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U of Smell pulverizes the Turd Heels, Beasman flummoxed

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UK over Vanderbilt — photo: UK athletics

THE BEASMAN UofL shocks UNC
WELL HOOTY HOOTY HOO…THE CARDINAL BIRDS CAUGHT ‘EM A WORM. WOW! US BIG BLUE NATION KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS REEEEAAAALY IMPRESSED THAT BALDY MACK AND HIS BAD NEWS BEARS GOT EM A BIG WIN AGAINST THEM TURD HEELS. WHAT DID Y’ALL DO, SEND KATINEENER POWELL TO SPEND ALL NIGHT DOIN NASTY STUFF WITH THE NARTH CARAMALINER PLAYERS? (laffs) DID KENNY JOHNSON SHOW UP AND START HANDIN OUT HOUSE PAYMENT MONEY TO THEM TURD HEEL PLAYER PARENTS? (laffs)

I WAS JUST KIDDIN ON FRIDEE WHEN I SAID I WAS PULLIN FOR THE TURD HEELS…US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS HATE NARTH CARAMALINER. BUT WE ALSO HATE Y’ALL SO IT’S TOO BAD IT WEREN’T A TIE! (laffs) AWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! WE BEAT US SOME VANDERSMELT, AND WE GONNA WHOOP JARJUH AND EVERBODY ELSE TO GO THIRTY SEVEN AND THREE! THIRTY SEVEN AND THREE! CATS GONNA WIN IT ALL CUZ BLUE GITS IN! BLUE GITS IN! BLUE GITS IN, YOU DIRTY FILTHY MOUTH LARRY DADGUM MINNER.

UK over Vandy — photo by UK athletics

YOU JUST BETTER MAKE SURE YOU DON’T MIS-GUNOUNCE THE NAME OF MARTIN LUCIAN KING LIKE THAT NEW YARK GUY DONE DID OR RICKY JONES GONNA GIT YOU FIRED! (laffs) I LOVE IT! HOW DO YOU STAY EMPLOYED WHEN THEY GOT REAL RADIO GUNOUNCERS OUT THERE WHO SHOULD HAVE YOUR JOB. MATT JONES IS THE BEST BROADCASTIGATOR IN KENTUCKY, AND HE KNOWS HOW TO SAY MARTIN LUCIOUS KING, MARTIN LAWRENCE, MARTIN THE MARTIAN, AND MARTIN POOTER KOOTZ WITHOUT MESSIN EM UP! (laffs)

HEY LARRY, MY GREAT GRANDSON GOT HIM ONE OF THEM FANCY VIDEO GAMES FOR CHRISTMAS AND I FOUNT OUT SOMETHIN REAL NEAT ABOUT IT…IT WORKS! (laffs) IT’S CALLED A NINTENDO SWITCH!

TURNS OUT IT’S GOT A SWITCH ON IT THAT WILL SWITCH THE U OF SMELL GAME OFF EXPN. (laffs) JUST CLICK THE SWITCH AND – POOF! – THE U OF SMELL CARDINAL BIRDS GAME DISAPPEARS OFF NATIONAL T.V. SO US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS DON’T GOTTA WATCH U OF SMELL BEATIN THE TURD HEELS! (laffs) I LOVE IT! – POOF! – BYE BYE CARDINAL BIRDS! (laffs)

GIF by Louisville basketball on Twitter

THIS COULD BE A MUST-HAVE THANG FOR ALL KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS TO HAVE SO ANYTIME U OF SMELL STARTS GITTIN LUCKY, — POOF – AWAY GO THE CARDINALS AND ON COMES SOMETHING THAT U UH KAY FANS LIKE…LIKE A FISHIN SHOW, OR HEE HAW, OR SQUARE DANCIN. ANYTHING OTHER THAN SEEIN U OF SMELL HAVIN A GOOD TIME. SO I MADE Y’ALL DISSER-PEAR OFF EXPN ONCE I WAS SURE THAT NARTH CARAMEL WASN’T GONNA COME BACK AND HUMILERATE LOSERVILLE. (laffs) I’M GONNA USE THIS NINTENDO SWITCH TO CHANGE ALL KIND OF STUFF. WHEN SOME SNOOTY NEWS LADY IS DOWNIN PRESIDENT TRUMP – HIT THE SWITCH – MAKE HER DISAPPEAR AND PUT ON A PATRIOTIC FIREWORKS SHOW. (laffs) I LOVE THE SWITCH! NOW WHENEVER U OF SMELL IS GITTIN A BEATDOWN LIKE THE KENTUCKY GAME, THEY GOT ANOTHER SWITCH ON THERE TO SHOW EXTRA CLIPS OF TOOTHLESS, BRAINLESS, NECK TATTOO, WHISKEY FOR BREAKFAST, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK CARDINAL FANS CRYIN THEIR SAD CARDINAL TEARS. (laffs) SO I’LL BE USIN THAT ONE ON YOUR NEXT GAME. (laffs)

