THE BEASMAN Louisville beats Michigan State WELL…I GUESS YOU SAGGY PANTS, RAP MUSIC, NECK TATTOO, THUGGIN’ CARDINAL FRAUDS THINK YOU IS HOT SNOT NOW, HUH? WELL YOU AIN’T, DADGUMMIT! JUST CUZ YOU GOT LUCKY AND MICHERGAN STATE LAID DOWN AND LET YOU WIN LAST NIGHT DON’T MEAN THE U OF SMELL DUMPSTER FIRE IS OUT. (laffs) BIG BLUE NATION KNOWS WHAT’S UP…Y’ALL IS STILL SKEEZY, STRIPPER POLE, SHOE COMPANY MONEY, 15 SECONDS OF RESTRUNT LOVE, LYIN UNDER OATH CONVICTS. (laffs) THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS GOOD AND CLASSY, AND WE AIN’T SKEERED OF PLAYIN U OF SMELL IN A FEW WEEKS CUZ WE GOT GAMES AGAINST REAL TEAMS LIKE TONIGHT…WE PLAYIN SOMEBODY CALLED MON-MOUTH. I’M SURE THEY IS BETTER
Month: November 2018
Cats crush Cards and The Beasman claims Brohm and Rondale ain’t a-comin’
THE BEASMAN cats crush cards TOUCHDOWWWWWWNNNNNN KENTUCKY! (laffs) THE CATS IS STILL OUT THERE SCORIN, YOU BUNCH OF SAGGY PANTS, CROOKED TEETH, CROWN ROYAL FOR BREAKFAST, BRAINLESS, SPINELESS, GUTLESS LOSERVILLE THUGS! TOUCHDOWWWWNNNN KENTUCKY! AND THEY IS GOIN FOR TWO AFTER EVER TOUCHDOWN CUZ LOSERVILLE CAINT STOP A TODDLER FROM GETTING TO THE END ZONE! (laffs) I HOPE YOU U OF SMELLERS FINALLY ACCEPT YOUR FATE AS LITTLE BROTHER NOBODIES. Y’ALL COULDN’T BEAT A DIVISION 3 TEAM OF CROSS-EYED COMPUTER NERDS. (laffs) I HEARD JEFF BROHM JUST KISSED HIS PURDUE BOSS ON THE MOUTH AND SAID “PLEASE LET ME STAY. I CAINT DO NOTHIN TO FIX THAT LOSERVILLE DUMPSTER FIRE!” SO THEN PURDUE CUT JEFF
Life is good: Gov. Bevin uses his interview with me to illustrate his pro life message
A federal judge will soon rule on a lawsuit challenging a Kentucky abortion law. The state legislature passed HB 454 with bipartisan support. It bans D&E (dilation and evacuation) abortion procedures in the second trimester of a pregnancy. The ACLU claims the administration of Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin is trying to end second trimester abortions. The governor's team says that less cruel methodologies are available although some medical professionals say they are more dangerous for the mother. Gov. Bevin (or his social media team) took a recent radio interview with me to reissue the government's stance on the lawsuit just as the trial ended. Yesterday, we wrapped up a weeklong trial defending HB 454 against out-of-state lawyers from the @ACLU. That anyone
One of us won the Cardinal Junior Tennis Championship for 14-year-old girls, HINT: it’s not me
So proud of my stepdaughter Gracie. She works hard at school, community service, doing her chores at home, and practicing tennis at least 3 times a week. She's won multiple tournaments over the years but then a shoulder injury knocked her out of the game for two years. She's back! Gracie entered the Cardinal Junior tennis tournament in the 14 and under category, then fought through five separate matches between Friday night and Sunday morning to run the table. She went right home and did some homework. What a kid!
Lamar Jackson gets his first NFL start, beats Bengals
The University of Louisville's only Heisman Trophy winner Lamar Jackson got his first NFL start today. The Baltimore Ravens' rookie phenom played very well to lead his team past the Cincinnati Bengals, running for 120 yards and passing for 150 more. Ravens head coach John Harbaugh is pretty happy about his burgeoning star. Coach Harbaugh pleased with what he saw from QB Lamar Jackson. pic.twitter.com/TSs2wyfBz0— Baltimore Ravens (@Ravens) November 18, 2018 Cornerback Marlon Humphrey is amazed at Jackson's speed and creativity on the field. "We think @Lj_era8 is just that fast." -@marlon_humphrey pic.twitter.com/e0yH9uXO1I— Baltimore Ravens (@Ravens) November 18, 2018 Lamar isn't shy in the postgame media room. "It was awesome to come out with a bang." @Lj_era8 pic.twitter.com/BWv7in8rlC— Baltimore Ravens
100% chance of a Blue Wave beatdown, Beasman chants DEAD MAN WALKING!
