIVED, EL DIABLO TO COME BACK TO LEXINUN AFTER THAT STUPID DUMMY BAMBA SAID HE’S TOO SKEERED TO BE A WILDCAT.

John & Ellen Calipari, May 6, 2017

SO DIABLO SAYS TO HISSELF, HE SAYS: DO I WANNA GO TO N.B.A. HELL WITH SOME SUCKY TEAM OR DO I WANNA BE IN WILDCAT HEAVEN WITH PURDY GIRLS SWARMIN ALL OVER ME, LIVE IN A PALACE DARM, FLY AROUND ON FANCY JETS, AND HAVE COACH CAL TURNIN ME INTO THE NEXT LEE-BRON JAMES?

IT WAS A NO-BRAINER! EL DIABLO TODE HIS AGENT TO GRAB ALL THE MONEY HE DONE TOOK AND GIVE IT TO HIS COUSIN LUCIFER TO HIDE TIL NEXT YEAR.

Hamidou Diallo, photo: UK athletics

EL DIABLO IS COMIN BACK TO LEXINUN TO WIN US ANOTHER NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS AND SAVE COACH CAL’S JOB! THAT’S RIGHT, US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS APPRECIATE THAT COACH CAL GITS US TO LOTS OF FINAL FOURS, AND HE CAN RIDE A HOVER BOARD, AND HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY, AND HE SAYS THERE AIN’T NO CRYIN ON THE YACHT, AND HE’S A BIGTIME PRODCASTER WITH A MILLION TWITTER TWATS, AND HE GOT HIS OWN 30 + 30 SPECIAL ON EXPN…BUT AIN’T NONE OF THAT MATTERS IF HE DON’T GIT ER DONE BY WINNIN IT ALL FOR U UH KAY!

DADGUMMIT, EVER YEAR WE GIT THE #1 REE-CRUITIN CLASS AND THIS TIME WE GOT 6 MACDONALD BURGER BOYS BUT THAT AIN’T LIKE WINNIN IT ALL! WITH ALL COACH CAL GOT TO WORK WITH BUT STILL FADES OUT BY LOSIN TO CHEATIN NARTH CARAMALINER, OR WHITE BOY WESS-CONSIN, OR HOOSIER MAMA INJIANNER HAS BEENS… DADGUMMIT…WE IS THE CATS! WE DONE RUN OUTTA PATIENCE FOR OUR COACH WHO SPENDS TOO MUCH TIME ON TV TRYIN TO SELL HIS BOOK THAT TAKES 19 CHAPTERS TO SAY “TO BE A WINNER IN LIFE, TRY HARDER.”

WELL COACH CAL, HOW ABOUT SPENDIN MORE TIME BEIN A WINNER AT MARCH MADNESS THAN YOU DO RUNNIN AROUND PROMOTIN BOOKS, PRODCASTS, TWITTER TWATS, AND RUNNY YOGURT STANDS? NOW THAT YOU GOT EL DIABLO, THE DEVIL HISSELF, COMIN TO ACTUALLY PLAY FOR U UH KAY INSTEAD OF JUST HANGIN AROUND THE GYM…WE WANT US A NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIP OR ELSE YOU GOT TO HIT THE BRICKS AND LET US MAKE COW MACY THE NEXT WILDCAT COACH.

THIS IS OUR TIME, DADGUMMIT! NOT ONLY WILL THE WILDCATS GIT TO PLAY EL DIABLO IN A ACTUAL GAME, DURING HIS FREE TIME HE CAN STILL DO HIS DEVIL MAGIC TO KEEP U OF SMELL IN TROUBLE. THE DEVIL HAS BEEN TEMPTIN THEM SINFUL U OF SMELL THUGS EVER SINCE TRAITOR TURNCOAT SLICK RICK STABBED BIG BLUE NATION BY TAKIN THAT JOB. SO KEEP UP YOUR EL DIABLO TRICKS OF SENDING FLOOZIES AND SHADY BOOSTERS AROUND THERE THROWIN STRIPPER PARTIES SO THAT U OF SMELL STAYS IN NC2A JAIL FOREVER.

SLICK RICK HOLDS A PRESS CONFRENCE JUST TO ANNOUNCE THAT NOBODY DING DANG DUNG IS COMIN BACK AND COACH CAL SAYS “CHECKMATE” BY GUNNOUNCIN THAT EL DIABLO, THE GREATEST PLAYER EVER BARN, IS COMIN TO U UH KAY AND THIS TIME HE WON’T BE IN STREET CLOTHES.

Sean Jarboe and Terry Meiners celebrate UofL’s victory over UK in suite 71 at the Yum Center, December 21, 2016

LUCKY FOR YOU ROTTEN U OF SMELLERS THAT IT’S MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND SO HAVE A CEREMONY TO BURY YOUR DREAMS OF EVER BEATIN U UH KAY AGAIN, YOU BUNCH OF SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, GANG BANG, SNAGGLE TOOTH, CROWN ROYAL, FLATBILL, COUSIN MARRYIN, GRAMPA PUNCHIN, SHOOT-EM-UP, LAWLESS, TOOTHLESS, BRAINLESS, U OF SMELL CARDINAL FRAUDS. GAS UP YOUR RED BUS FOR THE N.I.T.

THE WILDCATS IS GOIN FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! NO CRYIN ON THE YACHT! MATTER OF FACT, WE GOT SO MANY SUPERSTARS, WE BETTER GIT TWO YACHTS!

There’s that no count, two bit, slick rick buttkissin, traitor turncoat, went to U uh Kay but cheers for U of Smell snuggle tooth fraud Larry Minner with The Beasman

The Beasman tells U of L recruits to warm up the D League bus

Posted on May 12, 2017 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

THE BEASMAN nba combine

LARRY, LARRY, LARRY. WHY DO YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH, LITTLE BROTHER, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, RICKY JONES LOVIN, NECK TATTOO, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK CARDINAL CONVICT FANS ACT LIKE YOU CARE ABOUT THE NBA COMBINE? OOOOOH. DONNERVAN MITCHELL IS TOO GOOD TO PLAY IN THE 5-ON-5 COMPERTITION BUT ISAIAH BRISKET GOTTA PLAY CUZ HE AIN’T GONNA MAKE IT ON NO NBA TEAM. SUCK IT, LOSERVILLE FANS. I MEAN…NO WONDER THEY JUST BANNED HOOKAH SMOKIN CUZ Y’ALL U OF SMELLERS MUST BE HIGH.

DONNERVAN MITCHUM MIGHT AS WELL GIT USED TO A D-LEAGUE BUS. HE AIN’T NEVER GONNA BE PRIME TIME LIKE ALL U UH KAY STARS. AIN’T NO CARDINAL BIRD PLAYERS GONNA ACTUALLY GIT ON NO NBA ROSTER. THEM SCOUTS KNOW WHAT THEY’S DOIN.

U OF SMELL PLAYERS LOOK JUST LIKE YOUR COACH PLAYIN IN THAT FLORIDA CEMETERY LEAGUE. SLOW, CONFUSED, AND USELESS. LARRY, YOU GOT TO BE A U UH KAY WILDCAT TO BE A NBA SUPERSTAR LIKE ANTHONY DAVIS AND KARL ANTHONY TOWN CAR. JOHN WALL IS A WILDCAT. NERLENS NOEL IS BIG BLUE. DEVIN BROOKER. SKAL, MKG, ONE OF THEM HARRISON TWINS, BLEDSOE, BIG OL BOOGIE COUSINS, AND WILLIE CRAWDAD STEIN…ALL THEM KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS THE TOP SUPERSTARS IN THE NBA. LEE-BRON JAMES IS COACH CAL’S ADOPTED SON SO HE’S SORT OF A STEP-WILDCAT.