Chris Mack celebrates with his UofL team after thumping UNC — photo by Louisville athletics

BUT OK, LITTLE BROTHER. YOU DONE HAD YOURSELF ONE GOOD DAY BY BEATING THEM NARTH CARAMALINER FRAUDS. BUT Y’ALL GO BACK TO HUMILERATION STATION ONCE YOU GOTTA PLAY DUKE! (laffs) WELL LARRY, IMMA GO GIT IN LINE FOR ANOTHER BINNY SNELL AUTER-GRAPH SECTION. HE CHARGES $20 FOR EVER AUTER-GRAPH AND I DONE PAID HIM TO SIGN MY FOREHEAD, MY NECK, AND MY MAN BOOBS SO AS SOON AS MY SOCIAL SCUR-IDDY CHECK COMES I’M GONNA BUY ME A “SNELL YEAH” TRAMP STAMP TATTOO DOWN ON MY LOWER BACK. THATAWAYS, EVER TIME I TOOT I CAN JUST PULL UP MY SHIRT AND TELL THE WORLD “SNELL YEAH!” (laffs) AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

Chris Mack’s biggest win yet: UofL blasts North Carolina at their house

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There is euphoria in Card Nation. The University of Louisville basketball team just pummeled the #12 ranked North Carolina Tar Heels in Chapel Hill. It is the first time Louisville has ever beaten UNC at their facility.

This game was so out of control that ESPN switched away with 4 minutes left to catch the opening tip of Duke vs Florida State. Just another Louisville boot stomp dominating performance that becomes tiresome to the national audience. (I kid!).

For first year Louisville coach Chris Mack, it is a stamp of validation after a tough loss to Kentucky and a head scratching loss to woeful Pittsburgh. This victory over UNC is the bookend to an early season takedown of #9 Michigan State.

The first shocker is considered somewhat lucky. The second one validates the coach.

Welcome to the University of Louisville, Chris Mack.

Chris Mack celebrates with his UofL team after thumping UNC

Jordan Nwora gets the job done

Stephen Enoch had the signature slam.

David Padgett on this year’s Cardinals, Chris Mack, Pitino in Greece, and the new Padgett basketball camps

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Ryan McMahon with Louisville interim head coach David Padgett (2018)

Former University of Louisville basketball star and interim head coach David Padgett popped onto the radio to share his views on this season’s Cardinals, the progress of his former players, new head coach Chris Mack, how Pitino in Greece makes sense, and the new Padgett basketball camps.

Great insights from a guy who played, became an assistant coach, and then led the Cardinals to a decent season in the midst of turmoil. As for Pitino now coaching in Greece, have a look for yourself.

Meet the new boss, not the same as the old boss

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“We play for the other 10 on the field.”

Scott Satterfield, the new University of Louisville head football coach, is an affable gentleman from North Carolina. His success at Appalachian State earned his bump up to UofL and A.C.C. competition.

The top question is where he will start to turn around a program in meltdown mode. UofL’s 2018 season was a total collapse. A defense that completely lost its way allowed unranked opponents to run up 50+ points.

An immediate change is Satterfield’s promise to open up the Louisville program to local high school football coaches, most of whom were ignored by the previous administration. Many highly ranked prep football players seem to sidestep both UofL and UK programs to land elsewhere.

This year’s Big 10 Freshman of the Year and Receiver of the Year and All-Big 10 phenom is Rondale Moore. He played at Louisville’s Trinity High School and should have been embraced from the cradle.

Louisville Trinity High School star Rondale Moore went to Purdue. Here he is helping the Boilermakers beat Ohio State.

Moore chose Jeff Brohm and Purdue over his hometown university. OK, he’s from the metro area. His actual home is in New Albany, Indiana but he made the daily trek to Trinity. Moore was just announced as the winner of the 2019 Paul Hornung Award, recognizing the most versatile player in all of college football.

