Uh… we have 22 horses booked for the @KentuckyDerby's 20 horse limit.
The joy quotient in the Commonwealth of Kentucky shoots through the ceiling every November when basketball season begins. It’s a religion in the state.
Other states celebrate Rhodes scholars changing the world. We celebrate sweaty teenagers who can dunk a ball or sprint with a pigskin. That’s just who we are.
THE BEASMAN tipoff luncheon air date 10-28-16
WELL, THERE’S YOUR GAY BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK OUT THERE TO THE TIPOFF LUNCHEON TELLING HIS LIES AGAIN.
“OHHH. U OF SMELL FANS IS GONNA BE HAPPY AGAIN CUZ WE GONNA GO OUT THERE AND WIN ANOTHER BANNER.” THAT’S A BUNCH OF HORSE PUCKEY.
WHAT KIND OF BANNER IS THAT I-TALIAN MAFIA MAN TAWIN BOUT…A MEMORIAL BANNER FOR A FUNERAL? Y’ALL GITTIN THE DEATH PENALTY, LARRY, AND THEY GONNA MAKE YOU TAKE DOWN YOUR BANNER FROM 3 YEARS AGO. JUST CUZ SLICK RICK SAYS Y’ALL DONE BEEN PUNISHED ENOUGH DON’T MEAN THAT’S WHAT THE NC2A DEE-CIDES.
BACK WHEN THEY CAUGHT ME GIVIN HUNDERD DOLLAR HANDSHAKES I GIT OUT OF IT BY GIVING THEM NC2A BOYS THOUSAND DOLLAR HANDSHAKES BUT Y’ALL CAINT GIT AWAY WITH THAT TODAY BECAUSE IT WILL BROADCAST LIVE ON THE FACEBOOK TWITTER MACHINE BY A GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FAN.
Y’ALL JUST NEED TO SHUT UP AND TAKE YOUR MEDICINE CUZ YOU CHEATED WITH DANCIN GIRLS AND KARDASHIAN NUTS & SLUTS, DADGUMMIT! THE NEW BASKETBAW SEASON IS FINALLY HERE!
COACH CAL AND THE FARDY & OH WILDCATS IS GONNA CRUSH EVERYBODY LIKE A BUG WHILE U OF SMELL CAINT CONCERTRATE CUZ Y’ALL BUSY LOOKIN OVER YOUR SHOULDER FOR THE DEATHHHHHH PENALTY! YOU GITTIN THE DEATHHHHHH PENALTY!
I LOVE IT, YOU BUNCH OF SAGGY PANTS, BLING BLING, OBAMA PHONE, NECK TATTOO, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK, FOULMOUTH, ROYAL CROWN SWILLIN, LINEBEARD, INBRED, TOOTHLESS, BRAINLESS CARDINAL CONVICTS.
AND YOUR FOOTBAW TEAM SUCKS, TOO. THEY IS SO AFRAID OF PLAYIN U UH KAY THAT THEY RUN OFF TO SIGN A DEAL TO PLAY LITTLE BITTY BROTHER WESTERN KENTUCKY HILLCROPPERS. AND LAY-MAR JACKSON SUCKS, LARRY. HE AIN’T GONNA WIN THE HEISMAN TROPHY NO MORE THAN BETTY WHITE GOTTA CHANCE TO WIN.
THEY TELL ME EVERBODY JUST STEERS CLEAR OF LAY-MAR JACKSON CUZ HE DON’T LIKE TO TAKE SHIRES. HE SMELLS SO BAD CAINT NOBODY WANT TO TACKLE HIM. WELL STOOPS TROOPS GONNA WEAR THEM NASAL STRIPS OVER THEIR NOSTRIL HOLES SO THEY DON’T GIT REE-PELLED BY NO LAY-MAR AND THEY GONNA KNOCK HIM BACK, KNOCK HIM BACK, ALLLLL THE WAY TO HACKENSACK, DADGUMMIT!
Y’ALL GOIN DOWN TO U UH KAY IN A FEW WEEKS, LARRY. STOOPS TROOPS GOT IT FIGGERED OUT NOW. WE GONNA POUND ON MIZZ-OOR-UH TOMORRY AND MEANTIME VIRGINNY GONNA UPSET THE NASTY CARDINAL BIRDS TO MAKE IT THE PERFECT WEEKEND.
THEN COACH CAL SAYS WE GOT TO SMACK AROUND THE CLARION ON SUNDEE NIGHT SO OTHER TEAMS START THINKIN ABOUT FARFITIN’ NOW TO SAVE BIMBARRASSMENT LATER. THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER! LAY-MAR JACKSON GONNA LOSE THE HEISMAN TROPHY WHEN THEY SHOCK THE WORLD AND GIVE IT TO BOOM WILLIAMS!
