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Goodbye 2018, Hey ’19, We Can Dance Together

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Dr. Henry Sadlo (5th from left) and lifetime pal Terry Meiners with hiking friends on January 1, 2019

My best friend Dr. Henry Sadlo, a renowned Louisville cardiologist, organizes weekend hikes via group texts. Fellow physicians, medical professionals, athletes, neighbors, and longtime schoolmates gather together to walk for anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 hours.

We launched 2019 with a 5 mile trek through a portion of The Parklands, an incredible parks system cobbled together by various philanthropists. The family of Humana co-founder David Jones Sr. created much of the organizational work and design. The Parklands is one of the most stunning public parks in the region.

Any person who is capable of walking, running, or biking has a heavenly exercise playground available to them every day of the year. Cheers to a healthy 2019.

The Parklands Palisades Bridge, near the Seaton Valley trailhead

Chris O’Bryan, Dr. Henry Sadlo, and Terry Meiners, 1971-in 75 classmates at St. Xavier High School

As for the insanity of tumultuous 2018, it’s time to let it go. Come on, Gladys, let it go!

BTW, the only reason I wound up in broadcasting is because I was rejected as a Pip for Gladys. I’m still bitter after all these years. Dude, I totally have those moves!

Meet the new boss, not the same as the old boss

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“We play for the other 10 on the field.”

Scott Satterfield, the new University of Louisville head football coach, is an affable gentleman from North Carolina. His success at Appalachian State earned his bump up to UofL and A.C.C. competition.

The top question is where he will start to turn around a program in meltdown mode. UofL’s 2018 season was a total collapse. A defense that completely lost its way allowed unranked opponents to run up 50+ points.

An immediate change is Satterfield’s promise to open up the Louisville program to local high school football coaches, most of whom were ignored by the previous administration. Many highly ranked prep football players seem to sidestep both UofL and UK programs to land elsewhere.

This year’s Big 10 Freshman of the Year and Receiver of the Year and All-Big 10 phenom is Rondale Moore. He played at Louisville’s Trinity High School and should have been embraced from the cradle.

Louisville Trinity High School star Rondale Moore went to Purdue. Here he is helping the Boilermakers beat Ohio State.

Moore chose Jeff Brohm and Purdue over his hometown university. OK, he’s from the metro area. His actual home is in New Albany, Indiana but he made the daily trek to Trinity. Moore was just announced as the winner of the 2019 Paul Hornung Award, recognizing the most versatile player in all of college football.

Wandale Robinson scampers for daylight

Just yesterday, celebrated running back Wandale Robinson, the University of Kentucky’s #1 prospect for 2019 flipped his decision once again and declared for the Nebraska Cornhuskers.

Local love matters. Satterfield says he is committed to gathering all of the top Kentucky talent to play for Louisville.

Jody Demling and I chatted with Coach Satterfield yesterday to pick his brain on a number of subjects, including how a genteel North Carolinian will assure this community that he can teach young men to respect women, avoid troublemakers, and use their idle time productively.

Of course we talked about recruiting and the addition of assistant coaches who can upgrade the severely degraded offensive and defensive production of the 2018 team.

Good luck, Coach Satterfield. Patience from the fan base is required but will be a noisy overseer as the team prepares for next season’s opener against Notre Dame.

One of us won the Cardinal Junior Tennis Championship for 14-year-old girls, HINT: it’s not me

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So proud of my stepdaughter Gracie. She works hard at school, community service, doing her chores at home, and practicing tennis at least 3 times a week. She’s won multiple tournaments over the years but then a shoulder injury knocked her out of the game for two years.

She’s back! Gracie entered the Cardinal Junior tennis tournament in the 14 and under category, then fought through five separate matches between Friday night and Sunday morning to run the table.

She went right home and did some homework. What a kid!

Terry, Mary, and Gracie, November 18, 2018 at the Bass-Rudd Tennis Center on the University of Louisville campus.

Top Golf at Oxmoor – I Sears what you did there

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That’s an artist rendering of what could fill the space where a vacated Sears store now stands at the rear of Oxmoor Center mall.