Wandale Robinson scampers for daylight

Just yesterday, celebrated running back Wandale Robinson, the University of Kentucky’s #1 prospect for 2019 flipped his decision once again and declared for the Nebraska Cornhuskers.

Local love matters. Satterfield says he is committed to gathering all of the top Kentucky talent to play for Louisville.

Jody Demling and I chatted with Coach Satterfield yesterday to pick his brain on a number of subjects, including how a genteel North Carolinian will assure this community that he can teach young men to respect women, avoid troublemakers, and use their idle time productively.

Of course we talked about recruiting and the addition of assistant coaches who can upgrade the severely degraded offensive and defensive production of the 2018 team.

Good luck, Coach Satterfield. Patience from the fan base is required but will be a noisy overseer as the team prepares for next season’s opener against Notre Dame.

Griff breaks down Chris Mack’s Cards, Donovan’s Jazz, and NBA dreams

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Darrell Griffith, December 3, 2018

Darrell “Doctor Dunkenstein” Griffith popped into the radio station to throw love at new University of Louisville basketball coach Chris Mack. Griff says Mack’s style offers players more creativity to improvise, a definite change from Rick Pitino’s more deliberate style.

Griffith also talked about the tedious tasks ahead for UofL football coach Scott Satterfield, the amazing artistry of Donovan Mitchell, and the cushy life of Utah Jazz players compared to his era.

Salt Lake City’s growth since Griffith’s playing days amaze the former Jazz star. He says Louisville would prosper immeasurably by snaring an NBA franchise, a campaign impeded by Pitino and former UofL athletics director Tom Jurich.

Darrell also talked about his new restaurant Griff’s, now open at 2nd and Liberty Streets just across from the Omni. Early reviews are very strong.

Donovan Mitchell wins 2018 NBA all star weekend dunk competition wearing a Darrell Griffith jersey

Louisville basketball beats Michigan State, are The Cats skeered?

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Louisville grinds out an overtime win vs. #9 Michigan State, November 27, 2018 photo: University of Louisville athletics

THE BEASMAN Louisville beats Michigan State
WELL…I GUESS YOU SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, THUGGIN’ CARDINAL FRAUDS THINK YOU IS HOT SNOT NOW, HUH? WELL YOU AIN’T, DADGUMMIT! JUST CUZ YOU GOT LUCKY AND MICHERGAN STATE LAID DOWN AND LET YOU WIN LAST NIGHT DON’T MEAN THE U OF SMELL DUMPSTER FIRE IS OUT. (laffs) BIG BLUE NATION KNOWS WHAT’S UP…Y’ALL IS STILL SKEEZY, STRIPPER POLE, SHOE COMPANY MONEY, 15 SECONDS OF RESTRUNT LOVE, LYIN UNDER OATH CONVICTS. (laffs)

THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS GOOD AND CLASSY, AND WE AIN’T SKEERED OF PLAYIN U OF SMELL IN A FEW WEEKS CUZ WE GOT GAMES AGAINST REAL TEAMS LIKE TONIGHT…WE PLAYIN SOMEBODY CALLED MON-MOUTH. I’M SURE THEY IS BETTER THAN MICHERGAN STATE CUZ COACH CAL DON’T PLAY NO CUPCAKES. COACH CAL SAYS HIS WILDCATS NEED A LITTLE MORE TWEAKIN, BUT WE GONNA RUN THE TABLE. YEAH! (laffs)

BRING ON DUKE AGAIN CUZ THAT LAST GAME WAS A FRAUD! DUKE SUCKS. AND SO DOES LOSERVILLE. NOW THAT YOU FIRED THAT CHEATIN SLICK-HAIRED I-TALIAN MOBSTER SLICK RICK, YOU DONE HIRED THIS BALD NERD FROM A CATHLICK FALSE RELIGION SCHOOL IN CINCINNAPLISS. HE DINT OUTCOACH TOM IZZO LAST NIGHT. IZZO WAS HIGH ON COUGH SYRUP LAST NIGHT SO HE WEREN’T ALL THERE. SO BALDY CHRIS MACK GOT LUCKY. WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS LOSERVILLE TEAM, BALDY AND THE BAD NEWS BEARS? (laffs)