GUYS LIKE KEVIN DURANT, CAR-MELLER, STEPH CURRY, AND WESTBROOK LOOK LIKE A BUNCH A LOSERS NEXT TO THEM NBA WILDCATS. AIN’T NO U OF SMELL NOBODY LIKE DONNER-VAN MITCHUM GONNA GIT ON NO NBA TEAM. HE’S OK, BUT OTHER U OF SMELLERS LIKE JELLO JOHNSON, DENG DANG DUNG, PEDRO SIVA… THEY IS NOBODIES.

Russ Smith and Terry Meiners on Great Day Live, May 2, 2017

ONLY CARDINAL GUY I LIKE IS RUSS SMIFF AND THAT’S CUZ HE COME OVER TO THE U UH KAY LOCKER ROOM AND BEGGED FOR FORGIVENESS FOR BEATIN US THAT ONE TIME. OH WAIT, HE NEVER BEAT US. HE COME OVER TO GET OUR PLAYERS’ AUTOGRAPHS AFTER U UH KAY BULIMINATED Y’ALL FROM MARCH MADNESS. INSTEAD OF HANDIN OUT DIPLOMAS, U OF SMELL OUGHT TO HAND OUT MOPS CUZ ALL A CARDINAL DEGREE WILL GIT YOU IS A JANITOR JOB.

Rick Pitino guarded by Danny DeVito’s doppleganger in the Masters Basketball Tournament in Coral Gables, Florida

AND STOP IT WITH ALL THE UPDATES ON GRAMPA SLICK RICK PLAYIN IN A GEEZER RETIREE LEAGUE DOWN IN FLORIDA. I SEEN THE VIDEO. IT LOOKED LIKE A BAD EPISODE OF THE WALKING DEAD. SLICK IS OUT THERE TRYIN TO RECAPTURE HIS YOUTH LIKE AN OLD LADY WEARING A LOW CUT BLOUSE. IT’S JUST SAGGY SADNESS. TELL SLICK RICK TO KEEP PAINTIN HIS BALD SPOT WITH BLACK SHOE POLISH AND PINCH A POTATO CHIP CLIP ON THE BACK OF HIS NECK TO PULL ALL HIS FOREHEAD WRINKLES TIGHT. WHEN HE’S OUT THERE LIMPIN AROUND THAT ELEMENTARY SCHOOL SIZE BASKETBAW COURT LIKE PEG LEG PETE, IT LOOKS LIKE THE GEEZER OLYMPICS. I SWEAR BETTY WHITE WAS PLAYIN ON THE OTHER TEAM. DID YOU NOTICE THE SPONSOR SIGNS? THEY WAS ALL FOR VIAGRA, HEARING AIDS, HOSPICE, AND CEMETERIES.

John & Ellen Calipari, May 6, 2017

MEANTIME COACH CAL IS RIDIN A HOVERBOARD AND SINGING SONGS WITH DRAKE. JUST GIVE UP, LOSERVILLE. THE NC2A IS BRINGING THE HAMMER DOWN SOON, LARRY. TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK TO LINE UP THEM GEEZER BALL SPONSORS FROM HOSPICE AND CEMETERIES. Y’ALL GONNA HAVE A FAKE NEWS CHAMPERCHIP BANNER YOU NEED TO BURY. PUT ON YOUR BLACK FANBOY SHIRT, LARRY. U OF SMELL’S DEATH PENALTY BOUT TO HIT THE FAN ANY DAY NOW. MEANTIME, COACH CAL IS RIDIN HIS HOVERBOARD TO RECRUIT MORE MACDONALD ALL-AMERICANS. FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! NO CRYIN ON THE YACHT! NO CRYIN ON THE YACHT! AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

AUDIO: The Beasman says Coach Cal’s show was watched by more people than the Super Bowl, NBA Finals, World Series, and Kardashians combined

Posted on April 18, 2017 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

THE BEASMAN 30 for 30
AINT NO SECRET I BEEN SLEEPIN IN A TENT ON THE SIDEWALK OUTSIDE MEMORIAL COLLER-SEUM WAITIN ON NEXT SEASON’S MIDNIGHT MADNESS TICKETS. WELL I AINT THERE NO MORE BUT NOT MY FAULT. THEM EASTER STARMS COME RUMBLIN THROUGH HERE AND THIS COP COMES ALONG AND SAYS “BEASMAN, I CAINT LET YOU KEEP THIS TENT HERE CUZ IF A LIGHTNIN BOLT HITS THAT K-FLAG UP ON TOP YOU GONNA GIT FRIED LIKE BACON.” SO HE SENT ME HOME AND TODE ME TO COME BACK IN SEPTEMBER WHEN THEY HAND OUT THE TICKETS. SO I COME HOME AND GOT CAUGHT UP ON EVERTHANG. DADGUMMIT, I WATCHED ME THAT 30 + 30 THING ON COACH CAL AND WHEN HE STARTED CRYIN AT THE END, I STARTED CRYIN TOO.

EVEN YOU SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, OBAMA PHONE, BACKWARDS CAP, NECK TATTOO, SNAGGLE TOOTH CARDINAL FANS GOTTA LIKE COACH CAL NOW. HE JUST CARES ABOUT THE PLAYERS. HE DON’T CARE ABOUT THE MONEY, THE FAME, THE PRIVATE JETS, THE PEOPLE LINED UP TO DO WHATEVER HE WANTS…HE JUST DOES IT ALL FOR THE PLAYERS. THAT’S SO BEAUTIFUL TO SEE IN A WORLD WHERE COACHES LIKE SLICK RICK, DADGUM ROY, AND MIKE SHIT-SHETSKI JUST CARE ABOUT THEIR BIG EGOS. COACH CAL DON’T EVEN HAVE A MIRROR. HE JUST GOES TO MASS EVER DAY AND THINKS ABOUT WHAT HE CAN DO TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE.

ALL THEM OTHER COACHES STAY IN THEIR MANSIONS WHILE COACH CAL DRIVES AROUND TO FEED THE HUNGRY, WARSH PEOPLE’S FEET, GIVE ‘EM TUITION TO GO TO BEAUTICIAN SCHOOL OR C0-SIGN CAR LOANS FOR WAYWARD GIRLS TRYIN TO GET A START IN LIFE. HE DOES THAT AND COACH CAL GOES INTO THE POOR PART OF TOWNS PROMISING TO MAKE MILLIONAIRES OUT OF TALL PEOPLE. HE’S THE 13TH APOSTLE, LARRY. I SEEN IT ON THE COACH CAL 30 + 30 SPECIAL. I THINK THEY OUGHT TO SHOW THAT TO SCHOOL CHILDREN ALL ACROSS AMERICA, EXPECIALLY TO THE TALL ONES WHO CAN JUMP REAL GOOD.

ON EASTER WE GO TO CHURCH TO HONOR THE BIG GUY FOR HIS SACRIFICE BUT ALL THE OTHER DAYS US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS PRAY FOR COACH CAL TO WIN US ANOTHER CHAMPERCHIPS. DADGUM ROY AND NARTH CARAMALINER IS CATCHIN UP WITH US. AND LARRY, THE OTHER GREAT NEWS I JUST LEARNT ABOUT IS THAT LOSERVILLE IS OUT OF MONEY. I LOVE IT. U OF SMELL IS ALWAYS BRAGGIN ABOUT HOW MUCH MONEY THEY STEAL OUT OF THAT CHICKEN BUCKET ARENER AND THAT’S WHY THEY CAINT PAY THE MORTGAGE ON THE YUM YUM. TURNS OUT THAT U OF SMELL SPENDS ALL THAT MONEY LIKE A DRUNK MONKEY.

