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The Beasman is back on his payphone, savoring UofL’s scandals

THE BEASMAN rofl scandals 12/11/15
HEY LARRY! LARRY MINNER! WHAT KIND OF SCANDAL IS U OF SMELL DENYING TODAY? (laffs) ā€œHEY DONā€™T WORRY ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO GIVE MONEY TO U OF SMELLā€¦.THE FBI INVESTERGATES ALL SCHOOLSā€¦NOTHING TO SEE HEREā€¦KEEP SENDING IN YOUR CHECKS.ā€

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YOU BUNCH OF SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, IDIOT U OF SMELL FANS IS REAPING WHAT YOU SOW WHEN YOU HIRE SCALAWAGS LIKE SLICK RICK, TOMMY TURTLENECK, AND BOBBY PETRINO.

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THEY IS PAYIN THEIRSELFS MILLIONS WITH YOUR DONATIONS AND THEN HIRING CRIMINALS FOR STEALING MORE MONEY OR BUYING PROSTERTUTES OR HAVING AFFAIRS WITH SOME SKANK. U OF SMELL IS A SOAP OPRY, CALL IT ā€œALL MY SCANDALS,ā€ AND Yā€™ALL COULD USE SOME SOAP TO DISINFECT THAT HERPES-INFESTED DUMP YOU CALL THE UNIVERSITY OF LOSERVILLE.

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LARRY, YOU KNOW I HATE ME SOME HOOSIERS BUT DAN DAKICH IS MY NEW HERO. DADGUMMIT, BOBBY KNIGHTā€™S 1980s FLOOR GENERAL DONE STEPPED UP NOW AS ONE OF THE BEST BROADCASTERGATERS IN AMERICA FOR EXPN. (laffs) WHEN HE WAS CALLIN THE U OF SMELL GAME AGAINST MICHERGAN STATE, HE KEPT TAWKIN ABOUT SLICK RICK AND ANDRE MCGEEā€™S PROSTERTUTES AND STRIPPERS AND HOW SLICK RICK SHOULD BE FIRED AND EXPN KEPT SHOWIN PITCHERS OF THE STRIPPERS ON THE SCREEN LIKE THEY WAS U OF SMELLā€™S STARTING FIVE. I LOVED IT.

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U OF SMELL MANAGEMENT WAS HOLLERING AT DAN DAKICH AT HALFTIME BUT THAT DINT MATTER. HE WENT BACK ON THE TV AND JUST KEPT ON TAWKIN ABOUT LOSERVILLE AS SCANDAL U. BUT THEN YESTERDEE WHEN THE MEDIA TRIED TO TAWK TO U OF SMELLā€™S SOMBRERO-WEARIN PRESIDENT, HE RAN AWAY FROM THE CAMERAS LIKE HE STOLE SOMETHING.

baghdad bob

SO THEY SENT OUT THEIR OWN VERSION OF BAGHDAD BOB, A PROFESSIONAL LIAR TO STAND THERE AND TELL THE MEDIA TO FOCUS ON ALL THE GOOD THINGS GOIN ON AT U OF SMELL. HE SAID ā€œDONā€™T PAY ATTENTION TO THE FBI INVESTERGATIONS GOIN ON, OR ANY OF THOSE HIGH RANKIN SCHOOL OFFICIALS STEALIN MONEY, OR LOSING LAWSUITS FOR SEX DISCRIMERATION, OR COACHES HAVING AFFAIRS, OR PROSTERTUTES AND STRIPPERS DANCIN IN OUR TEENAGERā€™S COLLEGE DORMS. WE IS U OF SMELL, WHERE INTEGRITY GOES TO DIE!ā€

calipari hands to face

LARRY, THAT SHOULD BE Yā€™ALLS NEW SLOGANā€¦ ā€LOSERVILLE, COME GIT YOU A DIPLOMA TO BE THIEVES, RACISTS, LIARS & WHORES.ā€ OR ā€œU OF SMELL ā€“ WHERE INTEGRITY GOES TO DIE! L1C4, LIARS FIRST, CRIMINALS FOREVER!ā€ COME ON, LARRY. WHY AINā€™T YOU LAUGHING? THESE HERE IS FUNNY COMEDY JOKES.

DID YOU AND SLICK RICK BREAK UP? MY SPY TODE ME YOU WERENā€™T INVITED TO SLICK RICKā€™S CHRIMMUS PARTY THIS YEAR BECAUSE YOUR RADIO INNERVIEW WHERE YOU ASKED HIM IF HE WAS THINKIN ABOUT RESIGNING. LARRY, KISS AND MAKE UP WITH SLICK RICK. WE NEED YOU SUCKIN UP TO THE CARDINAL MACHINE SO US CAT FANS CAN MAKE FUN OF YOU TWO TRAITOR TURNCOAT LOVEBIRDS. YOU SHOULD BE TELLIN SLICK RICK TO JUST HANG IN THERE. ALL US GOOD CLASSY KENTUCKY FANS WANT HIM TO STAY AT LOSERVILLE SO COACH CAL IS GUARANTEED TO KEEP BEATIN THE CARDINALS EVER YEAR. L1C7 ā€“ LOSERVILLE ONE, CALIPARI 7ā€¦AND SOON TO BE 8.

