THE BEASMAN lipscomb win
I SEEN YOUR SOCCER COACH RUN OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, LARRY. WHAT HAPPENED, DID Y’ALL SEND HIM A STRIPPER AS A CHRISTMAS PRESENT BUT HE HAD TOO MANY MORALS TO SMOOCH HER? (laffs) WE DON’T LIKE U UH KAY SOCCER, NEITHER, CUZ IT’S JUST A BUNCH OF STINKBREATH FUR-EN-URZ RUNNIN AROUND A COW PASTURE WITHOUT NOBODY NEVER SCORIN, JUST LIKE YOUR HIGH SCHOOL DATING LIFE, RIGHT LARRY? (laffs)

POOR POOR LARRY. HIS PRECIOUS CARDINALS IS ALL WARSHED UP AND HIS BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK DONE FALLED IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER BALD GUY NAME OF DICK VITALIS. (laffs) IT’S JUST A SCUMBAG SCHOOL, PEOPLE. U OF SMELL IS SO GROSS NOW EVEN THE THINKER STATUE AST TO HAVE SOME PANTS PUT ON HIM CUZ HE’S AFRAID KATEENER POWELL GONNA TRY TO GIVE HIM HERPES. (laffs)

OH LARRY, THESE FUNNY COMEDY JOKES NEVER STOP. YOUR NEW FOOTBAW COACH COME IN AND FOUND ALL BOBBY’S LEFTOVER RECRUITS WAS FROM THE ISLAND OF MISFIT TOYS. (laffs) SO HE TODE EM ALL TO GIT OUTTA TOWN BEFORE THEY GET CHARGED WITH IMPERSONATIN A FOOTBAW PLAYER. (laffs)

THE NEW U OF SMELL COACH TRIED TO CRAWL BACK TO APPALACHO STATE AND BEG FOR HIS OLD JOB BUT VINCE TY-ROID CHAINED HIM TO THE DESK. (laffs) COACH SATIN SHEETS SAYS HE’S BETTER OFF STARTING HIS GRANDMA AND HER FRIENDS INSTEAD OF THE LOSERS BOBBY PETRINKO LEFT BEHIND. (laffs) Y’ALL LOSERVILLE FANS MUST BE SMOKIN THAT HEMP THAT JUST GOT APPROVED BY THAT HIPPIE MITCH MCCONNELL. HE’S A DADGUM U OF SMELLER SO I DON’T KNOW WHAT SO MANY CAT FANS VOTE FOR HIM. YOU JUST WAIT TIL MATT JONES RUNS AGAINST HIM AND BIG BLUE NATION TAKES OVER THE SENATE. (laffs) EVER DAY GONNA BE A FILLER-BUSTER WITH MATT JONES UP THERE TAWKIN UP THE CATS! (laffs)

📽️ BIG SHOT CHRISTEN CUNNINGHAM

The @LouisvilleMBB guard delivers. pic.twitter.com/wHiPqoFYUp

— FOX Sports South (@FOXSportsSouth) December 13, 2018

OH, AND I HAPPENED TO STUMBLE INTO YOUR PATHETIC BASKETBAW GAME LAST NIGHT. (laffs) SURELY YOU AIN’T BRAGGIN ABOUT YOUR CARDINAL CLANKERS BARELY SQUEAKIN BY THE NOBODY LITTLE BITTY BROTHER LIP SCUM BISONS, IS YOU LARRY? (laffs) YOU CARDINAL FANS IS SICK IN THE HEAD. Y’ALL HAD TO FIGHT TOOTH AND NAIL TO BEAT A TINY LITTLE TEAM THAT COULDN’T WHOOP A HIGH SCHOOL TEAM AND NOW THINK YOU’S READY TO PLAY THE MIGHTY KENTUCKY WILDCATS. (laffs)

YOU’S DUMBER THAN A BOX OF ROCKS OR ELSE YOU IS ALREADY DRUNK ON THE CHRISTMAS WASSIL. U OF SMELL AIN’T GOT NO BIDNIZ PLAYIN BIGTIME TEAMS LIKE THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS. COACH CAL DONE TODE THE REFFERMARIES TO PUT IN THE MERCY RULE ONCE WE GO UP BY FIDDY AGAINST THE U OF SMELL. COACH CAL EVEN OFFERED BALDY MACK AND HIS BAD NEWS BEARS CARDINAL TEAM TO LET OUR TEAM MANAGERS PLAY AGAINST EM IN THE SECOND HALF! (laffs)

WE IS SO DEEP AND TALENTED AT U UH KAY THAT QUAD-RAY GREEN DONE QUIT THE TEAM. HE SAID IT WAS LIKE TRYIN TO PLAY AGAINST THE NBA ALL-STAR TEAM. SO WE GONNA WISH HIM GOOD LUCK BUT ONLY AFTER 20,000 CAT FANS GIT ON TWITTER AND CALL HIM A SISSY QUITTER LOSER. (laffs) WE LOVE YOU HARD AND WE HATE YOU HARD! WE IS KENTUCKY, DADGUMMIT! AIN’T NO PANSY SWISHY BOYS LIKE LARRY MINNER ALLOWED TO HANG AROUND BIG BLUE NATION! HEY…DID I CALL YOU A SWISHY BOY? (laffs) OOPS, NOW THEY AIN’T GONNA LET ME HOST THE OSCARS, NEITHER. (laffs) THE ONLY GOOD OSCAR IS OSCAR ROBERTSON, AND MOSTLY CUZ ADOLPH RUPP BEAT HIM THREE TIMES UP THERE IN CINCINAPLISS. WELL LARRY, I’M GOIN OVER TO WATCH FOOTBAW PRACTICE FOR THE CIT-STILL BO THAT U UH KAY IS GOIN TO ON NEW YEAR’S DAY! WHAT IS Y’ALL CARDINALS DOIN ON NEW YEARS…I MEAN…AFTER YOU MEET WITH YOUR PAROLE OFFICER? (laffs) AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! THIRTY EIGHT AND TWO! NO WAIT…THIRTY SEVEN AND THREE! THIRTY SEVEN AND THREE! THIRTY SEVEN AND THREE!