THEM REFFERMARIES WAS CALLIN TOO MANY FOULS ON MICHERGAN STATE AND DAN GASBAG DAKICH KEPT SAYIN NICE STUFF ABOUT LOSERVILLE SO IT WAS LIKE EVER-BODY WAS HIGH ON COUGH SYRUP. U UH KAY AIN’T SKEERED OF NO BALDY’S BAD NEWS BEARS. LET’S PLAY TONIGHT, DADGUMMIT! COACH CAL SAYS HE CAN BEAT U OF SMELL RIGHT AFTER WE THROW MON-MOUTH IN THE TRASH TONIGHT. (laffs)

DON’T MATTER TO BIG BLUE. WE WILL PLAY Y’ALL ANYWHERE, ANY TIME, YOU BUNCH OF SNAGGLE TOOTH CARDINAL FAN LYIN DOGS. EVER BLIND SQUIRREL FINDS A WALNUT, OR WHATEVER. U UH KAY GONNA BLOW YOU OUTTA THE BUILDING IN A MONTH, COUNT ON IT, CARDINAL SUCKERS. WE AIN’T SKEERED OF Y’ALL…

WE IS THE CATS! WE WANT DUKE! AGAIN! WE WANT DUKE! AGAIN! THIRTY NINE AND ONE! THIRTY NINE AND ONE! THIRTY NINE AND ONE!

AND AS FAR AS FOOTBAW, U UH KAY DONE SHOWED YOU LITTLE CARDINAL NOBODIES WHO RUNS THIS STATE! AIN’T NO JEFF BROHM COMIN…THEM NEWS REPORTS IS ALL LIES. JEFF BROHM AIN’T SO DUMB THAT HE WOULD GIVE UP A BIGTIME JOB LIKE PURDUE TO TAKE OVER THIS CARDINAL NIGHTMARE. Y’ALL COULDN’T WHIP MALE HIGH SCHOOL RIGHT NOW. YOU NEED TO PUT A BIG CAGE OVER THE TOP OF THAT FOOTBAW STADIUM AND TURN IT INTO ANOTHER LOCAL PRISON. THE CITY OF LOSERVILLE IS ONE GIANT CRIME SCENE. OUR WILDCAT TEAM BUS HAD TO BE SURROUNDED BY ARMY TANKS JUST TO GIT OUTTA TOWN SAFE.

IT DON’T MATTER IF JEFF BROHM’S BRINGS HIS TWO BROTHERS, HIS DADDY, HIS MAMA, AND THE FAMILY DOG. THEY CAINT SOLVE THAT U OF SMELL CURSE. JUST EMBRACE LOSERDOM. EVER SUPERSTAR NEEDS A FOIL AND U UH KAY GOT LITTLE BROTHER LOSERVILLE TO BE OUR DOORMAT. ENJOY YOUR LITTLE MICHERGAN STATE FAKE NEWS VICTREE CUZ BIG BLUE IS COMIN TO RUIN YOUR CHRISTMAS, YOU PENCIL NECK, MAN WEARIN EARRINGS, G.E.D. FLUNKIN, MAKIN BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK, F.B.I. SUSPECT, DEADBEAT, SPINELESS, GUTLESS, BRAINLESS U OF SMELL FRAUDS. GO CATS! GO BLUE! WE WANT DUKE! AGAIN! THIRTY NINE AND ONE! THIRTY NINE AND ONE! THIRTY NINE AND ONE!

100% chance of a Blue Wave beatdown, Beasman chants DEAD MAN WALKING!

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(laffs) TELL THE CARDINAL STADIUM CREW TO PUT ALL NEW LIGHTBULBS IN THE SCOREBOARD CUZ THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS BOUT TO LIGHT IT UP LIKE A CALIFARNIA WILDFIRE! (laffs) IF THEM CRABBY OLD PEOPLE THINK TOP GOLF IS TOO BRIGHT, THEY SURE AIN’T GONNA LIKE HOW STOOPS TROOPS GONNA TORCH U OF SMELL! (laffs)

LARRY, LARRY, LARRY! THE MIGHTY KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS COMIN TO YOUR GHETTO TOWN TO FINALLY PUT THEM LOSERVILLE CARDINALS OUTTA THEIR MISERY. THAT TEMPORARY COACH WAS SO BAD THAT BOBBY PETRINO AST HIM TO BECOME ANOTHER SON-IN-LAW. (laffs) THAT NEW COACH IS SO WORTHLESS THAT U OF SMELL TRIED TO GIVE HIM ANOTHER $14 MILLION TO GO AWAY. (laffs) LARRY, U OF SMELL FOOTBAW IS LIKE A RACE HARSE WITH THREE BROKEN LEGS. IT’S ALL OVER. PUT ‘EM OUT OF THEIR MISERY.