Tony revenge strangles a rival while sneaking away from his daughter's college interview tour.
If you don’t tow the line, your booster status is no longer needed.

COACH CAL ā€“ HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY INSTEAD OF RUNNIN AROUND WITH SKANKS ā€“ COACH CAL AINā€™T NO WHINY CRYBABY LIKE SLICK RICK. COACH CAL TOOK THAT UCLA LOSS AND TODE THE WILDCATS IF THEY EVER PLAYED LIKE THAT AGAIN HE WOULD THROW ā€˜EM OFF A CLIFF. AND SO THEY WENT OUT THERE AND PULVERIZED EASTERN KENTUCKY. SLICK RICKā€™S TEAMS AINā€™T BEAT NOBODY GOOD AND YOU KNOW YOU GONNA GIT BURIED IN RUMP ARENER IN TWO WEEKS. CANā€™T WAIT TO SEE YOUR DELICIOUS CARDINAL TEARS, YOU BUNCH OF RED SWEATER, SNAGGLE TOOTH, G.E.D. FLUNKIN, FOOD STAMP CASHING, GRAMPA PUNCHIN, STREET TRASH, MAKIN BABIES OUTTA WEDLOCK, OBAMA PHONE, FBI INVESTIGATED, HOs BEFORE PROs, STRIPPER POLE SCUMBAG U OF SMELL FANS. YOU SUCK.

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GO CATS! GO BIG BLUE! C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! THIRTY NINE & ONE! THIRTY NINE & ONE! THIRTY NINE & ONE! THIRTY NINE & ONE! THIRTY NINE & ONE! THIRTY NINE & ONE!

THE BEASMAN beatdown countdown 12/14/15
HEY LARRY! LARRY MINNER! LEMME ASK YOU THIS: WHAT DO YOU CALL A DAY WHEN THERE AINā€™T NO U OF SMELL SCANDALS? ā€¦ā€¦ I DONā€™T KNOW. IT AINā€™T NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!

Ashley Judd, ultimate Cats fan
Ashley Judd, ultimate Cats fan

(laffs) COME ON, LARRY. YOU GOTTA LAUGH AT MY FUNNY COMEDY JOKES. Yā€™ALL GOT ALL THEM SCANDALS GOIN ON AND THE SCHOOL SENDS BAGHDAD BOB OUT THERE TO LIE ABOUT HOW AINā€™T NOTHIN TO SEE HERE. IT WOULD BE FUNNIER IF THE U OF SMELL SPOKESMAN DENIED SCANDALS WHILE HEā€™S CARRYIN A NAKED DANCIN GIRL UP ON HIS SHOULDERS. (laffs)

March 31, 2012 - Lexington, Kentucky, USA - University of Kentucky basketball fans celebrate their team's victory over the University of Louisville in Lexington, Ky., on March 31, 2012. The win for Kentucky advances them to the championship game of the NCAA tournament in New Orleans. Fans took to the streets and in burned couches, turned over a car and ending with a handful of arrests. (Credit image: Ā© David Stephenson/ZUMA Press)
University of Kentucky basketball fans celebrate their team’s victory over the University of Louisville in Lexington, Ky., on March 31, 2012. (Credit image: Ā© David Stephenson/ZUMA Press)

COME ON, LARRY! LAUGH A LITTLE! ALL Yā€™ALL CARDINAL CRYBABIES IS JUST GITTIN THIN-SKINNED BECAUSE THE NC2A GONNA BRING THE DEATH PENALTY REAL SOON. DEEEEEEAAAAAAAAATH PENALTY! MEANWHILE, US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS CHEER ON OUR BIG BLUE HEROES WHO DONā€™T RUN AROUND WITH WHORES. ALL THEY DO IS WIN. THE NEW PO SAYS WE IS ROLLINā€™ BACK TOWARD #1 AFTER BEATIN SOME GOOD TEAMS, AND U OF SMELL IS BEATIN CUPCAKES. THATā€™S FOOLā€™S GOLD, CARDINAL FRAUDS. SLICK RICK IS JUST PADDIN THE WIN COLUMN PLAYIN THEM RUM DUMMY TEAMS, BUT THE BIG BLUE BUZZSAW IS COMIN NEXT WEEKEND TO SHOW YOU WHATā€™S WHAT.