AT THE BOARD MEETING, PAPA JOHNSON THE PIZZA KING SAID U OF SMELL IS BROKE AND THE LEADERSHIP AIN’T DOIN NOTHIN BUT LIGHTIN HUNDERD DOLLAR BILLS ON FIRE. AND AT U UH KAY, EVER DOLLAR IS SPENT ON IMPORTANT STUFF LIKE CHECKERBOARD BASKETBAW UNIFARMS, FANCY COAL LODGE DARMITORY FURNITURE, AND LOTS OF NETS CUZ THE CATS DUNK SO MUCH THEY GIT TORE UP QUICK. AND PAPA JOHNSON THE PIZZA KING IS GOOD BUDDIES WITH COACH CAL SO I BETCHA THEY BOTH HAD A GOOD LAUGH TAWKIN ABOUT U OF SMELL BEIN BROKE.

LARRY, I HOPE THEY SHUT DOWN YOUR DEN OF SIN SCHOOL ONCE AND FOR ALL SO WE DON’T GOTTA HEAR NO MORE ABOUT THE STUPID L SIGN OR THE ROTTEN SCANDALS Y’ALL DONE DID TO EMBARRASS THE GREAT STATE OF KENTUCKY WITH. GOOD RIDDANCE, U OF SMELL. AT LEAST Y’ALL DON’T GOTTA WORRY ABOUT TAKIN DOWN THAT BANNER NOW CUZ I’M SURE URBAN RENEWAL MEANS THEY GONNA KNOCK DOWN ALL YOUR BUILDINGS AND REPLACE ‘EM WITH MORE GHETTO APARTMENTS FOR CARDINAL CRIMINALS TO ROB AND SHOOT EACH OTHER EVER NIGHT. WE NEED TRUMP TO BUILD THAT WALL AROUND LOSERVILLE RIGHT DADGUM NOW! BUT YOU KNOW COACH CAL. HE HAS A SUCH A PURE HEART OF GOLD I’M SURE HE’S GONNA GU-NOUNCE THAT SLICK RICK CAN COME BE ON HIS STAFF AS THE HEAD LAUNDRY BOY OR MAYBE WORK AT THE AIRPORT WHERE WE SEE COACH CAL PULL UP TO THE PRIVATE JET TO FLY AROUND COLLECTIN MORE MAC-DONALD ALL-AMERICANS FOR THE CATS.

Terry Meiners & Rick Pitino with the NCAA national championship trophy, April 26, 2013. Pitino had just delivered on a promise to his team that he would get a tattoo if they won the championship.

SLICK RICK CAN TOTE COACH CAL’S LUGGAGE OR MAYBE ROLL OUT THAT LITTLE RED CARPET FOR WHEN COACH CAL WALKS OFF THE AIRPLANE AND STRAIGHT INTO HIS FANCY CAR. SLICK CAN BE THERE AND SALUTE HIM LIKE THE U.S. MARINES DO WHEN THE PRESIDENT GITS OFF AIR FORCE ONE. I LOVE ME SOME COACH CAL. HIS TV SPECIAL WAS WATCHED BY MORE PEOPLE THAN THE SUPER BO, THE WORLD SERIES, THE NBA FINALS, AND THE “O.J. DIDN’T DO IT” VERDICT COMBINED. WE LOVE YOU, COACH CAL. HOPEFULLY IT’LL RAIN SOME MORE TODAY SO WE CAN SEE YOU WALK ON WATER AGAIN! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

The Cal Cast: united we stand after all

Posted on January 19, 2017 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

THE BEASMAN January 19. 2017

I BEEN SICK TO MY STOMACH ALL DAY LISSENIN’ TO COACH CAL’S PRODCAST TAWKIN TO THAT LOWDOWN U OF SMELL TRAITOR TURNCOAT SLICK RICK. HERE I WAS ALL BUCITED THAT COACH CAL WAS FINALLY GONNA GIT ON THE PRODCAST RADIO STATION AND RIP A NEW ONE INTO THAT NO COUNT U OF SMELL COACH BUT NAWWWWW….THEY WAS TAWKIN ALL SWEETY-PIE TO EACH OTHER. “YOU IS SO GREAT.” “THANK YOU, AND YOU IS SO GREAT, TOO.” BARF!

I TUNED IN HOPIN IT WAS GONNA BE COACH CAL LAUGHIN AT SLICK RICK’S BALD SPOT AND HOW U UH KAY DOMMERATES THEM LITTLE BROTHER CARDINAL CRYBABIES ALMOST EVER TIME! AND COACH CAL DINT EVEN TAUNT SLICK RICK FOR THE STRIPPER SCANDAL. ALL HE SAID IS HOW TOUGH IT IS TO KNOW WHAT ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE ON YOUR STAFF AND YOUR PLAYERS IS UP TO SO HE WAS HELPIN’ SLICK RICK’S DEE-FENSE TO THE NC2A THAT HE DINT KNOW NOTHIN. WHAT IN THE SAM HILL IS A-GOIN ON HERE?

THE COACH OF THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS DONE SAID LAST SUMMER THAT COACHES KNOW WHAT GOES ON ON THEIR CAMPUSES BUT ON THE PRODCAST COACH CAL BACKED UP SLICK RICK SAYIN COACHES CAINT POSSIBLY KNOW EVERTHANG. LARRY, I THINK SLICK RICK DUMPED YOU AND NOW HIM AND COACH CAL IS BOYFRIENDS! THIS HERE IS CRAZY TAWK!

COACH CAL COULDA THROWED SLICK RICK IN THE GREASE AND MOCKED HIM AND IT WOULDA BEEN NATIONAL NEWS JUST LIKE WHEN DONALD TRUMP GOES AFTER ENEMIES ON TWITTER. BUT THIS PRODCAST IS A LOVEFEST! THEY SOUNDED LIKE A COUPLE OF MIDDLE SCHOOL GIRLS CALLIN EACH OTHER B.F.F.s. WHAT IS COACH CAL AND SLICK RICK GONNA DO NEXT, EXCHANGE FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS OR GET MATCHING TATTOOS?

ME AND ALL MY WILDCAT BUDDIES LIKE IT WHEN THE U UH KAY COACH MOCKS U OF SMELL LIKE WHEN EDDIE SUTTON CALLED ‘EM LITTLE BROTHER OR WHEN BILLY GLISPEE THROWED A VODKA BOTTLE AT DENNY CRUMMY. ALL THIS “I LOVE YOU – WELL, I LOVE YOU MORE” STUFF GOT TO GO. COACH CAL SAID HE WANTS TO BEAT U OF SMELL’S BRAINS IN NEXT YEAR BUT OTHERWISE HE WISHED ‘EM WELL AND SAID THEY PROBLEE GONNA BE FINAL FOUR. WHAT KIND OF CRAZY TAWK IS THIS? CAT FANS DON’T WANT THEIR COACH SAYIN THAT! WE WANT COACH CAL TO SAY HE HOPES LOSERVILLE GOES TO THE N.I.T. AND GITS WHOOPED IN THE FIRST ROUND BY ROBERT MORRIS. AND THEN THE NC2A HANDS DOWN ITS RULIN’ GIVIN U OF SMELL A PERMANENT DEATH PENALTY AND THAT SLICK RICK SHOULD DO 20 YEARS HARD LABOR IN THE NC2A PENITENTIARY IN INJINAPLISS.

