THE BEASMAN cats lose to LSU T-T-T-TELL ME IT WAS ALL A BAD DREAM! (long cry) I CAINT GIT OUTTA BED TODAY C-C-C-C CUZ MY PRECIOUS KENTUCKY WILDCATS LOSTED LAST NIGHT. (cry) THAT NASTY L.S.U. PLAYER DID A 360 DUNK AT THE FINAL BUZZER TO MOCK THE CATS EVEN MORE! (cry) WHY, GOD, WHY? (cry) THE G-G-G-GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS GOT DISRESPECTERCATED DOWN THERE AT L.S.U. (cry) THE CATS WAS LEADING BY 9 POINTS WITH TWO MINUTES LEFT AND THEN (cry) ALL HADES BROKE LOOSE! (long cry) THEM L.S.U. THUGS STARTED HITTING BIG SHOTS AND WE DINT HAVE NO TY TY OR NO SAVIOR TO HELP US! TY TY GOT THE CRAMP CRAMPS AND THE SAVIOR GOT HIS JAW JACKED
Tag: john calipari
The Beasman is stunned by the NBA draft aversion to choosing Wildcats
THE BEASMAN nba draft disaster IT’S ANOTHER DARK DAY IN WILDCAT COUNTRY, LARRY MINNER! (cry) WHAT KIND OF DRUGS IS THEM NBA COACHES SNIFFIN? I WAS SETTIN THERE LAST NIGHT BU-SPECTIN THE FIRST 3 PICKS TO BE THE U UH KAY KENTUCKY WILDCATS, RIGHT? Y’ALL BOUT TO PICK I-ZAYER JACKSON FIRST! THEN GONNA BE BRANDO BOSTON! NEXT COME OLIVIER SARR FROM U UH KAY! (cry) BUT NAWWWW! EVER TIME THAT BALD HAIRED, MEERKAT LOOKIN NBA COMMISH-NER WALKED UP TO THE PODIUM HE WOULD CALL OUT THE NAME OF A LOSER FROM SOME OTHER SCHOOL, NOT KENTUCKY! (cry) THEY TOOK GUYS FROM OKLAHOMO STATE, GONZAGGER, STANFORD, ALAMBAMMER, THE MEMPHIS Y.M.C.A. AND EVEN DADGUM TENNERSEE! THEY PICKED A DADGUM PUKE ARNGE TENNERSEE GUY
Coach Cal got his groove back with new ass-sister coaches! Beasman is stoked for the CAT COMEBACK!
THE BEASMAN new UK coaches I HEARED YOU ON THERE A-MOCKIN THAT NEW U UH KAY BASKETBAW COACH “THE CHIN” FOR SAYIN MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY GOOD TIMES IS A-COMIN TO BIG BLUE NATION! LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHIN, YOU BALD HAIRED, STINKBREATH, PENCIL NECK, NOT FUNNY, OVERRATED, SNAGGLE TOOTH LOUDMOUTH U OF SMELL BUTTKISSIN NOBODY…IF THE CHIN EVER CATCHES YOU OFF BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN WHERE YOU LIVE WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK, THE CHIN SAYS HE’S GONNA KNOCK THEM LAST TWO HAIRS OFF YOUR PUMPKIN HEAD! (laffs) Chin already working hard. Let’s let the good times roll! #BBN x #LaFamilia pic.twitter.com/bLvhWwnw4W— Kentucky Basketball (@KentuckyMBB) May 6, 2021 DON’T YOU LOWDOWN U OF SMELL CARDINAL BIRDS GO A-MAWKIN
Coach Cal’s lifetime contract is sucking the life out of The Beasman
THE BEASMAN calipari lifetime contract SHUT YOUR SNAGGLE TOOTH MOUTH, LARRY MINNER! I AIN’T IN NO MOOD FOR JOSHIN’ WITH YOU U OF SMELL BUTTKISSERS. Y’ALL CARDINALS CAINT SMIRK CUZ Y’ALL IS ON BASKETBAW PAUSE CUZ Y’ALL DISEASED UP WITH THE S.T.D.s. BUT AMERICA DON’T CARE! AMERICA WANTS TO SEE THEIR HERO KENTUCKY WILDCATS! TROUBLE IS…WE GO OUT THERE AND SUCK AGAIN! (cry) MY WILDCATS SUCK THE SUCKIEST SUCK IN THE HISTREE OF U UH KAY BASKETBAW. IT’S TRUE. BIG BLUE IS 5 AND 12 AND IT FEELS LIKE WE IS 5 AND 5 HUNDERD. (cry) I CAINT BLEEVE THE MIGHTY KENTUCKY WILDCATS DONE SUNK LOWER’N A SNAKE’S BELLY. AFTER LOSIN TO THEM MOONSHINE SWILLIN, SISTER KISSIN TENNERSEE HILLBILLIES, OL COACH CAL
UK was only taking a knee to mourn the team they were about to kill
THE BEASMAN cat fan uprising I KNOW THERE’S A LOT OF CRABBY CAT FANS RIGHT NOW BUT TELL ‘EM TO PUT COACH CAL’S FURNITURE BACK IN HIS HOUSE! COACH CAL DON’T GOTTA LEAVE LEXINUN AFTER ALL CUZ U UH KAY IS WINNIN AGAIN! AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! DONTRAY ALLEN IS SHOOTIN THE LIGHTS OUT AND WE GOT KREON BROOKS PLAYIN AGAIN! BIG BLUE NATION OUGHT TO BE HAPPY BUT HALF OUR GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS SAY THEY AIN’T FANS NO MORE! Laurel County Sheriff and Jailer burn their UK shirts in protest of UK kneeling last game pic.twitter.com/fyy71mnSJZ — Matt Jones (@KySportsRadio) January 11, 2021 LARRY, WHY CAINT YOU TAWK ABOUT KENTUCKY’S FAN UPRISING INSTEAD OF ALL THIS DUMB WARSHINUN STUFF? COME ON,
Dontaie know how good he is?