Not everyone is thrilled to have 500 new jobs, a new dimension in Louisville’s entertainment offerings, and a lucrative way to fill an abandoned business.

Here’s a note from a neighbor in Hurstbourne. He fears lights, noise, vomit, and urine if Top Golf is allowed to be built at Oxmoor.

I believe Mr. Norton’s fears are unwarranted. He lives in a home near a mall. Now that mall has a giant vacancy and Top Golf would only restore what once thrived there before.

READ: FULL LIGHT AND SOUND STUDY

More now from Mr. Norton.

Mr and Mrs Norton have declared that these studies are bogus. OK. Where is your engineering study to prove you are accurate?

Louisville is not an experimental market for the Top Golf entertainment group. There are currently 43 thriving locations across America.

Do we embrace success or chase it away…again?

Here is the artist rendering of the proposal. See how far away the closest residences would be. BONUS: Note that three additional restaurants would be built adjacent to Top Golf.

Google maps shows the current situation. The abandoned Sears building is at the bottom of the screenshot.

Here’s a wider view to show the distance to the neighborhoods. The infrastructure is already in place to handle visiting traffic. No one needs to use the neighborhood. The quickest way back home is via Shelbyville Road to access nearby interstate highways.

Are we going to let another guaranteed winner fly right past Louisville and into a more welcoming community?

Top Golf brings 500 jobs, new entertainment options, and an expanded local tax base.

Tee it up, Louisville. We are staring at a golden opportunity to fill a vast vacancy and improve the city’s attractiveness to young professionals.

WHAT THE HOWELL – Louisville man touts city while hating its epicenter St. Matthews

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Howell Dawdy, wise ass

Howell Dawdy, the most revered singer in the world, finally got around to celebrating his hometown. His new song LOUISVILLE will be #1 when next week’s streaming charts are released.

Reviews are in:

Cardi B: “That’s dope!”

Jay Z said of Dawdy: “Who?”

Eminem and Machine Gun Kelly have ended their beef and are now joined together in dissing Howell, calling him a “fake ass Kanye wannabe.”

Nonetheless, Howell Dawdy trudges forward. Mayor Fishback named Dawdy “Citizen of the Century” and Humana removed its Ali building banner and replaced it with a classic photo of Dawdy sitting on the toilet.

Commuters are stopping on the interstate to take photos. The traffic backups rival those of populations escaping hurricane mayhem.

God bless you for promoting The Ville, Howell. But if you step foot in my precious St. Matthews, we will run you down with our hybrid lawnmowers or jacked up Bird scooters.

St. Matthews houses all of Louisville’s wealth, think tanks, leadership, and overpriced fabric stores. And the 4-0-2-0-7 is home to the prettiest people in the metro area. Just look at my profile pic. Sizzzzzzle! You mad bro?

Howell Dawdy, ogling bathers at Big Rock

You take that back what you said about us or there will be no holding back the St. Matthews police department. Both of our Barneys are asleep right now, but when they get woke, you’ve got a WORLD of hurt coming your way, Mr. Smart Mouth.

The very bad week of Papa John Schnatter

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2009 photo: Lachlan McLean, Terry Meiners, Papa John Schnatter

The founder of Papa John’s pizza company admitted using the N-word during a recent media training exercise. The slur was reported on Forbes.com and “Papa John” Schnatter was quickly removed as chairman of the Louisville-based company.

The University of Louisville then removed Schnatter from its board of trustees, scrubbed his name from the business school, and Papa John’s pizza no longer retains naming rights to the Louisville football stadium. Papa John’s immediately bleached Schnatter’s image from all of its marketing materials.

The University of Kentucky then announced it would remove the Schnatter name from its business school, and Schnatter’s alma mater Jeffersonville High School scraped his name off the field house where the pizza baron donated $800,000 for upgrades.

At the end of his brutal week, John Schnatter spoke exclusively with me in a 28 minute freewheeling interview.

Deadspin.com ripped Schnatter’s entire appearance.