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YOU BETTER HAVE YOU SOME CHRISTMAS CHEER RIGHT NOW, DADGUMMIT, BECAUSE THE CARDINAL BEATDOWN COUNTDOWN IS NOW 12 DAYS AND COUNTINā€™. COACH CAL GONNA UNLEASH THE HOUNDS AGAINā€¦TAKE A TWO-BY-FOUR AND SMACK SLICK RICK RIGHT UPSIDE HIS BALD SPOT ONE MORE TIME. BEATIN U OF SMELL IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON, DADGUMMIT.

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LARRY, BE SURE TO TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK TO BRING A WHITE TOWEL TO RUMP ARENER. WE DONā€™T STOCK THOSE AND SLICK MIGHT WANT TO THROW ONE OUT THERE RIGHT AFTER THE GAME STARTS. IF Yā€™ALL DONā€™T HAVE A WHITE TOWEL, JUST THROW A PAIR OF STRIPPER PANTIES OUT THEREā€¦WE KNOW Yā€™ALL GOT THOSE IN YOUR POCKETS. OH, AND IF ITā€™S NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE, COACH CAL REQUESTED THAT THE TEAMS DONā€™T SHAKE HANDS AFTER THE GAME BECAUSE NONE OF THE GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCATS WANNA GIT HERPES THAT Yā€™ALL PICK UP FROM HANDLIN PROSTERTUTES. (laffs) COME ON, LARRY. THESE HERE IS FUNNY COMEDY JOKES AND YOU AINā€™T LAUGHIN.

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JUST BUCEPT REALITY. U OF SMELL DONā€™T BLONG ON THE FLOOR WITH THE CATS. COACH CAL DONE BEAT SLICK RICK ABOUT A HUNDERD TIMES AND SLICK ONLY WON ONCE. AND WARN YOUR BOYFRIEND SLICK RICK HE MIGHT GIT THE DIE-A-BEET-US FROM ALL THEM CUPCAKES Yā€™ALL GOT SCHEDULED BETWIXT NOW AND THE U UH KAY GAME. WHO Yā€™ALL PLAYIN NEXT? KENNESAW STATE? WOW! THATā€™S REALLY GONNA GIT YOU READY FOR THE CATS. AND THEN YOU GOT THEM PANSIES FROM WESTERN KENTUCKY. THEY SUCK. COACH CAL ā€“ HE GOES TO MASS EVER DAY, YOU KNOW ā€“ COACH CAL IS ONLY PLAYIN O-HI-ER STATE NEXT SAIRDEE AND THEN WE TAKE A WHOLE WEEK TO GIT READY TO BEATDOWN THE BIRDS.

Jennifer Lawrence throws up the Louisville Cardinals L sign at the KFC Yum Center, December 27, 2014
Jennifer Lawrence throws up the Louisville Cardinals L sign at the KFC Yum Center, December 27, 2014

BUT SLICK RICK DONE SCHEDULED MORE CUPCAKES DURING UK WEEK. ON TUESDEE Yā€™ALL GOT ANDRE MCGEEā€™S SCHOOL OF PIMPIN AND THEN THE NEXT NIGHT YOU GOT UTAH VALLEY OF SKANKS COLLEGE.

john calipari shocked

THEM TEAMS IS EITHER GONNA WEAR Yā€™ALL OUT IN THE DORMS ALL NIGHT OR ELSE SLICK RICK WILL SAY THAT PLAYIN ALL THEM GAMES DONE MADE HIS CARDINALS TIRED AND THATā€™S WHY THEY COULDNā€™T HANG WITH THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS ON SAIRDEE. SEE! HEā€™S ALREADY GOT HIS CRYBABY EXCUSE READY. WE SEE RIGHT THROUGH IT, SLICK. YOU DONā€™T GIT READY FOR THE SUPER BOWL BY PLAYIN A BUNCH OF SANDLOT TEAMS AND RISKIN INJURY AND FATIGUE, YOU RUM DUMMY. CATS BY 25 OVER SLICK RICKā€™S TOO-TIRED-CARDINAL BIRDS.

UK fans in shock

ITā€™S OVER! GO CATS! GO BLUE! EAT THEM CUPCAKES NOW YOU BUNCH OF RAP MUSIC, MAN WEARIN EARRINGS, SAGGY PANTS, NECK TATTOO, G.E.D. FLUNKIN, GRAMPA PUNCHIN, FOOD STAMP CASHIN, WE ALL WE GOT, TOOTHLESS, BRAINLESS, GUTLESS U OF SMELL CARDINAL FRAUDS! CATS! CATS! CATS! THIRTY NINE & ONE! THIRTY NINE & ONE! THIRTY NINE & ONE!

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