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#1 Cardinals validate their ranking with win over Michigan, The Beasman is getting skeered

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THE BEASMAN cards win as #1
LARRY! LARRY! LARRY! I BEEN WANTIN’ TO VOMIT ALL DAY HAVIN’ TO HEAR ABOUT THEM NO COUNT, TWO BIT, WILDCAT WANNABE, PHONEY #1 U OF SMELL CARDINAL BIRDS WHOOPIN’ MICH-ER-GAN! I SPENT ALL DAY YESTERDEE PRAYIN TO GOD, JESUS, ADOLPH RUPP, THE ELF ON THE SHELF, AND HOLY MACARONI THAT MICH-ER-GAN WOULD COME INTO THAT NASTY CHICKEN BUCKET AREN-ER AND KICK THE CARDINALS IN THEIR STOOPID FACES BUT…NAWWW.

Vince Tyra, Chris Mack, Terry Meiners (December 3, 2019)

NOW WE GOT TO LISSEN ALL WEEK TO ALL THAT IGNERT CHIRPIN BOUT HOW LOSERVILLE IS SO GREAT AND HOW THEY DOMMERATED EVERBODY AND THEY AIN’T LOST TO NO EVANSVILLE AND ALL THAT OTHER NONSENSE. POPPYCOCK! U OF SMELL BETTER ENJOY THEIR FAKE NEWS RANKIN WHILE THEY CAN! I KNOW Y’ALL IS STUPID BUT CHECK YOUR CALENDAR!

THEM CARDINAL CONVICTS IS ON DEATH ROW CUZ THE CATS IS WAITIN FOR YA! YEAH! WE JUST ABOUT 3 WEEKS AWAY FROM THE MIGHTY KENTUCKY WILDCATS STOMPIN CARDINAL FEATHERS JUST LIKE STOOPS TROOPS JUST DONE! DON’T ACT LIKE THAT FOOTBAW GAME DINT HAPPEN!

Lynn Bowden Junior taunts Louisville with Ls down

WE BURNT UP LOTS OF COUCHES BUT THEN LAST NIGHT GOT HERE AND THE JOY IS GONE IN LEXINUN. U OF SMELL HIGHLIGHTS IS ON ALL THE TVs AND IT’S HARRIBLE. NOW ALL US CAT FANS CAINT ENJOY CHRISTMAS CUZ WE GOTTA WORRY ABOUT DEE-CEMBER 28. I TODE THE OLD LADY TO TAKE DOWN ALL THE CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS AND THROW THE TREE IN A DUMPSTER. WE AIN’T CELLER-MA-BRATIN NO BIRTH OF JESUS UNTIL US CAT FANS KNOW FOR SURE THAT THE CATS GONNA BEAT THEM SNAGGLE TOOTH CARDINALS!

WE ALMOST FIRED COACH CAL AFTER HE LOST TO NOBODY EVANSVILLE AND THEM UTAH VALLEY NOBODIES ALMOST BEAT US TOO. BUT THAT’S ALL DAM OVER THE WATER! COACH CAL DONE BEEN TODE BY US GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCATS THAT IF HE DON’T BEAT LOSERVILLE, WE GONNA CHASE HIM OUTTA LEXINUN THAT NIGHT WITH PITCHFARKS AND FIRE! WE AIN’T KIDDIN! HAVIN’ TO LIVE WITH U OF SMELL #1 IS TOO PAINFUL FOR BIG BLUE NATION! WE’D RATHER SEE DUKE WIN IT ALL THAN HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT U OF SMELL BEATIN THE CATS!

Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! Ls DOWN! AND IF LOSERVILLE BEATS U UH KAY IN RUMP ARENER THEN Ls DOWN MEANS WE GONNA JUMP Y’ALL IN THE PARKIN LOT! DON’T YOU BE FLASHIN NO Ls UP SIGN AT A GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FAN OR WE’LL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE! WE GONNA KNOCK THEM Ls DOWN AND SPRAY PAINT YOUR UGLY RED SWEATERS BLUE RIGHT THERE IN RUMP ARENER! WE AIN’T PLAYIN, LARRY!

COACH CAL – HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY – HE BETTER GIT OFF HIS CATHOLIC PRAYIN KNEES AND START TOOTIN THAT WHISTLE IN PRACTICE 24/7 SO THE CATS IS READY FOR THEM ROTTEN CARDINALS. DON’T WORRY ABOUT PRACTICIN FOR THESE RUM DUMMIES WE GONNA PLAY NEXT. FOCUS ON BEATIN LOSERVILLE! WE IS THE CATS!

Louisville coach Chris Mack looks back at his family after his #1 Cardinals dispatched #4 Michigan.

WE POSED TO BE #1 DADGUMMIT! GIT THE CATS READY FOR LOSERVILLE SO WE CAN TAKE THEIR FAKE NEWS #1 RANK AND THROW IT IN THE DUMPSTER WITH THEIR REJECTED NATIONAL CHAMPERCHIP BANNER!

Luke Hancock and Darrell Griffith at the unveiling of their Final Four most outstanding player achievements banner. Pervis Ellison could not attend.

DICK VITALE WAS ON TV LAST NIGHT BLABBERMOUTHIN ABOUT U OF SMELL’s NEW FAKE BANNER! WHO CARES! THAT’S LIKE AN EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH PLAQUE…IT AIN’T NO CHAMPERCHIP…AND U UH KAY GOT 8 REAL ONES! WAKE UP, COACH CAL OR WE GONNA FIND SOMEBODY WHO CAN RECRUIT ALL THE ONE-AND-DONES AND ACTUALLY WIN THE DADGUM CHAMPERCHIP FOR A CHANGE! “OH, THEY’RE JUST KIDS” COACH CAL ALWAYS SAYS!

WELL BALDY CHRIS MACK GOT KIDS TOO BUT THEY GOT THE #1 RANK AND THEY IS LAUGHIN AT U UH KAY IN THE REAR VIEW! POOTY OR GIT OFF THE POT, COACH CAL! YOU GOT THREE WEEKS TO SAVE YOUR JOB! I SUGGEST YOU STOP SPENDING ALL DAY AT DUNKIN DONUTS AND START TEACHING THE BIG BLUE HOW TO DUNK! BEAT THEM CARDINALS OR (sing) “I’LL HAVE A BLUE, BLUE CHRISTMAS…WITHOUT YOU…CUZ YOU GOIN TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE.”