——————–STOOPS TROOPS GONNA BEAT BOBBY PETRINKO SO HE’LL GIT MAD AND RIDE AWAY ON HIS LITTLE MOTORCYCLE FOR GOOD.
THEN COACH CAL GONNA HUMMILERATE SLICK RICK RIGHT THERE IN THE DEADBEAT FORECLOSURE YUM YUM BUM BUM CENTER. THEN THE NC2A GONNA GIVE Y’ALL THE DEATH PENALTY FOR BRINGIN KARDASHIAN NUTS & SLUTS TO GIT RECRUITS.
AND NOW I HEAR TELL THE N.B.A. IS COMIN TO LOSERVILLE AFTER THE GUMMIT MAKES U OF SMELL STOP STEALIN ALL THE PROFITS FROM THE ARENER! IT’S ALL GONNA HAPPEN TWIXT NOW AND NEW YEAR’S DAY! AND THE BEST PART IS, WE ALREADY KNOW IF THE N.B.A. COMES TO LOSERVILLE, THE TEAM WILL BE FILLED WITH FARMER KENTUCKY WILDCATS BECAUSE U OF SMELL CAINT GIT NO PLAYERS TO THE PROS!
LOSERVILLE WILL FINALLY BE FILT UP WITH GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCAT LEGENDS WHILE U OF SMELL HAS TO GO BACK TO CHARGIN $5 A TICKET TO SEE THEIR GAMES AT BROADBENT ARENER…IF YOU CAN EVEN FILL THAT UP!
AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! FARDY & OH! DEATH PENALTY FOR U OF SMELL! DEATH PENALTY FOR U OF SMELL! TAKE THAT FRAUD BANNER DOWN! TAKE IT DOWN! TAKE IT DOWN!
The only thing all Kentuckians can agree upon every November is that we love thoroughbred racing.
Nyquist captured the 142nd Kentucky Derby on a splendid day in Louisville.
After Nyquist won the Florida Derby, O’Neill opted to send his undefeated horse to Lexington to prep for the Derby instead of flying him back to California. Nyquist had great runs at Keeneland and shipped over to Louisville less than a week before he would capture the roses at the Derby. Now it’s on to Baltimore for the Preakness Stakes on May 21st.
Beauty overwhelms Churchill Downs throughout Derby week. Actress Mira Sorvino told me that she felt “as though I’ve stepped into a completely elegant era from long ago.”
Not everyone behaved at Churchill Downs. Drunk teens in preppy clothes tend to lose their minds in the hot sun of the Infield.
———–Can 2016 produce another Triple Crown winner like last year’s sensational American Pharoah? It’s unlikely but not impossible. Stay tuned. In case you missed it, here’s last year’s incredible launch to what would lead to legendary status for Pharoah.
The high holy season in Kentucky is upon us with thoroughbred racing underway at Keeneland thru April 29th. Churchill Downs opens the next day and leads us to the 142nd Kentucky Derby on May 7th. They’re off!
Keeneland paddock, April 15, 2016
another perfect day for win, place, or show
Doug O’Neill, center, is the trainer of Kentucky Derby favorite Nyquist.
Neither Tom or I bet on Doug O’Neill’s 2012 Derby winner I’ll Have Another so we won’t miss a chance to ride another O’Neill victory run at this year’s Greatest Two Minutes in Sports.
Watch I’ll Have Another race past 2012 favorite Bodemeister below.
If 2016 reveals another superstar like last year’s American Pharoah, don’t be shocked if his name is Nyquist.
American Pharoah passed Firing Line on the home stretch to win Derby 141 and then go on to win the Triple Crown with victories in the Preakness and Belmont Stakes. An unprecedented bonus came on Halloween 2015 when American Pharoah won the Breeder’s Cup Classic at Keeneland, an opportunity unavailable to any prior Triple Crown winner.
Here’s American Pharoah’s final run to glory in the Breeder’s Cup Classic
A phenomenal Kentucky Derby run by California Chrome secured the hope that a Triple Crown winner could be in the making for 2014. The horse’s owners tell their story below.
So far, my horse is still in it.
A spot along the rail is the best seat in any sporting venue anywhere.
In Kentucky, we teach them the fine art of pari-mutuel wagering as soon as they’re old enough to reach the betting window.
Keeneland in the the spring: a perfectly Kentucky experience