(laffs) TELL THE CARDINAL STADIUM CREW TO PUT ALL NEW LIGHTBULBS IN THE SCOREBOARD CUZ THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS BOUT TO LIGHT IT UP LIKE A CALIFARNIA WILDFIRE! (laffs) IF THEM CRABBY OLD PEOPLE THINK TOP GOLF IS TOO BRIGHT, THEY SURE AIN’T GONNA LIKE HOW STOOPS TROOPS GONNA TORCH U OF SMELL! (laffs) LARRY, LARRY, LARRY! THE MIGHTY KENTUCKY WILDCATS IS COMIN TO YOUR GHETTO TOWN TO FINALLY PUT THEM LOSERVILLE CARDINALS OUTTA THEIR MISERY. THAT TEMPORARY COACH WAS SO BAD THAT BOBBY PETRINO AST HIM TO BECOME ANOTHER SON-IN-LAW. (laffs) THAT NEW COACH IS SO WORTHLESS THAT U OF SMELL TRIED TO GIVE HIM ANOTHER $14 MILLION TO GO AWAY. (laffs) LARRY,
Watch that first step…it’s a doozy and there’s a drunk lady in the control tower
Jump out of an airplane and sail right into Arrowhead Stadium without any risk of injury. It's as though you are tethered to this U.S. Army Special Ops paratrooper as you sail back to earth. Skydiving into Arrowhead Stadium!The U.S. Army Special Ops Command Black Daggers Parachute Team soars into #ArrowheadStadium before the #Chiefs beat the Cardinals @USASOCNews #ChiefsKingdom #fox4kc pic.twitter.com/Wncmy4K3fC— Jason Lamb (@jasonlambkc) November 11, 2018 It's pretty cool to see how he turns one revolution to position himself for entry into the stadium, even doing one sweeping slalom turn to eat up more altitude before the final approach to the field. Great stuff. And he didn't have to mess with any slurred-speech air traffic controller to navigate his
Cats caught in storm of poor performance, difficult for Beasman to mock U of Smell
THE BEASMAN cats and petrino lose again WELL LARRY, MAYBE YOU DONE THE RIGHT THING TO GO TRAITOR TURNCOAT AND RENOUNCE YOUR U UH KAY LOYALTY TO BE A U OF SMELL THUG FAN. IT’S A BITTERSWEET TIME TO BE A CAT FAN, I TELL YOU WHAT. NORM-ULLY I’D BE DANCIN A JIG CUZ THE U OF SMELL FOOTBAW SCUMBAG COACH BOBBY NECK BRACE GOT FIRED BUT THEN AS SOON AS I START GRINNIN I THINK ABOUT STOOPS TROOPS PLAYIN LIKE POOPS AND I GIT SAD AGAIN. (crying) WE DON’T WANT BAMA NOW! U UH KAY IS RANKED #20 AND FALLIN. AIN’T NO NEW YEAR’S BIG SIX BO GAME. BINNY SNELL AIN’T GITTIN NO HEISHMAN TROPHY. AND TERRY
Trump bashes CNN reporter at midterm presser
President Donald Trump selected his CNN nemesis Jim Acosta for a question following the 2018 midterms. They're not besties.
Duke trounces Kentucky: it’s God’s fault
THE BEASMAN duke trounces cats (crying) D-D-D-D-DADGUM D-D-D-DOOKIES! (crying) WH-WH-WHAT IN THE S-S-S-SAM HILL IS C-C-C-COACH CAL DOIN? RATFACE MIKE SHIT-SHETSKI WAS GRINNIN LIKE A CHESTER CAT CUZ HE KNOWS HE GOT LUCKY LAST NIGHT. (crying) I WAS BITIN MY PILLER ALL NIGHT WONDERIN HOW ALL THESE GOOD AND CLASSY WILDCAT UPPERCLASSMEN GOT THEIR JAW JACKED BY A BUNCH OF YOUNG PUNK D-D-D-DOOKIE FRESHMANS. (crying) WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR VET-TRENS? IS THEY A BUNCH OF CANDY APPLE SISSIES WHO DON’T DEE-SERVE TO WEAR THE KENTUCKY UNI-FARM? DADGUMMIT, THE GHOST OF CHRISTIAN LAETTNER GOT US AGAIN. HOW DID THEM DUKE PUNKS BEAT, KICK, AND PULVERIZE US LIKE A BUNCH OF STREET THUGS IN A ANGELA LEET TV COMMERCIAL? WE GOT