Schnatter claimed that he “was pushed” to say the N-word by the company conducting the training exercise. “I should have been more sensitive. I wasn’t raised that way. I did it. I own it. And I’m sick about it.” He added that he feels “horrible” for the Papa John’s “employees and franchisees who did nothing wrong.”

AD WEEK

In response to our interview, Papa John’s directors are demanding that Schnatter cease all media appearances. They even took the extraordinary step of preventing him from using his office space within the company headquarters.

Schnatter then wrote a letter to the board saying it was a mistake to resign his chairman position.

Reinstatement? Crickets.

In our WHAS Radio interview, Schnatter also claimed that Papa John’s “fired” the NFL, not the other way around, after his 2017 comments complaining about African American players protesting the national anthem. Rival chain Pizza Hut is now the official pizza of the NFL.

The WHAS interview also delved into Schnatter’s role in the firings of University of Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino and athletics director Tom Jurich.

Schnatter chafed at the question about whether his family would continue living in the Louisville area or would flee the hot cauldron of controversy.

In a subsequent interview with WLKY-TV, Schnatter claimed that the Laundry Service marketing firm that conducted the media training tried to extort him “to make it go away.” The firm originally asked for $1 million for services then upped the price to $6 million. Schnatter claims a Laundry Service exec said “If I don’t get my f-ing money, I’m going to bury the founder.”

When I asked John Schnatter if he would sue the marketing firm that leaked his racist gaffe to media, he didn’t mention extortion. “I don’t like litigation. I don’t like lawyers. I don’t like what (Laundry Service marketing) did.”

Papa John’s was also dropped by marketing partner Olson Engage.

Now Major League Baseball execs urged Schnatter to stay away from Tuesday’s MLB All-Star game. Multiple teams have suspended or ceased their promotional deals with Papa John’s, and the MLB league-wide promotion of Papa Slams has been shelved.

Others think he needs to disappear entirely.

New York Post, July 13, 2018

COURIER-JOURNAL: The Rise & Fall of Papa John Schnatter

DEADSPIN: Pizza Dipshit John Schnatter Claims Victimhood in Strange Strange Radio Interview

AD WEEK: Ad Agency “Pressured” Schnatter into Using N-Word

For his part, Schnatter tells me he is focusing on the philanthropic work he has done and he plans to continue working for the betterment of his community.

One day after our radio chat, Schnatter wrote an impassioned letter to the Papa John’s board to recap his claim that he was coerced into the N-word discussion, the makings of an extortion attempt, and that he shouldn’t have resigned before the board conducted a complete investigation.

He’s now hired Los Angeles attorney Patricia Glaser, who has managed cases for Harvey Weinstein and Paula Deen, to handle his forced departure from Papa John’s. She has declared that Schnatter will not go quietly.

Does the NBA2Lou scare you?

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Terry Meiners & Dan Issel at the Louisville Forum, May 9, 2018 (photo: Phillip Bailey)

The Louisville Forum asked former NBA player and Denver Nuggets general manager Dan Issel to offer his thoughts on the NBA2Lou project. I was asked to moderate and throw in my own comments about the potential of snaring an NBA team for the city of Louisville.

Naturally, the subject creates animated opinions from those who are opposed to adding professional sports. Some fear that it would harm the University of Louisville’s athletic pursuits and others worry that taxpayers will be on the hook for various concessions made for team owners.

Issel and his investors have the city’s best interests in mind. Bring it on.

The CJ’s Phillip M. Bailey live-Tweeted the forum. Great audience questions and general enthusiasm for the prospect of bringing the NBA to The Ville.

Justify My Love

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Justify rambles through the rainiest Kentucky Derby in history, May 5, 2018 (photo: AP images)

In spite of forecasters calling for a partly cloudy and pleasant Kentucky Derby day, the heavens opened and rain poured for fourteen hours on Churchill Downs.

No rain, no gain. The bettors’ favorite Justify sloshed around the track ahead of 19 other contenders to win the garland of roses and launch his campaign to become the next triple crown winner.