DON’T Y’ALL CARDINAL FLUNKIES GOT NO SENSE? FAR-FIT THIS GAME RIGHT NOW AND SAVE YOURSELFS MORE BIMBARRASMENT. YOUR HEALTH INSURANCE COMPANY DONE CANCELED YOUR POLICY CUZ ALL THEM CARDINAL INJURIES GONNA BANKRUPT THE HEALTHCARE SYSTEM. FARFIT NOW, U OF SMELL. FOR ONCE, DO THE RIGHT THING WITHOUT HAVING A JUDGE FORCE YOU TO! (laffs)

STOOPS IS LICKIN HIS CHOPS TO TREAT U OF SMELL LIKE THEM SAUDI ARABIANS DONE TO THAT REPORTER. (laffs) BINNY SNELL SO MAD HE DINT GIT NO HEISHMAN TROPHY THAT HE’S GONNA TAKE OUT HIS FRUSTER-ZATION ON U OF SMELL.

AND BINNY SAYS HE MIGHT NOT EVEN WEAR A HELMET CUZ U OF SMELL CAN’T TACKLY NOBODY NO HOW. (laffs) TERRY TOUCHDOWN GONNA DO WHAT TIM COUCH DONE WHEN Y’ALL OPENED THAT PINK SEAT STADIUM. TERRY GONNA LAY ABOUT 300 POINTS ON YOU CARDINAL FOOLS IN THE FIRST HALF. STOOPS GONNA LET MATT JONES AND RYAN LEMOND CALL THE PLAYS IN THE 2ND HALF. WE MIGHT EVEN LET THE UK PLAYERS’ MAMAS COME IN AND PLAY THE FOURTH QUARTER INSTEAD OF THEIR SONS. (laffs)

KASH DANIELS IS STILL SO MAD ABOUT CAT FANS NOT FILLIN UP THE KROGER FIELD FOR SENIOR DAY. HE IS TELLING THE ALL-BLUE CROWD IN LOSERVILLE STADIUM THIS SAIRDEE TO DO A SENIOR DAY DO-OVER FOR ALL THE DEE-PARTIN WILDCATS. SERIOUSLY LARRY, WHAT IS LOSERVILLE GONNA DO WITH A HOUSE FULL OF WILDCAT FANS?

IF YOU WANNA MAKE BIG MONEY THEN HAVE THE CONCESSION STANDS SELL NOTHIN BUT MOONSHINE, SQUIRREL BURGERS, AND CHEWIN DU-BACCA. (laffs) MOST OF THE CAT FANS WILL BE PACKIN HEAT SO THEY CAN SHOOT AT THE NAMES HANGIN UP THERE IN THE CARDINAL RING OF HONOR. (laffs) POOR CARDINAL BIRDS. THEY MUST FEEL LIKE THEY IS GETTING READY TO GO TO THE PRISON ‘LECTRIC CHAIR. (shout) DEAD MAN WALKIN! DEAD MAN WALKIN! (laffs)

LARRY, DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THAT LITTLE DIVISION 3 SCHOOL THAT CANCELED NEXT YEAR’S FOOTBAW SEASON? EVEN THEIR LOSIN STREAK AIN’T AS LONG AS LOSERVILLE’S! (laffs) LARRY, WHY DON’T Y’ALL DROP DOWN TO DIVISION 3 AND TAKE THEIR PLACE SO THATAWAYS Y’ALL HAVE A CHANCE TO KEEP YOUR LOSSES TO UNDER 50 POINTS! (laffs) DEAD MAN WALKIN! DEAD MAN WALKIN! (laffs) OH, THIS HERE IS GONNA BE THE BEST THANKSGIVIN EVER. STOOPS TROOPS GIT TO CRUSH LOSERVILLE IN THEIR OWN HOUSE, THEN GO ON TO A BIGTIME BO GAME WHILE U OF SMELL STAYS HOME.