AND COACH CAL SHOULD FOLLOW UP WITH THAT HE HOPES THE CITY OF LOSERVILLE GITS ATTACKED BY TORNADOES, FLOODWATERS, AND KILLER BEES AND THEIR NEW BRIDGES FALL DOWN AND THE YUM YUM CHICKEN BUCKET FORECLOSURE ARENER GETS REPOSSESSED AND THAT ALL CARDINAL FANS DIE PENNILESS AND INSANE. THAT’S WHAT I WOULDA SAID TO SLICK RICK ON THE PRODCAST, BUT NAWWWW, THEY TAWKED LIKE LOVESICK SCHOOL GIRLS. WHO’S COACH CAL GONNA TAWK SWEET TAWK WITH NEXT WEEK, SATAN? “OH HI, SATAN. I DON’T THINK YOU IS SUCH A BAD GUY CUZ I LIKE DEVIL’S FOOD CAKE.”

I’M SO SICK AND TIRED OF COACH CAL TRYIN TO BE A EMPTY-HEADED RADIO MORON LIKE YOU LARRY MINNER THAT HE AIN’T SPENDIN ENOUGH TIME COACHING OUR WILDCATS ON HOW TO HIT FREE THROWS. PUT DOWN THE PRODCAST MIKE-ER-PHONE, CAL, AND GIT YOUR MIND BACK WHERE IT BLONGS: COACHING THE CATS AND TRASH-TAWKIN LOSERVILLE. IF YOU WANT US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS TO LISTEN TO THE NEXT PRODCAST THEN INNERVIEW SOME OF THEM LOSERVILLE PROSTERTUTES WHAT’S GOT EM CLOSE TO THE DEATH PENALTY! THAT WOULD BE WORTH LISSENIN TO!

GO CATS! GO BLUE! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! FARD….OH WAIT….THIRTY EIGHT & TWO! THIRTY EIGHT & TWO! THIRTY EIGHT & TWO! YOU’RE GAY, LARRY. AND I’M STARTIN TO THINK COACH CAL IS TOO…HE’S JUST ANOTHER KNOW-NOTHIN WITH A MIKE-ER-PHONE AND A CRUSH ON SLICK RICK! NO CRYIN ON THE YACHT! NO CRYIN ON THE YACHT! IF SUCCESS IS A CHOICE, HOW COME NEITHER ONE OF THEM I-TALIAN CARPET BAGGERS AIN’T CHOOSIN TO WIN IT ALL EVER YEAR?

Cards top Cats 73-70 guaranteeing Blue Christmas

Posted on December 22, 2016 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

UofL played a terrific game against a talent-heavy Kentucky squad, relieving pressure on what’s been a lopsided rivalry. Big win for Louisville. Great night for Quentin Snider & Deng Adel vs UK’s vaunted guard tandem of Malik Monk and De’Aaron Fox.

Quentin Snyder evades Malik Monk in Cards victory. (photo by Matt Stone, the Courier-Journal)

My radio buddy The Beasman isn’t happy about his Cats, his Coach, or his Christmas.

Malik Monk gets an earful from John Calipari (photo by Lexington Herald Leader)

Along with Heisman Trophy winner Lamar Jackson, Louisville Ballard alum Quentin “Q” Snider both became the toasts of the holiday season on Planet Red.

One little Q down in Louville knew…
this Christmas would not be blue#L1C4 pic.twitter.com/RqR8d6Eqn2

— Terry Meiners (@terrymeiners) December 22, 2016

THE BEASMAN cats lose to cards
(sad with sniffles) MAYBE COACH CAL SHOULDA STOLE YOUR PLAYBOOK, YOU BUNCH OF CROSS-EYED, TWO-BIT, GOD-HATIN LOSERVILLE SCUM. I JUST CAINT BLEEVE IT, LARRY, I JUST CAINT. I HOPE YOU AND YOUR GAY BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK IS PROUD OF YOURSELFS.…AIN’T NO MERRY CHRISTMAS ACROSS KENTUCKY NOW.

Jaylen Johnson is feeling it

NOBODY GOT NO SLEEP LAST NIGHT. LITTLE WILDCAT CHILDREN IS CRYIN IN THEIR MAMA’S ARMS, THINKIN SANTY CLAUS DONE TURNT ON BIG BLUE NATION. GROWED MEN IS SETTIN BY THEIR POT BELLY STOVES WONDERIN IF COACH CAL IS WARSHED UP. COON DOGS IS HIDIN FROM GITTIN KICKED. WILDCAT WIVES DONE FALLED OUT OF LOVE WITH COACH CAL. U UH KAY FANS IS TAKIN DOWN THEIR CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS AND JUST HOPIN THAT MARCH MADNESS WILL HURRY UP AND GIT HERE. AIN’T NO HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS TO BE HAD IN KENTUCKY NOW.

Deng Adel had a big night against Kentucky

(get fired up) DADGUMMIT, THAT WILDCAT MALIK MONK WAS POSED TO BE THE NEW MICHAEL JORDAN! WELL HE SUCKED AGAINST U OF SMELL, SHOOTIN LIKE STEVIE WONDER AND LETTIN THAT LITTLE WHITE BOY LEVITCH KEEP HIM IN CHECK. DADGUMMIT, THAT’S LIKE GITTIN GUARDED BY THE JOHNNY UNITAS STATUE. BUT MONK COULDN’T GIT IT DONE. MAYBE THAT WAS A IM-POSTER OUT THERE WEARIN NUMBER 5 CUZ THAT SURE WEREN’T THE GUY WE SEEN AGIN NARTH CARAMALINER! AND DEE-RON FOX WEREN’T NO GOODER.

Sean Jarboe and Terry Meiners celebrate UofL’s victory over UK in suite 71 at the Yum Center, December 21, 2016

FOX COULDN’T GUARD A CLOSET DOOR AND DINT SCORE ENOUGH TO MAKE UP FOR MONK THE FLUNK. I THUNK YOU SAID DEE-RON FOX WAS LIGHTNIN IN A BOTTLE! HE’S MORE LIKE MOLASSES IN A BOTTLE. THEM U UH KAY GUARDS WAS TURRIBLE AND U OF SMELL’S LITTLE GUY LOOKED ALL-WORLD.

Louisville Ballard product Quentin Snider was on fire against Kentucky

THAT QUINLEN SNIDER MADE BASKETS LIKE HE NEVER DONE BEFORE. COACH CAL SHOULDA HAD BIG OL DEREK WILLIS OUT THERE POPPIN QUINLIN SNIDER UPSIDE THE HEAD BUT NAWWW, CAL JUST LET HIM KEEP ON SHOOTIN. BIG OL BAM WAS POST TO BE THE DOMMERATOR BUT THAT EGYPTIAN FELLER WITH THE TOUPEE HELD HIS OWN. I MEAN BAM GOTTA COUPLE OF DUNKS BUT HE SHOULDA HAD ABOUT A HUNDERD MORE. THE EGYPTIAN FELLER’S HAIR NEVER GOT MESSED UP THE WHOLE TIME SO I GUESS BAM DINT RUFFLE HIM. AND BRISCOE IS A FRAUD. GIT HIM OUTTA THERE. AND THAT WENYAN FUNYON ONION OR WHATEVER HIS NAME IS CAINT PLAY A LICK, NEITHER.

Rick Pitino

COACH CAL IS PICKIN UP BAD RECRUITS THESE DAYS. KENTUCKY NEEDS TO GO OUT THERE AND FIND THE NEW COW MACYS AND THE NEW SAM BOWIES INSTEAD OF THESE SISSY PRETENDERS WE GOT RIGHT NOW. WHAT IN THE SAM HILL AM I GONNA DO FOR CHRISTMAS CHURCH SERVICE? MY PREACHER IS GONNA BE TAWKIN ABOUT CHRISTMAS MIRACLES AND I’LL BE CUSSIN BACK THAT GOD DONE SMITED U UH KAY. WE DINT GIT NO MIRACLE. WE GOTTA LUMP OF COAL! NOW I’M THINKIN ABOUT U UH KAY GOIN TO THE N.I.T. INSTEAD OF TARMINTIN U OF SMELL IDIOTS LIKE I USUALLY DO.