Justify with his swag

Speaking of filth and slop, here’s Madonna.

NOW PEEP these incredible Kentucky Derby photos by the Courier Journal team.

The N.I.T. is basketball’s walk of shame, and UK fans are loving it for Louisville

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THE BEASMAN NIT cheers
HEY LAAAAAARRRRREEEEEEE! LARRY MINNER! I BET YOU AND ALL YOUR BRAINLESS, GUTLESS, LOSERVILLE LOSER FRIENDS IS BUCITED ABOUT TONIGHT CUZ Y’ALL IS TAKIN YOUR TALENTS TO THE N.I.T.! DOES EXPN PLAY THAT SONG – (sing) WE’RE COMIN’ TO YOUR CIT-TEEE! BRING MEDIOCRE BASKETBAW TO YOUR CIT-TEE!” (laffs) RUMOR HAS IT THAT THE N.I.T., THE TOURNAMENT OF SHAME, MAKES ALL THE TEAMS PLAY DOWN IN THE BASEMENT OF THE ARENER. IS THAT TRUE? (laffs) SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO LITTLE BROTHER NOBODIES WHO CHEAT. THEY GOT TO HIDEAWAY FROM DECENT SOCIETY AND PLAY THEIR NOBODY-WANTS-YOU GAMES OUTTA SIGHT, OUTTA MIND.

WHERE YOU GONNA BE SETTIN, LARRY? I WANNA SET RIGHT NEXT TO YOU AND CHEER FOR MY LITTLE BROTHER LOSERVILLE BUDDIES IN THE BIGTIME N.I.T. (laffs) I PULT A UGLY RED SWEATSHIRT OUTTA THE DUMPSTER AND IT LOOKS LIKE I’M ONE OF Y’ALL CUZ IT GOT BULLET HOLES, BLOOD, AND WHISKEY SPILT ALL OVER IT. (laffs)

SERIOUS BIDNIZ, LARRY! ME AND LOTS OF OTHER KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS BOUGHT US SOME OF THEM CHEAP N.I.T. TICKETS SO WE CAN MAWK Y’ALL CARDINAL BIRDS FOR BEIN LITTLE BROTHER NOBODIES! I MEAN, COME ON, EVEN YOUR PLAYERS VOTED AGAINST PLAYIN IN THE N.I.T. BUT BOY PADGETT AND VINCE THE TYRANT MADE ‘EM DO IT. THEY SAID: U OF SMELL AIN’T BEEN SHAMED ENOUGH – LET’S WIN US A N.I.T. BANNER SO SOMEDAY THEY CAN FORCE US TO TAKE IT DOWN, TOO!

THIS IS GONNA BE FUN WATCHIN LOSERVILLE JUST ROLL OVER AND LET NARTHERN KENTUCKY JACK THEIR JAWS! (laffs) ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS GONNA BE CHEERIN REAL HARD FOR NARTHERN KENTUCKY…I MEAN…THEY GOT KENTUCKY IN THEIR NAME SO THEY GOTTA BE SUPERIOR TO YOUR FLAKY LITTLE STRIPPER POLE FANBOY U OF SMELLERS! (laffs) COME ON, LARRY…LIGHTEN UP! YOU MIGHT AS WELL GIT USED TO THE N.I.T. CUZ THAT’S WHERE Y’ALL GONNA BE FOR THE NEXT 10 YEARS WHILE YOU PICK YOURSELF UP OUTTA CHEATER JAIL. LET ME HELP Y’ALL CARDINAL FANS LEARN YOU SOME CHEERS! READY! “N.I.T. N.I.T. – WHERE CHEATERS GO FOR ETERNITY! N.I.T. N.I.T. – WHERE U OF SMELL WILL ALWAYS BE!” (laffs) “WHY ARE CAT FANS FILLED WITH GLEE? CUZ LOSERVILLE’S IN THE N.I.T.!” (laffs) IT’S GONNA BE A BIG NIGHT IN LOSERVILLE WITH ALL THIS N.I.T. PARTYIN. BARS ARE SELLIN ONLY THE CRUMMY BEERS. RESTRUNTS IS SERVING OLD, NASTY FOOD THAT NOBODY WANTS. AND THE ARENER JUMBOTRONS WILL BE SHOWIN HIGHLIGHTS OF THE BIG DANCE CUZ NOBODY WANTS TO WATCH THE BORING N.I.T. BALLGAME PLAYIN DOWN ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF ‘EM. (laffs)

