What a moment. Soak it all in, @ShaneLowryGolf. #TheOpen pic.twitter.com/IRpjCQ20a8

— Golf Channel (@GolfChannel) July 21, 2019

THE BEASMAN jb holmes sort of wins British Open
WOOOOOO YEAH! GO CATS! GO BIG BLUE! DADGUMMIT, THAT’S WHAT I WAS SHOUTIN’ REAL LOUD WHEN THAT BEARDED, POTBELLY GOLFER FROM KENTUCKY J.B. HOLMES WON THE BRITISH OPEN! YEAH! GO CATS! KENTUCKY RULES THE WORLD! BLUE GITS IN! BLUE GITS IN! (sigh) BUT THEN MY BUDDY SAYS TO ME, HE SAYS “BEASMAN…THAT AIN’T J.B. HOLMES HOLDIN UP THAT TROPHY…THAT’S SOME DRUNK IRISHMAN NAME OF SHANE LOWRY.” DADGUMMIT, I RUBBED MY EYES TWO OR THREE TIMES AND JUST THROWED THE TV REMOTE AT THE FIREPLACE.

EVERBODY ALL WEEKEND KEPT SAYIN “JB HOLMES IS LEADIN THE BRITISH OPEN! JB GONNA WIN THIS THING! GO CATS! GO J.B.!” SO WHEN I GOT HOME FROM CHURCH I TURNT ON THE GOLF AND SEEN THAT BEARDED GUY WITH A POTBELLY KEEP HITTIN ALL THEM GREAT SHOTS WITHOUT NOBODY TELLIN ME THAT WEREN’T JB! HE HIT A BIG OL SHOT RIGHT IN THE HOLE AND I JUMPED UP AND POPPED A KNOT ON MY HEAD FROM THE CEILIN FAN! DADGUMMIT, THEY LET TWINS PLAY IN THE SAME TOURNEYMINT? I WAS CHEERIN FOR THE WRONG GUY ALL DAY!

THE DRUNK IRISHMAN GOT TO KEEP THAT CLOROX JUG TROPHY AND J.B. HOLMES THE WILDCAT COME IN ALMOST LAST PLACE. HOW IN THE WORLD DID HE SHOOT A HUNDRED ON THE LAST DAY? DID SOME JEALOUS GUY LIKE TIGER WOODS PUT POISON IN J.B.’s WATER BOTTLE? J.B. WAS KILLIN IT ON THURSDEE, FRIDEE, AND SAIRDEE SO I BETCHA SOMEBODY JEALOUS OF U UH KAY DONE SLIP J.B. A MICKEY.

AIN’T NO WAY A KENTUCKY WILDCAT GONNA FOLD LIKE A CHEAP SUIT ON A SUNDEE IN A MAJOR, BUT JB DROPPED 64 PLACES ON SUNDEE! ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS WAS GONNA RUN TO THE AIRPORT TONIGHT TO CHEER J.B. COMIN HOME WITH THAT CLOROX JUG THAT ALL THEM ENGLISH SISSIES THINK IS THE GREATEST TROPHY IN THE WORLD CUZ THEY INVENTED GOLF.

US WILDCATS GOT NEWS FOR ‘EM…THE ONLY TROPHY THAT REALLY MATTERS IS THE NC2A NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS TROPHY FOR BASKETBAW. SO KEEP YOUR CLOROX JUG, ENGLAND AND IRELAND AND SCOTLAND…AND QUIT CALLIN YOURSELFS THE U.K. KENTUCKY IS THE ONLY TRUE U.K. DADGUMMIT. ALL US BIG BLUE NATION FANS WAS GONNA LAUGH AT THAT SKINNY, UGLY PANTS WEARIN U OF SMELL LOVIN JUSTIN THOMAS FOR SUCKIN SO BAD TIL WE SEEN HE MOVED UP ON SUNDEE WHILE J.B. KEPT TUMBLIN DOWN THE LEADERBOARD.

THAT JUSTIN THOMAS AIN’T NO TRUE LOSERVILLE CARDINAL CUZ HE WENT TO ALABAMMER TO GIT AWAY FROM YOUR GHETTO TOWN. I HOPE YOU NEVER WIN ANOTHER TOURNEYMINT, JUSTIN THOMAS, YOU CARDINAL LOVIN, SAGGY PANTS, NECK TATTOO, RAP MUSIC, COUNTRY CLUB BRAT.

Goosebumps. Absolutely incredible @ShaneLowryGolf. Congrats!! 🇮🇪 https://t.co/JyL01sQr0v

— Justin Thomas (@JustinThomas34) July 21, 2019

J.B. HOLMES IS A COMMON MAN OF THE PEOPLE WHO KEEPS A BIG U UH KAY LOGO ON HIS BAG TO TELL THE WORLD ABOUT THE CATS. WHICH, RIGHT NOW, I GUESS THE WORLD THINKS U UH KAY SUCKS IN GOLF. THAT’S OK…THEY CAN TELL BIG 12 SCHOOLS NOT TO DO NO MORE “HORNS DOWN” HAND SIGNS, BUT THAT AIN’T STOPPIN GOOD AND CLASSY KENTUCKY WILDCATS FROM THROWIN Ls DOWN AT YOU TOOTHLESS, BRAINLESS, SPINELESS, ILLIGITIMATE, BOURBON FOR BREAKFAST CARDINALS.

COME FOOTBAW SEASON, STICK A FARK IN YOU AGAIN! I LOVE IT! YOU SUCK, LOSERVILLE! AWWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!