UofL radio boys Terry Meiners and Tony Vanetti taunt UK fangirl Kelsey Starks during championship week 2013 when ALL employees were directed to wear red.

DADGUMMIT, US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS CAINT EVEN COME OUT OF THE HOUSE TIL THE BO GAMES NOW OR ELSE WE GONNA GIT TEASED BY BOOZE-BREATH CARDINAL LOUDMOUTHS CALLIN US OVER-RATED! OVER-RATED! MEANTIME ALL THESE GANG BANG, SNAGGLE TOOTH U OF SMELL SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, BACKWARDS CAP, NECK TATTOO, WELFARE QUEEN, OBAMA PHONE, GUN TOTIN, THUG WANNABE LOSERVILLE CARDINAL BIRD FANS IS OUT THERE LAUGHING THEIR HO, HO, HO, HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS, DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF JOLLY. AIN’T NO FA LA LA LA LAAAA’ING IN WILDCAT COUNTRY.

THANKS FOR NOTHIN, COACH CAL. YOU MIGHT AS WELL PAINT YOUR FACE GREEN AND BE THE U UH KAY GRINCH NOW THAT OUR SEASON IS RUINT AND WE CAINT EVEN ENJOY U OF SMELL’S SCANDALS OR STOOPS TROOPS WINNIN THE FOOTBAW GAME. THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS WHO WINS THE BASKETBAW GAME AND SO NOW U UH KAY FANS GOT TO DO THE WALK OF SHAME. YOU SUCK, COACH CAL. AND GIT RID OF THAT LOSERVILLE REJECT KENNY PAYNE AS ASSISTANT COACH. HE’S TURNIN YOU INTO A U OF SMELL RUM DUMMY. CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED. AND IF YOU DON’T RUN THE TABLE THE REST OF THE WAY, SO IS YOUR CONTRACT.

Stay away from this guy for a few weeks.

Watch this edited version of the entire game in only 20 minutes. Nice going, Cardinals! #L1C4

The Humble Heisman Hero

Posted on December 12, 2016 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

First team All-America, Heisman Trophy, Walter Camp Award, Maxwell Award, and AP college football player: it’s been a pretty solid week for Lamarvelous.

Swirling through his victory parade after winning the Heisman Trophy, University of Louisville quarterback Lamar Jackson visited Dan Patrick, one of the best interviewers in sports. Great stuff considering that Lamar is one of the most shy superstars in college sports. Patrick did a masterful job of pulling info from this humble student athlete.

Lamar Jackson and his Heisman Trophy, December 10, 2016

University of Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari was also scheduled for the December 12th Dan Patrick Show. The UK coach and UofL quarterback talked about next week’s rivalry basketball game between their schools. Cal tweeted a photo he took with Lamar, then heaped praise on the Louisville star during the radio show.

UofL’s Lamar Jackson and UK’s John Calipari, December 12, 2016 in New York City

It’s not likely either school will ever post the photo or the other school star’s video. Like two Baptists pretending not to notice each other in a liquor store, it’s the photo that shall never be mentioned again.

Coach Cal’s praise for Lamar is welcome. It’s attention from “Johnny Football” Manziel that no mom, coach, parole officer, or fan of Louisville wants for Lamar.

via Johnny Manziel’s social media

Run away, Lamar. Use those magical legs and run far, far away from the Manziel circus. You are destined for sustained greatness.

The Beasman: God smites Cards for playbook theft, Cats shock the world

Posted on November 27, 2016 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

radio scripts for Monday, November 28, 2016

THE BEASMAN #1 it’s over
OH BOO HOO HOOOOO! KEEP CRYIN’ YOUR CARDINAL TEARS…THEY’RE DELICIOUS! (laffs) AWWWWW C-A-T-S! CATS! CATS! CATS! KEEP BURNIN THEM COUCHES, CAT FANS! THIS HERE IS BIGGER ‘EN CHRISTMAS! U UH KAY DONE SLAYED THE EVIL CARDINAL DEMONS! STEPHEN JOHNSON FOR HEISMAN! MARK STOOPS FOR S.E.C. COACH OF THE YEAR! U UH KAY WILDCATS FOR THE PLAYOFFS! BOOM WILLIAMS FOR PLAYER OF THE YEAR!

AWWWW BLUE! WHITE! BLUE! WHITE! CATS! CATS! CATS! (laffs) IT’S FINALLY OVER FOR YOU LOWDOWN, SAGGY PANTS, BACKWARDS CAP, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, GANG BANG, U OF SMELL CARDINAL POSERS.

YOU DONE BEEN EXPOSED BY THE GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS! AIN’T NO PLAYOFFS FOR YOU! AIN’T NO HEISMAN TROPHY! AIN’T NO ARNGE BO! IT ALL WENT UP IN SMOKE WHEN THE GOOD GUYS MADE THE WORLD HONORABLE AGAIN! NO GLORY FOR THE FILTHY CARDINAL BIRD ADULTERY STRIPPER POLE ARROGANT OVERPRICED SCUMBAG SCOUNDREL UNIVERSITY.

Y’ALL IS BACK TO NOBODYLAND. PETRINKO IS A FRAUD. SLICK RICK GOT ANOTHER TEAM FULL OF QUITTERS. THE LOSERVILLE HAS BEENS…Y’ALL IS WILDCAT WANNABES. STOOPS IS THE NEW BEAR BRYANT. COACH CAL’S CATS IS #1 AND GITTIN READY TO CRUSH THE CARDINAL BIRDS AGAIN FOR CHRISTMAS! I LOVVVVVVVE IT!

(laffs) THE GOOD AND CLASSY AND HONORABLE KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS GOIN TO A BIGTIME BO WHILE LOSERVILLE SLID ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE BACKGROUND NOISE BO.

BOOGER HAD YOUR NUMBER THE WHOLE TIME. WE LOVE BOOGER! BOOGER SAID U OF SMELL IS A FRAUD AND DON’T BLONG IN NO PLAYOFFS BUT U OF SMELL KEPT CALLIN BOOGER A LIAR. BOOGER NAILED IT! WE LOVE BOOGER! CATS! CATS! CATS! HEY LARRY, IS BOBBY PETRINKO STILL DOIN A STAREDOWN WITH A REPORTER ASKIN WHY LAY-MAR JACKSON STAYS IN THE POCKET TOO LONG? WOW! HOW PATHETIC IS THAT?

BOBBY PETRINKO AND TOMMY TURTLENECK SPEND ALL THEIR TIME HATIN ON REPORTERS INSTEAD OF GITTIN THEIR TEAM READY FOR GAMES. LARRY, TELL BOBBY TO STUDY FILMS OF STOOPS TROOPS AND MAYBE THEN HIS TEAM WILL LEARN HOW TO PLAY REAL FOOTBAW INSTEAD OF JUST LETTIN LAY-MAR RUN AROUND LIKE A CHICKEN WITH HIS HEAD CUT OFF. AIN’T NO HEISMAN TROPHY IN LOSERVILLE UNLESS IT’S A STOLEN ONE IN A PAWN SHOP.