COME ON, LARRY! CHEER UP! IF YOUR UNHAPPY CARDINAL PLAYERS SOMEHOW SLOUCH THEIR WAY TO A VICTREE TONIGHT, THEN Y’ALL GIT TO MEET TENNERSEE STATE, AND THEY GONNA CRUSH Y’ALL LIKE A BUG! BUT BECAUSE YOU’S IN THE N.I.T. YOU HAVE TO LET YOUR GIRLS BASKETBAW TEAM GIT PRIORITY SO Y’ALL DON’T EVEN KNOW WHEN YOU CAN HAVE THE ARENER! (laffs)

WOW! THEM LOSERVILLE CARDINAL STRIPPER POLE BOYS IS BIGTIME! I MEAN, FOR BEIN SECOND CLASS CITIZENS! GIT FIRED UP, PEOPLE! IT’S N.I.T. NIGHT IN LOSERVILLE, ALWAYS THE SECOND BEST KIND OF NIGHT TO HAVE! N.I.T. N.I.T. – THAT’S WHERE ALL THE LOSERS BE! (laffs) N.I.T. STANDS FOR “NOT INVITED TOURNAMENT.” LARRY, Y’ALL IS LIKE THE LAST KID ON THE PLAYGROUND NOBODY PICKS TO PLAY DODGEBALL. TOO BAD, SO SAD.

WHY DON’T Y’ALL CHANGE THAT BILLBOARD ON I-64 TO SAY: “U OF SMELL – THE N.I.T. IS MILES AHEAD!” JUST THINK, IF LOSERVILLE SOMEHOW WINS THE N.I.T., THAT WILL MAKE Y’ALL THE #69 BEST TEAM IN AMERICA, WHICH SEEMS SOMEHOW SCANDALOUSLY CORRECT. (laffs) OH, THE JOKES RIGHT THEMSELVES, LITTLE BUDDY. HEY LARRY, WHAT IS LOSERVILLE GONNA DO NEXT TO BE SECOND BEST? START SELLING PLASTIC BASEBALL BATS? TELL THE CHEFS TO SELL COLD BROWNS? MAKE THE KENTUCKY DERBY ONLY FOR SHETLAND PONIES? (laffs) COME ON, LARRY. YOU GOT TO LAUGH AT THESE FUNNY COMEDY JOKES CUZ AT THIS POINT THAT’S ALL Y’ALL LOSERVILLE LOSERS GOT LEFT. I’M ACTUALLY CHEERING FOR LOSERVILLE TO WIN A BUNCH OF N.I.T. GAMES SO YOUR BASKETBAW WALK OF SHAME STRETCHES OUT FOR ALL US CAT FANS TO ENJOY. AWWWWW C-A-R-D-S N.I.T. N.I.T. N.I.T. LITTLE BROTHER CHAMPS-TO-BE!

The Beasman don’t wanna live in a world where his Cats lose to them Dirty Birds

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The Louisville Cardinals and fans celebrate winning the Governor’s Cup after defeating UK 44-17.

THE BEASMAN cats lose (1)
(crying) I HOPE YOU DIE SOON, LARRY. (crying) I HEAR YOU A-S-S-S-S-SMIRKIN BOUT U UH KAY’S P-P-P-PAIN. ONLY A LOWDOWN, TOOTHLESS, B-B-B-B-BRAINLESS U OF SMELL SAGGY PANTS, NECK TATTOO THUG LIKE YOU HAS THE AUDACERATION TO MOCK US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS WHILE WE IS DOWN. (crying) YOU SUCK, LARRY. (crying) POOR LITTLE WILDCAT KIDS COULDN’T GO BACK TO SCHOOL THIS MARNIN CUZ THEY’S DEE-PRESSED. (crying) MOST OF THE GROWED UP WILDCAT FANS BEEN DRUNK SINCE HALFWAY THROUGH THE THIRD QUARTER WHEN WE ALL LEFT THE STADIUM TO CRY IN THE PARKIN’ LOT.