AND ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS IS THANKFUL THAT THE F.B.I. INVERSTERGATION STILL AIN’T FIGGERED OUT WHATEVER COACH CAL IS DOIN TO RECRUIT A NEW ONE-AND-DONE ALL-STAR LINEUP EVER YEAR WITHOUT NOBODY TELLIN ABOUT CASH PAYMENTS! (laffs) SINCE Y’ALL IGNERNT LOSERVILLE FANS AIN’T SMART ENOUGH TO FARFIT, BUCKLE UP YOUR CHINSTRAPS. YOU BUNCH OF CROSS-EYED, REDNECK, STINKBREATH, SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, GOD HATIN, DRUG TAKIN, FOOD STAMP CASHIN, SPINELESS, GUTLESS, GRAFFITI PAINTIN, ILLITERATE, RAPIN, ROBBIN, RABBLE-ROUSIN LOSERVILLE THUGS BOUT TO LEARN WHAT A DOMMERATIN BLUE WAVE IS ALL ABOUT!

LIKE THEY TODE THEM CALIFARNIA HIPPIES WHEN THE FIRE WAS COMIN: GIT OUT NOW OR YOU BOUT TO DIE! (laffs) AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! THE BLUE WAVE IS BOUT TO FLOOD YOUR GHETTO TOWN AND GIVE IT THE BATH IT NEEDS! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

Cats caught in storm of poor performance, difficult for Beasman to mock U of Smell

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THE BEASMAN cats and petrino lose again
WELL LARRY, MAYBE YOU DONE THE RIGHT THING TO GO TRAITOR TURNCOAT AND RENOUNCE YOUR U UH KAY LOYALTY TO BE A U OF SMELL THUG FAN. IT’S A BITTERSWEET TIME TO BE A CAT FAN, I TELL YOU WHAT. NORM-ULLY I’D BE DANCIN A JIG CUZ THE U OF SMELL FOOTBAW SCUMBAG COACH BOBBY NECK BRACE GOT FIRED BUT THEN AS SOON AS I START GRINNIN I THINK ABOUT STOOPS TROOPS PLAYIN LIKE POOPS AND I GIT SAD AGAIN. (crying)

WE DON’T WANT BAMA NOW! U UH KAY IS RANKED #20 AND FALLIN. AIN’T NO NEW YEAR’S BIG SIX BO GAME. BINNY SNELL AIN’T GITTIN NO HEISHMAN TROPHY. AND TERRY TOUCHDOWN IS NOW TERRY LETDOWN. (crying) IT’S A BAD TIME FOR ME, LARRY, CUZ COACH CAL’S CATS SUCK, TOO. WHAT IN THE SAM HILL IS A-GOIN ON RIGHT NOW? THE OTHER NIGHT COACH CAL WAS STRUGGLIN TO BEAT THE NOBODY SUCKY SALUKIS. DADGUMMIT, WE IS KENTUCKY. (crying)

WHY IS WE HAVIN TO EVEN BREAK A SWEAT AGAINST SOME SCHOOL FOR MIDGETS WHO AIN’T GOT NO BIDNIZ EVEN THINKIN THEY CAN HANG WITH U UH KAY? BUT THEY RAN WITH US LIKE WE IS SOME DIE-RECTIONAL SCHOOL INSTEAD OF THE LEGENDARY KENTUCKY WILDCATS. HAS THE WORLD GONE CRAZY, LARRY? IF COACH CAL DON’T GIT THESE HERE WILDCATS PLAYIN LIKE MEN THEN HE CAN CLIMB ON THE BACK OF BOBBY PETRINKO’S MOTOR-SICKLE AND RIDE AWAY WITH HIM.

US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS AIN’T IN NO MOOD FOR JOSHIN RIGHT NOW CUZ WE WAS EXPECTER-CATIN’ TO WIN THE FOOTBAW NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIPS. WE LOSTED TO JARJUH SO THEN WE WAS GONNA SHOW THE WORLD BY BEATIN THE VOLS. BUT THEM TENNERSEE HILLBILLIES DONE PUT A SMACKDOWN ON THE CATS AND POPPED OUR BALLOON AGAIN! (crying) DADGUMMIT, WE AIN’T BEAT THEM PRISON UNI-FARM WEARING TENNERSEE FRAUDS SINCE FRAN CURCI WAS GITTIN JIGGY WITH THE U UH KAY CHEERLEADERS IN THE 1940s. (crying)

WE SUCK IN FOOTBAW AND WE SUCK IN BASKETBAW AND U OF SMELL IS SO TURRIBLE THERE AIN’T NO BU-CITEMENT BEATIN THEM CUZ EVERBODY DOES. THANKSGIVING GONNA BE HARRIBLE THIS YEAR CUZ THERE AIN’T NOTHIN TO THANK GOD FOR. THANKS A LOT, GOD! THE BLUE WAVE DINT COME. THEM DUKIES CRUSHED COACH CAL. AND STOOPS WET HIS PANTS ON THE BIG GAMES. I WANT TO LAUGH AT U OF SMELL BUT US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS IS KINDA SKEERED THAT THEIR NEW COACHES IS GONNA TURN IT AROUND.