YOUR CITY IS FULL OF GUN-TOTIN, GANG BANG, VIOLENT THUGS SHOOTING EACH OTHER AT PEEWEE FOOTBAW GAMES. Y’ALL DON’T BLONG IN NO BIGTIME SPOTLIGHT LIKE U UH KAY. Y’ALL DON’T HAVE THE MANNERS TO ACT HONORABLE AND REPPERSENT THE NC2A LIKE CAT FANS DO! Y’ALL IS LIKE A PRISON EXERCISE YARD FILLED WITH SCARY, VIOLENT PEOPLE. NO GOOD CITY WANTS U OF SMELLERS COMIN TO TEAR UP THEIR TOWN, SPRAYPAINT CUSS WORDS AND THROW LIQUOR BOTTLES ALL OVER THE PLACE.

THE NC2A KNOWS WHEN CAT FANS COME TO TOWN THAT WE IS FRIENDLY, GOD-FEARING PEOPLE WHO GONNA SPEND OUR MONEY AND ONLY SHOOT OUR GUNS IN SELF-DEFENSE. WE IS CHURCH-GOIN, AMERICA-LOVIN TRUMP PEOPLE AND THAT’S WHY THE NC2A GONNA GIVE US A BIGTIME BO AND SEND U OF SMELL TO SOME GHETTO TOWN LIKE DEE-TROIT OR NEW JERSEY WHERE THE MESS YOUR FILTHY CARDINAL FANS MAKE WON’T MAKE IT NO UGLIER.

SORRY BOUT YOUR LUCK, CARDINAL BIRDS BUT YOU SHOULDN’T STOLE THAT PLAYBOOK OR GOD WOULDN’T SMITED YOU LIKE ISS. MEANTIME ALL US GOOD CLASSY CAT FANS IS PACKIN FOR SOME SUNNY BO GAME IN MIAM-UH OR ARLANDO CUZ AMERICA LIKES CLEAN-CUT, CHURCH GOIN WINNERS LIKE THE CATS!

THANK YOU, GOD! AND COACH CAL SAYS Y’ALL BETTER KEEP YOUR CARDINAL CRYIN TOWELS HANDY CUZ YOU GONNA NEED ‘EM AGAIN IN THREE WEEKS WHEN THE BASKETBAW TEAM CRUSHES YOU LIKE THE FILTHY COCKROACHES YOU IS. MERRY CHRISTMAS, CARDINAL THUGS! AWWWWW C-A-T-S! CATS! CATS! CATS!

THE BEASMAN #2 big blue Christmas
HEY LARREEEE! LARRY MINNER! PLAY THAT RAP SONG Y’ALL CARDINAL FRAUDS LOVE…WEEE READY! WEEEE READY! (laffs) WELL, Y’ALL NEED TO CHANGE THAT SONG TO “WE NOT READY!” (laffs) I LOVE IT! GOOD GUYS WIN! GOOD GUYS WIN! THE MIGHTY KENTUCKY WILDCATS SHOWED Y’ALL OVERRATED FRAUDS WHO OWNS THIS HERE BLUE STATE! Y’ALL IS STILL LITTLE BROTHER AND THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS AIN’T UNDERRATED NO MORE!

via Lexington Herald Leader

LAY-MAR JACKSON DONE THE HEISMAN TROPHY POSE AND THEN HE FUMBLED THE BALL RIGHT WHEN IT LOOKED LIKE Y’ALL WAS GONNA WIN. KARMA! DON’T BE SHOWIN OFF CUZ PRIDE GOETH BEFORE THE FALL! TRUMP IS RIGHT… AMERICA IS GREAT AGAIN NOW THAT THE WHOLE COUNTRY IS TAWKIN ABOUT THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS BEIN FOR REAL!

EVER GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCAT CHRISTMAS TREE IS DECORATED WITH SPORTS PAGES DEE-CLARIN “CATS WIN! CATS WIN! CATS WIN!” EVER BOOMBOX IN KENTUCKY IS PLAYIN’ ELVIS SINGIN’ (sing) “I’LL HAVE A BLUE, BLUE, BLUUUUE CHRISTMAS!” (laffs) I AIN’T SLEPT A WINK SINCE SAIRDEE, LARRY!

Kevin Harned and Terry Meiners, two guys who know nothing about sports

THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS DONE SHATTERED ALL YOUR PATHETIC CARDINAL DREAMS IN ONE FOOTBAW GAME AND US CAT FANS IS EATIN IT UP LIKE CHRISTMAS DINNER! OL BOBBY PETRINKO DONE RODE AWAY ON HIS LITTLE MOTOR SCOOTER TRYIN TO FIGGER OUT WHAT WENT WRONG. I’LL TELL YOU WHAT WENT WRONG – YOU RUN INTO A BUZZ SAW NAMED STOOPS TROOPS!

via Pat McDonogh

YOUR ARROGANT CARDINAL BIRDS WAS DOIN THE HEISMAN POSE, TAWKIN ABOUT THE PLAYOFFS OR THE ARNGE BO, BUT NOW U OF SMELL IS LIKE THE ZIKA VIRUS. EVERBODY IS RUNNIN AWAY FROM YOU! AIN’T NO BIGTIME BO FOR YOU YOU CARDINAL HAS BEENS. Y’ALL BE LUCKY TO GIT SENT TO JEFFERSONVILLE TO PLAY AT A HIGH SCHOOL PROM.

AIN’T NO HEISMAN TROPHY FOR LAY-MAR. HE TURNS IT OVER LIKE A SHART ARDER COOK FLIPPIN FLAPJACKS! Y’ALL STINKBREATH, SNAGGLE-TOOTH CARDINAL FANS FOUNT OUT LAY-MAR JACKSON AINT QUALLERFIED TO QUARTERBACK THE TOY BOWL. NOW THE U UH KAY QB IS FOR REALZ AND HE’S THE SECOND STEVIE JOHNSON TO BREAK LOSERVILLE’S HEART. ANOTHER ONE WITH THAT NAME CRUSHED THE CARDINAL CONVICTS 9 YEARS AGO. SO THE UNIVERSITY IS OFFERING FREE TUITION TO ANYBODY WHO IS AT LEAST 6 FEET TALL AND NAMED STEVE JOHNSON.

YOU GIT A FREE RIDE AND ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS SUIT UP TO PLAY LOSERVILLE ONCE A YEAR. TUITION IS FREE AND SOME TUTOR WILL DO ALL YOUR HOMEWORK. WE GONNA PUT YOUR GIANT STEVE JOHNSON ON THE JUMBOTRON THE WHOLE GAME TO SKEER THEM U OF SMELLERS INTO FOLDIN LIKE A TENT AGAIN!

via Lexington Herald Leader

I LOVE IT! HEY LARRY, WE STAYED UP BURNIN COUCHES ALL SAIRDEE NIGHT AND SUNDEE NIGHT. TONIGHT WE GONNA GO UP I-64 AND TEAR DOWN THAT BIG SIGN THAT SAYS U OF SMELL IS “MILES AHEAD.” MILES AHEAD IN WHAT? FAILURE?

TELL TOMMY TURTLENECK IF HE EVER WANTS TO WIN AGAIN THAT SIGN SHOULD SAY “LES MILES AHEAD.” IF Y’ALL HIRE HIM INSTEAD OF CRYBABY BOBBY – WHO STEALS PLAYBOOKS AND HOLLERS AT REPORTERS – THEN MAYBE LES MILES GIVE Y’ALL A CHANCE TO ACTUALLY HANG WITH KENTUCKY. AND NEXT COMES BASKETBAW. I LOVE IT!

SLICK RICK’S TABLE SCRAP REE-CRUITS GIVE UP A 22-POINT LEAD TO LOSE TO NOBODY BAYLOR WHILE COACH CAL IS CRUSHIN FOOLS BY FIDDY POINTS! LOSERVILLE IS THE HILLARY CLINTON OF SPARTS. YOU IS OLD, TIRED HAS BEENS THAT EVERBODY HATES CUZ YOU BEEN STEALIN MONEY FROM THEM FOR DECADES. HOW MUCH IS THEM LOSERVILLE TICKETS WORTH NOW! AND YOU CAINT EVEN PAY YOUR RENT IN THE FORECLOSURE YUM YUM DUM DUM ARENER!