(crying) NOBODY BURNT UP NO COUCHES. NOBODY GOT TO SPRAYPAINT CUSS WORDS ON THE SIDE OF THE U OF SMELL TEAM BUS. (crying) WE JUST HAD TO SET THERE AND WATCH GAY-MAR JACKSON RUN AROUND LIKE A JITTERBUG AND NOT LETTIN NO WILDCATS TACKLE HIM.

Picture shows: scientist holding vitamins TX 16/09/2004

(crying) I’M SETTIN HERE AT MY PSYCHIA-TRISTER OFFICE TRYIN TO GIT A SUBSCRIPTION TO DEE-PRESSION PILLS SO I CAN GIT MY HEAD THANKIN STRAIGHT AGIN, DADGUMMIT. IF THAT DON’T WORK, I’M GONNA LET ‘EM GIMME SHOCK TREATMENTS TO MAKE THIS HERE HARRIBLE MEMORY DISINCINERATE IN MY HEAD. (crying) THE DOCTOR SAYS HE WILL SEE ME NOW. LARRY, JUST IN CASE HE GIVES ME ONE OF THEM ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO NEST LOBOTORIES AND I CAINT NEVER TAWK NO MORE, I WANT MY LAST WORDS TO YOU TO BE THIS: YOU SUCK, YOU IS A TRAITOR TURNCOAT BENNERDICK ARNOLD AND I HOPE YOU GIT SHOT IN THE FACE BY ONE OF YOUR SCUMBAG THUG U OF SMELL CONVICT FANS. OH…AND GO BIG BLUE! (crying) TAKE ME IN TO SEE THE DOCTOR! AND TELL THE CHIEF TO SMOTHER ME WITH A PILLER IF MY BRAINBOX GITS TURNT OFF. (crying)

photo via Twitter

THE BEASMAN cats lose (2)
(crying) LARRY, I BEEN AT THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE ALL DAY GITTIN SUBSCRIPTIONS FOR ALL THEM DEE-PRESSION DRUGS SO I CAINT FEEL THE PAIN OF MY WILDCATS LOSING TO YOU DEVIL-WORSHIPPIN CARDINAL HEATHENS. (crying) IT AIN’T RIGHT, LARRY, IT JUST AINT RIGHT! U UH KAY POSED TO WIN SO ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS CAN TAUNT Y’ALL CARDINAL CRIMINALS AND BURN COUCHES AND WEAR BOBBY PETRINKO NECK BRACES…BUT NAW. U OF SMELL COME OUT THERE LIKE A BO-DOZER AND RUN US DOWN FROM THE START! STOOPS GOT TO GO, DADGUMMIT! ALL THEM OTHER TEAMS IS GU-NOUNCIN THEIR NEW COACHES BUT U UH KAY JUST STICKS WITH STOOPS AND HIS STOOPID “WAIT TIL NEXT YEAR” NONSENSE. I SAY WE RUN HIM OUTTA TOWN RIGHT NOW AND HIRE NICK SABAN.

NICK WANTS TO COACH U UH KAY CUZ EVERBODY LOVES THE CATS! (crying) AND Y’ALL CHEATED, LARRY. HOW DOES THAT LAY-MAR JACKSON GIT TO RUN AROUND PUNCHIN OUR GOOD AND CLASSY LINEBACKER AND NOT GIT THROWED OUT? JORDAN JONES WAS JUST OUT THERE PRAYIN’ THE ROSARY AND LAY-MAR JACKSON JUST WALKS UP AND PUNCHES HIM RIGHT UPSIDE HIS HEAD BUT THE CHEATIN REFFERMARIES DINT THO HIM OUT!