THAT VINCE TYRUS DONE PRESSURE WARSHED AWAY ALL THE SCUMBAG, STRIPPER POLE HEROES LIKE PETRINKO, PAPA JOHN, SLICK RICK, AND TOMMY TURNTLENECK. THE U OF SMELL MOUNT RUSHMORE OF TRAGEDY DONE BEEN DEMOLISHED. WHAT IF THESE NEW U OF SMELL COACHES START WHOOPIN U UH KAY? I DON’T KNOW IF US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS CAN HANDLE IT. MATT JONES GOT DRUNK IN HIS BIG BLUE BOO HOO BAR FRIDEE NIGHT AFTER COACH CAL’S WEAK PERFORMANCE AND COACH CAL IS OVER IN A SIDE BOOTH. I HOPE MATT AND CAL DON’T GO ALL PORCINI’S WITH EACH OTHER.

Jesus. Not sure whether this is the real Baptist son of God or the fake bingo tolerant Jesus.

AND NOW WE SEE THE NEW U OF SMELL FOOTBAW COACH IS A JESUS MAN, TAWKIN ABOUT THE LARD ALL THE TIME ON TWITTER. DADGUMMIT. I TODE YOU COACH CAL BEEN GOIN TO MASS EVER DAY TO PRAY TO THE FAKE CATHLICK GOD WHO ALLOWS BEER DRINKIN, BINGO PLAYIN, AND DANCIN. IF THIS U OF SMELL COACH IS PRAYIN TO THE REAL BABDIZ GOD THEN US CAT FANS IS IN BIG TROUBLE!

COME ON, MITCH BARNFART. DO SOMETHIN! TELL STOOPS AND COACH CAL TO PICK IT UP OR LET’S THROW EM ON THE TRASH HEAP AND HIRE NICK SABAN AND MIKE SHIT-SHETSKI. THEY’LL DO IT – DOWN DEEP EVERBODY WANTS TO BE A KENTUCKY WILDCAT! AWWWWWW SHAPE UP, SHIP OUT! SHAPE UP, SHIP OUT! WE IS THE ROMAN EMPIRE OF COLLEGE SPARTS AND RIGHT NOW THE ROMAN EMPIRE IS ON FIRE! DO SOMETHIN, DADGUMMIT! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! WE DON’T WANT BAMA! WE DON’T WANT BAMA!

Beasman calls best team, Krzyzewski face, UofL fan necks: Cats, rats, and tats

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THE BEASMAN cats lose but loserville slaughtered
DON’T YOU EVEN START IN ON ME ABOUT U UH KAY LOSING, YOU CROSS-EYED, BUCK TEETH, BALD HAIR, STINKBREATH U OF SMELL APOLOGIST. DADGUMMIT, YOUR FILTHY CARDINAL CONVICTS LOST BY 400 POINTS, THE WORST BEATDOWN IN U OF SMELL HISTREE BUCEPT FOR THAT TIME IN WORLD WAR TWO THE JAPPER-NESE BOMBED CARDINAL STADIUM.

Y’ALL CARDINAL FANS OUGHT TO RISE UP AND THROW BOBBY PETRINKO OUT IN THE STREET AND CHASE HIM OUTTA TOWN LIKE U UH KAY DONE TO BILL CURRY, JERRY CLAIBONE, RICH BROOKS, HAL DUMMY, GUY MORRIS, AND THE JOKER. DON’T Y’ALL CARDINAL IDIOTS KNOW HOW TO FIRE A FOOTBAW COACH? YOU JUST MOVE HIS OFFICE TO THE TARLIT ROOM AND TELL HIM HE GOTTA START WARSHIN THE JOCK STRAPS.