COME ON, REPO MAN! YOU TAKE THEIR ARENER AND U UH KAY WILL TAKE THEIR HEISMAN TROPHY AND ARNGE BO AWAY FROM ‘EM! YOU SAGGY PANTS, LOUDMOUTH, ROYAL CROWN DRINKIN, ALCOHOLIC, FOULMOUTH, FOOD STAMP CASHIN, OBAMA PHONE, HANDGUN SHOOTIN CARDINAL CONVICT FANS AIN’T GITTIN NUTHIN FOR CHRISTMAS BUCEPT A HEADACHE WATCHIN U UH KAY WIN. ALL WE DO IS WIN! WIN! WIN! ALL WE DO IS WIN! WIN! WIN! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

Coach Cal and Rick Pitino: crying on the yachts

Posted on June 21, 2016 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

With perpetual local interest in basketball, media outlets have found an off season storyline. The head basketball coaches at UK and U of L are in a war of words. Last week, Kentucky’s John Calipari launched a not-very-subtle slam at Louisville’s Rick Pitino, saying that coaches know about scandalous behavior when it happens on campus.

Louisville is stewing in a sex scandal related to prostitutes brought into its basketball dorm. The NCAA is expected to make its final ruling soon.

Calipari’s notorious vacated Final Fours at UMass and Memphis were rooted in off-campus misdeeds by players.

After Calipari’s radio rant last week with Mike Lupica, Pitino returned fire this week on my radio show.

AUDIO:

Pitino also commented on Governor Matt Bevin’s dismissal of U of L‘s board of trustees and president, but the public scarfs up the personal sniping between the rival coaches.

Noting Calipari’s famously borrowed phrase: “There’s no crying on the yacht.” Play on, playas.

My radio character The Beasman was not moved by Pitino’s rebuttal.

THE BEASMAN pitino slams calipari – air date 06/21/16

YOU MAKE ME SICK, LARRY MINNER, WITH ALL YOUR WILDCAT BASHIN ON THE LECTRIC RADIO. YOU AND YOUR SINFUL BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK BUTEENO WAS ON THE RADIO ATTACKING COACH CAL, A GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCAT COACH WHO GOES TO MASS EVER DAY.

YOU AND SLICK RICK JUST CAINT BUCEPT THE TRUTH THAT COACH CAL WAS TELLING, ABOUT HOW COACHES KNOW IF SCANDALS IS GOIN ON RIGHT UNDER THEIR NOSE. SLICK RICK KNOWED THERE WAS TRAMPS DANCIN ON THE STRIPPER POLE. HE JUST IGNORED IT BECAUSE HE WAS TRYIN TO GIT SOME 5-STAR RECRUITS BY GIVING THEM NEKKED DANCERS AND S-E-X. BUT Y’ALL DINT GIT NO GOOD RECRUITS. U OF SMELL CHEATED AND STILL WOUNT UP WITH SCRUB PLAYERS.

Only 2:26 into the game, John Calipari is ejected from his UK team’s battle with South Carolina. UK went on to crush the Gamecocks.

FACE IT, LARRY. SLICK RICK IS A HAS BEEN NOBODY AND THE SAINTED COACH CAL IS THE #1 RECRUITER IN THE WORLD. THAT PROVES THAT GOD IS A WILDCAT FAN. HE SENT US COACH CAL TO CLEAN UP THE SCANDALOUS WAYS OF EDDIE SUTTON, SLICK RICK, AND TUBBY. AND LOOK AT THEM GUYS TODAY. THE LARD SENT ALL THEM OFF TO OBSCURITY IN NOBODYLAND WHILE COACH CAL, WHO GOES TO MASS EVER DAY, GITS ALL THE BEST RECRUITS BECAUSE GOD WANTS HIM TO.

This meme also blazed onto UK fan sites only hours after the story went public

SO YOU AND YOUR BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN GAY BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK CAN GIT ON THE RADIO EVER DAY AND WHINE ABOUT COACH CAL TELLIN IT LIKE IT IS BUT IT AINT GONNA CHANGE THE FACT THAT Y’ALL IS LITTLE BROTHER NOBODIES. U UH KAY IS ALWAYS GONNA BE YOUR MASTER AND ALL WE DO IS WIN, WIN, WIN! YEAH! AND COACH CAL DON’T GOTTA GIT ON YOUR PUNY RADIO SHOW TO BRAG.

HE’S GOIN NATIONWIDE ON EXPN TOMORRY TO LET AMERICA SEE HOW HE GITS ALL HIS #1 RECRUITS WITH HONOR, NOT NO STRIPPERS AND PROSTERTUTES. THEM EXPN GU-NOUNCERS IS GONNA TELL COACH CAL HOW GREAT HE IS AND BASH U OF SMELL FOR BEIN WILDCAT WANNABES. FACE IT, LARRY, YOU AND SLICK RICK LEFT THE ROMAN EMPIRE OF COLLEGE BASKETBAW AND NOW ALL Y’ALL GOT IS DUSTY OLD TROPHIES AND A SKANKY STRIPPER PO.

YOUR FUTURE IS SO DARK YOU SHOULD RENAME YOUR TEAM MASCOT “MIDNIGHT.” MAMA ALWAYS SAID “AIN’T NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS AFTER MIDNIGHT.” MAMA WAS RIGHT CUZ THAT’S WHEN ALL THE U OF SMELL SCANDALS HAPPEN.

COACH CAL KNOWS EVERTHANG THAT GOES ON HIS BIG BLUE CAMPUS. WILDCAT PLAYERS DON’T NEVER DO NOTHIN WRONG AND IF SOMEBODY REPORTS THAT, THEN THEY IS LIARS WHO IS OUT TO GIT COACH CAL. BUT IF YOU HEAR SOMETHING NASTY ABOUT U OF SMELL, IT’S TOTALLY TRUE. SO JUST KEEP UP WITH YOUR LIES, LIES, LIES, LARRY. MEANTIME COACH CAL JUST GONNA WIN, WIN, WIN! I HOPE THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF U OF SMELL IS HUGH HEFNER AND THE BOARD OF TRUSTEES IS THE KARDASHIANS. THATAWAYS Y’ALL CAN JUST BE HONEST ABOUT THE SCUMBAGS Y’ALL IS.

COACH CAL IS PROBLEE AT MASS RIGHT NOW PRAYIN FOR YOUR SINFUL SOULS, CARDINAL FANS. EVERTHANG AT U UH KAY IS GOOD AND CLASSY AND U OF SMELL IS STILL THE DEVIL’S PLAYGROUND. AND BY THE WAY, DON’T GO MOVING THAT CONFEDERATE STATUE OUT IN FRONT OF U OF SMELL CUZ IT LOOKS LIKE A GIANT STRIPPER POLE.

IT’S A PERFECT FIT FOR U OF SMELL’S SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, MAN WEARING EARRINGS, FOOD STAMP CASHIN, GRAMPA PUNCHIN, MUHAMMAD ALI MUSLIM WORSHIPPIN, CRYBABY, SNAGGLE TOOTH, G.E.D. FLUNKIN, GUN TOTIN, BIBLE BURNIN, SATAN LOVIN, CARDINAL NOBODY CHEATERS. MIND YOUR OWN BIDNIZ, SLICK RICK. IT’S SO SKANKY, AIN’T NOBODY CAN COME ON CAMPUS UNLESS THEY’S WEARING A HAZMAT SUIT! GO CATS! GO BIG BLUE! CATS! CATS! CATS! YOU’RE GAY, LARRY!