(crying) ANYBODY ELSE WOULDA GOT INJECTED FROM THE GAME BUT NOT THE UNTOUCHABLE LAY-MAR. NAW! THEM TV BU-ZECUTIVES SAID “WE GOTS TO HAVE LAY-MAR OR EVERBODY WILL SWITCH THE CHANNEL!”

Louisville’s Lamar Jackson dominated Kentucky all day in the 2017 Governor’s Cup rivalry game. (photo: Louisville football)

SO THEY LET CHEATIN LAY-MAR STAY IN. LARRY, YOU KNOW LAY-MAR RUBS VASSER-LEAN ALL OVER HIS PANTS SO THE WILDCAT BOYS’ HANDS SLIDE OFF WHEN THEY IS TRYIN TO GRAB HIM. BUT NOBODY THROWS A FLAG. AND U OF SMELL DONE PASS INNER-FERENCED OUR WILDCAT RECEIVER BUT NOBODY THROWED THE FLAG. I BETCHA THAT ROTTEN BASKETBAW REFFERMARIE HIGGINS PICKED OUT THEM FOOTBAW REFFERMARIES JUST TO GIT BACK AT US. NO MORE STOOPS! NO MORE STOOPS! NO MORE STOOPS! US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS DONE WATCHED U OF SMELL FOOTBAW GO FROM PEE WEE LEVEL TO BUXPECTACLE BUT ALL WE DO AT U UH KAY IS STAY DOWN IN THE CELLAR WITH VANDERSMELT. HIRE NICK SABAN! HIRE NICK SABAN! HIRE NICK SABAN!

MEANTIME, COACH CAL AND THE BASKETBAW CATS AIN’T WINNIN BY BIG ENOUGH POINTS. I KNOW THEY IS GOOD BUT THEY AIN’T GREAT AND U OF SMELL IS SURELY GONNA BE LOOKIN AT THAT KANSAS TAPE TO SEE HOW TO BEAT US. (crying) IF BOY PADGETT GITS THEM RAGTAG DEATH PENALTY CARDINAL BIRDS TO WIN IN RUMP ARENER NEXT MONTH THEN US CAT FANS GONNA RIOT IN THE STREETS! WE CAINT HANDLE TWO U OF SMELL VICTREES AGAINST U UH KAY IN ONE WINTER.

Bobby Petrino’s players soak him as the final seconds tick away in Louisville’s 44-17 win over Kentucky. (photo: Kentucky.com)

I’M LIABLE TO CLIMB UP ON A CAMPUS WATER TIRE AND START SHOOTIN AT RED CARS AGAIN. (crying) LASS TIME THE JUDGE LET ME OFF CUZ SHE’S A BIG OL CAT FAN BUT SHE SAID IF I EVER DO IT AGAIN I’M A-GOIN TO PRISON FOR LIFE. COME ON, COACH CAL!

Papa John’s “The Shot” commercial shoot with John Schnatter, founder of Papa John’s, and UK basketball coach Calipari in Rupp Arena. (Photo by Brian Bohannon)

DON’T LET THEM SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, JESUS HATIN, HEROIN SNIFFIN, TATTOOED BUTTCRACK, CURSIN AROUND CHILDREN U OF SMELL CARDINAL SCUMBAGS GIT A SWEEP ON U UH KAY! YOU GOT TO GIT OUR BABY WILDCATS TO PLAY TOGETHER SO THEY CAN RIP OUT THEIR CHEATIN HEARTS! AWWWWW C-A-…DADGUMMIT, I CAINT EVEN MUSTER UP A CHEER RIGHT NOW UNTIL I GOBBLE ANOTHER FISTFUL OF ANTI-DEE-PRESSION PILLS. (chew) (long exhale) WELL…SO FAR THEY AIN’T WORKIN. WIN OR LOSE, ONE THING’S FOR SURE…YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK IS STILL UNEMPLOYED, LARRY. AND I CAN ALWAYS SMILE ABOUT THAT.

The Courier Journal was forced to apologize to John Calipari for publishing this caricature of the Kentucky coach in 2014.