The last time Kentucky basketball was this bad, 25-year-old Adolph Rupp was a wrestling coach in Iowa and these slugs were repping the Cats. Most of them were local boys from so-called Big Blue Nation. That counts for a lot around these parts. University of Kentucky basketball fans are reeling from a six game losing streak, with the latest burn by arch-rival Louisville. Some UK zealots are calling for Coach John Calipari to step down. Others question whether his one-and-done methodology is now outdated. Most UK fans agree that Calipari needs to give more playing time to Dontaie Allen. Why? Because he's a homegrown basketball player who was named Mr. Basketball! He's a Kentuckian, and in the minds of the majority, that makes Allen
THE BEASMAN: If Coach Cal doesn’t beat his Catholic Notre Dame buddies, it’s curtains from Cat fans
THE BEASMAN cats losing streak continues (cry) THIS CAINT BE CHRISTMAS TIME…IT’S STILL HALLER-WEEN FOR KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS. (cry) I CAINT BLEEVE WE PAY COACH CAL 9 MILLION A YEAR TO GIVE US THIS DUMPSTER FIRE! WE JUST GOT BOOT STOMPED BY A WINLESS NOBODY JARJUH TECH NERD SCHOOL! (cry) DADGUMMIT, WE IS BIG BLUE NATION! WE IS THE CATS! COACH CAL DONE MAILIN IT IN, LARRY! HE LOOKS LIKE A OLD HIPPIE FREAK WITH HIS LONG HAIR AND BEER BELLY. AND SO OUR U UH KAY WILDCAT PLAYERS IS PROLLY SNIFFIN THE POT LIKE THEIR HIPPIE HEAD COACH! DADGUMMIT…THE WILDCAT TRAIN DONE RUN OFF THE TRACKS! THE CATS IS MAKIN MORE TURNOVERS THAN BETTY CROCKER. THAT BIG TRANSFER FELLER…OLIVER SARR…HE’S OLIVER SORRY!
WE WANT BAMA! cried The Beasman ahead of a Crimson Tide beatdown of the Cats
THE BEASMAN we want bama WE WANT BAMA! WE WANT BAMA! GO BIG BLUE! GO CATS! BAMA IS GOIN DOWN! BAMA AIN’T NOBODY! THEY BUSPOSABLY IS RANKED NUMBER ONE BUT AMERICA AIN’T SEEN WHAT KENTUCKY CAN DO YET! WE IS BRINGIN THE PAIN TRAIN TO TUSCALOOSER! (laffs) WE IS KENTUCKY! WE’S THE BIG BLUE! AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! WE DONE PUT A WHOOPIN ON THEM SMARTY PANTS VANDERSMELT NERDS BUT WE DINT USE NONE OF OUR GOOD PLAYS. NAW…WE SAVIN THEM FOR BAMA CUZ STOOPS KNOWS WHEN WE BEAT BAMA THEN WE IS #1! (laffs) WE GONNA CRUSH SABAN’S SISSIES BY USIN TWO QUARTERBACKS, THE ONE WHO CAN RUN DOWN LOW AND THE ONE WHO CAN PASS SETTIN UP ON HIS SHOULDERS!
Calipari’s daughter barks at rival Chris Mack to school his wife on wokeness, quickly deletes tweet
Erin Calipari is the daughter of University of Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari. She regularly fights with people on Twitter. This one's a little stickier than others. Erin Calipari took offense to a social media post where Christi Mack, wife of University of Louisville basketball coach Chris Mack, applauded a post about supporting all of society, including police, during these tumultuous days of racial unrest. Erin Calipari deleted her clapback tweet less than one hour after posting it. Who in 2020 thinks it's OK to demand that a man put his wife in her place? Wut? Aren't you a Ph.D doing research at Vanderbilt? Did your husband say it was OK to go to college? Erin Calipari added this follow up: I’ve said this before
That other Tennessee tornado took down the Kentucky Wildcats
THE BEASMAN cats lose senior night to tennessee SHUT YOUR UGLY CARDINAL FACE RIGHT NOW CUZ I KNOW YOU IS SMIRKIN RIGHT NOW! ADMIT IT, LARRY MINNER! YOU AND YOUR OTHER CROSS-EYED, BALD HAIRED, STINKBREATH, NECK TATTOO, WELFARE STAMP, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, LIBRUL DEMMERCRAT LOSERVILLE CARDINAL FANS IS ALL JUST HA-HA-HA-in ABOUT AMERICA’S TEAM, THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS LOSIN SENIOR NIGHT IN RUMP ARENER TO NOBODY TENNERSEE. (cry) THIS HERE IS (cry) THIS ONE (cry) THIS HERE A-BOMM-ER-A-SHUN IS THE WORST KENTUCKY BASKETBAW MOMENT OF COACH CAL’S TIME HERE. (cry) DADGUMMIT, THE GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCATS WAS UP BY 17 AND THEN, SOMEHOW, COACH CAL FORGOT HOW TO COACH! WHY IS WE PAYIN YOU 7 MILLION A YEAR IF