The Beasman roiled by radio renewal with WHAS

Posted on April 28, 2016 by terrymeiners Posted in Uncategorized

THE BEASMAN renew with rofl (airs April 28, 2016)

YOU MAKE ME SICK WITH ALL YOUR U OF SMELL RAH-RAH-RAH NONSENSE, YOU BALD HAIRED, TWO BIT, TRAITOR TURNCOAT WENT-TO-U-UH-KAY-BUT-ACT-LIKE-YOU-LOVE THE CARDINAL CRIMINALS. I HEERED THE BAD NEWS. THEM RADIO RATS AT I HEART & WH&S AND THE 790-KRD DONE RENEWED THEIR VOWS WITH THE ENEMA U OF SMELL CARDINAL BIRDS UNTIL THE YEAR TWUNNY TWUNNY TWO. IT’S DISGUSTERCATING, DADGUMMIT.

WHY IN THE SAM HILL DOES KENTUCKY’S #1 RADIO STATION GIANT SIGNAL BLOW TORCH WH&S WANT TO PUMP OUT FIFTY THOUSAND WATTS OF CARDINAL CRIMINAL ACTIVITY WHEN YOU ALL COULD BE ON THERE TAWKIN UP THE GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS? IT DON’T MAKE NO SENSE, YOU IDIOTS. WHO YOU GONNA PROMOTE NEXT ON THERE, ISIS?

WH&S IS POSED TO BE A KENTUCKY WILDCATS RADIATOR STATION ONLY. ALL THAT BIG PIRE HELPS ALL THE GOOD AND CLASSY U UH KAY FANS HEAR THE WILDCATS GAMES PLAYIN OFF ANYTHING METAL, LIKE CARS UP ON BLOCKS, STOVES SETTIN ON FRONT PORCHES, AND THE METAL PLATES INSIDE GRANDADDY’S HEAD. BUT NAW, Y’ALL DONE MADE ANOTHER DEAL WITH THE RED DEVIL…THE U OF SMELL DEN OF SIN, WHERE SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, STRIPPER POLE, TOOTHLESS, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK, OBAMA PHONE, G.E.D. FLUNKIN CARDINAL FANS GIT TO HEAR ALL THEIR LOSERVILLE TAWK SHOWS WHERE THEY LIE ABOUT THE CATS. U OF SMELLERS LIE ABOUT U UH KAY MARCH MADNESS FAILRUES, FOOTBAW FAILURES, AND ACCUSE THE GOOD & CLASSY COACH CAL OF CHEATIN.

DADGUMMIT, SOME SHOVEL HEAD U OF SMELL IDIOT WAS ON A LITTLE WHILE AGO PRAISING THEM INJIANNER HOOSIERS FOR BREAKING KENTUCKY HEARTS IN MARCH MADNESS. HE SAID THAT COACH CAL WAS LIKE TED CRUZ, THINKIN ABOUT BASKETBAW RINGS BUT WE CAINT WIN ‘EM NO MORE. I’D LIKE TO RING YOUR NECK, LOSER. COACH CAL KNOWS IT’S CALLED A RIM. AND ANOTHER U OF SMELL LOUDMOUTH WAS ON WH&S LAUGHING AT HOW COACH CAL CAINT LOSES WITH ALL THEM MACDONALD ALL AMERICANS WHILE LITTLE VILLER-NOVA WINS IT ALL WITH NOBODIES. YOU OBNOXIOUS U OF SMELL TAUNTERS AINT GOOD AND CLASSY LIKE U UH KAY FANS.

LARRY, AS LONG AS Y’ALL WH&S PEOPLE IS TAUNTIN U UH KAY WITH YOUR RENEWED LOVE AFFAIR WITH LOSERVILLE, WHY DON’T Y’ALL GO AHEAD AND START RUNNIN INJIANNER GAMES! AND WESS-CONSIN, TOO! I BETCHA Y’ALL WOULD CARRY ROBERT MORRIS GAMES JUST TO HURT US CAT FANS EVEN MORE. IF I WAS RUNNIN U UH KAY, I WOULD JUST GIT SOME COAL MINER TO PUT A GIANT RADIO TIRE ON TOP OF RUMP ARENER AND PUMP OUT A MILLION WATTS OF NOTHIN BUT U UH KAY TAWK 24/7. WE WOULDN’T NEED NO TRAITOR TURNCOAT WH&S U OF SMELL LOVIN FRAUDS NO MORE.

Ashley Judd, ultimate Cats fan

LET’S JUST START UP W-C-A-T….WILDCATS RADIO, BLASTIN A SIGNAL UP INTO THE WILD BIG BLUE YONDER. I WON’T CAW YOUR STUPID SHOW NO MORE. NAW. I WILL BE THE MARNIN HOST ON W-C-A-T WILDCATS RADIO AND TAWK ABOUT THE CATS BEIN GREAT AND LOSERVILLE GOIN IN THE TARLIT. THEN AT LUNCHTIME MATT JONES COULD TAKE OVER FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. WE WOULD PUMP HAPPY U UH KAY NEWS TO THE EN-TIRE U-NITED STATES AND ALL THE WAY OUT TO MARS SO MATT DAMON OR ANY OTHER ASTRONAUT STUCK UP THERE COULD CHEER FOR THE CATS!

Chuck Smrt, Rick Pitino, Tom Jurich, and James Ramsey (Feb 5, 2016 via WLKY)

IS YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK STILL HIDING OUT UP ON BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN? I HEAR TELL HE DONE TAWKED TO THE NC2A AND ALL HE DONE WAS SHAKE HIS HEAD NO TO EVER QUESTION LIKE HE’S SLING BLADE. THE NC2A INVESTERGATOR WOULD AST QUESTIONS ABOUT WHO GOT THE MONEY FOR THEM PROSTERTUTES AND SLICK RICK WOULD JUST GRUNT BACK “Y’ALL GOT ANY FRENCH FRIED BU-TATERS?” OH, GO AHEAD AND PLAY DUMB, SLICK. NOW THAT THEY DONE LET NARTH CARAMALINER OFF THE HOOK FOR IMAGINARY CLASSES I’M SURE THEY AIN’T GONNA DO NOTHIN OVER SOME MIDDLE AGE SKANKS DANCIN AROUND NEKKID.

self-proclaimed madam and prostitute Katina Powell, author of the book Breaking Cardinal Rules, claiming that she provided U of L players and recruits with sexual partners over a four year period

DADGUMMIT, THERE WAS ABOUT A HUNDERD THOUSAND NEKKED MIDDLE AGE LOSERVILLE SKANKS DANCIN AT THUNDER OVER LOSERVILLE AND AIN’T NOBODY CARED CUZ Y’ALL AINT GOT NO MORALS. YOU SUCK, WH&S. NEXT TIME I HEAR A U OF SMELL COACH SHOW ON THERE I’M GONNA BE LIKE BEYONCE AND TAKE A BASEBAW BAT TO SMASH MY RADIO. I KNOW ONE THING FOR SURE, BALDY. YOU AIN’T BECKY WITH THE GOOD HAIR. GIT OFF MY PHONE, YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH CARDINAL APOLOGIST. Y’ALL GO AHEAD AND BROADCAST U OF SMELL GAMES. JUST MAKE SURE YOU CRANK IT UP LOUD FOR THE KENTUCKY GAME SO ALL YOUR PINHEAD CARDINAL FANS CAN HEAR COACH CAL BEATIN YOU FOR THE NINTH TIME IN A ROW! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! GO CATS! GO BIG BLUE!