THEN YOU TELL HIM THE NEPPER-TISM RULE KICKED IN AND SO HE GOTTA FIRE ALL HIS RELLER-TIVES ON THE PAYROLL. BOBBY PETRINKO GOT ABOUT 200 RELATIVES ALL DRAWING A PAYCHECK SO CUT ‘EM ALL OFF AND THEN THEY’LL LEAVE TOWN LIKE A PACK OF GYPSIES CHASIN A CIRCUS. (laffs)

YOU BUNCH OF CARDINAL IDIOTS AIN’T NEVER GONNA GIT YOUR FOOTBAW TEAM BACK TO RECEPTACKLE-BILITY. JUST THINK, A FEW YEARS AGO Y’ALL ACTUALLY WON THE ARNGE BO. NOW YOU COULDN’T GIT INVITED TO THE ARNGE VOMIT BO. (laffs) BOBBY PETRINKO AIN’T EVEN TRYIN NO MORE. HE JUST GOT WHOOPED 77-16 AND SPENT SUNDEE SETTIN IN A EASY CHAIR COUNTIN HIS MONEY AND LAUGHIN. (laffs) LARRY, WHY DON’T Y’ALL RAISE THE MONEY TO BUY HIM OUT?

I BETCHA KATINA POWELL COULD PUT ON A NASTY DANCIN SHOW AT THE TOY TIGER AND RAISE MILLIONS OF ONE DOLLAR BILLS. JUST GIT ANDRE MCGEE TO PRESSURE WARSH THEM DOLLARS CUZ THE BANK DON’T TAKE NO SKANK! (laffs)

OH LARRY, LARRY, LARRY. YOU GOTTA BE SICK TO YOUR STOMACH KNOWIN THAT THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS STILL TOP 12 IN FOOTBAW AND TOP 2 IN BASKETBAW. WE GOT THEM ROTTEN DUKIES COMIN UP AND THAT WILL PROVE THE CATS GREATNESS! COACH CAL SAID HE HOPES HIS YOUNG BASKETBAW TEAM CAN SCORE AS MANY POINTS AS CLEMSON FOOTBAW PUT UP ON LOSERVILLE! (laffs)

LARRY, I SEEN YOUR BALD HAIRED TWIN CHRIS MACK OUT THERE ACTIN LIKE BEATING RUSSELL SIMMONS COLLEGE WAS SOME KIND OF BIG DEAL. (laffs) OH WOW! YOU JUST BEAT A SCHOOL WITH 49 TOTAL STUDENTS, AND MOST OF THEM ARE OVER AGE 50. NICE ACCOMPLISHMENT, LOSERVILLE. THE SIMMONS COLLEGE TEAM PITCHER LOOKED LIKE AN AARP NEWSLETTER. (laffs)

WHEN Y’ALL GONNA PLAY DUKE? LET’S SEE WHO GONNA DO GOODER AGAINST CHEATIN COACH K AND HIS BAND OF MONEY GRUBBIN RECRUITS. ONLY KENTUCKY WILDCATS REFUSE TO TAKE MONEY, ACCORDING TO COACH CAL, WHO GOES TO MASS EVER DAY. ALL THEM OTHER SCHOOLS IS TURNIN A BLIND EYE TO SHOE COMPANIES GIVIN FAMILIES MONEY.

Terry Meiners with Bob Ley on Outside the Lines, ESPN, October 2017

U OF SMELL GOT CAUGHT AND NOW YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK CAINT FIND WORK. IS HE LIVIN IN YOUR BASEMENT NOW, LARRY? TOO BAD, SO SAD! NO SLICK RICK TO KICK AROUND NO MORE. HE DINT EVEN SHOW UP FOR THE BREEDERS CUP CUZ AIN’T NOBODY WANTS HIM BACK IN LOSER-TOWN. (laffs) MEANTIME, ALL EYES IS ON THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS AS WE TAKE DOWN TWO ENEMAS THIS WEEK: DUKE IN BASKETBAW AND TENNERSEE IN FOOTBAW! THE ONLY THING U OF SMELL CAN TAKE DOWN IS BANNERS! (laffs)

I LOVE IT! AWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! AND MIKE SHIT-SHETSKI’S FACE LOOKS LIKE RATS! RATS! RATS! AND U OF SMELL FAN’S NECKS IS FILLED WITH TATS! TATS! TATS! (laffs) GO CATS! GO BLUE! AWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS!

A Louisville Cardinal in jail – sometimes the jokes just write themselves

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Meanwhile, University of Louisville football coach Bobby Petrino is under fire for his ineptitude in the closing minutes of a guaranteed win against conference rival Florida State. Oops.

To add insult to injury, the Tallahassee newspaper still calls it Papa John’s Cardinal Stadium. Double oops.